Monsters, Inc.
2001
(from teaser trailer) Mike: Oh, that's great, blame it on the little guy. How original. He must've read the schedule wrong with his one eye.
Sulley: Hey, did you lose weight, or a limb?
Sulley: Oh. So *that's* puce.
Flint: And leaving the door open is the worst mistake that any employee could make, because... Bile: Uh... it could let in a draft? Henry J. Waternoose: (Storming in) It could let in a child.
Mike: Roz, my tender, oozing blossom, you're looking fabulous today. Is that a new haircut? Tell me it's a new haircut. It's got to be a new haircut. New makeup? You had a lift? You had a tuck? You had something? Something has been inserted in in you that makes you look like... Listen, I need a favor. Randall was working late last night out on the scare floor. I really need the key to the door he was using. Roz: Well, isn't that nice? But guess what? You didn't file your paperwork last night. Mike: He didn't... I... no paperwork? Roz: This office is now closed. (Roz closes the window on Mike's fingers) Mike: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
Henry J. Waternoose: There's nothing more toxic or deadly than a human child. A single touch could kill you. Leave a door open, and one can walk right into this factory; right into the monster world. Trainee: I won't go into a kid's room. You can't make me.
Henry J. Waternoose: Kids these days. They just don't get scared like they used to.
Randall: Say hello to the Scream Extractor. Mike: Hello. Hey, where are you going? C'mon, we'll talk! We'll have a latte!
Mike: Psst, Fungus. Fungus, you like cars? Because I got a really nice car. You let me go, I'll give you... a ride... in the car. Fungus: I'm sorry, Wazowski, but Randall said I'm not allowed to fraternize with victims of his evil plot.
Yeti: (Referring to despondent Sully) Aw, poor guy. I understand. It's not easy being banished. Take my buddy Bigfoot. When he was banished he fashioned an enormous diaper out of poison ivy. Wore it on his head like a tiara. Called himself "King Itchy".
Boo: Kitty.
Boo: Mike Waszowski.
Boo: Lookit.
Mike: Good morning, Roz, my succulent little garden snail. And who will we be scaring today? Roz: Wazowski! You didn't file your paperwork last night. Mike: Oh, that darn paperwork! Wouldn't it be easier if it all just blew away? Roz: Don't let it happen again. Mike: Yes, well, I'll try to be more careful next time. Roz: I'm watching you, Wazowski. Always watching. Always. Mike: Ooh, she's nuts.
Mike: (Spotting Sulley while he's working out) 118. Do I see 119? Do I see 120? Oh, I don't believe it! Sulley: I'm not even breaking a sweat. Mike: Not you! The new commercial is on.
Mike: I'm telling you, Big Daddy. You're gonna be seeing this face on TV more often. Sulley: Yeah, like on "Monstropolis' Most Wanted"? Mike: Ha, ha, ha. You've been jealous of my good looks since the fourth grade, pal.
Mike: (while Sulley brushes teeth) C'mon, fight that plaque! Fight that plaque! Scary monsters don't have plaque!
Celia: So, are we going anywhere special tonight? Mike: Oh, just a little place called... Harryhausen's. Celia: Harryhausen's? But it's impossible to get reservations. Mike: Not for Googlie Bear. I'll pick you up at closing, and not a moment later. Celia: Okay. Mike: Just keep thinking romantical thoughts. (singing) Mike: You and me, me and you, both of us together!
Henry J. Waternoose: James, this company has been in my family for three generations. I would do anything to keep it from going under. Sulley: So would I, sir. Henry J. Waternoose: Say, I could use your help with something. Sulley: Anything, sir. Henry J. Waternoose: We have these new recruits, and they're... um... Sulley: Inexperienced? Henry J. Waternoose: Oh, they stink! Sulley: Uh-huh. Henry J. Waternoose: I thought you could drop by and give them a little scare demonstration, show them what it takes to be our top scarer. Sulley: I'll start with the old Waternoose Jump-and-Growl. (Jumps and growls) Henry J. Waternoose: (Startled) Oh! Ha ha! That's my boy.
Mike: (chanting) I don't know, but it's been said, I love scaring kids in bed!
Mike: Just think about a few names for a second: Bigfoot. Loch Ness. The Abominable Snowman. They all have one thing in common, pal: Banishment! We could be next!
Celia: (wearing a cone after being treated by the CDA) Last night was the worst night of my life, bar-none! (the snakes on her hair, also wearing cones, pop out to hiss at Mike) Mike: But I thought you liked sushi. Celia: Sushi? Sushi? You think this is about sushi?
