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How to Live with a Vegan Without Killing Them

2004

Erik: So, what the hell happened? Scott: She found my secret stash. Erik: Of porn? Scott: Oh, Lord no! Of meat, you retard.

Erik: If this ashtray were the cloud that led to the big bang, then this pretzel would be Stephen Hawking.

Erik: You need to call her right now. Bang her one last time, but then call her and kick her ass to the curb.

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How to Marry a Millionaire

1953

Pola Debevoise: I want to marry Rockfeller. Schatze Page: Which one? Pola Debevoise: I don't care.

(Referring to older men marrying young women) Schatze Page: Look at Roosevelt, look at Churchill, look at old fella what's his name in The African Queen.

Loco Dempsey: Once you get one foot on the ground, you're really quite a jerk, aren't you?

Schatze Page: Most women use more brains picking a horse in the third at Belmont than they do picking a husband.

Schatze Page: We'd better put a check on that one. Nobody's mother lives in Atlantic City on Saturday.

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How to Murder Your Wife

1965

Charles Firbank: Good God. Doesn't speak English? And yet, on the other hand, if one will go around marrying persons who pop out of cakes, it's bound to be, well, rather catch as catch can, isn't it, sir?

Stanley Ford: My God, you're Italian!

Stanley Ford: Push the button, Harold.

Stanley Ford: You get-um dressed, me go talk-um Butler.

Charles Firbank: This is Mr Ford's shower - thermostatically controlled at Mr Ford's body temperature: ninety-eight point *seven*!

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How to Stuff a Wild Bikini

1965

North Dakota Pete: Old Pete's got ideas... and those that ain't vile, are foul.

North Dakota Pete: When I was a kid in school, you know what I did to the little girls that sat in front of me? Eric Von Zipper: Sure, let me guess, you used to take their pig-tails and stick them in the ink well. North Dakota Pete: No. I used to stick the *whole girl* in the ink well.

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How to Use Dianetics: A Visual Guidebook to the Human Mind

1992 (V)

Narrator: It's the only effective technology of the mind in existence. And any two people can learn and apply Dianetics to each other, right at home.

Narrator: Man is basically good. Man has been wrongly accused of being bad because man did not know about... the reactive mind.

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Hububb

1996

Mikey: Why don't you try the cupboard. Les Bubb: There's nothing in the cupboard. Mikey: Why don't you try the plant pot? Les Bubb: Who keeps food in a plant po. Mikey.

Prisoner: That's handy Les Bubb: Hey, there, Rosa's skates. Policeman: Come here, son. Les Bubb: It's that lad you should be chasing. He's stolen Rosa's skates. Policeman: I'll have you, lad, I'll have you.

Policeman: I'm looking for a nutter dressed in bright clothes. Rosa: A nutter dressed in bright clothes. Les Bubb: I'm getting the hang of this, Rosa, I'll go deliver this now. Policeman: Tha.. Tha.ts him, right.

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Hum

1991

(to Tiger) Vijay: Have you ever kicked or punched anybody in your entire life?

Tiger: There are two types of bugs in this world. One comes from dirt another comes from society. If the bugs from the dirt bite you, you go sick. But if bugs from society bite you, whole society gets sick. You can cill the bugs from dirt, but the society bugs you can't.

Neeta: Bring a paper, pen, and an inkpot, so I can write my heart to your possession...

Vijay: O my sweetheart, I swear to you, I have been born for you...

Tiger: We love one another, we always want to be together...

Tiger: Juma you had promised to kiss me next friday, today is friday, so come on and give me a kiss...

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Human Nature

2001

Puff: Mother? It's a pleasure to meet you mother, but I have to go back to the forest... forever.

Gabrielle: You must choose. It is like that movie "Sofie's Choice" only it is Nathan's choice. Do you know that movie, "Sofie's Choice"? It is like that. Only it is this.

Nathan Bronfman: Remember, when in doubt, you should never do what you truly want to do.

Puff: Apes don't assasinate their presidents, gentlemen!

Nathan Bronfman: What is love anyway? From my new vantage point, I realize that love is nothing more than a messy conglomeration of need, desperation, fear of death and insecurity about penis size.

Puff: Words are evil!

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Humanoids from Atlantis

1992

(first lines) Narrator: The story you are about to see is true. Only the names of the persons and places have been changed. Well, that and most of what really happened. You see, millions of years ago, the aquatic city of Atlantis sank to the Earth's floor without a trace. In the years that have followed, many of Earth's most brilliant minds have combed the ocean floor in search of the long-lost city... and the possibility of any survivors. No one is really sure exactly what happened to Atlantis, but one thing remains certain: Somewhere in the vast expanse of a dirty bathtub we call our oceans, one of Earth's greatest cities lies in rubble, waiting for the day when someone might happen upon it... *and* its inhabitants. This is *their* story.

