Love Happy
1949
Detective Sam Grunion, narrator of the story: I am the same Sam Grunion who solved the international uranium-mining swindle. Scotland Yard was baffled; the FBI was baffled. They sent for me and the case was solved immediately: I confessed.
Detective Sam Grunion, narrator of the story: Here's another Broadway hopeful: Faustino the Great. For 20 years he was an organ grinder with a monkey. Then one day the monkey went on strike. He wanted shorter hours and longer bananas.
Faustino the Great: Look, Mr Lyons, I know you wanna make a good impression, but please - don't play better than me.
Faustino the Great: How long you study music? Mr Lyons: Fifteen years. Faustino the Great: Fifteen. You know, two more years, you could've been a plumber.
Faustino the Great: Nevermind the pianissimo. I'm gonna make it very simple for you: we play it allegro pizzicato. That's what-a you call 'em, high-class Carnegie Hall stuff. You know allegro pizzicato? Mr Lyons: No. Faustino the Great: You know Jimmy Pizzicato? Mr Lyons: No. Faustino the Great: None of the Pizzicatos? Mr Lyons: No. Faustino the Great: What *do* you know? Mr Lyons: I know pistachio. Faustino the Great: Pistachio! (shrugs)