(Mike and Sully are caught behind Boo's door) CDA Agent: This is the CDA. Come out slowly with the child in plain sight. Mike: (Steping out from behind the door with Boo's costume) Okay, okay! You got us. Here we are, here's the kid. I'm cooperating. But before you take us away, I have one thing to say. (Takes Boo's sock out of his mouth and throws it at the CDA agents) Catch! CDA Agent: (as the others jump over the guy who gets the sock) 2319!
Randall: Where is it, you little one-eyed cretin? Mike: Okay, first of all, it's "cree-tin". If you're going to threaten me, do it properly. Second of all, you're nuts if you think kidnapping ME is going to help YOU cheat your way to the top. Randall: (chuckles evilly) You still think this is about that stupid scare record? Mike: Well... I did. Right up until you... chuckled... like that... And now I'm thinking I should just get out of here.
Sulley: Mike, this isn't Boo's door. Mike: Boo? What's Boo? Sulley: That's... what I decided to call her. Is there a problem? Mike: Sulley, you're not supposed to name it. Once you name it, you start getting attached to it. Now put that thing back where it came from or so help me... (Mike pauses, realizing that they suddenly have the attention of the entire scare floor) Mike: Oh, hey. We're rehearsing a - a scene for the upcoming company play called uh, Put That Thing Back Where It Came From Or So Help Me. It's a musical. (singing) Put that thing back where it came from or so help me... so help me, so help me and cut. We're still working on it, it's a work in progress but, hey, we need ushers.
Randall: Okay, I think I know how to make this all go away. What happens when the whistle blows in five minutes? Mike: I get a time out? Randall: Everyone goes to lunch! Which means the scare floor will be... Mike: ... Painted? Randall: EMPTY! I'll be empty, you idiot! See that clock?When the big hand is pointing up... (forces Mike's arm up) and the little hand is pointing up... (forces the other arm up) the door will be in my station. But when the big hand is pointing down... (forces Mike's arm down) the door will be gone. You have until then to put the kid back. Get the picture?
(Sulley's alarm clock clicks, and Mike impersonates the radio announcer) Mike: Hey, good morning, Monstropolis. It's now five after the hour of 6: 00 A.M. in the big monster city. Temperature's a balmy 65 degrees - which is good news for you reptiles - and it looks like it's gonna be a perfect day to maybe, hey, just lie in bed, sleep in, or simply... WORK OUT THAT FLAB THAT'S HANGING OVER THE BED. Get up, Sulley. (Mike honks a horn right in Sulley's face) Sulley: Ahhhhh.
(Mike and Sulley watch a commercial featuring them, but Mike is covered over by the Monsters Inc. logo) Mike: I can't believe it... Sulley: Oh, Mike... Mike: I was on TV. Ha. Did you see me? I'm a natural.
(Mike and Sulley at a crosswalk next to a giant monster) Sulley: Hey, Ted! Good morning! (Ted clucks; light changes and they cross) Sulley: See that, Mikey? Ted's walking to work. Mike: Big deal. Guy takes five steps and he's there.
Mike: Oh, Schmootsie-poo? Celia: Googlie Bear.
(Mike complains to Sulley about Randall) Mike: One of these days I am really... going to let you teach that guy a lesson.
Mike: Can I borrow your odorant? Sulley: Yeah, I got, uh, smelly garbage or old dumpster. Mike: You got, uh, low tide? Sulley: No. Mike: How about wet dog? Sulley: Yep. Stink it up.
Roz: Hello, Wazowski. Fun-filled evening planned for tonight? Mike: Well, as a matter of fact... Roz: Then I'm sure you filed your paperwork correctly, for once. (Mike smiles innocently) Roz: Your stunned silence is very reassuring.
Celia: Oh, Michael, I've had a lot of birthdays - well, not a lot of birthdays but this is the best birthday ever. (Mike stares lovingly at her) Celia: What are you looking at? Mike: I was just thinking about the first time I laid eye on you, how pretty you looked. Celia: (shyly) Stop it. Mike: Your hair was shorter then. Celia: Mm-hmm. I'm thinking about getting it cut. (the snakes in Celia's hair squeal with fear) Mike: No-no, I like it this length. (the snakes sigh in relief) Mike: I like everything about you. Just the other day someone asked me who I thought the most beautiful was in all of Monstropolis. You know what I said? Celia: What did you say? Mike: I said... (Just then, Sulley's face appears in the window behind Celia) Mike: Sulley? Celia: Sulley?
Sulley: Hey, Mike, this might sound crazy but I don't think that kid's dangerous. Mike: Really? Well, in that case, let's keep it. I always wanted a pet that could kill me.
