Men Behaving Badly
1992
Gary Strang: You know Felicity Kendell? Deborah: Yes. Gary Strang: She was deliciously pert, wasn't she? Deborah: Yes.
Dorothy: Gary, when I was away, did you sleep with a woman? Gary Strang: How do you mean, "woman"? Dorothy: A woman. You know, the ones you and Tony call "shirt potatoes."
Tony: (Drunk) DEBORAH! I FUCKING LOVE YOU!
Tony: (Tony has been trying to tattoo himself with a darning needle) It was going to read "Deborah, I love you", but now I'm just going for "Deb".
Dorothy: (Tony has just asked her what being pregnant is like) Everything's twice the size it was nine months ago and I'm growing another head inside me.
Gary Strang: I have just accidentally knocked out the midwife.
Tony: (trying to get Deborah to sleep with him, she is into astrology at the time) I must lie down here in conjunction with you . . .
Gary Strang: Bed? Beds are for sleepy people! Let's get a kebab and go to a disco!
Tony: Why does Dorothy still live with her parents? Gary: Her Mother keeps threatening to kill herself if she moves out, I think she should risk it.
Neville: (doing a crossword puzzle) Twelve across, five letters, god. That's got to be Jesus, right? Tony: They're not the same thing, though, are they? Neville: Yeah, Jesus is the same as God, isn't he? A bit younger.
Gary Strang: Let's face it Tony, the only way you're gonna be in there is that if you're both marooned on a deserted island and she eats a poisonous berry or a nut which makes her temporarily deaf, dumb, stupid, forgetful and desperate for sex.
Dorothy: It's not important. Gary Strang: I know it's not. Dorothy: Well, actually, it is if we're trying for a baby.
Dermot: See the graffiti in the gents has reached new heights of literacy. Gary Strang: Oh yeah, whats it say? Dermot: "West-Ham is a poof".
Dorothy: You really are a yob aren't you Gary? Gary Strang: On the contrary, I think I'm remarkably sensitive. Dorothy: Oh, that must be why you refer to Luciano Pavarotti as "that fat git".
Dorothy: Maybe I should move down here. Gary Strang: Nah, you'd miss the sophisticated city talk. Dorothy: What, you and Tony discussing the most comfortable pants you've ever had? Gary Strang: That's a bit unfair. Dorothy: Oh, look at those lovely hedges. Gary Strang: ... So what are the most comfortable pants you've ever had?
Deborah: Oh look Tony I'm really sorry if I've hurt you. Tony: How do you mean? Deborah: Oh, y'know, me going out with Ray. Tony: Hardly even noticed to be honest. Deborah: So why did you open the window and shout "get lost smug estate agent bastard" at him? Tony: No, you see that wasn't him, that was this other estate agent on the other side of the road. Deborah: And he says he caught you pushing potato peelings through his car window. Tony: Oh yeah, I did do that. What, so you want me to stop?
George: Y'know, I think marriage is tremendous. Gary Strang: I hate to be cynical George, but you think Croydon is tremendous.
Gary Strang: (talking about women's pain threshold) I mean, look at the fuss women make about child birth. Now, I'm not saying it doesn't smart a bit, but if blokes did it, I reckon you'd be looking at, what, give birth, have a couple of Paracetamol, maybe a bit of a nap and then back to work within the hour.
Dorothy: Gary doesn't understand periods. He thinks they're something to do with the moon.