(Ed is examining Gonzo) Ed Singer: No nostrils. How do you smell? Rizzo the Rat: Awful. Trust me, I'm his roommate.

Gonzo: Rizzo, come here, my Cap'n Alphabet is sending me a message: R U There. Rizzo: Are you sure it didn't say are you NUTS?

Gonzo: People of Earth, do not be alarmed! Miss Piggy: Oh brother.

Ubergonzo: People of Earth: Later.

Pepe: You tell him, and I will smack you. I will smack you like a bad, bad donkey, okay!

Gonzo: I had that weird dream again. Rizzo the Rat: You mean the one with the goat and the dwarf and the jar of peanut butter?

Gonzo: Hey, Rizzo, come here! I think my Kap'n Alphabet is sending me a message. Rizzo the Rat: Yeah, I know what you mean. I had some guacamole last night, and it's still speaking to me.

Rizzo: What? I cannot believe that little shrimp left us behind! Pepe: I am not a shrimp. I am a king prawn!

Miss Piggy: Hello little people. What an absolutely splendid day.

Miss Piggy: Quick, somebody knock and see if Barbie's home!

Noah: What are you, anyway? Gonzo: Oh, uh, good question. Now technically speaking, uhh, let's say, put me down as a... 'Whatever'?

Gonzo: Rizzo? Rizzo: No, it's Santa, but I forgot my reindeer.

(Miss Piggy runs by) Statler: Is breakfast over? Waldorf: No, why? Statler: 'Cause I think the bacon just ran out.

Pepe: Hey, Kermit. When will you fix the oven, okay? Kermit: What's wrong with the oven? (oven explodes) Pepe: That.

Kermit: You know what you are, Gonzo? Gonzo: What? Kermit: Distinct.

Gonzo: I'm an alien! Rizzo: What, have you been tap-dancing on the barbecue again?

Gonzo: Remember, I built this new Jacuzzi for my alien family, so please, no eating in the spa.

Gonzo: Well, it's just that I'm sick and tired of being a one-of-a-kind freak, that's all. Kermit: Gonzo, you are not a one-of-a-kind freak. You're a, uh... uh... Gonzo: A whatever? Kermit: Well... yeah.

Pepe: There is a menu correction, okay. We will now be serving baloney sandwiches. (Swedish cook shouts something) But, no bread.

Cosmic Fish #1: We are not the same as you. Cosmic Fish #2: We are highly evolved beings. Now... uh, what was I saying?

Miss Piggy: We're going to pause here and we'll be right back with Gonzo, the Geek Who Fell to Earth.

Miss Piggy: What are you doing here? Gonzo: I'm making contact. What are you doing?

Gonzo: Rizzo? Rizzo: Gonzo? Miss Piggy: Kermy? Kermit: Piggy? TV Producer: What is going on here?

Statler: I wonder if there really is life on other planets? Waldorf: What do you care? You don't have a life on this planet.

TV Producer: Gonzo, you've got it. Rizzo: Sure wish we could find a cure for it.

Rizzo: I don't like the look of those guys. This rat smells a rat. Agent Barker: (to Gonzo) The limo is right this way. Rizzo: Did he say limo? Wait a second, I'm his translator. Hold up!

Gonzo: Come on, fellas. Take me to my leader.

Agent Barker: Black belt, third degree. Miss Piggy: Platinum belt, with an unlimited line of credit.

Agent Barker: How about this story? It's about a big, bad wolf and a little pig. Miss Piggy: Um, that's three pigs, okay? Agent Barker: Not in this version.

Miss Piggy: Oh! A real story. Intrigue! Danger! New outfits! And it's mine, mine, mine, all mine, a ha ha ha ha... (to camera) Oh, come on, please, you think Ted Koppel never gets excited?

Agent Barker: We feel your pain, Gonzo. Gonzo: They feel my pain! Rizzo: I've got a paper-cut that's a doozy. You feel my pain, too?

Miss Piggy: I've got great news! Gonzo has been kidnapped by the government and it could be a life-threatening situation! Kermit: How can that be great news? Miss Piggy: Because, I've got a story, I've got a story! Oh! I need to change! Something that says journalistic integrity.

Kermit: (on spy gadgets) Ahah. The old rubber ducky with invisibility-spray trick. Check.

Ed Singer: (puts on glove) May I? Rizzo: I think before you answer that question you'd better be real clear on the final destination of that finger.

Ed Singer: DON'T LAUGH AT MEEEEE!

Kermit: Okay, guys. It's up to us. We have to save Gonzo from a whole army of government agents. Fozzie: Well, I have a joke book. Animal: Drumsticks, drumsticks! Pepe: I have some loose jello, okay. Kermit: Okay. Well that settles that.

