Muppets Tonight
1996
The Great Gonzo: Here on Monday we have "Murphy Prawn" and "The Single Duck in the City with his Apartment Full of Friends." And for this evening's show right now we have "TBA" followed by the "X-Flies"... Kermit the Frog: Excuse me Gonzo, but "TBA" means to be announced which means we don't have a show for tonight!
Kermit the Frog: So, who want's to volunteer to host this new show? (everbody runs out of the room)
Clifford: I've always wanted to have my own show. Man, this is great! So when does it start? Kermit the Frog: In about thirty seconds. (Clifford faints)
(Clifford gets into the supply cabinet instead of going through the doors onto the set) Kermit the Frog: Clifford, that's the supply cabinet! Clifford: I know that, it's a nice supply cabinet too. Nice and quiet. Let's cue the announcer shall we. Kermit the Frog: Cue the announcer. Nigel: Go Go Go Go Go Go Go! (supply cabinet is pushed on set) Announcer: And now it's time for "Muppets Tonight" and here's the host of our show - Clifford! (Rizzo knocks on supply cabinet door) Rizzo the rat: You're on, Clifford!
Clifford: I'm Clifford, your homey made of foamey!
The Great Gonzo: Clifford, your problems are solved, I've got an act thats gonna knock your socks off! Clifford: Well, put them on, man. The Great Gonzo: Your socks? Clifford: No, the act!
Clifford: The only thing that's gonna save us now, Rizzo, is if a world famous superstar walks through that door... (door closes on Clifford) Rizzo the rat: Or that door.
Clifford: Man, you cats are stupid! Randy Pig: Oh, well, you are the stupid one because we are not even cats. Andy Pig: Yes we're ... dogs. Randy Pig: Look a fire hydrant!
Waldorf: Nurse, there's something wrong with this TV. Statler: What's that? Waldorf: It's on!
Polly: I hear you've been having some problems. Clueless: It's my wife's sister. She's eating me out of house and home. Polly: Ate all the groceries, huh? Clueless: No, she ate my house which of course is my home!
John Goodman: I think the pigs are a little upidstay. Andy Pig: He speaks the sacred tongue! Andy Pig, Randy Pig: Ereway otnay orthyway! Ereway otnay orthyway!
Bobo the Bear: (a hole has been blasted into the bathroom wall while he is in the bathtub) Hey! This is why I moved out of the Y.
(Garth Brooks is singing a number from Fiddler on the Roof) Studio manager: I thought he was going to sing a country song. Rizzo the rat: Yeah, but he didn't say which country.
Dr Bunsen Honeydew: (driving a speedboat) Look, no hands! (takes off his glasses and tosses them) No eyes!
Andy Pig: Cindy, if you're a supermodel, what are your super powers? Cindy Crawford: Well. I can do this (uses lasers from her eyes and blows something up)