Melrose Place
1992
Matt Fielding: How can you stay with a woman who tried to kill you? Dr Michael Mancini: Do I judge your lifestyle, Matt?
(about to blow up the Melrose apartment building) Dr Kimberly Shaw Mancini: It's not what it looks like. It's worse.
Billy Campbell: I'm a writer. Alison Parker Armstrong: Writer? What kind of writer? Billy Campbell: A novelist. Alison Parker Armstrong: You mean like Jackie Collins? Billy Campbell: No, I mean like Norman Mailer.
Dr Kimberly Shaw Mancini: Listen you opportunistic little bitch, if you think that shotgun marriage you arranged with Michael is going to protect you, then you're dumber than you look. Now stay out of our lives and you won't get hurt, okay? Sydney Andrews Mancini Field: What, am I supposed to be afraid of you? Dr Kimberly Shaw Mancini: My professional opinion: you bet your ass!
Dr Michael Mancini: It's this building... it makes people nuts. It must be something in the water, something to do with the pool. Come to think of it, I was normal when I moved in.
Jake Hanson: You know what they say, abstinence makes the heart grow fonder. Sandy Louise Harling: That's absence. Jake Hanson: Whatever.
Dr Peter Burns: I've got a medical board hearing at the end of the week. They want to yank my license. Dr Michael Mancini: You're kidding. Just 'cause you tried to kill one of your patients?
Amanda Woodward: Is your memory that selective or are you just suffering from some grand delusion?
Sydney Andrews Mancini Field: Kill Michael? Why should we kill him? Dr Kimberly Shaw Mancini: Sydney, you are looking at human garbage who would have run you over as soon as look at you. When Michael's dead, God's going to do a jig.
Amanda Woodward: My first instinct was to fire you as well. But on reflection, I realized that was way too easy. No, Alison, I'm going to do to you the way you did me. And when I'm done, all that you'll be left with is that proverbial wish... that you'd never been born!
Alison Parker Armstrong: Is Natalie in there? Jake Hanson: Why is it that every time a girl doesn't show up at night, people think she's at my apartment? Alison Parker Armstrong: Is she?
Sydney Andrews Mancini Field: It looks like the Sleaze Bag Hall of Fame is missing a member. Now what would bring vermin like you out in the daylight? I know, you want to apologize. Dr Michael Mancini: No, Syd, I want a divorce. Sydney Andrews Mancini Field: And I want to wake up tomorrow morning and sing like Aretha Franklin. Do the words, "go to hell" mean anything to you?
Amanda Woodward: I just think sometimes I'm a little too blunt with people and I should work on that. Jo Beth Reyonds: Couldn't hurt.
(Sydney's parting words to Martin Abbot's cult) Sydney Andrews Mancini Field: Adios, you fruitcakes!
Dr Kimberly Shaw Mancini: Broken ribs, hmmm, I'm surprised. I told those guys to break you arm. Matt Fielding: Don't try to take credit for this. You had nothing to do with this. It was a hate crime. Dr Kimberly Shaw Mancini: You bet your butt it was. I hate you.
Jeffrey Linley: Meet the real Jeffrey Linley, Lieutenant, United States Navy. Matt Fielding: I don't get it. You're in the Navy. An officer, that's impressive. Why the big secret? Jeffrey Linley: U.S. Navy and gay? Not exactly compatible terms. Matt Fielding: Yeah, what about the "Don't ask, don't tell" policy? Jeffrey Linley: It worked for a while, ten years in fact. But navy regulations aren't nearly as brutal as my family's. My father's a retired vice admiral, and his policy is "just don't tell." Period.
Brooke Armstrong Campbell: You know I've always wanted to say this to you, Amanda. Alison Parker Armstrong: Don't say anything that you will regret. Brooke Armstrong Campbell: Kiss my ass! Amanda Woodward: You're fired.
Dr Michael Mancini: Hey Syd, how you doing? Sydney Andrews Mancini Field: I'm fine, you're screwed.
Matt Fielding: He's cute. Rhonda Blair: I saw him first.
Amanda Woodward: What is she, some kind of demon seed? Chelsea Fielding: What are you, some kind of bitch?
