Hercules: The Legendary Journeys
1995
Autolycus: All men think they're fascinating- in my case, it's justified.
Hercules: What are you doing here? Iolaus: What do you mean? Hercules: Iolaus, you're dead. Iolaus: Yeah, well, I was kinda hoping you wouldn't notice.
Iolaus: Have you ever been wrong? Hercules: I thought so once, but I was wrong.
Ares: I can't believe you have these mortals convinced that you're this "Kevin Sorbo" character. Hercules: Some people just aren't ready for the truth.
Autolycus: Of course I care about the needs of the people... I happen to be one of them.
Autolycus: Ah, my fame spread like wildfire. Iolaus: No, more like a bad rash.
Hercules: Rumor has it that Otis stole it from a warlord who had stolen it from someone else. Autolycus: So much for honor among thieves; gives us all a bad name.
Autolycus: Gadzooks, if I were a woman I'd kiss myself!
Iolaus: The truth hurts doesn't it. Autolycus: Yeah, so does my fist.
Loki: Rage makes a poor tactician.
(Iolaus tries to fight a giant eel by himself) Lydia: How do you expect to win? Iolaus: You just keep going until something clever occurs to you.
(after bopping a thug in the face with his own forehead) Salmoneus: Ahh! How do people do that without getting headaches?
(Hercules is walking through a cavern where dozens of Arachne's cocooned victims are bound in spider's web) Hercules: This is one big web site.
Trojan Fugitive: (poking a spear at a trembling bush) Come out, spy! Weyland the Slave: (standing up indignantly) I'm not a spy! I'm a slave! Trojan Fugitive: We do not accept slaves in Troy. Weyland the Slave: That's all right. I'm used to prejudice.
Ares: (looking up to the sky) ARE THERE NO MORE HEROES? Hercules: Hey, you've got us. (Ares vomits)
Ares: Mark my words - Hercules: (imitating Ares) You'll pay for this, Hercules! (Ares turns to Iolaus, tries to speak) Iolaus: (imitating Ares) We'll meet again, little brother! (Ares turns to Hercules) Hercules: (imitating Ares) You're on my list, Hercules! (in his normal voice to Iolaus) Did we forget anything? (Iolaus shrugs. Ares sobs, and walks off dejected)
Hercules: Once you have harpies you can't get rid of them.
Autolycus: I hate to break it to you, big guy, you've got harpies.