It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
2005
(Charlie's kid spits on him) Charlie Kelly: Oh, my God! I will smash your face into... into a jelly!
Tommy: You're ugly! Charlie Kelly: No, you're ugly! Tommy: You're ugly! Charlie Kelly: You are the one that's ugly! Sweet Dee: Jesus Christ, Charlie, are you almost 30? Are you almost 30 years old?
Handsome Guy: You have the most beautiful eyes. Dennis: Okay man but I don't... really? Handsome Guy: So blue. Dennis: Well, actually more of a blue-green.
Charlie Kelly: Dude, it's not so much that they don't like us, it's that they don't like you. You know why? Cause you're an asshole! Mac: (to Dee) Is that true? Sweet Dee: ... Yeah, kinda.
Charlie Kelly: This is classic Tammy.
(Dee and Dennis are behind the bar) Handsome Guy: No, we're waiting for the cute one. Sweet Dee: What cute one?
Sweet Dee: Where were you when I was in high school? High School Kid: I was eight. Sweet Dee: Right... right.
Big Girl: You want me to shake it? Want me to shake it for ya? Dennis: Uh... Big Girl: I'll shake it, I'll shake it.
Charlie Kelly: (Sweet Dee asking Charlie to go with her to a nursing home) I'll tell you what. I'll go with you, but you have to let me borrow your car any time I want. Sweet Dee: No Charlie Kelly: Every now and then... Sweet Dee: No Charlie Kelly: One time... Sweet Dee: All right. Charlie Kelly: And, you have to take me to lunch twice a week for a year. Sweet Dee: No, I don't. Charlie Kelly: Once a week... Sweet Dee: Nuh-uh. Charlie Kelly: Today. Sweet Dee: OK.
(the waitress overhears Charlie saying something racist) Waitress: Coffee, Hitler? I'll be sure to put lots of cream in that for you. Charlie Kelly: No, I'm not Adolf Hitler.
(someone is robbing the bar and Dennis is about to shoot him) Sweet Dee: (shouts) Shoot him in the face!
(Mac is shooting a log to practice with a gun) Dennis: If that log was trying to rob the place, you totally would have killed it!
Charlie Kelly: Is it loaded? Dennis: It can be...
Mac: Charlie, are you okay? Charlie Kelly: No, I'm not okay! I'm shot in the head!
Curator: (after being shown the Nazi officers jacket) I find this offensive for so many reasons! Mac: So, how much would you pay for it? Curator: Nothing. Mac: Nothing, or... ? Curator: Nothing. In fact, as soon as you leave, I'm going to call the police!