My Parents Are Aliens
1999
Mel Barker: Well, I got homework in maths, further maths and advanced further maths.
Josh Barker: There's no one else I like. Just Tania... And I like her a lot.
Brian Johnson: But I'm closer to me than anyone. We're practically inseparable.
Josh Barker: Sometimes, Brian, it's like I'm talking to myself. Brian Johnson: Yeah, I get that! Mostly when I'm on my own...
Josh Barker: All this time he could have turned me in, but he hasn't. Brian Johnson: Yeah, what an idiot!
Sophie-morphed-as-Mel: Sometimes people call me Sophie. Not often. Psychiatrist: I see. And who is it who calls you by this other name? Sophie-morphed-as-Mel: No one.
Psychiatrist: Where were you originally from? Sophie-morphed-as-Mel: Nowhere. I-I mean, Earth.
Pete Walker: So tomorrow's the big date. (leaves) Mel Barker: Date? Josh Barker: Fight. Mel Barker: Pete wants to fight? Josh Barker: With me. Pete wants to fight with me. He said it to me. Mel Barker: But he was looking at me. Josh Barker: He's got a squint.
Brian Johnson: I want to sing. I want to dance. I want to fiddle on the roof.
Brian Johnson: Who mentioned the Head? I'm going straight to Santa! You'll be in SO much trouble!
Brian Johnson: Everyone should have something people can remember them by, a neon sign is one of them.
Josh Barker: (to a girl he just asked out) Don't forget to ring your blips!
Pete Walker: (to Josh about Tania) You need an entire asteroid to hit earth and wipe out the entire human race. And after that, maybe... just maybe she'd like you.
Brian Johnson: Cupid hath pierthed their hearths with hith arrowth. Sophie Johnson: Thorry?
Wendy Richardson: (about Justin Timberlake) Entertaining - if you have the intellect of a cauliflower.
Brian Johnson: Freaking nutcase!
Sophie Johnson: (reading about Valentine's Day on the Galactic Guidebook) ... celebrating something called... romance. Brian Johnson: So it's a day of gladiatorial combat? Lucy Barker: Romance, not Romans!
Brian Johnson: (reading the book's spine) Shakespeare, by Romeo and Juliet.
Mr Whiteside: I imagine you know why you're here. Pete Walker: (sadly) Yes, sir. Josh Barker: (stamps on Pete's foot) No, sir. He meant no, sir.
Sophie Johnson: (her desired wedding ring) Something with gold and diamonds. Brian Johnson: (off-handedly) Yeah, something like that. Sophie Johnson: No, something *with* gold and diamonds.
Brian Johnson: (flipping a coin) Two of clubs!
Trent Clements: I wouldn't say I made any of this. I'd say I merely invited a range of fabulous ingredients to have a party in your tastebuds at gas mark delicious.
Brian Johnson: (Brian has decided to become a knight and has telephoned a zoo in his search for a dragon to slay) Hello there, do you have any dragons? Well, do you have anything that looks like a dragon? A lizard, you say? Does it breathe fire? ... No. Well, okay, can I chop off it's head? (short pause as person on phone talks) Actually, I'm not sure it's possible to do *that* to yourself.