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Hungry Wives

1972

Jack: Your own goddamned daughter, balled in the next room and you go with it.

Joan: Hey, you know what I think? Shirley: Oh how in the hell can someone have so many opinions without ever having done anything?

(Joan is buying items in an antique shop) Store Clerk: So, you're a witch? Joan: Huh? Store Clerk: Chalets, herbals, knifes, they're all witches tools you know. Joan: Oh, I'm just interested in it. Store Clerk: You're kidding! I mean, I was just kidding. Joan: Well, I'm just interested in it. Store Clerk: Hey, that is really great.

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Hunter's Blood

1987

Red Beard: Posted signs don't mean buzzard shit. These woods belong to them that holds 'em!

Woody: Man, I'm gonna cut you deep! Mason Rand: Why don't you do that? (challenging him) Woody: I'm gonna make you cry! (lunges at him)

Snake: You know that there be Purty Boy's gun. Where'd you get that, huh? David Rand: I found it... in the woods. Snake: Well, I found this (produces a huge hunting knife) in my cousin Tull's body. And I figure you just (takes a swipe at David) know who it belong to!

Red Beard: Them boots is what I want first. Mason Rand: Them boots is what you're not gonna get! (coming out of the shadows with his shotgun)

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Hurricane

1997

Marcus: I might have sold a thing or two. It's not like killing people or selling drugs.

Benny: What do you want to be? Are you gonna be like a farmer or something? Marcus: I guess I could be a farmer. Benny: Yeah, I wanted to be a cop. But now that we steal so much, it's probably not a good idea.

(talking about New Mexico compared to New York) Marcus: And the air? It don't smell like this shit. Melena: You remember what the air smelled like from when you were five? Marcus: No, but I've seen pictures and I know it don't smell like this shit. Melena: You can't smell pictures, Marcus.

Louis: You smell that? I think he pissed himself. They do that when they die, right?

Harold: What is that? Chip: It's a tattoo, you moron. Harold: I mean, of what? Chip: The fuckin' fuck you finger, dumbshit. Harold: That looks bad. You drew it yourself?

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Hush... Hush, Sweet Charlotte

1964

Jewel Mayhew: Well, right here on the public street, in the light of day, let me tell you, Miriam Deering, that murder starts in the heart, and its first weapon is a vicious tongue.

Charlotte: You're a vile, sorry little bitch!

Miriam: Is my cousin one of your things?

Miriam: What is it that you don't believe Drew? That I'm here, or that I look the way I do?

Charlotte: What do you think I asked you here for? COMPANY?

Charlotte: Get outta here, Luke Standish! You smirkin' Judas!

Velma Cruther: Think I don't know a due bill when I see one?

Harry Willis: You're my favorite living mystery. Charlotte: Have you ever solved me?

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Hustle & Flow

2005

Key: Just because you got the bacon, lettuce, and tomato don't mean I'm gonna give you my toast.

Key: There are two types of people: those that talk the talk and those that walk the walk. People who walk the walk sometimes talk the talk but most times they don't talk at all, 'cause they walkin'. Now, people who talk the talk, when it comes time for them to walk the walk, you know what they do? They talk people like me into walkin' for them.

DJay: You in charge. Say it. Nola: I'm in charge. DJay: Say it like you mean it. Nola: (after a pause) I'm in charge.

DJay: You Mormons are some brave mother fuckers.

DJay: Who's this niggah? Key: That's Shelby, he plays piano in my church. I thought he could help us develop your sound. DJay: You know he's white, right? Key: Naw, he just light-skinned.

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Hustling

1975 (TV)

(after a prostitution task force press conference) Fran Morrison: I haven't heard so many numbers in all my life. Keogh: Come on, Morrison. (leads her out of the press room) Oh, it makes them feel secure. You know, when you're a patrolman pounding a beat, you carry a gun. When you're a deputy inspector, you carry statistics.

Fran Morrison: A thousand prostitutes! Do you have any solutions? Keogh: Sure! Every commuter should take one home.

Fran Morrison: I just don't get it? Keogh: Get what? Fran Morrison: The whole logic of law enforcement. You don't arrest the pimps, you don't arrest the johns, you don't touch the owners of these fleabag hotels, but you're going to beat this monolith by busting Wanda and Dee Dee and forty other girls a night and tossing them in the bullpen. If you really wanted to stop illegal racetrack gambling would you put the racehorses in jail? Keogh: (laughs) Whoever said anything about logic.

