Goodness Gracious Me
1998
(In an English restaurant in India. Ordering some food) Indian man 1: . For starter we shall have 6... no 12 bread rolls. For main course everybody? Indian Man 2: What's the blandest thing on the menu? James the Waiter: The scampi's our specialty sir. Indian Man 2: I'll have that.
Aubergine-Woman: I can make it at home for nothing!
Resturant-guy: Check please...
Hip Hop geezer 1: Kiss my chuddies, man!
Dennis Cooper: I knew that!
(A Buddhist, from Rat Killing Company, comes home to a woman to get rid of her mice, but instead he sits down on the floor and closes his eyes) Woman: So what do you use then; poison? Buddhist: Poison - no poison. Woman: Oh, you are going to smoke them out. Buddhist: Smoke - no smoke. Woman: Then how are you going to kill them? Biddhist: Kill? Buddha teaches us, that we are all clever human beings. We don't have to kill. Woman: Well, how are you going to get rid of them then? Buddhist: I intend to make them think about their actions.
(Rings on a door) The Guru Maharishi Yogi: Hello, do you want to be a Hindu? Woman: Yes, I have always wanted to become a Hindu. The Guru Maharishi Yogi: Well, you can't! Have a nice day!
Dennis Cooper: Oyeeeee Surjeeeeet!
Butler: May I take your hat, sir? Dennis Cooper: No, buy your own.
(Talking to an elderly, ethnic man in a crowded place outdoors) Reporter: How would you describe the condition in the refugee-camp? Mr Isaq: What refugee-camp? Reporter: Well, THIS refugee-camp. Mr Isaq: This is my family picnic.
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