Lone Star State of Mind
2002
Wayne: Smyrna, Earls kissing his sister agian. Earl: God Damn it Wayne, I really wish you would stop calling her that.
Baby: If you ain't livin' you're dyin' Earl. I wanna live.
Tinker: I hate you, Earl!
Baby: Earl, I can't be no soap star if I'm missin' digits.
Baby: Wait 'til I tell Raylene I was interrogated by the police for killin' Tinker Johnson, she'll be so jealous.
Tinker: Junior you're so stupid they had to burn down the school just to get you out of third grade.
Tinker: (smashing the radio off the truck with a golf club) Take that Mr Panasonic.
Junior: This cell phone's better than my pinkie finger any day.
Earl: you ever get the feeling your like, being watched, baby? Baby: you mean, by horny guys?
Baby: Earl Crest, don't you know it ain't polite to stare? Earl: Well Baby, it's only natural for a man to stare when he sees the prettiest gal west of Mississippi Baby: just west?
Earl: (voiceover) I don't know for sure exactly how Andy got elected 6 months ago in the first place, but all I do know is that nobody meant for it to happen. It's like the ugly girl in high school who gets picked for prom queen. It ain't nice, but some A-hole thinks it's funny and nominates her, & then other people start voting for her thinking no one else is gonna and pretty soon, KAPOW!, the school is stuck with Sheriff Andy for prom queen.
Tinker: (to the pizza delivery boy) You can hide, but you can't run! I mean, you can run but you can't... oh, I'm gonna KILL you!
Baby: After work I think I'm gonna go home and change. Earl: I don't see the point though, Baby. You just can't improve on perfection.
Baby: Damn, Earl, you're twenty-three going on eighty!
Earl: Junior, you are so dumb. Junior: I'm not dumb. YOU'RE dumb.
Tinker: I don't got nothing to say. Earl: Well, that's good, 'cause I was planning on doing most of the talking anyhow.
Tinker: I'm gonna kick the shit out of you, Earl. Earl: So you said, Tinker.
Doc: Well, you need to tell that idiot who shot you that he better take some shooting lessons! Earl: Now, don't be TOO disappointed, Doc.
Doc: Now you be careful, Earl, or else my grandson might just steal that pretty gal of your's away from you. Jimbo: Gramps, I ain't gonna steal Earl's gal, I'm gay.
Doc: That Flossie's one hell of a girl, don't you think? Jimbo: Gramps... I'm GAY. Doc: I hear ya. Jimbo: Oh, just forget it.
Jimbo: I'm gonna kill Tinker for shooting you. Earl: Well, Jimbo, I think Baby already beat you to it. Baby: Damn right.
Baby: You want me to come with you? It's my day off. Earl: No, Baby, I don't intend on killing anyone today so your services won't be needed.
Baby: You mad, Earl? Earl: No, Baby, I ain't mad at you. I'm pretty sure Earl ain't gonna be none to happy with it, though.
Earl: If it wasn't for Baby I'd have drowned you in that river. Junior: Well, for your information EARL I can swim!
Jimbo: Lord, Junior, what happened to your face? Junior: Uh... I fell? Jimbo: Off a building? Junior: No. (thinks about it) Yeah!
Jimbo: Do you think he's gay? Earl: Have my doubts, Jimbo.
Baby: (to Jimbo) You better keep his ass in line.
Baby: (to Tinker) Didn't I kill you once already today, boy?
Junior: I lied. Jimbo: No kidding.
Tinker: They're gonna shoot us like fish in a bowl the minute we walk in the door. Earl: Well, maybe we'll get lucky, Tinker, and they'll only shoot you!
Mr Smith: Ain't no point in y'all arguing, you're all gonna die.
Juan: I'm gonna shot your psycho chick. Baby: Oh, you better not!
Earl: Don't touch my girl, Juan.
(Junior accidentally shoots Earl in the leg) Earl: Oh... damn't Junior!
Baby: (to Junior) You shot my fiancé, now I'm gonna show you how it feels. (picks up the gun) Earl: Uh, baby? Would you mind putting off shooting Junior until after you take me to see Doc Cragen? Baby: (throws the gun off somewhere in the tall grass) Whatever you say, honey.
Baby: Hey. Earl: Hey yourself. Baby: How you feeling? Earl: I'm feeling alright... all bullet wounds considered.