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Hysterical

1983

Librarian: The library is closed. All white people must leave.

Kate: Forget therapy, he needs a quaalude.

(In a lifeboat) Dr Paul Batton: Now what do we do? Fritz: We can always dive for the Andrea Doria. I know it's around here somewhere.

Fritz: Oh, so this is Mexico. (Dr Paul Batton looks at Fritz, the map, and the tall trees around them, then grabs the map, turns it upside down, and hands it back to Fritz.) Oh, so this is Oregon.

(Dr Paul Baton, Fritz, and Kate all run to the sheriff's office.) Dr Paul Batton: We've got trouble! Fritz: Right here in River City! All: With a capital T and that rhymes with G and that stands for GHOUL! Kate: We've got Captain Howdy! Dr Paul Batton: Right here in Hellview City! Fritz: With a capital C and that rhymes with Z and that stands for Zom... bie.

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I Come in Peace

1990

Jack Caine: Either you're Santa Claus or you're dead, pal.

(After blowing away the police chief, who was trying to kill his partner) Jack Caine: (to Laurence Smith) Never trust nobody; Caine Manual, Chapter 1, Page 1.

Bad Alien: I come in peace. Jack Caine: Then you go in pieces, asshole.

Arwood "Larry" Smith: (trying on a jacket from Jack's closet) Hey, it fits perfectly! Jack Caine: It should... it was mine when I was 12.

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I Cover the Waterfront

1933

Joe Miller: You wouldn't go for a kiss, would you? Julie Kirk: No. Not very far.

Julie Kirk: Men never know what the sea really looks like. Women know. When they've looked out there for years, waitin' for somebody to come back.

One Punch McCoy: When two men agree, one is superfluous.

(Joe tosses Julie her swimsuit) Joe Miller: Take this out and have it filled.

One Punch McCoy: (takes the girl's hand) I could eat you. (then looks up to see her for the first time) But I'm afraid it would take months and months.

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I Drink Your Blood

1970

Horace Bones: Stab her!

Molly: There's no-one left in Valley Hills because of your damn dam!

Horace Bones: Let it be known, sons and daughters, that Satan was an acid head. Drink from his cup; pledge yourselves. And together, we'll all freak out.

Sylvia: He's not drunk, stupid. He's been doped! Pete: Huh? Sylvia: With that stuff that they call LSD. The whole bunch take it. Pete: What does it do, that L-whatever you call it? Sylvia: Boy, you really don't know anything. Well, it makes a person crazy. Pete: Wow! Is that what *they've* done to Grampaw?

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I Kina spiser de hunde

1999

Onkel: Tell Harald that he should watch out for his eyes.

Martin: What the fuck do we know? We are only chefs.

Richard: (Richard just found out that bartender is a Devil) Dammit, I should've known. you little devil you... but I haven't seen you before! Bartender: It's also my first pick-up

Richard: Come with me, Arvid. You're going to heaven with me. Arvid: Heaven? What about the rock musicians? I killed a whole rock band!

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I Love the '90s

2004 (mini)

Michael Ian Black: (about TLC) They're cute. And one of them is an arsonist. Whatever.

Themselves: (about "Clueless") It can be enjoyed by women *or* gay men.

(imitating a conversation between Forrest Gump and Karl from Sling Blade) Hal Sparks: (as Forrest) I like you, Karl, you're a very nice person. (as Karl) I done killed someone, mm-hmm. I'm fixin' to kill you if you don't shut up about the chocolate, mm-hmm. (as Forrest) Karl, you're a very nice person. Would you like to come and help me run my shrimpin' boat? (as Karl) I don't know how to swim, mm-hmm. Is it OK if I bring my boy, mm-hmm? (as Forrest) That's fine, I'm bringing' Lieutenant Dan. (as Karl) Who's Lieutenant Dan? (starts laughing)

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I Love Trouble

1994

Peter Brackett: Where did you say you were from? Bitchville?

Peter Brackett: Honey, we've been rescued. (Peter steps forward, Sabrina, completely naked and wet, grabs him and pulls him back, going from an embarrassed smile to great alarm) Sabrina Peterson: What are you dong? (more quietly) Don't do this to me, please. Peter Brackett: (chuckling) Was I hearing things, or did you call me a second rate novelist? Sabrina Peterson: I-I... I was kidding. I've never even read your book. I'm sure it's quite brilliant. Peter Brackett: Uh-huh (steps forward; Sabrina is forced to step with him) Sabrina Peterson: Oh, what are you doing?! Walk backwards!

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I Love You, Alice B. Toklas!

1968

Harold Fine: I'm trying to stop trying, guru.

Harold Fine: Mondo Teeth. What a concept. Teeth, teeth, and yet, more teeth!

