Improv All Stars

2001 (TV)

Drew Carey: I was having a political argument with a lady who said, "If women ran the world, there would be no war." That's a load of crap, isn't it? Sure, nobody would start a fight for no reason if women ran the world. It would be like, "Hi, this is England. How come we're being invaded?" "Oh, I think you know. I saw you looking at France!"

Colin Mochrie: The way "Celebrity Improv Jeapardy" works is I give you a category and you give me the answer. For example, if the category was a type of color, you give me... (Audience shouts "red") Colin Mochrie: Red. The question would then be, "What is a book after you have finished with it? Read!" (Scowls from the audience) Colin Mochrie: Don't bug the host!

Colin Mochrie: The first category is types of cars. (Audience shouts out 'Volvo.') Colin Mochrie: The answer is Volvo. And the question is... Kathy Kinney: Buzz! What is hidden in my vagina?

Ryan Stiles: (after Brad and Chip's surf song) Makes me feel like waxing something. Colin Mochrie: Why don't you start with that big nose? Ryan Stiles: (uses Colin's head as a mirror) Hey, it's not that big, is it?

(New Choice - Couple looking for toilet in a casino) Julie Ann Larson: You know what? I wouldn't trade the last 20 years for anything in the world. Sean Masterson: Really? Well, you know something? I wouldn't change the last 20 minutes for anything... I love you. Brad Sherwood: New choice. Sean Masterson: I hate you. Brad Sherwood: New choice. Sean Masterson: I sort of have this "love/hate"-thing for you. You remind me of my mother and my sister. Not a good combination.

(Questions Only - At The Beach) Drew Carey: (singing) "Do you know the way to San Jose... ?" Ryan Stiles: Aren't you Drew Carey? Drew Carey: (disappointed, lifts his sweater and shows his stomach) What gave it away?

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