Taylor: Good morning Amanda. Amanda Woodward: Goodbye Taylor.
(at Peter and Taylor's "Wedding") Priest: If there is anyone who has good reason why this couple should not be joined in holy matrimony, let them speak now or forever hold their peace. (pause) Dr Peter Burns: Actually, I think I do. Taylor Davis McBride: Peter, that's not funny. Dr Peter Burns: No, it's hilarious actually, if you think about it. Really, just think about it. Just probe that scheming little brain of yours and try to understand how you could think for a second that I could possibly stomach being in your presence for one more minute, much less marry you. Taylor Davis McBride: Peter. My God, stop it. Dr Peter Burns: Did you think I was insane *and* stupid? I know what you and Michael did. I know about the lies. I know about the drugs. I know about the fake beatings and how you had wanted to ruin me so you could come full circle with your bizarre fantasy of marrying your dead sister's husband. Taylor Davis McBride: I won't listen to this. Dr Peter Burns: How could you believe that I would ever love you or want to touch you... You know what Taylor, your a joke, and it's hard to believe that you were ever related to your sister, because to me, your lower than a slug. You ruined my marriage to Amanda and then you tried to destroy me, and now you want me to believe you're carrying my child? That's beyond pathetic. The thought of you being pregnant with my child is enough to make me vomit. Goodbye Taylor. I hope you get a ride back to wherever you came from.
Michael: Call me old-fashioned, but I'd like to know who I'm sleeping with.
Sydney: Lauren, hey. I was going to call you about what happened with that guy. Look I know you must be miffed but there's an explination. Lauren? Lauren Etheridge: (hard and angry tone) Who the hell are you walking out on Roger Banning? Who the hell do you think you think you are? Sydney: Look, the guy was a pervert. He had these bondage toys that he wanted to use. Lauren Etheridge: So, he wanted to play a few games with you. That doesn't give you the right to walk out on him. Sydney: Lauren, I thought that working for you would be a good business and that it would be a safe establishment for me and all your other girls. Lauren Etheridge: Safe establishment? You want to work in a safe establishment? Join a bridge club, or get a job in a bank. But don't you ever, EVER, put me or my reputation behind the eight ball! Sydney: Okay, I'm sorry. Lauren Etheridge: "I'm sorry" costs me, Sydney. If you ever do something like that again, I'll see to it that whatever Roger Banning would have done to you would be a walk in the park compared what I will do to you. You woudn't even be able to pronouce, "I'm sorry." You coudn't even match the letters on a slate. Do I need to draw you a diagram? Sydney: (terrified) No. I think I got it.
Sandy: He was all over me like a cheap suit.
Michael: How you doin' Syd? Sydney: You scum. Michael: Yeah, I miss you too.
Nurse Amy: She's your wife's landlord. That would be your present wife, number four, isn't it? And she wants all your belongings out of the house by to-night. Michael: And did she say why? Nurse Amy: Nooo, but I'm sure we'll be reading about it in tomorrow morning's newspaper.
(Amanda's raction to Jo's move to Bosnia) Amanda Woodward: Well she could be on the moon for all I care, she's not getting her deposit back.
Megan: I'm a prostitute, okay? I belong here. Michael: We're both prostitutes. Practically everybody I know is a prostitute. Megan: At least everybody on this street. Michael: Would you bud out.
(about Kimberly) Sydney: What's happening in her world is not exactly happening in ours.
(Jo has removed Richard's towel for the 2nd time) Richard Hart: I'm not safe in a towel around you, am I?
(to Samantha, at her wedding to Billy) Joan Campbell: You had better keep your eye on him. You weren't the first love of his life, and you won't be the last. Here's a toast, to my current daughter in law. May your marriage to Billy last longer than his first. Or, am I not allowed to mention Brooke either? Now don't you go wearing your high heels around the pool.
(trying to convince Jane not to murder Richard) Sydney Andrews: Pray with me Jane. Put your decision in the hands of a higher power. Jane Andrews Mancini: I am. Smith & Wesson.