Harold: I've got pot, I've got acid, I've got LSD cubes. I'm probably the hippest guy around here. I'm so hip, it hurts!

Big Bear: ... but all I eat is grass and acid.

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I Married a Witch

1942

Jennifer: 'Twould be nice to have lips... lips to whisper lies... lips to kiss man and make him suffer. Father, why cannot I have lips, and eyes, and hair?

Daniel: (sings) For tonight I merry merry be / Tomorrow I'll be sober.

Wallace Wooley: I'm afraid you've got a hangover. Daniel: Don't tell me what I've got! I invented the hangover. It was in 1892... B.C.

Dr Dudley White: It's OK. He fell out of the window.

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I Married Dora

1987

(In an airport) Dora Calderon: What's wrong, Peter? Peter Farrell: It's been canceled. Dora Calderon: The flight? Peter Farrell: No. Our series.

Kate Farrell: (reading a speech assignment for her class) Values, by Kate Farrell. What's important to me is the classic and everlasting music of the Beastie Boys and having really thick hair. Thank you.

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I Met Him in Paris

1937

Double-talking waiter: You have the ask to wish for me your pleasure? Kay Denham: What? Double-talking waiter: You have the ask to wish for me your pleasure? Kay Denham: I have the ask to wish for you me pleasure... Double-talking waiter: Yes! I am the waiter speaking who American. Okey-dokey?

Gene Anders: Do you mind if I tell you again that I love you? Kay Denham: Go right ahead. Gene Anders: Will you believe it? Kay Denham: No. But I like it.

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Idaho Transfer

1973

Ronald: I don't think you have to leave anything behind. Just have a beautiful time like all the other junk litter in the universe, then say goodbye. I don't know what else to tell you. Perpetuation and all the crap that goes with it is a big hoax anyway.

Future Girl: Are you sure that was one of them? Future Woman: Of course it was. Future Girl: What happens when we run out? Future Woman: We just put another one in. We won't need another for quite aways. Future Girl: I didn't mean that. I meant what if we run out of all of them or we can't even find any? Future Man: They'll figure out another way for us. Future Woman: We can use something else. Future Girl: But what if that's too hard or expensive and what if they decide they can't change? We'll use each other then, won't we?

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Identificazione di una donna

1982

Niccolo: Bloody hell... what a fixation!

Niccolo: What some people will do for ice cream.

Niccolo: Do all your cocktail parties have this sectarian air? Everybody acts like they're being spied on.

Niccolo: It used to be the poor who wanted to emigrate from Italy. Now it's the rich.

Niccolo: Who said, "Family life is an invasion of one's privacy"?

Mario: What meaning can a love story have in this ruin, this corruption? Niccolo: It's the corrupt ones who need a love story most.

Niccolo: People have reasons for going out at night, futile or otherwise, but we're quick to call them bandits because we suspect them for emotional reasons of our own.

Niccolo: He's got a face that made Heine say, "As sad as a German two days dead."

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Idioterne

1998

(at Stoffer's birthday party) Susanne: I think Stoffer should choose what we do next. Because it's his party. Stoffer: Gang bang. Susanne: No, listen, we've got picture lotto, spin the bottle... Stoffer: Gang bang. Nana: Count me in. Gang bang! Gang bang!

(Susanne puts a "spastic" Ped behind the van's steering wheel) Guide at Factory: Who... is he driving? Susanne: Responsibility does them good. (Ped drives off recklessly)

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If a Man Answers

1962

Eugene: May I remind you that New York is full of great restaurants, very few of which serve peanut butter. For a buck and a half an hour, the dishes will disappear. And as for companionship, well I have a little black book with the names and phone numbers of 111 models Bachelorhood is the ideal state for a man. Marriage, little Miss Stacy, is an institution sponsored by women for women.

Chantal: A man is a man until he marries, then he becomes a husband!

Chantal: He's your idea, you dreamed him up, you make him go away!

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If These Walls Could Talk 2

2000 (TV)

Karen: Whose right to screw frat boys was I defending? This should read, Karen: I fought to get this school free birth control! What, do you think I was protecting *MY* right to screw frat boys?

Amy: I know alot of things about you, for starters I know you're interested. Linda: Curious. Amy: Curiosity turns me on. Amy: Hold on tighter. This isn't about sex, it's about not falling off.

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If You Could See What I Hear

1982

Will Sly: Mind if i smoke? Tom Sullivan: In the shower? Will Sly: Yeah, studies show that smoking in the shower reduces risk of fire by about a half.

