Knight Rider
1982
(Michael Knight has just gotten his first view of KITT's interior) Michael Knight: Looks like Darth Vader's bathroom.
KITT: That can't be KARR. We destroyed KARR two years ago. Michael Knight: Then who or what is that? KITT: But I saw him explode! You saw him explode! Michael Knight: I know, gimme a scan of his license plate. KITT: Good idea! (KITT scans KARR's license plate) Michael Knight: (sighs) So much for wishful thinking
(repeated line) Michael Knight: KITT? KITT: Yes, Michael? Michael Knight: Shut Up!
(Reacting to the sight of Goliath on his monitor) KITT: It appears to be a large... My goodness, large isn't the word, it's enormous!
KITT: There's no reason for increased volume. I 'm scanning your interrogatives quite satisfactorily. I am the voice of Knight Industry 2000's Micro processor, K.I.T.T. for easy reference, KITT if you prefer.
KARR: I am the Knight Automated Roving Robot, KARR if you prefer. I am the prototype of the car of the future!
KARR: Are you awake? Tony: We're movin'. We're movin'. Movin'. (pants) Huh? It wasn't a dream! The Rev: You're here. I'm here. It's here. (Tony and Rev step out of KARR.) Tony: Wait a minute. Wait-wait a minute. Where are we? KARR: This is where your companion told me to stop last night. The Rev: I did? KARR: Actually, most of what you said was incoherent. I did, however, distinctly hear the word "stop." The Rev: You're just a car, ain't ya? KARR: Not just a car. I am the Knight Automated Roving Robot. KARR, if you prefer. I am the prototype of the car of the future. The Rev: I mean, you're a regular - real thing. Not just something out of a nightmare, like you looked last night. KARR: Nothing has changed since last night. Tony: Oh, yeah. That's easy for you to say. Wh-Where did you come from, anyway? And how did you get in that building? KARR: That edifice was the laboratory... where I was first activated... and where I was also... deactivated. The Rev: Deactivated? You mean somebody turned you off? KARR: My creator, Wilton Knight. He brought me into the world and then turned on me. Tony: Aww. Take it easy. Take it easy. My old man - same way. The Rev: Yeah. You can't count on nobody 'cept me and Tony. KARR: Interesting. I will enter that information in my databanks. I am indebted to both of you. You have reactivated me. How may I serve you? Tony: (burps) Serve us? What do you mean, serve us? KARR: I have checked my data on basic human desires. Therefore, I understand your needs. Tony: Come on KARR: You wish to eat? Tony: Well, yeah. KARR: You wish to drink? The Rev: Yeah. KARR: You wish to reproduce? Tony: Yeah. KARR: Which one first? The Rev: How about a couple - couple of eggs, sunny side up? KARR: I have no eggs. Perhaps you can direct me to a chicken. Tony: Ah, what are you? A comedian? KARR: I am the Knight Automated Roving Robot. KARR, if you prefer. I am the prototype of the car of the future. The Rev: Wait a minute. Wait a minute. It's comin' back to me. Last night, there was a guy, and another car just like you, huh? KARR: You are mistaken. (engages Auto Cruise) I am one of a kind. Tony: No, no, no. Rev's right. I saw it, too. KARR: (revs engine) I am the prototype of the car of the future! What you saw was merely an inferior production line model; a pale copy of the original. Tony: Oh yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. (pats KARR) You must be right, KARR. (looks at Rev) This guy's got a touchy motor. KARR: Very well. Now, may I take you somewhere for food? The Rev: Well, yeah. Sure. Why not? (Tony and Rev get in KARR) KARR: Do you wish to drive, or shall I? Tony: Go ahead.
(KITT has just Turbo Boosted over a police car) Officer Wally: What was that? Officer Lester: (incredulous) A Pontiac.
Michael Knight: KITT, we gotta get this guy to a hospital, buddy. KITT: Michael, that car. It could've been my twin. It was exactly like me. Michael Knight: Not exactly, buddy. It almost killed me.