Amanda Woodward: What can I say, when God was passing out business sense, Jane was in the back of the line getting her nails done.
Amanda Woodward: Count your friends, Michael... Oops, done already?
Chris Marchette: Sydney, everything is going to work out for the two of us. You'll see. I've decided to marry Jane. That'll make me your brother-in-law. Then I'll have everything I've ever wanted... a mother for my children, and a whore just for me.
Dr Kimberly Shaw Mancini: Love hurts. Remember that Michael.
Jane Andrews Mancini: I just wanted to tell you I think you are disgusting. I only hope that someday, if you're ever lucky enough to find a man of your own, that some pathetic bitch will come along and hurt you the way you hurt me. Dr Kimberly Shaw: Jane, it's not over. Jane Andrews Mancini: I'm getting a divorce.
John Parker: You two, you've grown up so healthy. Meredith Parker: You call this healthy? I have gun on you. And my baby sister is juping out of windows on her wedding day. We are a mess.
Jane Andrews Mancini: I'm sorry. I've been so distracted lately. Jo Beth Reynolds: It's PMS - Post Marriage Syndrome.
Jane Andrews Mancini: You don't need my blessing, Sydney, you need serious psychological attention.
Amanda Woodward: If you're going to kiss me, don't do that pent-up macho anger thing. I don't like bruises.
Billy Campbell: You're drunk. Allison Parker Armstrong: Yeah, well you're a self-centered pig. At least in the morning I'll be sober.
(after severely beating Jo, who has turned down his marriage proposal) Jess Hanson: Remember this, Jo. You belong to me.
Dr Kimberly Shaw: Matt, you're pathetic. Matt Fielding: And Kimberly, your... wig is crooked.
(to her photographer, Jo) Karen: I'm a model. I starve so that others may drool.
Sydney Andrews Mancini Fields: You arrange sex dates for a living? Lauren Etheridge: That's a quaint way of putting it.
Sydney Andrews Mancini Fields: Michael, I love you. Dr Michael Mancini: Well, that's your problem, isn't it?
Dr Michael Mancini: Kimberly, you're a doctor. You know the facts, and the fact is, your mother's solution to everything is to drag you back to the midwest, even if it risks your life, because she hates me. Dr Kimberly Shaw Mancini: Michael that's not so. Marion Shaw: You're right Michael. I would do *anything* to get her away from you. She was a doctor with a bright future until you nearly killed her. And then you infected her with your cruelty and your deceit. You made her sick... I'm gonna make her well. Dr Michael Mancini: And I gave her cancer, right? You'd blame me for global warming if you could make it fly... you are a twisted, bitter old crone, you know that?
Hayley Armstrong: You're wasting your time on Billy. Brooke Armstrong Campbell: Billy's like that company you bought in St. Louis. He's an undervalued asset. And with the right management, he can be a fortune 500 company in no time.
(to his superior, Billy) Craig Fields: I don't expect to be treated differently because I'm the boss's son... but I do take cream in my coffee.
Sydney Andrews Mancini Fields: We're perfect for each other. Don't you get it? Dr Michael Mancini: Get this, Sydney. You are one stupid slut who's crossed the line and I don't want to see your face anymore. Sydney Andrews Mancini Fields: Jane warned me about how cranky you get in the morning.
(Jane has just confirmed that Richard is finally dead) Samantha Reilly Campbell: I don't understand, I mean, why would you stab a dead man with a broach. An antique broach. My grandmother's broach. A family heirloom. Jane Andrews Mancini: Richard could have been faking it again. Samantha Reilly Campbell: Again? What does that mean? You're either dead or you're alive. There's no in between... unless you're a Buddhist.
(about Michael and Kimberly) Bruce Teller: Attractive, intelligent-looking, upscale... who are they? Amanda Woodward: The Doctors Frankenstein.
Matt Fielding: This isn't Russia. The walls don't have ears. There's no KGB lurking in the shadows. Dr Katya Petrova: For your information, there no longer exists the KGB in Russia. It only lives in stupid American films.
(At their Grandmother's funeral) Jane Andrews Mancini: Gram loved you. She tried hard to reach out to you. Sydney Andrews Mancini Fields: Well, I guess her arms weren't long enough to reach past you.