(Will and Tom are a convertible, and it's raining) Will Sly: I figured for ten weeks of sun, surf, and sex, we wouldn't need a top. Tom Sullivan: Well, if the surf and the sex are as good as the sun, we're in big trouble.

Policeman: (incredulously) Your friend is blind? Will Sly: More or less, yeah. Policeman: Then why the hell is he driving? Will Sly: 'Cause he's the only one who's sober!

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If...

1968

Mick Travis: One man can change the world with a bullet in the right place.

Mick Travis: The thing I hate about you, Rowntree, is the way you give Coca-Cola to your scum, and your best teddy bear to Oxfam, and expect us to lick your frigid fingers for the rest of your frigid life.

Mick Travis: There's no such thing as a wrong war. Violence and revolution are the only pure acts.

The Girl: Go on. Look at me. Look at my eyes. I'll kill you. Sometimes I stand in front of the mirror and my eyes get bigger and bigger. And I'm like a tiger. I like tigers. Rrrrah!

Peanuts: Paradise is for the blessed. Not for the sex-obsessed.

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Ignition

2001

Conor Gallagher: (referring to the front door) Really? Was it open? Faith Mattis: I knocked like three times. Conor Gallagher: I didn't think I'd left it open. Faith Mattis: I'm sorry. The washing machine guy let me in. Conor Gallagher: Well, the washing machine guy had no business doing that. Repairman: Hey, machine's been shot. Conor Gallagher: Why do you think you're here - to answer the door? Repairman: Shooting's not covered by the warranty, sir.

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I'll Be Home for Christmas

1998

Nolan: I'm an elf!

Tracey Wilkinson: When did I become your slave? Jake Wilkinson: The day you were born.

Jake Wilkinson: Say something romantic. Officer Max: Huh. Jake Wilkinson: say something apologetic. Officer Max: Huh. Jake Wilkinson: SAY SOMETHING ENGLISH.

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I'll Never Forget What's'isname

1967

(Often cited as the first time the word "fuck" was heard in the cinema) Josie: Get out of here, you fucking bastard!

Jonathan Lute: What are you going to do, anyway? Andrew Quint: I'm going to find an honest job. Jonathan Lute: Silly boy. There aren't any.

Andrew Quint: No more extraneous... (pauses to eye a passing girl) attractions. Nicholas: As the pin said to the magnet.

Gerald Sater: He's a one-ulcer man in a two-ulcer job.

Jonathan Lute: It's one of the 32 known Vermeers - 80 of which are in America.

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Illegal Entry: Formula for Fear

1993

Adam Wright: I wish he was dead - I wish they *all* were dead

Adam Wright: All those people dead - it was *you* all the time!

(comforting Tracie, whose parents were just slain) Pamela Raby: Well, what's done is done.

Tracie Gambit: What's wrong? My mother and father were killed in front of me! My best friend and my aunt were shot because of this formula! It just doesn't make any sense! Dad only wanted to do good, and now everybody's dead!

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Ils se marirent et eurent beaucoup d'enfants

2004

Georges: (subtitled version) Stop Yelling! And stop boxing, people will think I beat you!

Georges: (subtitled version) (after walking in on someone else's wife) I got the wrong door. Not like it's a crime! I got the wrong door. Let's call the police. "You're surrounded. You got the wrong door.

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I'm with Busey

2003

Gary Busey: Drinking your own blood is the paradigm of recycling.

Gary Busey: Your imagination is the hood ornament on your car of creativity.

Gary Busey: Friends are just enemies in reverse.

Gary Busey: Fear is the dark room where the devil develops his negatives.

(Gary is coaching Adam on a date) Gary Busey: Ask her if she's ever played "Name that Smell."

Gary Busey: You get to go home and eat a Mexican pizza, now think of that!

(Gary Busey is driving crazy and Adam is in the passenger seat) Adam: Have you ever driven in a movie before? Gary Busey: Yeah! In 'Lethal Weapon'! Adam: 'Lethal Weapon'? You were crashing into everything in that movie!

Gary Busey: Men are failed women at birth.

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In Dreams

1999

(repeated chant) Vivian Thompson: My daddy is a dollar / I wrote it on a fence / My daddy is a dollar / not worth a hundred cents.

Claire: YOU THINK YOU CAN SCARE ME, YOU SICK FUCK! (crying) Get out of my brain.

Claire: Uh, yeah. I wrote that. But somebody else made me do it. (Starts laughing)

Vivian Thompson: I don't like you anymore! (points gun at Claire) Claire: No, no. I don't die here. I die in the lake, remember? Vivian Thompson: Oh yeah. (points the gun at Claire's foot, instead) Maybe you develop a limp.