(Boo, in disguise, walks up to Mr Waternoose) Henry J. Waternoose: Well hello, little one. Where did you come from? Sulley: Mr Waternoose. Henry J. Waternoose: Ah, James. Is this one yours? Sulley: Ah, actually that's my uh, cousin's sister's daughter, sir. Mike: Yeah, it's uh, "Bring an Obscure Relative to Work Day". Henry J. Waternoose: Hmm, must have missed the memo.
Babysitter: Well, hello there. What's your name? Boo: Mike Wazowski.
Randall: If I don't see a door in my station in 5 seconds, I will personally put you through the shredder.
(Boo, scared of the closet, shows Sully a picture) Sulley: Hey, that looks like Randall. Randall's your monster. You think he's gonna come out of the closet and scare you? (Opens closet and walks inside) Look, it's empty. No monster in here. Okay, NOW there is. I'm not gonna scare you. I'm off duty.
Sulley: Mike, that's not her door. Mike: What are you talking about? Of course it's her door. It's her door. Sulley: No. Her door was white and it had flowers on it. Mike: No. It must've dark last night because this is its door. (Mike opens the door. A bright light and polka music emanate from the room) Mike: (to Boo) You hear that? Sounds like fun in there. Well, see ya kid. Send me a postcard. That's Mike Wazowski, care of 22 Mike Wazowsi-You-Got-Your-Life-Back-Lane. Boo: Mowki Kowski. Mike: Very good. Now bon voyage. See ya. (Mike waves a stick in front of Boo as if she were a dog) Mike: Look at the stick. See the stick? (Mike throws the stick through the door) Mike: Got get the stick. Go fetch.
Yeti: Milking a yak is no picnic, but once you pick out all the hairs it's very nutritious.
Mike: Sulley, what are we doing? Sulley: We have to get Boo's door and find a station. Mike: What a plan. Simple, yet insane.
Charlie: 2319. We have a 2319.
Mike: I think I have a plan here: using mainly spoons, we dig a tunnel under the city and release it into the wild. Sulley: Spoons? Mike: That's it, I'm out of ideas. We're closed. Hot air balloon? Too expensive. Giant slingshot? Too conspicuous. Enormous wooden horse? Too Greek.
Henry J. Waternoose: I'll kidnap a thousand children before I let this company die and I'll silence anyone who gets in my way. (Waternoose knocks Sulley to the ground and lunges at Boo. He instead finds the simulated child) Voice: Simulation terminated. Simulation terminated. Henry J. Waternoose: (confused) Huh? What? (the lights come on and it's revealed that Boo's room is really the simulation room) (Mike and several CDA agents are standing behind the console) Mike: I don't know about you guys, but I spotted several big mistakes.
Sulley: Hey... may the best monster win. Randall: I plan to.
Mike: Follow the sultry sound of my voice
Sulley: Are there kids in that village? Yeti: Oh, sure. Tough kids, sissy kids, kids who climb on rocks...
Yeti: Welcome to the Himalayas.
(Mike and Sully have transported to Hawaii) Mike: Why couldn't we have been banished here?
Needleman: So I said, "If you talk to me like that again, we're through." Smitty: Oh! What did she say? Needleman: You know my mom. She sent me to my room.
Yeti: Abominable. Can you believe that? Do I look abominable to you? Why can't they call me the Adorable Snowman, or the Agreeable Snowman, for crying out loud? I'm a nice guy.
Randall: I'm in the zone today, Sullivan. I'm gonna do some serious scaring, putting up some big numbers.
(a monster runs out of a door, scared to tears) Assistant: What happened? Monster: The kid almost touched me. She got this close to me. Assistant: She wasn't scared of you? She was only six. Monster: I could have been dead. I could have DIED. Assistant: (slapping monster) Keep it together, man.
Yeti: Snow cone? Mike: Yuck. Yeti: No, no, no, don't worry. It's lemon.
Henry J. Waternoose: No, no, no, no, no. What was that? You're trying to scare the kid, not lull it to sleep. Bile: I was going for a snake-slash-ninja approach, with a little hissing. (hisses) Henry J. Waternoose: How many times must I tell you? It's all about presence. About how you enter the room.
Sulley: What was that? Mike Wazowski: I have no idea. But it would be a really good idea if it didn't do it again.
Randall: Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Do you hear that? It's the winds of change.
Henry J. Waternoose: Well, Jerry, what's the damage so far? Jerry: We may actually make our quota today. Henry J. Waternoose: Hmm, first time in a month.
Celia: (answering phone calls) Monsters Inc., please hold. Monsters Inc., I'll connect you. Mrs Scaremonger is on vacation. Would you like her voice mail?
