Miss Congeniality 2: Armed and Fabulous
2005
Gracie Hart: (singing to the tune of "You Think I'm Gorgeous") You're my new partner, / You have to like me and... back me up if people are shooting at me.
Gracie Hart: Uh, excuse me, private conversation in progress.
Gracie Hart: People only care about people who care about themselves.
Gracie Hart: Please be careful! My guns are in the Fendi!
Gracie Hart: People may care about people who care about themselves, but I just don't care about those people.
Joel: How do you feel about a push-up bra? Gracie Hart: How would you feel about a genital-shocking taser gun? Joel: I'm open to it. Gracie Hart: Okay.
Sam Fuller: I don't recall seeing a skinny, white-ass girl growing up at the table. Gracie Hart: Okay, first of all... thank you for calling me skinny.
Gracie Hart: How about a real sorry. Sam Fuller: Come again? Gracie Hart: You heard me. I said how about a real sorry. Sam Fuller: You are about to feel some real pain if you don't back off Gracie Hart: You don't wan to talk to me about pain sister. I invented pain alright. Sam Fuller: You didn't just call me sister, because I don't recall seeing a little skinny ass white girl around the table growing up. Gracie Hart: HEY! First of all thank you for calling me skinny, second of all what is your problem and third of all you'd better apologize to me.
Gracie Hart: Sir I went through a makeover for the pagent, i'm still getting hairspray off my butt!
Cheryl: We've been kidnapped and theres two men here who say they're going to kill us by friday at midnight. But I dont want anyone to pay them any money. Because that would be giving into terrorism. and im Miss United States and i stand for fairness decency and the American Way (Starts to sing) From Sea to shining sea
Gracie Hart: I wish you wouldnt kiss my watch Its not water resistant.
Gracie Hart: I dont cry! I dont even have tear ducts.
Sam Fuller: Okay look! I dont work for you and you dont work for me, we're a team. get it? As in I will kick your sorry ass if you dont listen to me 'team' Gracie Hart: Well first of all, if you remember correctly it was skinny ass. and second of all what is your problem Fuller? DO you honestly feel its okay to go around harrasing people and bashing their faces in. Because guess what Fuller, you will never make it in this bureau if you dont start usuing your head. (Sam Headbuts Gracie) What you start listening to me now!
Gracie Hart: You can do this, you know you can because you are Sam fuller F.B.I, nothing and nobody scares you. And I am Gracie Hart and at this moment I am also big bird and nothing scares me except... except loosing Cheryl, because having a friend like her and having any friend for me is a really really rare thing. Okay? Sam Fuller: Okay but I am not singing. Dolly Impersonator: And heres the fabulous Tina Turner. Gracie Hart: Everythings going to be okay, just be Tina - -ish.
Joel: (after being told about a debriefing by an FBI agent) Oh, it's been ages since I've had a good debriefing, but I'm really more of a boxers man.
Collins: Why don't we get you to the hotel while I give the agents a debriefing? Joel: Oh, that's too bad. It's been months since I've had a good debriefing. Although, I'm really more of a boxers man. Ha, ha! (nobody laughs) Joel: Okay, wrong audience.
Clonsky: Hey, Hart, can you get me Miss Arizona's number? Gracie Hart: Why would I do that, Clonsky? Clonsky: Because she needs a man in her life. Gracie Hart: Yeah? Where do you fit in? Clonsky: Nice. Nice talk. Not too congenial, Hart.
Gracie Hart: Fuller, I'm sensing a little subtle hostility, and I think we should talk about it. (Fuller walks away) Gracie Hart: Fuller, you shouldn't keep things bottled up. Gracie Hart: Fuller! What is your problem? Sam Fuller: The problem is, I don't like you.
Collins: I never gave up because the word "quit" is not in my vocabulary. Neither is "failure", "A for effort", "abandon ship"... (Gracie Hart pushes him into the water) Gracie Hart: And that's how we do it in New York.
Joel: (both Hart and Fuller are pointing a gun at Foreman) You see, this is what I like. Learning to work together. A little "Ebony & Ivory" action. Jeff Foreman: Guys, I can't do it. Sam Fuller: Stop being a wuss, Foreman. Be a man. Gracie Hart: Yeah, like Fuller.
Stan Fields: (trying to escape the Treasure Island Ship) There's a cannon in my porthole!
Shirley, Assisted Living Receptionist: (Gracie is disguised as the old mother of Joel to snoop around the nursing home) Are you interested in touring our facilities? Joel: Oh, yes, we are very interested. I can't wait to get rid of her. Gracie Hart: Oh, don't you listen to him. He's a momma's boy. Come here, cutie. Come here and let me fix your tie. (grabs his tie) Joel: Oh! Gracie Hart: Such a momma's boy! Joel: Ma, not now! Gracie Hart: Momma's boy face, that's a momma's boy face! (smacks him repeatedly on the cheek) Joel: (rising) Do you have a euthanasia program? Shirley, Assisted Living Receptionist: We just need to fill out some forms. If you'll give me one minute.
Janet: Tell us where they went or we'll arrest you for obstructing justice and throw you in prison. Joel: (aroused) Which prison?
Collins: (regarding Gracie tackling Dolly Parton) It's all over! CNN. (switches channel) NBC. (switches channel) Al Jazeera!
Sam Fuller: I am not going out there as a woman pretending to be a man pretending to be Tina Turner. I can't afford therapy on my salary.
Sam Fuller: (after Gracie, pretending to be an old woman in a wheelchair, stands up) Ida, you can walk? Gracie Hart: I can walk? Oh, I can walk! It's a miracle! Praise Jesus! Sam Fuller: Moses! Gracie Hart: Moses! Oh, sign me up for this place! I'm schvitzing!
Sam Fuller: I'll tell you when I'm going to get your ice vente decaf caramel macchiato... when they elect a black woman president of the Daughters of the American Revolution.
Sam Fuller: Well, like it or not, that plane is not taking off unless we're both on it. Gracie Hart: You might consider a tic-tac.
Gracie Hart: Wake up and smell the iced vente decaf caramel macchiato!
Joel: No snorting.
Gracie Hart: I just don't see why I can't be Tina! Sam Fuller: (with disdain) You don't see that?
Gracie Hart: That's right, walk away. Sam Fuller: You lucky you still can walk away.
Gracie Hart: Please tell me you have tickets to see "Cirq du Soleil".
Gracie Hart: All right, Regis... grab her. Regis Philbin: She looks angry... do I have to grab her? Gracie Hart: Go ahead. Agent Fuller has no place else to be.