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In God We Trust

2000

Gil: So, wasn't looking both ways? (slight pause) Robert: I'm dead, huh? Gil: Oh, thank God. If I have to explain to one more person that they won't be seeing their kids again... Everyone is *soooo* special.

Robert: Honey, I'm going to be going away for a little while. Ashley: OK. Robert: Well a long while. Forever really... um... But we'll see each other again... I, I guess. (pause) Robert: Actually, that's not true. You see I, I didn't get enough points and I bought chocolate for the chocolate and I never danced and now they're going to take me away and I really don't think you'll be joining me in Hell, so... I think we might want to see other people.

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In Old Caliente

1939

Gabby: You two ought to get along just like that span of mules over there. They've been wearing the same harness for eleven years.

Gabby: How are you gonna argue with a female when she's made up her mind?

Prologue: In the early days when California was first admitted to the Union, a rush of covered wagons, bringing land-hungry settlers, fortune hunters and outlaws, threatened the very existence of the old Spanish Dons and their vast ranchos.

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In Search of the Castaways

1962

Lord Glenarvan: Why would a shark swallow a bottle? Jacques Paganel: What was in his mind, I don't know. I only know what was in his stomach.

Mary Grant: (singing) Cast away, cast away: trust in your star. You know I will find you wherever you are. Though all your dreams may be tossed by the tide, cling to your hopes: never cast them aside. Cast away, cast away, though you may be lost in the wilderness, over the sea: I will discover your cast away shore, and you'll be a cast away no more. Oh, you'll be a cast away no more.

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In Tandem

1974 (TV)

Union Trucker: Gypsie truckers - always broke or with some social disease. Sonny Pruett: Well that depends... Union Trucker: On what? Sonny Pruett: On whether I'd accept your check, or your wife's favors.

Sonny Pruett: There are two rules to fighting. One... (punches the other guy) Always get in the first punch. (the other guy falls) Two, never pick a fight with an old man - he can't afford to lose.

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In the Bedroom

2001

Willis Grinnel: Ever notice that even the worst bastards have friends?

Matt: Look, I know that sometimes I let him get away with... (Ruth interrupts him, smashing a plate on the floor) Ruth: EVERYTHING!

Ruth: He needs his head in school, not in her. Matt: So to speak.

Richard: Where are the boys? Natalie: ... It's none of your business. Richard: Oh, I see. They're my boys, but they're none of my business.

(to Matt) Ruth Fowler: Did you do it?

Ruth: (sees Franks has been punched in the eye) So what are you going to do about it? Frank Fowler: I don't know... take karate.

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In the Company of Men

1997

Chad: Women. Nice ones, the most frigid of the race, it doesn't matter in the end. Inside they're all the same meat and gristle and hatred just simmering.

Chad: Never trust anything that can bleed for a week and not die.

Chad: Life is for the taking, is it not?

Chad: Never lose control, that's the key.

Howard: I get so used to saying what people want to hear I forget sometimes they might just want the truth.

Chad: Let me give you a little business tip. The word is ASK, not "axe." ASK.

Chad: Fuck her! Let's get a sandwich!

Howard: Look at you! You are fucking handicapped! You think you can choose? Men falling at your feet?

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In the Gloaming

1997 (TV)

Danny: Come on. Don't tell me you finally asking about my sex life. Janet: No. I'm asking you about your love life. Did you love? Were you loved? Danny: Yes. Janet: Good.

(Danny and Janet are talking about sex in movies) Janet: I just think it's private. And I don't think you can even portray sex on screen. I think the directors are just showing off. For me, it's the same thing as watching someone go to the toilet. Danny: Oh, my God, that's awful!!!!

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In the Spirit

1990

Reva: It's the mafia! The mafia is after us! Maryann: Oh, the mafia wouldn't try to kill us and make it look like an accident! They'd just kill us! They're the mafia. Reva: Oh, yes. But what if it connects them to something bigger, like drugs, or murder!?! Maryann: Do you know much about the mafia?

(regarding Crystal) Roger Flan: I would never believe a professional prostitute could be so boring.

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Incident at Loch Ness

2004

Kitana Baker: Zak, why exactly am I wearing a g-string bikini? Zak Penn: Because you are a model and you're a sonar operator.

Zak Penn: I don't want to make some sort of blanket comment about the people of Scotland, but the fact that they picked on Michael Karnow, of all people, I think is pretty low. I mean, this is a guy who wouldn't hurt a fly. Literally. I mean, he literally has a thing about flies. He will not hurt flies.

Zak Penn: When I look back, and I hear people talk about what suffering, I say to myself, "Who suffered more than I did"? I mean, other than the people who died. I mean, obviously, they suffered more because, well, they're dead. But, you could make the argument that they're dead, so they're not really dealing with it, whereas I live with the guilt, and I live with the sadness.

