Mary Hartman, Mary Hartman

1976

(Martha rushes through the kitchen) George Shumway: What's the matter? The house on fire? Martha Shumway: It would be better for us all if it was!

Librarian: Do you know what aspects of venereal disease she wants books on? Mary Hartman: Um, I think mostly on the disease itself. And how not to die from it. Librarian: Perhaps it would be better if your friend came in herself. Mary Hartman: She can't. Librarian: Why? Mary Hartman: She's in traction.

Cathy Shumway: You know, isn't it ironic - that if one of us had to get it, it's a miracle it was you. Mary Hartman: I know, I must have been born under an unlucky star. You know I have filled out entry blanks for every single drawing in the supermarket for the last twelve years, and the only thing I ever won was a coupon for a small little jar of tomato paste. But they were out of tomato paste, and by the time they got more in, my coupon had expired. And now I have venereal disease.

Martha Shumway: Now you listen here - there is nothing so bad that it can't be worse. Charlie Haggers: That's a comforting thought, Martha. Martha Shumway: That's why I'm here, Charlie. To comfort you.

Martha Shumway: Yes, yes, things can always be worse - like my uncle Wilbur, who used to work in a cardboard factory. He came home one day with a splinter in his finger - just a little bitty old splinter. But it turned out that he had blood poisoning. Charlie Haggers: Well, that's terrible. Martha Shumway: And next day, they amputated his leg. Charlie Haggers: On account of a splinter in his finger? Martha Shumway: Oh no, no, not because of that. They found a growth in his leg.

Mary Hartman: (Mary realizes she went to elementary school with the man who has kidnapped her) Remember me, Mary Shumway? Mary Shumway?

Mary Hartman: It was a wonderful book. It was guaranteed to improve my emotional health. Harold Clemens: Did it improve your emotional health? Mary Hartman: I think so, I definitely think so. You see, it was while I was reading that book that I realized that I needed glasses, and that made me feel much better.

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