KARR: Do not worry, my friends. I will protect you. Brace for collision! (backs up, then rams the drive-thru sign. Drive-thru kid sets off burglar alarm) KARR: You see? Most of the interior was empty. It was a clever trick, my friends, but not clever enough. The Rev: Come on! We gotta get outta here! KARR: But you haven't eaten yet. Perhaps you wish to reproduce. Tony: Forget that! Don't you hear the alarm? KARR: That harmonic disturbance? What does it mean? The Rev: It means the cops are comin'! KARR: Is that a problem? Tony: Are you kiddin'? If the cops catch us, they'll throw us in the slammer! KARR: What is the slammer? The Rev: You remember that room you were in? KARR: I will never forget it. The Rev: Well, the slammer's just like that. KARR: I do not wish to go back to the slammer. How may I avoid it? Tony: You may get us out of here as fast as you can, you stupid hunk of tin!
KARR: You waste your time, my twin. You cannot triumph over a prototype. Desist your pursuit. You will be damaged. KITT: KARR, I didn't know you cared. KARR, perhaps you should be a little more careful and a lot less belligerent.
KARR: Do not attempt to sabotage me again. I will defend myself.
KARR: KITT, I am warning you. Change course at once! KITT: I am not in control, KARR. KARR: Then tell the humans to turn away. This is folly, KITT. Bonnie Barstow: He's right. KITT: He's right. Michael Knight: No way. KITT: Michael, what are you doing? Michael Knight: Remember Zeno and that immovable object thing? We're about to find out that answer KARR: Your lives mean nothing to me! KITT: Michael, please. Pardon the expression, but he does have a few screws loose. Turn. KARR doesn't have my programming to protect human life. Michael Knight: That's what I'm counting on, buddy. Bonnie Barstow: What? KITT: Michael, I cannot allow you to jeopardize your life. I am assuming control. Michael Knight: No, you're not, KITT! (presses Normal Function button) Bonnie Barstow: Michael, you know all those times I've called you irresponsible and impulsive? I didn't mean it. Michael Knight: Bonnie, remember all those times I called you bossy and demanding? I didn't mean it, either. KITT: Michael, Bonnie... Michael Knight, Bonnie Barstow: Yes, KITT? KITT: Why are you lying to each other? KARR: Turn away. Turn away. (KARR swerves away from KITT and jumps off a cliff) KARR: No! (shouts) No! (crashes and explodes into the ocean)
Garthe Knight: Michael Knight is a living, breathing, insult to my existence.
KITT: It wasn't a fair fight, April. It's like putting Sugar Ray in the ring against a overgrown heavyweight. April Curtis: I'm sure it was KITT. KITT: It won't happen again I can assure you of that. April Curtis: It better not! We have you patched together with scotch tape and bailing wire as it is. KITT: (Referring to Goliath) If I ever see that snout-nosed ignoramus again... Michael Knight: You better hope he is heading in the opposite direction. KITT: I'm already reviewing my computer logs of our confrontation. In a matter of hours I will know everything there is to know about that banana-headed bovine! Michael Knight: You tell 'em KITT!
(opening narration) Narrator: Knight Rider, a shadowy flight into the dangerous world of a man who does not exist. Michael Knight, a young loner on a crusade to champion the cause of the innocent, the powerless, the helpless in a world of criminals who operate above the law.
(closing narration - early episodes) Narrator: Michael Knight, a lone crusader in a dangerous world. The world... of the Knight Rider.
Michael Knight: What do you say we play a little 'hooky'? KITT: 'Hooky?' I'm not familiar with that term. Michael Knight: (engaging KITT's pursuit mode) Then allow me to educate you in one of life's finer pleasures!
KITT: (as speed builds up) Oh, that does feel good! Michael Knight: How 'bout a little turbo boost? KITT: Dare we? Without sufficient reason? Michael Knight: Without sufficient reason' is the definition of hooky! Shall we, as they say, 'go for it? KITT: Let's! Michael Knight: They've got a head start... it's a real good time for super pursuit mode! KITT: If I may say so, Michael, I'm quite pleased with my new look.
