Johnny Dangerously

1984

Roman Moroni: I would like to direct this to the distinguished members of the panel: You lousy corksuckers. You have violated my farging rights. Dis somanumbatching country was founded so that the liberties of common patriotic citizens like me could not be taken away by a bunch of fargin iceholes... like yourselves.

Johnny Dangerously: You got those. I like those on a woman.

Danny Vermin: You shouldn't grab me, Johnny. My mother grabbed me once... ONCE!

Roman Moroni: Why you miserable cork-sucker!

Danny Vermin: Dames are put on this earth to weaken us, drain our energy, laugh at us when they see us naked.

Danny Vermin: I got something to stop him. Dutch: They made it for him special. It's an eighty-eight Magnum. Danny Vermin: It shoots through schools.

Ma Kelly: The Lower East Side. This really sucks.

Ma Kelly: Bless the saints, it's an ashtray! I've been thinking of taking up smoking. This clinches it!

Ma Kelly: I know what you can't say. You wanna get laid. You wanna hump your brains out. Vavoom, vavoom, vavoom!

Lil: And shelf paper! Oh, Johnny, I *love* shelf paper!

Ma Kelly: You've gotten to be like a daughter to me and I wanna share somethin' with ya. Lil: Awww, what's that Mom Kelley? Ma Kelly: I go both ways. Lil: Oh.

Danny Vermin: I AM handicapped: I'm psychotic.

Johnny Dangerously: Hey Pope, why don't you go build yourself a new gym at the Vatican.

Ma Kelly: I love em', but one day I'm gonna knock em' on his ass.

Roman Moroni: This is fargin war!

Johnny Dangerously: The years hadn't softened Moronie. He continued to murder the English Language, and anyone who got in his way.

Danny Vermin: You shouldn't kick me in the balls, Mrs Kelly. My sister kicked me in the balls once... (Stumbles in pain)

Johnny Kelly: Say kid, what do they call you? Lil: Impressive.

Danny Vermin: I enjoy collecting protection money, putting whores to work, loan-sharking. I enjoy planting bombs in people's cars. These are a few of my favorite things.

Johnny Dangerously: The name's Dangerously. Johnny Dangerously. Lil: Did you know you're last name is an adverb?

Tommy Kelly: You were gonna take a bullet for me. Johnny Kelly: Actually, I was just counting on a lot of missing.

Johnny Dangerously: I never should have picked a name like that. A name like that you gotta live up to. What's your last name? Hood: Binderhoff. Johnny Dangerously: Binderhoff? Perfect. Keep that name and you'll stay out of trouble.

Prisoner: Johnny and the Mothers are playin' Stompin' At the Savoy in Vermont tonight.

(After his sabotaged toilet explodes) Jocko Dundee: (To Johnny) You got the number of that other plumber?

D.A. Burr: (On Johnny Dangerously's payroll) Why don't you ease into the job, by taking a vacation? Tommy Kelly: But what about crime? D.A. Burr: Don't worry. It'll still be here when you get back!

(Ma Kelly is pouring drinks for everybody) Tommy Kelly: Mom, it's prohibition! Ma Kelly: Oh, shut up! Stop acting like some fag choir boy!

Chorus Girl: I'm not wearing a bra, Johnny. Johnny Dangerously: Yeah? Well that makes two of us.

Ma Kelly: With a father like "Killer" Kelly, it's a wonder neither of you turned out to be a piece 'o shit criminal!

Lil: So when I was 18 I left home and came here to Chicago. Johnny Dangerously: Uh Lil, this ain't Chicago. We're in New York. Lil: You're kidding. (Pause) Lil: Well, New York, Chicago, to a girl on her own, it's all the same.

(Johnny sees a steaming pot on the stove) Johnny Dangerously: Whatcha cookin' here ma? Ma Kelly: Beer. Johnny Dangerously: With noodles! Great idea!

(In the middle of a trial) Tommy Kelly: ... that Roman Troy Maronie was responsible for: the Mother's Day Massacre, The Christmas Day Slaughter, The Lincoln's Birtnday Mutilations, and The Groundhog's Day Be-headings!

Danny Vermin: You shouldn't hang me on a hook, Johnny. My father hung me on a hook once. Once!

(Leaving a crime scene with his sidekick, Dutch) Danny Vermin: Hey, doll, how'd you like to make some money? Mary-Margaret Catharine Dineen: One at a time, or both of you together?

(Upon learning Johnny is the D.A.'s brother) Charley: Johnny, is this true? 'Cause if it is, (pause) I don't know how to react!

Danny Vermin: I've been fulfilling a lot of people's prophecies about me; I've become a real scumbag.

Roman Moroni: You fargin sneaky bastage. I'm gonna take your dwork. I'm gonna nail it to the wall. I'm gonna crush your boils in a meat grinder. I'm gonna cut off your arms. I'm gonna shove 'em up your icehole. Dirty son-a-ma-batches. My own club! Arthur: What a mouth on that guy!

Danny Vermin: This goes through armor. And through the victim, through the wall, through a tree outside...

Newspaper Headline: Roman Moronie Deported to Sweden. Says He's Not From There.

Danny Vermin: You shouldn't have shot me, Johnny. My grandmother shot me once...

Find these movie quotes interesting? Enjoy more classic quotes:

« Johnny Bravo Quotes Home Johnny Eager »