Jess Hanson: I walk out that door, Jake, and that's it... I don't have a brother anymore. Jake Hanson: Works for me.
Sydney Andrews Mancini Fields: Flirtation is a tough thing. It's like dandruff... you can't always see it, but it's always there. Kyle McBride: Syd, I kid you not, you are California incarnate. Sydney Andrews Mancini Fields: You mean like, totally hip, totally together? Kyle McBride: No, I mean totally spaced-out.
(Kimberly is leaving a church after learning she has three months to live) Priest: (calling after her) Are you alright? Listen, if you need an ear... Dr Kimberly Shaw Mancini: (Angrily) I need a second chance, that's what I need. Can you give me that, Father? Priest: Sometimes, yes. Dr Kimberly Shaw Mancini: Ok, try this on for size... (pause) I'm dying. A tumor, and there's nothing anyone can do about it. I don't know how to tell people, even my husband doesn't know. So I was driving by, saw your church, and I haven't been in one since I was a kid... listen to me, like you need to hear my rantings. Priest: Rantings? To me they sound like prayers. (Long pause) Dr Kimberly Shaw Mancini: I'm scared.
Amanda Woodward: Just one piece of advice to you to make sure this interview wasn't a complete waste. That type of arrogant attitude will not get you anywhere in the advertising world. Jennifer Mancini: That didn't stop you. Did it?
Brooke: Maybe it's time for us to bury the hatchet. Alison: Gee, you'd have to pull it out of my back first.
(Amanda on men) Amanda: Get used to the fact that even the most perfect, sensitive guy is, bottom line,a dog. I mean, he might be a well-behaved dog, but he still howls at the moon and grabs the first leg he can get ahold of.
Sydney: By the way, Kimberly, how is electroshock going? Certainly has put an attractive curl in your hair.
Richard: Keep your clothes on Jane, it's not gonna work this time.
(Jane is trying to comfort Richard after Mackenzie's death) Richard Hart: (coldly) Keep your clothes on Jane, it's not gonna work this time.
Alison: You know Jake as well as anyone, and he's supposedly this man of action, but his only solution on how to handle a wigged out Jane is to do nothing. What is that? Billy: I find it really weird you coming to me about this. Alison: Well I'm 'that' desperate. Billy: Well 'that' desperate could lead to Jake throwing another punch at me all right.
Kyle: I guess he wanted a little more out of the relationship than you did. Sydney: Yeah, you can say that again. Kyle: I guess he wanted a little more out of the relationship than you did.
Amanda: Until now I have tolerated you childish behavior but this crosses the line. Craig: I just thought that since San Francisco went so well... Amanda: ... you'd see if you could charm me into bed? There's only one man who can do that, and that's my husband, whom I happen to love very much.
(after Kimberly had blown up the Melrose Place complex) Amanda: I just hope my insurance covers mad bombers.
Samantha Reilly Campbell: Either you take a chance or you end up alone, right? So what the hell...
(on a job interview with Amanda, which Michael set up as a favor) Jennifer Mancini: You know Michael, he likes to bend the truth. But you probably do too, being in advertising. (pause) Amanda Woodward: We walk a fine line. Jennifer Mancini: Right, truth with a little "t", as opposed to the actual Truth, which is with a big "T". Am I getting too philosophical? I don't want to lose you. Amanda Woodward: (getting annoyed) Well, considering your resume barely qualifies for entry level, I doubt it. So what kind of advertising do you like? Jennifer Mancini: I know what I don't like. That billboard on Whilshire with the busty bimbo showing the "Sunset Diet Plan." No normal woman's ever going to respond to a cheesy ad like that. Amanda Woodward: That was my ad campaign. Jennifer Mancini: (laughs) I'm so embarrassed... Amanda Woodward: Yeah. Jennifer Mancini: ... for you.
Jo Reynolds: I'm going to cancel the paper. It's just more proof that the world sucks.
(to a blind Allison, who is recovering in the hospital) Amanda Woodward: Oh my God Allison, you're gonna want to keep this flower arrangement. You should SEE it. It's bigger than a Buick.
