Josh and S.A.M.
1993
Josh Whitney: What can I do? I'm a wanted man with a screwed up brother.
Pizza Man: This pizza, I make myself. My wife, she no make-a da pizza. No more!
Derek Baxter: I knew it! Josh Whitney: Knew what Mr Baxter? Derek Baxter: Don't call me that, Josh, call me Dad.
Derek Baxter: There's this one thing I want to ask you Josh?, What day were you born on? Josh Whitney: umm... uh.. June 17th Derek Baxter: That's uh, nine months back, that's the night we beat Carling, that's perfect... woo-hoo.. that's homecoming night, I knew it!!! Josh Whitney: Knew what Mr Baxter? Derek Baxter: Don't call me that.. (blushes) ... Call me Dad!!
Josh Whitney: Doesn't it make you feel sad inside? Sam Whitney: Genetically altered inside. I'm all metal and wires. It's cold. I don't feel things the way you do.
Curtis: Did Josh really kill a guy? Sam Whitney: Dad is trying to cover for him, but I saw him. He beat him over the head with a pool stick he was so mad. Leon: What was he so mad about? Sam Whitney: The guy called him a homo.
Josh Whitney: Sam you're a genius! Sam Whitney: Yeah well it's not my fault. They made me that way.
Sam Whitney: You're not my brother anymore! Josh Whitney: What? Sam Whitney: I just decided it, the same way Dad isn't Mom's Husband anymore Josh Whitney: You must be dumber than Dad's stepsons, you can't divorce me Sam Whitney: uh-huh, he can take you away like he took the lawn mower and the barbeque Josh Whitney: Doesn't matter, i'd still be your brother wherever I was , evwn if I was a thousand million miles away!!! Sam Whitney: I wish you were!!!
Josh Whitney: Dad can I be excused? Thom: For God's sake, Josh, clean your plate! (Josh stands up and scoops all the food off his plate) Josh Whitney: Is that clean enough? Thom: Go to your room. Josh Whitney: You're *in* my damn room!
Josh Whitney: I just saw Jean Pierre on 60 Minutes confessing everything. He was in the shadows but I could tell by those big lips of his.
Derek Baxter: This is that kid, isn't it? This is that damn kid, isn't it?!
(Sam hurls a pool ball, hitting Derek) Sam Whitney: It worked, Josh, my aim is activated! Derek Baxter: You little shit!
(last lines) Sam Whitney: Last night, Dad left his safe open and there was a file inside. Josh Whitney: So? Sam Whitney: It was about you.
Big Kid: Hey, Kotex Head, this here's a pay toilet!
Josh Whitney: I made it all up. Alison: Even the Liberty Maid? Josh Whitney: Yes, I got your hair and red hat off a juice box. Alison: Lord almighty, I've met my maker.
(After Josh tells Sam to bite on a piece of tin foil) Sam Whitney: OW! Josh Whitney: Oh God, Sam, you're activated.
Delivery Man: (Italian accent) Now de credit card, Jean Pierre LaTorette? Josh Whitney: Yeah, he's out in the field going to the bathroom. Yeah, he's out there in the field with diarrhea. Delivery Man: Diarrhea? Josh Whitney: Diarrhea. Deliver Man: That's nice.
Josh Whitney: You know, Sam, I didn't want to mention this with Mom around but I know a place where all kids who have to repeat a grade get together. It's way beyond the Bluffs, high above the Pacific Coast highway. Sam Whitney: What do they do there? Josh Whitney: Jump off.
Josh Whitney: Dad is sending you off to fight a war just to he can send the buttholes to football camp.