Peter Venkman: Hi, Egon. How's school? I bet those science chicks really dig that large cranium of yours, huh? Egon: I think they're more interested in my epididymis.

Egon: Vigo the Carpathian. Born 1505, died 1610. Peter Venkman: 105 years old, he hung in there, didn't he? Ray: He didn't die of old age, either. He was poisoned, stabbed, shot, hung, stretched, disembowled, drawn and quartered. Peter Venkman: Ouch. Winston: Guess he wasn't too popular at the end, huh? Egon: No, not exactly a man of the people. Also known as Vigo the Cruel, Vigo the Torturer, Vigo the Despised, and Vigo the Unholy. Peter Venkman: Wasn't he also Vigo the Butch? Ray: And dig this, there was a prophecy. Just before his head died, his last words were "Death is but a door. Time is but a window. I'll be back."

Vigo: On a mountain of skulls, in the castle of pain, I sat on a throne of blood! What was will be! What is will be no more! Now is the season of evil!

Janosz: He is Vigo! You are like the buzzing of flies to him!

Talk Show Producer: No respected psychic will come on this show. They all think you're a fraud. Peter Venkman: I *am* a fraud!

The Mayor: Being miserable and treating other people like dirt is every New Yorker's God-given right.

Peter Venkman: You know, I have met some dumb blondes in my life, but you take the taco, pal! Only a *Carpathian* would come back to life now and choose New York! Tasty pick, bonehead! If you had brain one in that huge melon on top of your neck, you would be living the sweet life out in Southern California's beautiful San Fernando Valley!

Peter Venkman: Suck in the guts guys, we're the Ghostbusters.

Egon: Venkman, get a stool sample. Peter Venkman: Business, or personal?

Louis Tully: Your Honor, ladies and gentleman of the audience, I don't think it's fair to call my clients frauds. Sure, the blackout was a big problem for everybody. I was trapped in an elevator for two hours and I had to make the whole time. But I don't blame them. Because one time, I turned into a dog and they helped me. Thank you. (the courtroom is in bewildered silence) Egon: Very good Louis. Short, but pointless.

Dana: His name is Oscar. Peter Venkman: Named after a hot dog, you poor man.

Egon: I'd like to run some gynecological tests on the mother. Peter Venkman: Who wouldn't?

Ray: Ungrateful little yuppie larva. After everything we did for this city. Winston: Yeah, we conjured up a hundred-foot marshmallow man, blew the top three floors off an uptown high-rise, and ended up getting sued by every city, county, and state agency in New York. Ray: Yeah... but what a ride.

Dana: Okay, but after dinner, don't want put any of those old cheap moves on me. It's different now. Peter Venkman: Oh, no! I have all NEW cheap moves.

Prosecutor: So, you're saying that the supernatural is your exclusive province? Peter Venkman: Kitten, I think what I'm saying, is that sometimes, shit happens, someone has to deal with it, and who ya gonna call?

Ray: You mean you never even had a Slinky? Egon: We had part of a Slinky. But I straightened it.

Milton Angland: I have a strong psychic belief that the world will end on New Year's Eve. Peter Venkman: Well, for your sake, I hope you're right.

Elaine: According to my source, the end of the world will be on February 14th, in the year two thousand and sixteen. Peter Venkman: Valentine's day. Bummer.

(the Mayor's assistant has just been rude to Dr Peter Venkman) Peter Venkman: You know, I'm a voter. Aren't you supposed to lie to me and kiss my butt?

Dana: You're much better than you realize. You don't give yourself enough credit. Peter Venkman: I need to hear that kind of stuff. You know, if I had this kind of stuff for like on a 24-hour basis, I could have myself whipped into shape by the end of this century.

(At the foot of the Statue of Liberty) Peter Venkman: Kinda makes you wonder, doesn't it? Winston: Wonder what? Peter Venkman: Whether she's naked under that toga. She *is* French. You know that.

(Dana hands Oscar to Peter) Dana: It's late, I really ought to put him down. Peter Venkman: May I? Dana: Yeah, if you want to. Peter Venkman: (points in baby's face) You're short, your bellybutton sticks out too far, and you're a terrible burden on your poor mother.

Vigo: Death is but a doorway, time is but a window, I'll be back.

Ray: You think this river of slime has anything to do with this Vigo character? Egon: Is the atomic weight of cobalt 58.9?

