Jeeves and Wooster

1990

Bertie: You can't be a successful dictator *and* design women's underclothing. Jeeves: No, sir. Bertie: One or the other. Not both. Jeeves: Precisely, sir.

(Bingo has revealed his love for Honoria to Bertie) Bingo Little: We walk together in the gardens most evenings, and it sometimes seems to me there's a look in her eye. Bertie: Yes, I know that look. Like a Sergeant-Major.

(Bingo intoduces Bertie to Honoria's younger brother, Oswald) Bertie: Well, hello Oswald. How are you? Oswald: All right. Bertie: Nice place, this. Oswald: It's all right. Bertie: Like fishing, do you? Oswald: It's all right. (Bingo and Bertie walk on) Bertie: Why don't you shove him in? Bingo Little: Into the water? Bertie: Wake him up a bit. Bingo Little: She'd never forgive me. She's devoted to the little brute.

(greeting the Glossops before trying to prove his sanity) Bertie: What ho, what ho, what ho?

Bertie: Yes! And, of course the old devil himself. Yes, he really put one up on the uncle didn't he? Thanks to Jeeves's masterpiece. What a wheeze! Muriel: Darling, this is a friend of mine, Mr Wooster. Mr Wooster I'd like you to meet my husband, Mr Worple. Bertie: Husband? Huh! What rot!

(a very hungover Bertie opens his front door, to find a smartly dressed man standing there) Jeeves: I was sent by the agency, sir. I was given to understand that you require a valet.

(Bertie swallows the hangover cure concocted by his visitor, and quickly recovers) Bertie: I say! (he looks at his glass in wonder, then goes to examine himself in the mirror) I say! You're engaged! Jeeves: Thank you, Sir. My name is Jeeves. Bertie: I say, Jeeves, what an extraordinary talent! Jeeves: Thank you, sir. Bertie: Eh, could one enquire what... ? Jeeves: I'm sorry, sir. Bertie: No, no, of course not. Jeeves: I'm not at liberty to divulge the ingredients, sir. Bertie: No, no, no, of course not. Secrets of the guild and all that. Jeeves: Precisely, sir.

Bertie: It's about time some publicly-spirited person told you where to get off. The trouble with you, Spode, is that just because you've succeeded in convincing a handful of half-wits to disfigure the London scene by going about in black shorts, you think you're someone. You hear them shouting "Hail, Spode!" and you imagine it's the voice of the people. That is where you make your bloomer. What the voice of the people is actually saying is, "Look at that frightful ass Spode swanking about in footer bags! Did you ever in your life see such a perfect perisher?"

Bertie: (after insulting Spode) Spode, I know your secret! Roderick Spode: Eh? Bertie: I know all about... (blanks) Roderick Spode: You know all about what? Bertie: Uh... Euphimol! Uh, uh... (as Spode advances menacingly, Bertie falls backward. Gussie smashes an oil painting over Spode's head. Spode turns to Gussie, breathing fire, and Bertie smashes a vase on his head. They both flee the room. Outside, Jeeves watches, perplexed, as Gussie runs out, followed by Bertie) Bertie: Eucalyptus! (as Spode chases them down the hallway, Jeeves sighs and writes on a slip of paper) Bertie: Euripedes! Eucharist! Europe! Euphonium? Uh, eu-, eu-, eu... (as they run past Jeeves, he holds out the paper) Bertie: Thank you! (Spode corners them against a locked door) Roderick Spode: Now... ! Bertie: (reads the slip) Eulalie!

Jeeves: If one were to "get the goods" on Mr Spode, as the underworld phraseology has it, he would be rendered a negligible force. Bertie: Well, yes. But we haven't got anything on him. I don't even know where we'd look. Jeeves: I was thinking of the Junior Ganymede, sir. It is a club for gentlemen's personal gentlemen in Curzon street. Bertie: A club? What, you mean like White's? Jeeves: Of a similar nature, sir. The surroundings are more comfortable, however, and the members less Bolshevik. Bertie: And you're a member? Jeeves: Oh, indeed, sir. And Mr Spode's personal attendant is likely to be a member also, and would naturally have confided to the secretary a good deal of information to be included in the club book. Bertie: The club book? Jeeves: Under rule eleven, all members are required to provide the secretary with full information about their employer, sir. This not only provides entertaining reading, but also provides a warning to those seeking employment with those gentlemen who fall short of the ideal. Bertie: Did you tell them about me? Jeeves: Oh yes, sir. Bertie: What, everything? The night I came home from Pongo Twistleton's birthday party and mistook the standing lamp for a burglar? Jeeves: That episode is a particular favorite with members, sir. They like to have these things to read on wet afternoons.

Bertie: The problem is, I've forgotten that jolly useful word you unearthed. Bertie: Sir? Bertie: The one that always reduces Spode to a quivering mass of apology. I have a feeling I may need it. Jeeves: You are referring, I think, sir, to "Eulalie." Bertie: Eulalie, that's it! I wish you'd tell me what it meant. I mean, I have no complaints, but it's a bit like holding up a bank and not knowing whether your gun is loaded or not. Jeeves: I fear I'm not at liberty to disclose the details, sir. You may rest assured, however, that the weapon is loaded.

Find these movie quotes interesting? Enjoy more classic quotes:

« Jeepers Creepers Quotes Home Jeff Buckley Everybody Here Wants You »