Mama's Family
1983
Thelma 'Mama' Harper: Good Lord!
Thelma 'Mama' Harper: Good lord, Vinton, what in the hell do you think you're doing? Vinton Harper: Well Mama... I'm trying to guess your weight... Thelma 'Mama' Harper: I've got a better idea Vinton... how about you guess which hand I'm gonna smack you upside the head with.
(Vint pawned Mama's silver to bail his friend, Claude Cainmaker, whom Mama despises, out of jail) Thelma 'Mama' Harper: Good Lord in heaven! You robbed me for that bum! Vinton Harper: I didn't rob anybody! And he is not a bum. He is a man of vision and integrity and belief in his fellow human beings! Thelma 'Mama' Harper: Well, what did he need that money for? Vinton Harper: Bail!
(during loud arguments) Thelma 'Mama' Harper: Well, I'll bet the neighbors are just lovin' this!
Thelma 'Mama' Harper: Well, Buzz, I believe you've gotten taller behind my back. Vinton Harper: Sorry.
Naomi Oates Harper: Magic moments between a man and a woman are spiritual and ought not to be screwed with.
Thelma 'Mama' Harper: My dogs are barkin'.
Thelma 'Mama' Harper: From now on if we have any backstabbing to do were going to do it the way we have always done it face to face.
Vinton Harper: Thanks a lot, Mama!
Iola Lucille Boyland: Knock, knock.
Thelma 'Mama' Harper: The only way to keep from goin' crazy in this house is to stay half lit.
Thelma 'Mama' Harper: I tell ya, a guy selling brains could clean up in this family.
Thelma 'Mama' Harper: From now on, I'm not gonna give my family anything but hell!
Thelma 'Mama' Harper: I wanna kill myself! Quick! Gimme somethin' Naomi made! Vinton Harper: Here, Mama. Try one of these Spam and anchovy sandwiches.
Vinton Harper: Y'know, last night was the first night that Naomi and I didn't... didn't... well, you know, we didn't... Aunt Fran Crowley: There goes the Guinness Book of Records.
Bubba Higgins: Grandma doesn't give me any rights! Thelma 'Mama' Harper: You have the right to remain silent.
(Vint bought a fishing rod instead of a bed that Naomi wanted) Naomi Oates Harper: Vinton Harper, I am not asking you, I am telling you. Now, take that silly thing back and bring me my bed. Vinton Harper: You got no right to tell me what to do, that's Mama's job!
Eunice Higgins: Why doesn't anything good ever happen to me? All I do is cook and clean! Thelma 'Mama' Harper: Well, hell, you can't even do that!
Iola Lucille Boyland: (to Vint's boss Mr Carstairs) I'm sure your wife will understand if you just explain it to her. (Mrs Carstairs blows the car horn outside) Or maybe not.
Eunice Higgins: If you want your talent appreciated in this world, you gotta go to Broadway!
Ellen Jackson: Aunt Fran, Mama has some good news and bad news. The bad news is... there isn't any good news.
Ellen Jackson: Vinton, do you know what you get when you put your brain and my brain together? My brain.
Naomi Oates Harper: Aren't you going to introduce your family? Thelma 'Mama' Harper: Not if I can help it.
Naomi Oates Harper: Oh, you just love to put people down, don't you, Mrs Harper? Thelma 'Mama' Harper: It is not only a pleasure, I see it as my duty!
Naomi Oates Harper: Sonja, honey, did your mama ever talk to you about boys? Sonja Harper: Well, she told me never to marry a locksmith.
Thelma 'Mama' Harper: For 50 years I have been in charge of Christmas. I've jingled your bells and I've roasted your chestnuts. This Christmas you goons can just rum-pa-pum-pum without me.
Iola Lucille Boyland: I'm glad I put the tinsel on strand-by-strand. It gives the tree such symmetry. Bubba Higgins: Yeah, and it balances it out, too.
Naomi Oates Harper: I love a Boy's Choir at Christmas. Thelma 'Mama' Harper: That's 'cause you've never had to sit through one.
Thelma 'Mama' Harper: Well what the hell are you waiting for? Open up the door and let the good times roll...
Ellen Jackson: Vint, I don't ever lend money. Not ever. I just don't. Ever.
Vinton Harper: Getting the right message isn't easy, it could take all night. Thelma 'Mama' Harper: The hell you say. (presses record button) It's your dime, spill it!
Bubba Higgins: Grandma, you've got to admit it... There's nothing like the tree to get you into that Christmas spirit. Thelma 'Mama' Harper: Yeah, sure, nothing gives me more comfort and joy than cleaning up pine needles for two weeks.