Egon: Vigo the Carpathian. Also known as Vigo the Cruel, Vigo the Torturer, Vigo the Despised, and Vigo the Unholy. Peter Venkman: Wasn't he also Vigo the Butch?

Peter Venkman: Have you been outside lately? Do you know how weird it is out there? We've taken our own head count. There seem to be six million completely miserable assholes living in the tri-state area. Hardemeyer: Oh, please! Peter Venkman: Excuse me, six million and one.

Peter Venkman: Doh! Ray: Re! Egon: Egon!

Peter Venkman: Where in the hell are you from anyway, Johnny? Janosz: The upper vest side.

Brownstone Boy #2: My dad says you guys are full of crap. Ray: Well, some people have a hard time believing in the paranormal. Brownstone Boy #2: Nah, he just said you guys are full of crap and that's why you went out of business.

Janosz: Soon, the city will be mine and Vigo's... mainly Vigo's.

The Mayor: I spent an hour in my room last night talking to Fiorella LaGuardia, and he's been dead for forty years. Now where are the the Ghost Busters?

(the ghost of the R.M.S. Titanic appears in New York Harbor) Dock Supervisor: Well, better late than never.

Ray: Not so fast Dead Head! You want a baby, why don't you go knock up some willing hellhound! Otherwise I'm giving you three to get back in that painting! One! Peter Venkman: Two.

Ray: It looks like a Jell-O mold. Winston: I hate Jell-O. Peter Venkman: Oh, come on. There's always room for Jell-O!

Dana: How is he these days? Egon: Peter? Well, he was borderline for a while... then he crossed the border.

Egon: Let's see what happens when we take away the puppy.

Peter Venkman: See you next week on "World of the Psychic." Until then, this is Peter Venkman, saying... (points to his forehead and stares at the camera for a long beat) Peter Venkman: Ha ha! See you then.

Peter Venkman: Uh, perhaps you can help me? I'm looking for a love-potion aerosol, that I can spray on a certain Penthouse Pet, to obtain her total submission.

(looking at Oscar's nursery) Egon: Cozy. My parents didn't believe in toys.

Judge Wexler: Before we begin this trial, I want to make one thing very clear: the law does not recognize the existence of ghosts, and I don't believe in them either. So I don't want to hear a lot of malarkey about spooks and goblins and demons. We're going to stick to the facts in this case, leave the ghost stories to the kiddies, understood? Winston: Wow, sounds like a pretty open-minded guy, huh?

(two ten foot high, full-torso apparitions strapped into electric chairs with sparking electrical wires still attached, burst out of a specimen jar and hover in the air in the middle of a courtroom, sparks flying, before suddenly diving towards the judge and exploding) Ray: Wow!

(Egon and Ray are showing Peter and Winston their breakthrough with a slime specimen) Egon: Go ahead, Ray! Ray: (shouting at the slime) You! You worthless piece of slime! You ignorant disgusting blob! (slime twitches) Egon: You're nothing but an unstable short-chained molecule! Ray: You foul obnoxious muck! (bubbles dangerously with every insult) Egon: You have a weak electrochemical bond! (starts to bubble over) Ray: I have seen some disgusting crud in my time, but you take the cake! Peter Venkman: This is what you do with your spare time?

Egon: (producing a toaster) Ordinary household toaster. Peter Venkman: We'll take your word for that.

(after hearing that Dana's bathtub tried to eat her) Ray: What? Are you serious? That's great! Spengler, major slime-related psychokinetic event!

Ray: Two in the box. Egon: Ready to go. Peter Venkman: We be fast. Ray, Egon, Peter Venkman: They be slow.

Prosecutor: Dr Venkman, would you please tell the court why you and your co-defendants took it upon yourselves to dig a very big hole in the middle of 1st Avenue? Peter Venkman: Well, there are so many holes in 1st Avenue, we really didn't think anyone would notice.

Judge Wexler: If my hands weren't tied by the unalterable fetters of the law, then I would invoke the tradition of our illustrious forbears, reach back to a purer, sterner justice, and have you (shouts) burned at the stake!

Judge Wexler: You got to do something! Help me! Ray: Don't talk to me, talk to my attorney. Louis Tully: And that's me! My guys are still under a judicial mistrangement order... that blue thing I got from her! They could be exposing themselves! Peter Venkman: And you don't want us exposing ourselves!