(her final words before drowning in the courtyard pool) Brooke Armstrong Campbell: Nobody's here... Nobody cares...
(giving Peter shopping advice) Taylor Davis McBride: You never buy your second wife a nicer ring than your first.
Sydney Andrews Mancini Field: They're either cute and gay, cute and crazy, or worst of all, cute and married. Samantha Reilly Campbell: So what are you going to do? Date married men? Baaaaad idea.
(learning that Megan is a hooker) Dr Michael Mancini: I've had a lot of practice dealing with women who, shall we say... stray from the norm.
(Carter is regrettably avoiding Sydney's phone calls) Walter: Why don't we just disconnect the phone? You don't really need a private line. Carter Gallivan: No, of course not. Cause I'm not allowed to have a private life. Doesn't fit into my schedule. Right Walter?
Dr Peter Burns: Talk is cheap Amanda. Then again, so are you.
Kyle McBride: You're allright Amanda. I always thought you were a shrieking fish wife, but you're allright. Amanda Woodward: Well, you're not so bad yourself for someone I thought of as a hen-pecked know nothing. (pause) Kyle McBride: Hen-pecked? Amanda Woodward: ... know-nothing.
(about life on the West coast) Samantha Reilly Campbell: Everyone out here has this kinky sort of desperation.
(to Matt) Dr Michael Mancini: I don't know how it works with your kind, but when I buy a woman a closet full of clothes, it's because I want to see her naked.
(greeting Taylor while leaving Kyle's Restaurant) Amanda Woodward: Put on weight, Taylor?
(Discussing their mutual divorces over dinner, where Peter has dressed Taylor in Beth's conservative clothing) Dr Peter Burns: I mean, first Craig and now Kyle. You're losing ground Amanda. It's almost slutty. Kyle McBride: Hey. That's a lady your talking to. Taylor Davis McBride: Oh that's funny. The male slut defending the female slut. Kyle McBride: Better a slut than a conniving bitch. Amanda Woodward: Or worse, a conniving bitch in some *ugly* ass clothes.
(about Megan) Dr Michael Mancini: If you get us back together, what's in it for you? Jennifer Mancini: ("Godfather" voice) One day Michael, I will come to you for a favor, and when I do, you will grant me that favor... no matter what it is. Capiche? Dr Michael Mancini: (pause) You're the weird one in the family... you know that, right?
Sydney Andrews Mancini Field: Nice club Amanda. Amanda Woodward: Thank you. Now go away.
(Amanda and Kyle are kissing in front of Jennifer at the Jazz Club) Jennifer Mancini: Are we working? Or are you gonna mate right in front of me?
(Matt's final words before leaving Melrose Place) Matt Fielding: I had never lived anywhere like this. It's a special place, you know? Amazing people have passed through here. Some have died, some have gotten married and just moved on... But I swear it was only a moment ago I was sitting at the edge of that pool laughing with Rhonda. I'll remember them all. The old and the new. And I will always remember this place. It's where I really grew up.
(Meeting for the first time) Dr Peter Burns: Can I buy you a drink? Lexi Sterling Cooper: No, but you can take me up to your room and make love to me all night.
(Amanda's trying to evict Taylor) Taylor Davis McBride: There are laws against This. Tenants rights, squaters rights, human rights. Amanda Woodward: Well, look who's talking about being human... the most in-human person on Earth. Taylor Davis McBride: Oh really, giving up your title so soon?
Amanda Woodward: Look who's talking about being human, the most in-human person on Earth. Taylor Davis McBride: Oh, giving up your title so soon?
(Matt wishes Rhonda well before she goes on her big date) Matt Fielding: I want details. Rhonda Blair: Honey, I'm praying for details.
Amanda Woodward: Divorced, married, widowed, and all in what? 48 hours?
Lexi Sterling Cooper: They took my picture, too. My new name is now 26401.
Taylor Davis McBride: The baby's kicking again. Dr Michael Mancini: Well, of course he is. You're his mother. I'm surprised he's not screaming bloody murder and holding up a liquor store.
