Holes
2003
Mr Sir: Once upon a time there was a magical place where it never rained, the end.
The Warden Walker: I'm surrounded by cow turds.
Magnet: I would'a made it out too... if my pocket didn't start barkin'.
Mr Pendanski: D-I-G. What does that spell? Zero: (takes shovel and hits Mr Pendanski on the head) DIG.
Zig-Zag: Say, I didn't know Marion was a man's name? Mr Sir: It's ain't.
Mr Sir: (his face has a huge scar) I think I look kinda purty, don't you?
The Warden Walker: (repeated line) Excuse me?
Young Warden: I'm tired of this, Grandpa ... Trout Walker: (shouts) That's too damn bad! You keep digging! Young Warden: Well, excuse me.
The Warden Walker: Stanley, won't you just open it? Just let me see what's inside it, please! Stanley: Excuse me?
Mr Pendanski: Here, Theodore. Armpit: Man, the name is Armpit.
Mr Pendanski: They all have their little nicknames, however I prefer to use the names their parents gave them,the names society will recognize them by.
Mr Pendanski: You are here on account of one person; do you know who that one person is? Stanley: Yeah, my no-good-dirty-rotten-pig-stealing-great-great-grandfather, that's who it is. Mr Pendanski: No you.
Stanley: Man how did she know my name? Zig-Zag: Oh, man, she's got the whole place wired. Oh yeah, she has these little cameras and microphones all over the place. In the tent, in the rec room, in the showers. Stanley: They're not in the showers. Squid: Oh don't listen to him. I read his file. It said he suffers from, um, oh. acute paranoia. Magnet: So I guess that means she watches me everyday, huh. Armpit: Man, he said cameras and microphones, not microscopes.
Mr Pendanski: No one cares about Hector Zeroni. Stanley: I do.
Sam: (repeated line) I can fix that.
Zero: I'm not stupid, I know everyone thinks I am, I just don't like answering stupid questions.
Zig-Zag: (singing) You got to go and dig those holes. With broken hands and withered souls. Emancipated from all you know. You got to go and dig those holes.
Stanley: You know what I keep thinkin' of? Zero: What? Stanley: How fine this Mary Lou must've looked like in a bikini.
Zero: What do you thinks up there? Stanley: I don't know, a great big Frosty-Freeze? Zero: Good, 'cause I could use a hot fudge sundae.
(X-ray takes Stanley's shovel) Magnet: You picked up X-Ray's shovel. It's shorter than the rest of 'em. Squid: Smaller shovel, smaller hole.
Mr Sir: I ain't on stupid pills.
The Warden Walker: Is that all you jackasses can dig?
Magnet: Maybe he found Zero. Maybe they're still alive. X-Ray: Yeah, and maybe the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy are still alive. Squid: Maybe my mom'll stop drinkin' and my dad'll come back. Twitch: Man when Caveman stole that truck... oh... Zig-Zag: That was awesome. Armpit: Yeah, Caveman did have style.
Zero: Did they have red X's on them? Squid: You got Zero to talk. Armpit: Hey yo, what else can you do Zero? (Zero looks at his food) Stanley: Yeah. Yeah they did.
Stanley: (in the Court Room) Well, I've never been to camp before...
Stanley: I stole a pair of shoes. Squid: From a store or were they on someone's feet? Zig-Zag: No, he killed the guy first, just left out that little detail, huh?
The Warden Walker: How about you dig, and Caveman can fill the canteens? So what do you want to do? Mr Pendanski: I'll fill the canteens.
Zig-Zag: Did you tell him about the lizards?
Magnet: Hey. Maybe it'll rain for 40 days and 40 nights, like it did in the Bible. Armpit: Yeah, maybe we'll have to build an arc. Squid: We'll get two of every animal... X-Ray: Yeah, two scorpions, two rattlesnakes, two yellow spotted lizards all that.
Twitch: I never mean to steal anything, but when I see a nice car, I just start twitching. You think I'm jumpy now, you should've seen me behind the wheel of that Mustang convertible. Whoo! Vroom!
Twitch: Jaguar, that's a nice car. Magnet: Don't even think about it, Twitch.
Armpit: Look at the little fishes... I mean cave pictures.
Zig-Zag: He's not going to take it. Come here - eat the cookie.
Stanley: Look, it says KB Zig-Zag: Yeah... yeah that's Keith Barrenger. Squid: Who? Zig-Zag: He was in my math class.
Mr Pendanski: Mr.Pendanski: (wakes up after being hit with a shovel) I'll have the chicken tenders, Warden.
Mr Pendanski: It smells like puke from a mule been 'ruminating on asparagus for two weeks.
Texas Ranger #2: Marion Seville! Mr Sir: (freezes) Oh, crap.
