Full House
1987/I
Michelle: I want my ouce-cream. D.J.: You want your ice-cream. Michelle: That's what I said, don't you listen?
D.J.: You are a paramecium brain Steph: If I'm a paramecium you are just a mecium D.J.: I can't win with her can I?
Michelle: May I please have your cupcake? Steph: No, you may not. Michelle: But I was polite, and I said please. Steph: I was polite, too. I said, No, you may not. Michelle: Guess what? Politeness Week is over. (Michelle grabs Stephanie's cupcake and runs off, followed by Stephanie) Steph: How rude.
(repeated line) Duane: Whatever...
Steph: Michelle, you are old enough to hear this... How Rude! Michelle: (to Uncle Jesse) Why does she always say that?
D.J.: You have the brain of a paramecium. Steph: Maybe I have the brain of a paramecium, but you only have the brain of one mecium.
Jesse: I'm not trying to catch the boat. I'm trying to catch Danny. (Catches up to Danny) . I'm not going to hurt you. I just want to talk to you. How does one lose a boat? Danny Tanner: The rope must've slipped off the rope-thingy. Jesse: The rope-thingy... Skipper?
Steph: Nice try guys, but next time, use one of these. Joey: Steph, why'd you wait until now to give us the diapers? Steph: Nobody asked me.
Danny Tanner: I close my eyes for two seconds and it's a Kimmy Gibbler telethon. Joey: Danny, you've been out for four hours. Danny Tanner: (checks his watch) Four hours. Why didn't anyone wake me? Oh no, I'm ruined, I ruined the telethon ,my career is over... Becky: Danny, we're still on the air. Danny Tanner: (to camera) That concludes the dramatic portion of our show.
Jesse: (reading from newspaper) Rebecca Donaldson, award-winning journalist and host of 'Wake Up, San Francisco' to wed JERSEY KATSOPOLIS? Danny Tanner: Jersey Katsopolis. Sounds like a Greek cow.
Kimmy Gibbler: Hola Tannneritos.
D.J.: Oh Mylanta.
Danny Tanner: Oh, man, Becky, that was the toughest contraction yet. Becky: Gee, Danny, maybe you should lie down. Danny Tanner: I made it this far, I'm gonna go all the way.
Michelle: You got it, dude.
Michelle: Can I watch Arsenio? Danny Tanner: What do you think? Michelle: I think it's time for bed. Danny Tanner: That's right. It's time for bed. To bed, I said. Michelle: Daddy, am I still your little princess? Danny Tanner: Oh, you got it, dude.
Becky: You know, honey, you're kind of sexy when you're vulnerable. Jesse: Help. My lips, help. (They kiss) Jesse: As to which I say... have mercy.
Becky: We have the best kids in the world. (Joey whimpers) Becky: All three of them.
Joey: It sounds like Uncle Jesse and Aunt Becky just want some privacy. Michelle: What's privacy? Joey: It means they want to spend time together alone. Michelle: What are they doing in there? Joey: They're, uh... they're doing their taxes. Michelle: Are they going to do their taxes every night? Joey: For the first couple of months.
Danny Tanner: Joey, are you all right? Joey: Yeah. Danny Tanner: In that case, you're in big trouble, mister.
Michelle: You're in big trouble mister!
Michelle: Whoa, Baby!
Kimmy Gibbler: Hola Mr T
Kimmy Gibbler: (talking to D.J) Your sister is such a tattle-tale. Steph: I am not and I'm telling you said that.
Danny Tanner: HEY. I don't yell, I guide.
(Joey sniffs Jesse's hair) Joey: Gee, your hair smells like melon. What are you using? Jesse: Oh, it's this new product called 'Gee, Your Hair Smells like Melon.'
D.J.: Kimmy called me a geek-burger.
(last line of last episode of season seven) Michelle: We all live here.
Becky: Nicky made a new friend at the zoo today. Jesse: Really? Wow! Becky: Come on, Nicky. Tell Daddy what your new friend said. Nicky: Camels stink. Jesse: And Alex played baseball today. Tell Mommy what you hit. Alex: Daddy's head.
Jesse: Joseph, it's finally happened! He's cleaning liquid soap! Danny Tanner: Don't be silly. I'm just cleaning my rubber gloves. Joey: Danny, there's no shame in therapy.
