Fun and Fancy Free
1947
Jiminy Cricket: (singing) Don't cross a bridge or peak 'round the corner until you're there. / Just learn to smile, and in a while, you'll find trouble's a bubble of air.
Jiminy Cricket: Now, some folks like the heavy stuff with titles five feet wide. Not me, I'm always out for fun. I like the lighter side, yes, sir!
Jiminy Cricket: You know, you worry too much. In fact, everybody worries too much.
Jiminy Cricket: Never saw such a dismal pair. A deadpan doll and a droopy bear.
Jiminy Cricket: Life is a song - happy, gay. So let's have some music. Come on! What do you say?
Narrator: This is the story of three bears. Jiminy Cricket: Yeah, I know. The mama bear, the papa bear, and the itsy-bitsy baby bear. Narrator: Oh, but it's not the story you expect.
Narrator: Naturally, you'd think he'd be handled with kid gloves, treated like a king, and pampered like a baby. But, no! He was tossed around like an old shoe. Bongo, the bear in the gilded cage.
Jiminy Cricket: Three is a crowd, they say, so I'll drop back another day.
Edgar Bergen: Now, Luana, how would you like another piece of cake or some ice cream? Luana Patten: No, thank you. I'm full up. Edgar Bergen: Some candy? Charlie McCarthy: Care for a cigar? Luana Patten: Me? (everyone laughs)
Edgar Bergen: Once upon a time, long long ago... Charlie McCarthy: Funny, nothing ever happens nowadays.
Edgar Bergen: No longer was the valley happy, for without the magic of the harp, all was misery, misery, misery. Charlie McCarthy: Just like the eighth grade.
Edgar Bergen: Naught left but beans. Charlie McCarthy: Ahem. Bean, you mean.
Edgar Bergen: If it were one man and three beans... But, no. One bean and three men. Charlie McCarthy: Well, at least there are no bones in it.
Goofy: (singing) Lots of starches, / Lots of greens, / Fancy chocolate-covered... Mickey Mouse: Beans! Goofy: What d'you mean, "beans"? Mickey Mouse: Yeah, fellows. I sold the cow for some magic beans! Donald Duck: Beans? Donald Duck: (goes crazy) Mickey Mouse: But Donald! These are not ordinary beans! They're magic beans! If you plant these beans in the light of a full moon, do you know what'll happen? Donald Duck: Yes! We get more beans!
Mortimer Snerd: (referring to giant footprints) Oh, gosh! Who made them? Charlie McCarthy: Well, it wasn't Cinderella.
Willie the Giant: (pointing at one of the lines on his hand) But what's this here? What is it? What is it? Mickey Mouse: Uh-oh! I can't believe it! Willie the Giant: Is it bad? Mickey Mouse: Why i-i-it says here that you can change yourself into anything! Willie the Giant: Sure, sure! You wanna see me? I can change myself into the darndest things! Go on, gimme somethin'. Anything! Mickey Mouse: Anything? Willie the Giant: Anything! Edgar Bergen: See? Mickey never misses a trick. He's got a good idea. Mickey Mouse: Well, uh. Can you change into a fly? Willie the Giant: A cute, teeny-weeny, itsy-bitsy housefly? Mickey Mouse: That's it! A housefly! Willie the Giant: Aww, you don't want a fly! How about a bunny with long, pink ears? Mickey Mouse: Huh! Well, of course, if you can't do a fly, why, uh... Willie the Giant: All right. A fly. Why? Mickey Mouse: Well, uh... because. Willie the Giant: Okay. A teeny-weeny fly... with pink wings! Now for the magic wordies. Fe, fi, fo, fum. He, hi, ho, hum. I'm a most amazing guy. Te, ti, te, ti, te, ti. Willie the Giant: (transforms into a bunny) Willie the Giant: You sure you don't want a pink bunny? Willie the Giant: (notices that Mickey, Donald and Goofy have a fly swatter) Willie the Giant: Hey, what is this? You think you fool Willie.
Willie the Giant: Fee, Fi, Fo, Fum... I smell... Charlie McCarthy: You're telling us.
Charlie McCarthy: Well, Donald may be nuts, but he's got the right idea. Kill the cow. Luana Patten: Oh, no, Charlie! The cow was their best friend. Charlie McCarthy: Well, a friend in need is a friend indeed. Edgar Bergen: So what? Charlie McCarthy: So, they need some steak.
Edgar Bergen: To think that this was once Happy Valley. Charlie McCarthy: Now it's Gruesome Gulch. Edgar Bergen: Days pass, weeks pass. Charlie McCarthy: I pass. New deal.
Luana Patten: But why did the giant want to steal the harp? Edgar Bergen: Because he was cruel and selfish. He didn't care what happened to the valley. He just wanted someone to sing him to sleep. Mortimer Snerd: Well, why didn't he turn on the radio? Edgar Bergen: Well, they didn't have radios in those days. Charlie McCarthy: Yeah. That's why they called it Happy Valley.
Luana Patten: Ooh, dragonflies! Charlie McCarthy: Yeah. A-flyin' front and draggin' behind.
(Mickey is pressed between a wall and the giant's jewelry box) Charlie McCarthy: Anybody wanna buy a tall, thin mouse? Edgar Bergen: No, thank you. Uh, I mean, no.
Edgar Bergen: The magic harp knows the giant's weakness. Charlie McCarthy: She could be my weakness.
Charlie McCarthy: (Willie is sniffing around his table while Mickey and the others are trying to avoid getting caught) Hey, Giant! You're getting warmer! Behind the pot, stupid!
Charlie McCarthy: (referring to the beanstalk) That thing is breaking the laws of aviation!
Edgar Bergen: Yes, everybody in Happy Valley was always very happy... until one day. Charlie McCarthy: I knew there was a conflict coming up! Edgar Bergen: There was a time when... Charlie McCarthy: They built a school house. Edgar Bergen: No!
Mortimer Snerd: That's a lonely peasant? Charlie McCarthy: That's a cow, stupid!
Edgar Bergen: What I'm trying to explain, Mortimer, is that Willie the Giant didn't actually exist. Mortimer Snerd: No? Edgar Bergen: No. He's a metaphysical phenomenon of your subconscious mind, a phantasmagoria of your mental faculties. Mortimer Snerd: Yeah? Edgar Bergen: In other words, just a figment of your imagination.
Willie the Giant: (singing) Fe fi fo fum. / Fe fi fo fum. / I'm the most amazing guy. / The most astonishing guy am I! / Fe fi fo fum. / Fe fi fo fum. / Now here's what I'm telling you! So here's what I can do... / I can change myself into an elf... / Fly up high like the birdies! / I can disappear through the atmosphere... Peekaboo!... 'Cuz I know the magic words! / Fe fi fo fee fee / Fee fee fee fee... Fee fee? I don't know no fee fee!
Charlie McCarthy: I am a giant! Edgar Bergen: No, you are not! Charlie McCarthy: Okay, then I am a small giant! Edgar Bergen: No, you're not! Charlie McCarthy: Well, I'm tougher than 40 men! Edgar Bergen: No, you're not. Charlie McCarthy: Or... 20 men. Edgar Bergen: No. Charlie McCarthy: No? 10 men?