(Celia is hanging on to Mike while Sulley is dragging him) Celia: Michael, if you don't tell me what's going on right now, we are through! You hear me? Through! Mike: Okay, here's the truth. You know that kid they're looking for? Sulley let her in. We tried to get her back, but Waternoose had a secret plot, and now Randall's right behind us, and he's tring to kill us. Celia: You expect me to believe that pack of lies, Mike Wazowski? Boo: (peeking from Sulley's shoulder) Mike Wazowski! (Celia screams and lets go)
TV Anchorman: If witnesses are to be believed, there has been a child security breach for the first time in monster history. CDA Agent: We can neither confirm nor deny the presence of a human child here tonight. Witness #1: Well the kid flew right over me and blasted a car with its laser vision. Witness #2: I tried to get away from it, but he picked me up with his mind powers and shook me like a doll. Witness #3: (has many eyes) It's true! I saw the whole thing! Professor on TV: It is my professional opinion that now it's the time to *panic*!
Roz: None of this ever happened, gentlemen. And I don't want to see any paperwork on it.
Mike: You're the boss! You're the boss! You're the big, hairy boss!
Mike: Hey, genius. Wanna know why I bought the car? Sulley: Not really. Mike: To drive it! You know, like on the street? With the honk-honk and the vroom-vroom, and the no walking at all? Sulley: Wah, wah, wah. Will you give it a rest, butterball? C'mon, you could use the exercise. Mike: I could use the exercise? Look at you. You have your own climate.
Mike: (as the Scream Extractor approaches) What is that thing? What is that thing? Hey, hey, hey, that thing is moving. I don't like big, moving things that are moving towards me.
(Sully goes looking for Boo; Mike tries to talk him out of it) Mike: Soemone else will find the kid. I'll be their problem, not ours. She's out of our hair! (they bump into Randall) Randall: What are you two doing? Monster: They're rehearsing a play. Mike: (singing) She's out of our hair... !
(Sully thinks Boo has been crushed into a cube of garbage) Sulley: (tearfully) I can still hear her little voice. Boo: (from down the hall) Mike Wazowski! Mike: Hey, I can hear her too. Kids: Mike Wazowski! Mike: How many kids you got in there?
(Mike and Sulley, with the help of Waternoose, are preparing to send Boo home, but a huge metal door is brought out instead of Boo's) Mike: Sir, that's not her door. Henry J. Waternoose: I know, I know... (Suddenly, Randal materializes in front of the door) Henry J. Waternoose: ... It's yours. (Waternoose, holding Boo, pushes Mike and Sulley through the door)
Randall: (Randall materializes in mike's locker) WAZOWSKI! (mike falls from the chair) Well what do you know? It scares little kids and little monsters. Mike: I wasn't scared, I have allergies
Sulley: What have I done? This could ruin the company. Mike: Who cares about the company? What about us? That thing is a killing machine! (points at Boo, who is babbling harmlessly) I bet it's waiting for us to fall asleep, and then - bam! Oh, we're easy prey, my friend. Easy prey! We're sitting targets!
Randall: (to Sulley, hanging on from a door) Look at everyone's favorite scarer now, you useless, pathetic waste! (starts stomping on Sulley's fingers) You've been number one for too long, now your time is up. And don't worry, I'll take good care of the kid. (just then Boo jumps on Randall and attacks him; Sulley climbs back on and restrains Randall) Sulley: She's not scared of you any more. Boo: Roar! Sulley: Looks like you're out of a job.
Mike: She's the one. I'm telling ya, she is the one. Sulley: I'm happy for you. Mike: Oh, by the way, thanks for hooking me up with those reservations. Sulley: No problem. They're under the name Googlie-Bear. Mike: Thanks, I... you know, that isn't very funny.
Mike: Hello, is this thing on? Hey, good evening, ladies and gentlemen. Nice to be here in... your room. Hi, where are you from? (kid doesn't answer) You're in kindergarden, right? I used to love kindergarden. Best three years of my life. (still no answer) Of my life. But I love sports. Dodgeball was the best. I was the fastest one out there. Course, I was the ball. You see, I... was the ball. All right, kid. (Mike swallows his microphone and after a few seconds burps it out louldy; kid laughs) Thank you! You've been a wonderful audience. I'll be here all week. Don't forget to tip your waitress.
Sulley: Nice job, Mikey. You filled your quota on the first kid of the day. Mike: You know, only someone with great comedic timing could produce this much energy in one shot. Sulley: Uh-huh, and the fact that laughter has ten times the energy of scream had nothing to do with it.