Zak Penn: At least we're not dragging the boat over a hill... Werner Herzog: What was that? Zak Penn: Uh... nothing.

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Incognito

1997

Harry Donovan: Don't you think a garbageman is in it for the money? 'Cause he sure in hell ain't in it for the garbage.

Prof. Marieke van den Broeck: You don't have any friends. Harry Donovan: Oh yeah, why's that? Prof. Marieke van den Broeck: You're a loner, you don't like people. Harry Donovan: What? Prof. Marieke van den Broeck: You don't like people. Harry Donovan: Oh, I like people. Prof. Marieke van den Broeck: Name one. Harry Donovan: I like people.

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Indiscreet

1958

Alfred: There is no sincerity like a woman telling a lie.

Alfred: You know, I'm too old for this sort of evening. I always was.

Anna: How dare he make love to me and not be a married man.

Anna: I like a man with a glass in his hand.

Anna: This is a very diplomatic matter, I don't want you putting your foot in it. Phillip: I deal with diplomatic matters every day without feet.

Philip: Oh, I tell you. Women are not the sensitive sex. That's one of the grand delusions of literature. Men are the true romanticists.

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Inferno

1980

Mark: She writes poetry. Nurse: A pastime especially suited for women.

(Reading from "The Three Mothers," by E. Varelli) Rose Elliot: I do not know what price I shall have to pay for breaking what we alchemists call Silentium, the life experiences of our colleagues should warn us not to upset laymen by imposing our knowledge upon them.

Kazanian: There are mysterious parts in that book, but the only true mystery is that our very lives are governed by dead people.

Sara: Have you ever heard of the Three Sisters? Carlo: You mean those black singers? Sara: No, I'm talking about mythology. Carlo: Hold on, if you're talking about spooks and stuff, I don't believe in any of that. Sara: How can you be so sure? Carlo: I don't believe in such things, that's all, and without any philosophical discussion. Sara: Then what do you believe in? Carlo: In whatever I can see and touch.

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Ingen djvla picknick

2002 (V)

Lilleman: Tony, vem r det? Tony: En stackare som gjorde bort sig, gjorde bort sig rejlt, och d blir man inte s djvla populr.

Lilleman : Tony, vem r det? Tony : En stackare som gjorde bort sig, gjorde bort sig rejlt, och d blir man inte s djvla populr. (English translation) Lilleman: (about the corps in the bodybag) Tony, who is it? Tony: A poor fuck, he doublecrossed me, then he died.

Tony: (Lilleman stops digging) What the fuck is wrong with you? Dig the fucking hole. Lilleman: Yeah! But... Tony: Come on! Dig! Lilleman: Take it easy. I need a break. Tony: A break? Right... You know, this is no fucking picnic.

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Innocent Man, An

1989

Jimmie Rainwood: All right, you talked and I listened. Virgil Cane: Hey! HEY! Don't be talkin' out the side of your neck while I'm trying to do you a solid.

Virgil Cane: Ain't life a motherfucker.

Robby: So, what are you in for? Jimmy Rainwood: You don't understand, I don't belong here. Robby: Yeah, you're right! Nobody belongs in this shithole! Tough being a victim, huh?

Jingles, Con: Don't you ever touch me, you White Mother Fucker! *Ever*!

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Inquizition

1998

(opening) Inquizitor: You are about to be witness to an examination. Several of you have decided to try your skills against the participants. But be you player or spectator, be prepared, for you have just been invited to an Inquizition.

(when all players give an incorrect answer) Inquizitor: Equal ineptitude...

Inquizitor: Time has expired... and so have you. Please... leave now.

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Inserts

1975

(repeated line) Big Mac: (Clark Gable is at the door) It's the new kid. The new kid at Path.

Harlene: You really should clean your pool. Boy Wonder: Where would I piss?

Boy Wonder: (referring to his actress's private parts) Unwrap the meat!

Boy Wonder: Rex, are you going to stand there all day and oil your cuff-links on the top of your greasy head... or do you wanna get to work?

Rex, the Wonder Dog: (referring to breasts) Stick the Hershey kisses back in the wrapper, will ya, sweetheart.

Boy Wonder: Three rhetorical questions in one day. What, am I turning into rubber?

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Inside I'm Dancing

2004

(to the other patients in the home, who view his effervescent introduction of himself with apathy or disapproval) Rory: Is it *always* this much fun? Or is today someone's birthday?

Boy: Are you a goblin? Rory: No, I am not a fuckin' goblin!

(before leaving the Carringmore institution) Rory: Look, if I said somethin' earlier to offend ya' or anything... good!

