Mind Your Language
1977
Miss Courtney: (asking Mr Brown questions from a sheet) Sex? Jeremy Brown: Occasionally.
Jeremy Brown: How about a toast for Ali and Su-Lee? Giovanni Capello: No, sorry, we have no toast, only biscuits. Jeremy Brown: No, I mean a toast for Ali and Su-Lee. Giovanni Capello: We have no toast for them, either!
Jeremy Brown: (puts cow bell around Miss Courtney) In India, you'd be sacred!
Jeremy Brown: Where do you go to cash a check? Ranjeet Singh: In Czechoslovakia!
Jeremy Brown: Now, although most sports are international, there are some sports that are native to different countries. For example, the national sport of France is... Danielle Favre: Football! Jeremy Brown: Correct! And the national sport for Italy is... Giovanni Capello: Girls! Jeremy Brown: That's not a sport! Giovanni Capello: Maybe not, but it's more popular than football!
Ranjeet Singh: If at first, you are not succeeding, try try! Jeremy Brown: (corrects Ranjeet) Again. Ranjeet Singh: If at first, you are...
Police Sergeant: What is your name? Juan Cervantes: Por favore? Police Sergeant: How do you spell that? Jeremy Brown: That's not his name! Police Sergeant: Oh, giving me a fake name, are we? Juan Cervantes: Por favore? Police Sergeant: I'll come back to you, Mr Por Favore, or whatever you name is!
Ali Nadim: Oh dearie me! Jeremy Brown: You can say that again! Ali Nadim: Oh dearie me!
Miss Courtney: (points to a book with a pencil) What is this? Ranjeet Singh: Pencil!
Miss Courtney: Can anybody tell me who said "To Be or Not To Be"? Chung Su-Lee: Chairman Mao! Miss Courtney: This may come as a shock to you, but there are people who've written things besides Chairman Mao. Chung Su-Lee: Chairman Mao lite evelything! Miss Courtney: Well, he certainly didn't lite... *write* "To Be or Not To Be"!
Jeremy Brown: Su-Lee, spell "Democracy" Chung Su-Lee: C-H-I-N-A. Jeremy Brown: And I suppose if I asked you to spell "Dictatorship", you would have spelt "England"? Chung Su-Lee: Or "America"!
Ingrid Svenson: I very much like teacher. Danielle Favre: You will not make the eyes on Mr Brown! Ingrid Svenson: If I want to, I will! Danielle Favre: Mr Brown does not care for the blonde ladies! Ingrid Svenson: Swedish women are the beautifulest! Danielle Favre: (scoffs) The problem with Swedish women is that are they too big in the bosom! Ingrid Svenson: The French are too big in the mouth!
Ranjeet Singh: Excuse me please, may I borrow 10p? Ali Nadim: Yes, okay! Ranjeet Singh: Thousand thank yous! Ali Nadim: However, I am making one condition. Ranjeet Singh: What's that? Ali Nadim: You must say, "All Muslims are nice, kind and most wonderful persons"! Ranjeet Singh: If I say that, will you lend me 10p? Ali Nadim: If you are saying that, I will GIVE you 10p! Ranjeet Singh: Very well! All Muslims are nice, kind and most wonderful persons! Ali Nadim: (gives Ranjeet 10p) Jolly good! Ranjeet Singh: There is just one thing. Ali Nadim: What's that? Ranjeet Singh: All Sikhs are VERY BIG LIARS!
Jeremy Brown: (Mr Brown has been dismissed by Miss Courtney and the students don't understand) To coin a phrase, I've been given the bullet. Giovanni Capello: Santa Maria! She try to shoot you?
Miss Courtney: (Sid is drunk) You reek of drink! Sid: Sorry? Miss Courtney: Drink! Sid: If you insist!
Jeremy Brown: Juan, explain what is wrong with the following sentence: "The cows was in the field" Juan Cervantes: The cows... was NOT in the field. Jeremy Brown: No, Juan, the correct sentence is "The cows were in the field"! Juan Cervantes: I didn't see them!
(repeated line) Ali Nadim: Jolly good!
(repeated line) Juan Cervantes: Por Favore
(repeated line) Taro Nagazumi: Aso!
Jeremy Brown: Take Danielle, for instance. Giovanni Capello: I would love to take Danielle!
Ali Nadim: Did you know, it takes two Sikhs to milk a goat? One to be holding the teats, and the other to be moving the goat up and down, up and down! Ranjeet Singh: And did you know, that Muslims have no ice? Because the man who is making the ice has left! Ali Nadim: Are you saying that all Muslims are stupid? Ranjeet Singh: No, just you!
Miss Courtney: I distinctedly requested for the local authority to send a woman teacher, especially in view of what happened to Mr Warburton. Jeremy Brown: Mr Warburton? Miss Courtney: Yes, he was teaching English language for Foreign students last term. I'm afraid he only lasted a month. Then, he departed. Jeremy Brown: Dead? Miss Courtney: Demented! Yes, the strain was too much for him. Typical of the male sex, no stamina! Always seem to be able to cope at first and then he just snapped! It was really quite disgusting! Jeremy Brown: Really? What did he do? Miss Courtney: Climbed out of the classroom window, on to the roof, took off all his clothes and stood there stark naked singing "I've Got A Lovely Bunch of Coconuts!" Jeremy Brown: How distressing. Well, there's no need to worry on my account. I mean, I'm not about to climb out of the classroom window! Miss Courtney: I know you aren't. Jeremy Brown: Oh? Thank you for your confidence! Miss Courtney: It has nothing to do with confidence. We've had the window frames nailed down!
Jeremy Brown: (calling out roll) Giovanni? Giovanni Capello: (stands up) Si, professore! Jeremy Brown: No "professore"! Giovanni Capello: No "professore"? Jeremy Brown: No, from now on, you are to address me as "Sir". Giovanni Capello: "Sir"? Now I understand! (bows) You have gone to get "notted"! Jeremy Brown: (baffled) Come again? Giovanni Capello: Si, you have gone to get "notted" by the Queen!
Giovanni Capello: (Miss Courtney has called Mr Brown on his birthday) Hey, maybe she's gonna get you a birthday present! Jeremy Brown: Yes, and maybe the Pope's getting married! Giovanni Capello: (shocked) He is? I didn't know that!
Ali Nadim: (the students are planning to have a strike to get rid of Miss Hardacre) Excuse me please, I am thinking that your strike is not going to be working. What we need to be doing is to be revolting! Ranjeet Singh: And I think that you are already revolting!
Miss Courtney: Can anybody tell me what "B.C." stands for? Maximillian Papandrious: Before Christmas!