Krippendorf's Tribe
1998
Shelly Krippendorf: You are pathetic. James Krippendorf: What? Shelly Krippendorf: You said we weren't doing any more of these. James Krippendorf: Oh, give me a break, I'm dying with dignity out here. Shelly Krippendorf: Why don't you try living with some?
Shelly Krippendorf: Let's see... we've had the backyard circumcision, we've danced with the pigs to assure my fertility - that one really changed my life. What's the next step? Cannibalism? Hey, Mrs O'Brien, you doing anything tonight? We're having a barbecue, wear some hot sauce!
Shelly Krippendorf: I just chased poultry through my backyard, looking like Tammy Faye Bakker. You owe me!
James Krippendorf: Excuse me, ah, what exactly is the older brother doing? Mickey Krippendorf: He is completing the ritual dance in which he asks the gods to protect the young boy from the many brides who will want him and his pig wealth.
Veronica Micelli: Down-da-hatcha! (holds out a large bug for James Krippendorf, dressed as the Shelmikedmu Chief, to swallow) (he chews on the bug, grimaces and swallows)
James Krippendorf: (sending his children off to school) Make me proud. Come back different.
Irene Harding: Children! Your biological father is here.
Veronica Micelli: Professor! Come here. James Krippendorf: Oh... Tinkerbelle.
President Porter: What are they called? James Krippendorf: What are they are called? They are called... (He fumbles through his papers and finds a drawing by Edmund of "Shelley Mickey Edmund") James Krippendorf: They are called the "Shel... mick... edmu."
James Krippendorf: (to his teenaged daughter) Excuse me! Who is the adult in this room?... Don't answer that!
(Edmund opens the door to find Professor Micelli and a strange man) Veronica Micelli: Oh, Pumpkin, do you remember me from yesterday? I'm Veronica Micelli and I've brought this nice reporter. (Edmund slams the door in their faces)
(Professor Krippendorff, with a movie camera, walks in on Mickey and Edmund, who are shirtless and painting their bodies) Mickey Krippendorf: Hey! The Shelmickedmu do not allow their pictures taken without the ritual paint. James Krippendorf: Nicely put...
James Krippendorf: (Filming the phoney "circumcision") Edmund, you're looking up to the gods with trepidation... "Trepidation."... "Trepidation."... You're afraid you're brother is actually going to cut your wee-wee off. (Edmund gasps)
Veronica Micelli: The Shelmickedmu deal with the same problems we deal with every day: loneliness... despair... extreme sexual tension!
Mrs Tournquist: Abbey, come out of there! Abbey Tournquist: Not until I'm purified!
Ruth Allen: (to her pet monkey) I'd forgotten... the stench... the chaos... the decay... oh, Po-po, we're home!
Ruth Allen: (Trying to hire a guide) You. Me. Go Wasavi.
James Krippendorf: Another brandy, Professor Micelli? Veronica Micelli: (drunk) I'd don't think I should. (She tilts the bottle to fill her glass) Veronica Micelli: No, just a little bit more.
Veronica Micelli: (drunk) How do I stack up? James Krippendorf: Well, as the Shelmickedmu would say, "Jagga banga!" which roughly translates as, "More pigs than you can imagine."
Veronica Micelli: (Storming out of the house) You can kiss my Neolithic butt! James Krippendorf: (to his father-in-law) Proud woman. I try to respect her feelings... Oh, Miss Micelli, you forgot your goat!
(All of the TV store sets are tuned to the "Shelmickedmu" sex video) TV Store Customer #1: That's what I like... jungle woman. TV Store Customer #2: Shake it, baby. (Veronica slaps his face) TV Store Customer #2: What'd you do that for? I wasn't talking about you.
Veronica Micelli: He says it's a very large and frightening country, filled with many things he thought existed only in myth. Larry Swift: And he said all of that in three syllables? Veronica Micelli: It's a very concise language, Larry.
Irene Harding: Get away from me, you voodoo twit!
Veronica Micelli: It's so cool to be a globe-trotting fourteen-year-old.