Stanley's Mother: I feel so sorry for the old lady who lived in the shoe, 'cause it must've smelled real bad.
Mr Sir: This ain't a girl scout camp!
Mr Sir: This ain't no kindergarteners in the sandbox!
Mr Sir: How did that get there? Did it fall from the sky?
Madame Zeroni: If only, if only, the woodpecker sighs, / The bark on the tree was as soft as the skies. / The wolf waits below, hungry and lonely, / And cries to the moon, / If only if only.
The Warden Walker: This is my special nail polish. I make it myself. You Want to know my secret ingredient? Rattlesnake venom. I just love what it does to the coloring. It's perfectly harmless... when it's dry.
Mr Sir: Stanley Yelnats... the Fourth? Stanley: Everyone in my family names their son Stanley, 'cause it's Yelnats backwards. It's this little... tradition.
Madame Zeroni: If you forget to come back for Madame Zeroni, you and your family will be cursed for always and eternity!
Mr Pendanski: Stanley, if you've got any questions, just ask Theodore. Theodore will be your mentor. Got that, Theodore? Armpit: Yeah, man. Whatever, dude. Mr Pendanski: I'm depending on you. It should be no labor to be nice to your neighbor.
Mr Pendanski: The early mole digs the deepest hole.
Stanley: Hector, I'm glad you stole those shoes and threw 'em on my head.
Clyde 'Sweetfeet' Livingston: I don't understand what type of person steals from homeless children. You're no fan of mine.
Mr Sir: You take a bad boy, make him dig holes all day in the hot sun, it turns him into a good boy. That's our philosophy here at camp green lake.
Madame Zeroni: You should go to America. That's where my son is. That's where your future is, not Myra Menke. Her head's as empty as a flowerpot!
Madame Zeroni: Morris Menke is a shmuck!
Mr Sir: Everything turns to callous eventually. That's life!
Stanley: I feel really awkward with you reading over my shoulder like that, so... Zero: I can't read.
X-Ray: Hey Mom, who's the neanderthal?
Zig-Zag: What color was it's blood? Stanley: I-I don't know. I couldn't tell. Zig-Zag: I wish I'd a seen it. Bam! Magnet: If Mr Sir didn't shoot it, Stanley, you be in the hole. Zig-Zag: Don't you know each one's got exactly 11 spots? Squid: Yeah, man, but if you ever get close enough to count em, you're dead. Armpit: Look, it's the lizards we're workin' for, man. We build their houses for 'em. I mean, yesterday I saw 10 of 'em in one hole. Squid: We ain't diggin' for no lizards Armpit: What we diggin' for then man? X-Ray: Like Mr Sir said, we diggin' to build some character.
Stanley: Where's a person go to the bathroom around here? Magnet: Pick a hole, any hole
Magnet: Nobody messes with the Caveman. X-Ray: Did you see the Caveman back there? Stanley: I won't mess with anybody. Zig-Zag: Come on caveman. Stanley: ... I'm Caveman? Zero: Better than Barfbag.
Mr Sir: All life begins with water. So think of it this way, I'm givin you life. Say thank you. Stanley: Thank you, Mr Sir
Stanley's Mother: I don't smell anythin'!
Mr Sir: What're we gonna do? The Warden Walker: You'll do as I say. (puts her hat on and leaves) Mr Pendanski: What did she say? Mr Sir: Not much. Mr Pendanski: What do we do? Mr Sir: You'll do as I say. (puts his hat on and leaves) Mr Pendanski: But you didn't say anything either.
Zero: You know, those stars look like a shovel to me. Stanley: Exactly... Hector, I feel lucky. Zero: (laughing) The onions have gone to your head. Stanley: What do you say we dig one more hole?
Kissin' Kate Barlow: I've been wishin' I was dead for a long time.
Mr Sir: Yeah you had better run! There ain't gonna be no Yelnats the fifth!
(first lines) (Barfbag walks towards a rattlesnake) X-Ray: Hey, Barfbag. What are you doing? (Barfbag takes his shoe and sock off and steps on the snake, which bites him) Barfbag: (yells) Aaaaaah!
(Stanley arriving in the desert) Stanley: So. Where's the lake? Warden: Hey. What did I just tell you? Don't be a wise guy!
Kissin' Kate Barlow: (as Linda and Trout have Kate at gunpoint) Linda Miller is that you? Oh Linda you were such a good student. You musta married him for his money.
(aftre Mr Pendancski introduced everyone) Squid: And that's Mom!
(when Stanley gets into the truck and he can start it) Twitch: Come on! Come on! Put it in gear!
Squid: Hey look! A cloud! (points to it) Squid: Right there!