Grind
2003
Dustin: Bow wow, you keep barkin' at me and your gunna get a one way walk into the woods.
Matt: Greetings from the interior.
(Dustin and Eric are having a serious conversation when someone farts) Matt: Greetings from the interior... Eric: Matt! Sweet Lou: I think I can taste that one... (Another fart is let loose) Eric: MATT! Matt: That wasn't me. Bell Clerk: Sorry, that was me. Whoo! Can I have my underwear back? (Guys take off in van)
Dustin: You know what, I remember Matt listening to your crap, and look where that got him. The guy is a complete stain. Eric: That's where Matt deceives you. Dustin: I don't think Matt deceives me. Eric: Because in actuallity he really know's which end is up. (Matt jumps off the roof of the house into the pool)
Dustin: (being hauled into the van to go on tour) I need to go back Eric; I need to get my special pillow.
Bell Clerk: (talking to pet squirrel) I don't care how skinny you get; I'm still gonna eat you.
Matt: It's the honeymoon suit. (makes porn music sounds) (Matt touches Dustin's nipple and Dustin punches him) Eric: So there's only one bed and there's four guys. (Matt and Dustin race to the bed where they start to pillow fight) Dustin: This is my side. Get off me. (Dustin pulls something from under the sheets) Dustin: Ah! Man-ties! (Dustin puts tighty-whities on Matt's head) Matt: AHHH! (matt pulls them off and throws them across the room while Dustin laughs histerically) Matt: You did not just find those in that bed!
(Dustin is digging threw the garbage) Little Kid: Whatch ya doin'? Dustin: I dropped something and I'm looking for it. Little Kid: I had chili chesse fries, lots of them, and a chocolate shake. Dustin: Didn't your mom ever tell you not to talk to strangers? (Little kid throws up on Dustin) Dustin: I guess she didn't say anything about puking on them. Little Kid: Ha!
(Dustin and Matt go on Jimmy's tour bus to put their demo tape on there) Matt: I've been holdin' it for two days, dude. It's about to go downtown. Dustin: That's a good idea; why don't you take a crap on his bus. He'd appcreciate that. (Matt enters bathroom while Dustin changes tapes) (Matt starts to sing while he's pooping) Dustin: Dude, let's go. Matt: Whoa-ho! Dude, I might not get a piece of Jimmy Wilson, but he sure got a piece of me! Dustin: Dude, that smells like hermit crap.
Dustin: So to recap, um, we smell like turds, we have no car, no Jimmy Wilson, and I'm broke. I guess you could call me stupid. Matt: Hey Stupid. Dustin: What?
Dustin: Wake up, and smell the desperation.
Matt: I'm in a dry spell. Dustin: To be in a dry spell you have had to be in a wet spell. Matt: I've had sex. Dustin: With a human being? Matt: Who's making up all these rules?
Sweet Lou: Wham, bam, steal the van.
Sweet Lou: Sweet Lou cleans no man's poop.
Sweet Lou: Sweet Lou cleans no man's poo.
Eric: Open your ears, Jackass!
Dustin: Okay, you know what? I just got peed on.
Dustin: Dammit! Why? Matt: Dude, I didn't even know it was going. Dustin: Okay, you know what? I just got peed on.
Matt: Sweet Lou, my sister wanted me to give you this. It's her nose.
Matt: You know what? I just got violated by a lizard, man! (pause) Actually, that felt pretty good.
(after being blown off by a girl at a club) Dustin: Hold on, I'm gonna go get you another glass of bitch.
Eric: But see, the truth is that Jimmy actually did want us to come over and say "What's up" so if you could just get us in for five minutes... Tour Manager: Yea, I could do that. Eric: You could do that? Tour Manager: Yea, I could do that, but I'm not going to do that, because I don't want to, and I... I just can't seem to find my way around that.
Matt: (after punching clown) ... I Hate Clowns
Dustin: (while Matt and Dustin are fighting in the van) I'm gonna snap your neck like a glow stick!
Matt: Chilli, chilli, chilli, chilli.
Eric: You can do that for us, right? Guy with Videos: I ca - I can do that. Eric: Right, yeah Guy with Videos: But I'm not... going to do that, because - I do - I don't want to. And I... I just can't seem to find my way around that. But I wish you guys the best of luck in the world I really do. You know, just skate. If you're really any good, someone will find you. (to guy with scar) Now - now would be a good time. Guy with Scar: HEY!!! GET OUTTA HERE! Guy with Videos: Nice kids. I - I like 'em... do you like 'em? Guy with Scar: I like 'em.