Freakazoid!
1995
Cosgrove: You're not a failure kid. It's just that your ideas are silly and dumb.
Freakazoid: Don't let me fall into nothingness! I won't be happy there!
Freakazoid: If this were an after-school special, ooh, you'd pay a bittersweet price for your little deceit, like getting big oily zits! Or eating off the same plate as David Lee Roth!
Lord Bravery: What kind of superhero would call himself Lord Smoked Meats and Fishes? Mr Snarzetti: Ah. One who wants to use the element of surprise.
Freakazoid: Please, please, leave me alone. I'll give you anything, anything you want, if you'll just go away. How about the just-written script of Batman IV? Fan Boy: Plucked it off the internet last night. Freakazoid: An autographed picture of Stan Lee? Fan Boy: Who's that? Freakazoid: No idea. How about your very own Harlan Ellison?
A Lawn Gnome: We are wise and cunning. Another Lawn Gnome: We stole man's fire and then tried to hide it in our pockets. A Lawn Gnome: That was painful and dumb. So we became even more cunning.
(Left alone at a "Gulliver" show) Professor Jones: Freakazoid? Where are you? (pause) Oh, the pain, the pain. (c.f. _"Lost in Space 1965) _ (qv)
(Guitierrez tries to find Freakazoid's weakness, he pulls a green rock out of his cloak) Guitierrez: What do you think, Freakazoid, one pound of the purest Kryptonite. Are you feeling weak, Freakazoid? Oh so weak? Freakazoid: That's Superman's weakness, not mine! Guitierrez: (pulls out a yellow pad of paper, and holds it in front of Freakazoid's face) Does the yellow hurt your eyes, Freakazoid? Are you in great pain? Freakazoid: That's Green Lantern! Guitierrez: Oh, that stupid man at the store! (throws it down, picks up a glass of water and throws it in Freakazoid's face) Guitierrez: Are you melting Freakazoid? Melting away? Freakazoid: Thats the Wicked Witch! Guitierrez: Look, lets try to speed things along, why don't you just tell me your weakness? (quick cut to Freakazoid in a cage) Guitierrez: So, Iron bars electrified with a negative current are your weakness. Freakazoid: (to self) Dumb, dumb, dumb! Never tell the villain how to trap you in a cage! Guitierrez: You probably shouldn't have helped us build it, either. Freakazoid: I know! Dumb!
The Lobe: When they make me into an Orangu-man, I hope they don't put me in a tutu. I'd hate that.
The Lobe: I went to all the trouble to think up this brilliant plan, the least you can do is chase me around.
Dr Mystico: I'll build a private army of super-apes and take over Cleveland! Cosgrove: Don't you mean the world? Dr Mystico: I meant the world, yes. What did I say? Cleveland? Oh, I *always* do that!
Freakazoid: Now, now, ladies, there's plenty of me for everybody - if not, I'll just have 'em draw me bigger.
Dexter Douglas: I wish I were home reading funny stories in binary.
Announcer: We interrupt this program to increase dramatic tension.
Douglas Douglas: You know, Duncan, you're the only one who ever *sees* this blue guy. Duncan Douglas: He's *real*! Debbie Douglas: Well, of course he's real to *you* dear, but that's because you're probably insane.
Roddy MacStew: At least let the boy go! Gutierrez: No. Roddy MacStew: Why not? Gutierrez: Because he tasks me! He *tasks* me! Around the moons of veigo, I chuckle at thee. Around the suns of andromada I chuckle more at thee. Revenge is a dish best served with pinto beans and muffins! Kirk, oh, friend, I... Oh! (fixes tie) I'm sorry.
Guitierrez: How did you activate the flaw? Dexter Douglas: I... I don't know! Th... the cat did it! Guitierrez: (cut to Mr Chubbikins tied up with them) Bring in the animal psychologist! (he enters) Ask him how he activated the flaw! Animal Psychologist: Meow, meow, meow? Mr Chubbikins: Mrrow... mrrow... Animal Psychologist: Meow, meow? Mr Chubbikins: Mrrow... mrrow... Animal Psychologist: He says he's very sad. Guitierrez: Oh, go away!
Hans: Now, come. We mustn't linger. It is not safe here at night. Freakazoid: It's day. Hans: Well, then, I suppose we can linger for a moment.
(after a long, passionate kiss) Freakazoid: That was shallow, cheap, and based solely on hormones. Works for me!
Freakazoid: Aw, nut bunnies.
Freakazoid: I don't want to go down into the sewer. It smells like poo gas.
Hans: She is a beautiful mountain, yes? But in the Cloud lurk... (dramatic pause) spooky things.
Dr Mystico: They called me mad! Insane! Wendell!
(Guitierrez is issuing a challenge to Freakazoid through the TV) Guitierrez: Why don't you come and see me Freakazoid? It has been too long since we have exchanges... cordialities face to face. Professor Jones: (off camera) That's not a word!
Guitierrez: I am stronger than you, faster than you, and better than you. Freakazoid: Yes, but can you dance? Guitierrez: (does a short step dance) Yes. Freakazoid: (hushed whisper) Wow.
Freakazoid: Cosgrove, how come you never got married? Cosgrove: Because I like meat too much. Freakazoid: You can get married and still eat a lot of meat. Cosgrove: ... I didn't know that.
Guitierrez: Now, I shall have my revenge on you because of what you did to my face! (pulls off hood to reveal a horribly mishappen and discolered face) Freakazoid: (gasps) EEEEEEWWWWWWW Guitierrez: Right. EEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWW
Debbie Douglas: You spend far too much time on that computer. It's not healthy. Dexter Douglas: It's my life. Debbie Douglas: That's so very, very sad.
Freakazoid: (in tough guy voice) Nothing will stand in my way! Cosgrove: Hey, Freakazoid! Wanna get a mint? Freakazoid: (in normal voice) Ok!
(after some of his dialogue is poorly lyp-synced) Freakazoid: Ugh! Let's watch the lip-sync, okay? (shot of a giant pair of lips sinking into the ocean) Freakazoid: (with poor lip-sync) Ah, thank you!
Freakazoid: The scariest thing in the world would be if they gave Sinbad another TV show. Kids: Aaaah!
Alien: (alien ship lands at the White House and alien walks out) We have traveled many galaxies for an answer to an important question - what is the name of Barbie's teen sister? Freakazoid: (everyone starts going through names) Skipper! Alien: (alien walks back into the ship) Hey, everyone! It's Skipper!