Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter

2001

(Jesus walks out of the lake with a small bottle of lemonade) Jesus Christ: Lemonade? Father Eustace: Will there be enough? Jesus Christ: Oh, there'll be plenty.

Jesus Christ: (singing a song at the Dominion) I was born in a manger / doomed to live in danger.

Santo Enmascarado de Plata: He'll have you wrestling midgets in border towns for ten percent of the net.

Mother Marry: (on her appreciation of lesbians) Oh, God loves them. They get so much done in a day, don't you think?

Jesus Christ: If I'm not back in five minutes, call the Pope.

Dr Pretorious: We're running short on skin. We'll need to harvest more lesbians.

Jesus Christ: (to the jive talking man behind the counter) Don't tempt me!

(Jesus is fighting a bunch of Atheists) Jesus Christ: (pats body) Body of Christ!

God: Jesus... Jesus Christ: Is that you, bowl of cherries? God: Do bowls of cherries talk, Jesus? Jesus Christ: I don't know. I've seen a lot of strange things over the years. God: You need help, Jesus, and I will not forsake it. Jesus Christ: Ohh, it's you Dad. So what's your advice?

Jesus Christ: (on lesbians) There's nothing deviant about love

The Transvestite: Jesus, honey, you're a mess! Jesus Christ: (weakly) How... did you know... my name?

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