Siobhan: (while listening to Johnny Cash song) Can I ask you something? Were you born like this? Rory: Like what? Siobhan: Dodgy hair and shit taste in music.

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Inside Monkey Zetterland

1992

Daphne: You're a fag, baby!

Daphne: Throw it all out into the universe, baby!

Daphne: The thing is, Monkey, you'd change if you could, but you can't, and even if you could, you really shouldn't. And stop being such a fuckin' pussy about your curtains.

Monkey: My father was constantly calling life an illusion; 'karma' was also a convenient way to shirk parental responsibility. In my mind echoes, "Sorry I missed your baseball game, Monkey, but it's your karma, and life is an illusion anyway, boy-uh."

Imogene: Tami Peterson delivered a monologue in the middle of the quad on the insignificance of my performance art. She called it "Imogene: What do you mean?!"

Brent Zetterland: But seriously, Monkey, does my hair look okay like this? Monkey: Brent, you live in a beautiful shell - go with it.

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Inside the Third Reich

1982 (TV)

Albert Speer: Field Marshall Milch... do you realize who you're talking to? Field Marshal Milch: Herr Reichminister Speer... do you realize who you're working for?

Prof. Heinrich Tessenow: (to Speer, after Speer has quietly pulled strings to save the Jewish Tessenow from Nazi harrassment) ... And Speer... (pause) I don't owe you a damned thing.

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Interceptor Force 2

2002 (TV)

Dawn DeSilvia: Ten warheads, one megaton yield each, plus forty-eight unshielded uranium fuel rods in the tank... Oh, my God. Lt Sean Lambert: That's a serious explosion Dawn DeSilvia: No, Sean. That's Nuclear Doomsday.

The Woman: You took my mate, now I'll take yours. Dawn DeSilvia: Wait, what? Me? No, I'm not his mate. I mean, we're barely even friends.

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Interceptors

1999

Lt Sean Lambert: Hey Perez! Jose Perez: Yeah? Lt Sean Lambert: Do you know how to hot-wire a car? Jose Perez: Right, you need to hot-wire a car, so you ask the mexican-american guy, huh? Lt Sean Lambert: Look, I grew up in France, right? Jose Perez: Yeah. Lt Sean Lambert: So if you ask me any questions about wine and cheese, I don't think I would be offended.

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Interiors

1978

Pearl: You'll live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to.

Eve: You spoke to my analyst about this behind my back? How could you! This is humiliating!

Joey: Renata, Renata! All I hear about is Renata!

Frederick: I'll just have a drink. Renata: Right! Drink yourself unconcious. That's the sort of writer's cliche you've never had trouble adjusting to.

Mike: I love you, Joey. Joey: Why do you stick with me? I give you nothing but grief!

(repeated line) Eve: I think it's exquisite.

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Intimate Deception

1997 (V)

Jennifer: Most beautiful things tend to have a bite to them.

Jennifer: No matter what, thank you for tonight.

Tina: I look at myself as an essential ingredient in the art of creation.

Tina: Believe me, I have a way of making a man scream.

Tina: It's not safe to talk to strangers - it's much safer to kill 'em.

John: Let's just say I have an entrepreneurial spirit.

Charlie: Stay away from me, Bob, or I promise I will give you a reason to hate me.

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Into the Badlands

1991 (TV)

T.L. Barston, Bounty Man: You better hope the wind don't shift. Your townsfolk get a whiff of you, they're liable to clear out faster than you can say formaldehyde.

(first lines) T.L. Barston, Bounty Man: Back in the days of the old West, there were these stretches of territory that I think God and nature just plain forgot about... dark and parched and empty as the moons of Mars. Places where sensible men never vertured... where only dreams and phantoms walked. Kind of a way station between civilization and the Ninth Circle of Hell - The Badlands.

(as McComas rides up) T.L. Barston, Bounty Man: I smell the aroma of cash.

(last lines) T.L. Barston, Bounty Man: I only wish I could have stayed, but with a bounty man, it just doesn't work that way.

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Into the Blue

2005

(from trailer) Jared: We do this... and it's over.

Sam: Ask yourself, What do you want in life that money will get you?

(from trailer) Sam: You've dreamt about finding buried treasure ever since you were a little kid.

Bryce: Did you find anything? Jared: Yeah. Bryce: What did you find? Jared: A plane. Bryce: You- you mean like an airplane? Jared: Yeah. Bryce: That's odd.

Sam: I believe in you more then the profit of any treasure.

Amanda: (about selling the cocaine) I told you she wouldn't go for it... she's so clean she squeaks. Sam: Oh shut up, you coke whore!

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