(there's a car in the kitchen) D.J.: Michelle, do you know how Joey's car got in here? Michelle: Yes, I do. D.J.: How? Michelle: Through the window.
Michelle: There's a car in the kitchen!
Steph: (talking to Jesse while cutting his hair) So, do you know who Miss Piggy's been dating lately?
Michelle: The doggy ate my ouce-cream!
Joey: That's not a big problem. A big problem is like... well... if your butt fell off.
(after Joey puts Michelle's diaper in tupperware) Jesse: Good thinking, Joey, keep it fresh.
D.J.: Some people like chicken and some people like steak. Kimmy Gibbler: Are you calling me chicken? D.J.: No! I'm just saying that people like different things. You can be steak. Kimmy Gibbler: Oh, so now I'm a pig? D.J.: Kimmy, steak is made of cow. Kimmy Gibbler: A cow? DJ, I've had enough.
Steph: (after changing the twins; to Kimmy) You can breathe now.
Jesse: (about the baby they're watching) You see cute, I see smelly diapers.
Kimmy Gibbler: I had a traumatic experience with squash once - I ate one.
(a flashback shows D.J. and Kimmy at a fraternity party. Kimmy got drunk) D.J.: ?and that's what really happened. Kimmy Gibbler: (angrily) You just can't admit you were jealous of me! You had to embarrass me, and take my car keys like? like I'm some kind of *child*! D.J.: Kimmy, you could barely *walk*. Kimmy Gibbler: (shouts) It?s my life! What do *you* care? D.J.: I'm sorry. I *do* care. My mom died because of a drunk driver. (near tears) I wasn't gonna lose my best friend the same way. Kimmy Gibbler: (feeling ashamed) Deej? I'm sorry. I know. I made an idiot out of myself last night. I didn't know how to talk to those frat guys. But after a couple of drinks, I started to loosen up. For the first time in my life, I felt cool. D.J.: Well, Kimmy, they called you a lot of things at that party, but? cool wasn't one of 'em. Kimmy Gibbler: Well, Deej, how come *you* weren't nervous? D.J.: Are you kidding? I was a wreck. I was talking to this really cute guy and? and he kept smiling at me, and then I? I looked down, and I realized that my elbow was in the clam dip. Kimmy Gibbler: Oh, man. I would've been so humiliated. D.J.: Yeah, well, it wasn't my finest moment. But, in some weird way, it? it broke the ice, and we were laughing about it. Kimmy Gibbler: So, the trick to staying calm is to keep your elbow in the dip? D.J.: The trick is to remember that *everybody* is nervous, and it is a lot easier to handle if you stay in control. Kimmy Gibbler: I'm glad *one* of us did. Thanks, D.J. (she and D.J. hug)
Kimmy Gibbler: I'm not laughing at you, I'm laughing with you! You're just not joining in!
(Rebecca is a terrible singer) Jesse: I'll just teach her to sing on key. Or in a key. Joey: How about the Florida Keys?
Joey: Hey, if you're going to steal my jokes, at least say them right. You yahoo bird!
Kimmy Gibbler: (walks in) Lou Bond: You again. who arrre you? Kimmy Gibbler: The next-door neigh-barrr.
Harry: I can see up your nose. Steph: Harry this is supposed to be romantic. Harry: OK. I can see up your nose, darling.
Steph: (while playing cards with Grandpa Nick) I'll see your Flintstones' and raise you three Hello Kittys. Let's see what you got. Nick Katsopolis: Seven kings. Beat that. Steph: Seven aces. Michelle Tanner: (puts her cards on the table) Bingo.
Steph: D.J., I know you said that the Wolfman wasn't real, but if he was, would he be driving an Isuzu?
Danny Tanner: (puts a record on and starts dancing) This is Danny Tanner reminding *you* that disco will never die!
Danny Tanner: (talking about Joey possibly being on star search) We haven't heard back yet so we have to keep this totally secret. Steph: (everyone looks at Stephanie) How rude! I can keep a secret!
Steph: (Danny holds up a picture of a little DJ) I was a adorable! D.J.: Steph, that's me! Steph: My, how you've aged.
Steph: (after Danny, Jesse and Joey have cleaned the house) Grandma Irene, does this mean hell is freezing over?