Ed Singer: Forgive me my Earthly manners, but, uh, do you have any idea what it's like to be laughed at? Gonzo: Yeah, sure I do. Ed Singer: To be called names, like 'wacko.' Gonzo: Uh-huh. Ed Singer: And 'freak-boy.' Gonzo: Oh, yeah. Ed Singer: And 'paranoid delusional psychopath'? Gonzo: Got me there.

Rizzo: How you doin', Ed? Fast Eddie: Well, I ain't dead.

Ed Singer: They are coming to Earth, aren't they? Gonzo: I don't know. Ed Singer: How many of them are there? Gonzo: I don't know. Ed Singer: When will they be here? And don't you *dare* tell me that you don't know. Gonzo: I know not?

Ed Singer: I'm afraid we're going to have to perform an invasive quadrilobal brain probe on you and pluck it from your head. Gonzo: The information? Ed Singer: No, your brain.

Dr Tucker: From this moment on, if I say you're hungry, you eat. If I say you're sleepy ... Rizzo: I eat?

(Gonzo appears on live TV) Clifford: Hey, you better get down there, Kerm. Kermit: Relax. No one is going anywhere, okay? Gonzo: (on TV) You see, I was contacted through my breakfast cereal, and then it was confirmed to me by the Cosmic Fish that I am definitely from outer space. Rizzo: So you want to go now, or wait for the commercial? Kermit: Now.

Kermit: What is he doing up there? Rizzo: His breakfast cereal told him to sit up there. Clifford: Talk about whole grain and nuts.

Kermit: He's one of us. And no matter what happens, no matter what obstacles we face, we NEVER forget one of our own. Miss Piggy: I love it when you take charge. Fozzie Bear: Hey! We left Bunsen and Beaker back at the gas station. Kermit: Okay... Well, uh, from THIS point on , no matter what happens, we never forget one of our own.

Pepe: Oh, boy, he fell on you like a ton of bricks, okay.

Dr Phil Van Neuter: Feeling a little nervous, are we? Gonzo: Of *course* I'm nervous. Dr Van Neuter: Well, don't worry. Everyone is before having their brains sucked out.

Miss Piggy: Hello! What's a nice man like *you* doing in a guardhouse like *this*?

Rentro: While they're warming up the brain-sucker for ya in surgery, I brought you a sandwich here, and I cut off the crusts for you.

Kermit: Okay, guys. We've got to get through those doors. Fozzie Bear: Should we just ask permission from those nice men with the rifles?

(Pepe reappears in ballet costume) Pepe: La la la la lah laah. Lah! Fozzie: Wow. Pepe: I should, uh, go change, okay?

Dr Phil Van Neuter: Remember, if you experience any unpleasantness, please let me know. I would hate to miss it.

Ed Singer: I'm gonna kill somebody.

Ed Singer: Excuse me. Can this thing go any faster? Rentro: I'm doing *thirty.*

Shelley Snipes: You backstabbing, underhanded little coffee-pig!

General Luft: You're terminated. Ed Singer: Uhh, when you say 'terminated'... General Luft: You need help, Singer! *Find* some!

Gonzo: Now we can go meet my alien brothers at Cape Doom. Kermit: Uh, what makes you think that aliens are landing there, Gonzo? Gonzo: Oh, a sandwich told me.

Miss Piggy: Midnight. The lone alien stands before a naked sky. The mood is tense. My hair looks *great.*

Kermit: When we pull together, we can do anything.

Rizzo: Are you telling me we came out here in the middle of the night for a stupid egg? Pepe: Sh! It could be full of chocolate, okay.

Shelley Snipes: This is Shelley Snipes. Please ignore the little sow.

Ubergonzo: Gonzo, by surviving and thriving on this alien planet, you have proven yourself audacious, courageous, and distinctly one-of-a-kind. We welcome you back with our most ceremonious of ceremonies. Gonzo: What's that? Ubergonzo: We gonna blow you up, baby.

Kermit: So... you'll write? Gonzo: Oh, yeah, sure I'll write. There's probably a mailbox every couple of light years.

Ed Singer: Now, you're coming back with me in my... cement truck.

Gonzo: Kermit, you're the best friend any alien could ask for.

Clifford: Nah, Baby! Me and Gonzo are very tight. In fact, we're gonna be chillin' in our hot tub later on. Perhaps you'd like to partake in the partay?

Kermit: Oh, hey Gonzo! I thought you were performing at a bar mitzvah? Gonzo: No, I got the Electric Mayhem to cover for me. Dr.Teeth: Shalom!

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