Janosz: This is Prince Vigo, the ruler of Carpathia and Moldavia. Peter Venkman: Bit of a sissy, isn't he? Janosz: He was a very powerful magician, Dr Venkman. And, a genius in many ways. Dana: He was also a lunatic and a genocidal madman. I hate this painting.

(looking at the painting of Vigo) Winston: Wow, that is one ugly dude.

Ray: You know, I just can't believe things have gotten so bad in this city that there's no way back. I mean, sure, it's messy, it's crowded, it's polluted, and there are people who would just as soon step on your face as look at you. But come on! There's gotta be a few traces of sweet humanity left in this city. We just gotta find a way to mobilize it!

Janosz: You know, Dana, there are many perks to being the mother of a living god.

(piloting the Statue of Liberty) Egon: We're running out of time, Ray, it's almost midnight. Can't you make her go any faster? Ray: I'm afraid the vibrations will shake her to pieces. We should have padded her feet. Egon: I don't think they make Nikes in her size, Ray. Peter Venkman: Hey, she's tough. She's a harbor chick!

(Ray has stepped in front of the painting of Vigo, blocking the Ghostbuster's attack) Egon: Ray... we'd like to shoot the monster, could you move, please? Peter Venkman: Ray... Winston: Ray? Egon, Peter Venkman, Winston: RAY! (Ray turns around, he is Ray/Vigo) Ray: NO! I, Ray, am Vigo, and rule the Earth! Begone, you pitiful half-men! Peter Venkman: Now! ('Busters attack)

Janosz: He is no here. Peter Venkman: We know. Janosz: Then why are you came?

Peter Venkman: So, what happened to Mr Right? I heard he ditched you and went to Europe. Dana: He did not ditch me. We had some problems, and he got a very good offer from an orchestra in Europe and he took it. Peter Venkman: So he ditched you?

Egon: (after a ghost train runs through Winston) I think that was the old New York Central "City of Albany"! Derailed in 1920! Killed hundreds of people! Did you catch the number on the locomotive? Winston: Sorry. I missed it.

Janosz: (singing) They will come from behind... Ah, ah... why am I drippings with goo? Egon: You had a violent prolonged transformative psychic episode.

Peter Venkman: Here's something off the request line from Liberty Island. We're gonna squeeze some New Year's juice from ya, Big Apple!

(Louis Tully is the Ghostbusters' defense lawyer) Louis Tully: I think you guys are making a big mistake. I do mostly tax law and probate stuff occasionally. I got my law degree at night school. Ray: Well, that's fine, Louis. We got arrested at night.

Louis Tully: Give me a break, we're both lawyers!

Peter Venkman: Viggy, Viggy, Viggy, you have been a bad monkey!

(the Ghostbusters have been committed to a mental hospital) Ray: As I explained before, we think the spirit of a 17th century Moldavian tyrant is alive and well in a painting at the Manhattan Museum of Art. Psychiatrist: Uh-huh, and are there any other paintings in the museum with bad spirits in them? Egon: You're wasting valuable time. He's drawing strength from a psychomagnotheric slime flow that's been collecting under the city. Psychiatrist: Yes, tell me about the slime. Winston: It's very potent stuff. We made a toaster dance with it. (motions to Peter) Winston: And a bathtub tried to eat his friend's baby. Psychiatrist: A bathtub? Peter Venkman: Don't look at me. I think these people are completely nuts.

Dana: Hello, Peter. Peter Venkman: (whips around Melodramatically, and speaks in a soap opera-esque deep tone) Hello, Dana.

Janosz: Oh! Command me, Lord!

Vigo: Find me a child that I might live again! Janosz: Yes. A child. A child! Janosz: (confused) A child? (Vigo electrocutes Janosz eyes) Janosz: (possessed with the evil power) A child.

Peter Venkman: (to Dana) Dana, you just never got it. I'm a man, I need to feel loved and desired!

Egon: (talking about the mood slime after the yelling at it scene) We're running test to see if we can get an equally strong positive response Ray: We sing to it, talk to it, say caring supportive things to it. Peter Venkman: You're not *sleeping * with it, are you Ray? Ray: (shakes head) Egon: (looks embarrassed) Peter Venkman: (noticing Egon, teasingly) You hound. Winston: It's always the quiet ones (shakes head in disbelief)

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