(Megan and Ryan have lovemaking fest) Megan: Next time I'm going grocery shopping before the orgy.
Sydney Andrews Mancini Field: (Sydney's note) No doctors in today. Burns in jail, Mancini in hospital.
(Eric has sent Megan flowers) Dr Michael Mancini: (jealous) This is a doctor's office. Patients have allergies, I have allergies. Megan Lewis Mancini: No you don't. Dr Michael Mancini: Well, I'm developing them.
(to Coop, about an unconcious Lexi) Dr Peter Burns: I leave for five minutes and you show up. What is it with you and unconscious women?
Taylor Davis McBride: Michael, listen... I don't want a relationship, I don't want a commitment... I need your sperm.
(to Lexi, about their marriage and his affair with Kimberly) Dr Brett "Coop" Cooper: You drove me to Kimberly. Think back, we barely talked, we fought all the time. Come to think of it, even in a coma Kimberly had more sex appeal.
Dr Brett "Coop" Cooper: Is it weird to show compassion? To want to give life back to a patient? Dr Michael Mancini: Dr Frankenstein said the same thing.
Taylor Davis McBride: So where are you off to? To spend the day with your friend Eric plotting the death of my restaurant? Megan Lewis Mancini: You know, I don't work for Eric anymore, so if you'll exscuse me... Taylor Davis McBride: How come? He get tired of you and throw you out of bed? Megan Lewis Mancini: For your information, I never slept with Eric. The only woman he wants in bed is Amanda. He would give up the world for one night with her, and guess what? She would never do it. You can kiss your restaurant goodbye. Personally, I hope you end up in the gutter.
(At Kyle and Amanda's engagement party) Taylor Davis McBride: I think before the main course comes out, that one of you should give a toast to the happy couple. Now, anyone will do, except for the wannabe war-bride Christine. I don't think you'd have anything nice to say, now would you? Kyle McBride: Damnit Taylor, I said back off. Taylor Davis McBride: Hey! Excuse me if I think it's inappropriate that you bring the girl you've been dreaming about for years here. Amanda Woodward: This is none of your business, *waitress*. Now go get us more food.
(Before Amanda's wedding to Kyle) Taylor Davis McBride: Amanda! I couldn't find anything blue, but I did find something old... a picture of Kyle and me on *our* wedding day. Oh hell, you already got the something borrowed bit with my husband. Too bad he hasn't shown! All the guests out there are wondering if maybe he stood you up. Amanda Woodward: You know, I don't remember you being added to the guest list, so why don't you get out of here? Taylor Davis McBride: Gladly. Oh, by the way... that dress is hideous.
Dr Brett "Coop" Cooper: You know, you have got to be the lowest form of life I've encountered since the last time I stepped on a slug! Dr Michael Mancini: Well why don't you just leave before I throw you out with the rest of the medical waste.
Kyle McBride: (to Amanda) I love you! (She slaps him) Amanda Woodward: This isn't about love. It's about two dead women... Christine and me. And I killed us both.
(calling Burns, Mancini & Cooper) Dr Michael Mancini: Megan! I need a favor! Megan Lewis Mancini McBride: Uh, you have the wrong number!
Dr Michael Mancini: What was I thinking? That you'd actually listen to me? That you'd actually stay out of my life? Course you won't. You can't. You haven't got the capabilities! It's like asking an ape to do algebra. Taylor Davis McBride: Now now Michael. Apes are very intelligent.
(Taylor wants to go with Michael to his college reunion) Dr Michael Mancini: The answer is no! You're probably too pregnant to travel anyway. Taylor Davis McBride: I'm not that delicate! Dr Michael Mancini: No, but you'll probably throw the plane out of balance.
Lexi Sterling Cooper: Listen, why don't you do us all a favor and get another helicopter crash or kidnapped? Amanda Woodward: You know, Lexi, when I look at you all I see is a bitter woman uncapable of love. Lexi Sterling Cooper: Amanda, it's not me you see, it's your own reflection.
Lexi Sterling Cooper: Get out of my way, moron! Dr Michael Mancini: It's "Doctor Moron" for you!