My Chauffeur

1986

Catfight: Look at that. A blue woman with a blue dog. Groupie 1: She ain't blue. Cat Fight: Her hair is blue. Groupie 2: That counts. A blue woman with a blue dog. Groupie 3: That's 20,000 points. Groupie 1: Now you've gotta get her panties.

Casey: (Southern Belle Accent) My, my, it's hot! But thank God it's not sticky. I just hate it when it's sticky. Listen to silly me! A sticky desert! That's as foolish as a... an intelligent woman! How ridiculous! What nonsense! God, I miss Tara!

McBride: What are you doing? Casey: I came for a job! McBride: This is Brentwood Limousines Ltd. Casey: I know, I came to be a driver. (the elder driver is getting visibly excited) McBride: Madame, if you continue masturbating my driver, you are going to be a murderer.

McBride: Giles! Giles: Yes, sir. McBride: Get her a uniform Casey: (Chasing after Giles) Hey, slow down. What's your problem? Where ya goin', Babe? It is "Babe", isn't it?

Giles: You used to be a school bus driver and now you want to drive limousines? Casey: Woo - Baby!

Bone: Ok ladies it's time for the GRATUITOUS NUDITY! You supply the nudity, and we supply the gratuity!

McBride: You're deluded. Casey: (gasps) I've never had a 'lude in my life!

Casey: Have you ever tried to give a dog an Alka-Seltzer?

Jenkins: A woman is a horrible goddamned thing to have around.

O'Brien: Damn it, man, what are you so hot and bothered about? Afraid she'll open her jacket and flash her titties at you? You couldn't handle that, could you? Jenkins: I've seen enough titties in my time. Moses: I haven't. Fourth Chauffeur: Been a hundred years since I seen a good titty. Moses: No such thing as a bad titty. Jenkins: Goddamn it! There now! That's my point! The little bimbo hasn't been here an hour and all you hormone graveyards can talk about is nipples! Moses: Didn't mention nipples. Fourth Chauffeur: We was speaking of the titty as a whole.

Casey: Rise and shine! Catfight: (Popping up from under covers) Take off your clothes and get into bed.

Catfight: All I got to do now is find a one-legged nun walking a goat and I win!

McBride: A woman says you and your friends tried to rape her... and her dog. Casey: She was worth 20,000 points.

McBride: Don't get your nipples hard. you've got a long way to go before you're hired.

Casey: We've been driving around in circles for two hours. I'm getting dizzy.

Casey: They send me out last. You get me, you've hit bottom. I'm the last cookie in the jar.

Casey: Oh, eat me. Battle: What did you say? Casey: Will we be stopping for lunch?

Casey: Oh, what are you so worried about? I'm not going to get girly bugs on you!

Bone: What planet you from, sugar tits? Saturn with the rings around your head?

Bone: This is the club I hang at. And the problem is I'm going to be walking in with a guy dressed as a waterbed.

McBride: You're running a goddamned whorehouse on wheels, woman! I can't have that!

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