Bonnie Barstow: (riding in KITT on a collision course with KARR) Michael, you know all those times I said you were irresponsible and irrational. I didn't mean it. Michael Knight: Bonnie, you know all those times I called you bossy and demanding. I didn't mean it either. KITT: Michael, Bonnie? Both: Yes, KITT? KITT: Why are you lying to each other?
Michael Knight: You know, you're about as much fun as a divorce... which is not a bad idea. KITT: I want custody of me.
KITT: A little higher, a little lower, stop. Michael Knight: I'm getting out of here.
(KITT has just Turbo Boosted over a police car) Cop #1: What the hell was that? Cop #2: (incredulous) A Pontiac!
(KITT has lost his memory) KITT: Don't touch Turbo Boost. Something tells me you shouldn't touch Turbo Boost.
KARR: You wish to eat? Rev: Well... yeah. KARR: You wish to drink? Tony: Yeah. KARR: You wish to reproduce? Tony and Rev: Yeah! KARR: Which one first?
(KITT is following KARR) KARR: It is the inferior production line model. KITT: I heard that, KARR, and you haven't seen anything yet.
(Referring to Bonnie) KITT: She's right, Michael. Michael Knight: Ah, you always liked her better!
KITT: Michael, why do you need to socialize with so many women? Wouldn't one be sufficient? Michael Knight: KITT, you're beginning to sound like my mother, here. I mean, what's wrong with a little companionship? KITT: Eh? Michael Knight: You can understand that. KITT: No, Michael, I cannot. When you're one-of-a-kind, companionship does not compute.
KITT: You know I can't compute instinct
Neighborhood Kid #1: (as KITT plays Classical music) The guy's got range. The music ain't bad. But whatis it got to do with bumping into furniture? Neighborhood Kid #2: Forget it man!, We don't want to get the car T'ed off!
Michael Knight: I need ya buddy! KITT: Right away Michael.
KITT: But you heard April. There are unanswered questions regarding the viability of my Third Stage Aquatic Synthesizer. Michael Knight: Maybe we'll answer 'em here and now, me hearty. KITT: Michael, this is no time for Long John Silver!
Michael Knight: You got me. That's what you want, isn't it? Garthe Knight: Yes! But I want you to suffer in every way imaginable. My possession of Devon Miles and April Curtis causes you great anguish. How could I possibly deny myself that pleasure?
Michael Knight: KITT, can you hear me? KITT: Michael, is that you? Michael Knight: Yeah. You okay? KITT: No, I'm not okay. I'm nowhere near okay. Most of my functions are out of order, and I'm being treated like a side of beef. Michael Knight: Where are you? KITT: In the garage, and it's not a pleasant experience. Michael Knight: I'm not exactly in the Palace Hotel either. Don't worry, we'll get out of this. KITT: I certainly hope so. Police impound would be preferable to the company I'm forced to keep now.
Michael Knight: I sure hope that's the last we see of Garthe and Goliath. KITT: So do I, Michael. (KITT makes a truck horn honk that sounds like Goliath) Michael Knight: What's that? KITT: I recorded it as a souvenir. Michael Knight: Oh! Oh! Oh! That's very funny. Yes, that's very funny. As a matter of fact, I have a little surprise for you, too. KITT: Please, no cliffs. Do you hear me? (Michael accelerates) KITT: Michael, I'm serious. (he accelerates faster) KITT: Michael.
KITT: You have an attraction with her, don't you? Michael Knight: Um, she has a pretty smile. Don't you think so? KITT: Michael, silicon chip circuitry is pretty to me. 200 miles on a gallon of gas is pretty to me. I'm not programmed to react to a girl's smile. You on the other hand, are programmed to react to nothing else.
KITT: How are you going to get in? Michael Knight: I'm going to pick the locks. KITT: But, Michael, that's illegal! Michael Knight: So was the way we parked.
(Michael is locked inside a heat chamber. KITT is immobilised but Melanie just came to) KITT: Melanie, get the door! (Melanie stumbles around) Not now, Melanie! Open the door, *then* you have my permission to faint.