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Bank Shot

1974

(Hearing the initial plan to rob the bank) Walter Upjohn Ballentine: I'm going to get up from this table. I'm going to walk to the nearest police station, and I'm going to turn myself in. And they will take me back to Stryker's funny farm, where at least I was safe... (He looks around at the others) Walter Upjohn Ballentine: ... and sane. And I pity the fool who tries... to stop me.

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Baseball Bugs

1946

Tea Totaler: I'm only 93 and a half years old.

Bugs Bunny: Watch me paste this pathetic palooka with a powerful paralyzing perfect pachyderms percussion pitch.

(Bugs makes it up the Empire State Building flagpole, tosses his glove, glove catches the ball - Batter and umpire show up) Umpire: YERRRR OUT! Gas-House Gorillas batter: I'm OUT? The Statue of Liberty: That's what the man said, you heard the man... ! Bugs Bunny: (mocking) That's what the man said, you heard the man... ! Bugs Bunny: (closing shot, Bugs pops out) And that's the end!

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The Last Episode

1999

Rod Serling: Submitted for your approval: a hugely talented writer-creator-producer who's run out of ideas, and a television show that's run out of steam... and, let's face it, of budget. I mean, look at this set. We had to sell most of our furniture to Quinn Martin Productions -- bastard.

Rod Serling: Meet Joe McCursky -- portrait of a man with a dilemma. His wife is 45 minutes late getting home, his television set isn't working properly, and he's all out of lunch meat. (pause) Perhaps not the most terrifying predicament ever, but, still, you'll have to agree it's rather unpleasant. Besides, I'm sure things'll pick up in the next scene -- perhaps some terrifyingly deformed creature'll show up and... kill him. After all, anything's possible... in The Twi-Lite Zone.

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The Last of the Fast Guns

1958

Brad Ellison: You wanted to see me? John Forbes: I wanted to see the winner. Brad Ellison: Nobody wins in a gunfight.

Maria O'Reilly: Do you know that every time you look at me, I feel like I am running around without any clothes on? Brad Ellison: Gonna get mighty chilly when the sun goes down.

Brad Ellison: I've met a lot of men in my time. A woman they forget, a mine busting with gold, even the faces of their own children. But I've never met a man who forgot a grave he dug.

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The Last Round

2003 (V)

(first lines) Man on Telephone: Hello. Luke Phillips: Yes... I'm calling about the ad in the paper? Man on Telephone: Thank you, Mr Phillips, for calling. Luke Phillips: Is this... for real? Man on Telephone: Indeed, Mr Phillips, oh, indeed. What we are coordinating is a game of desperate souls. With only six players and yet only one will remain. Would this be something that interests you, Mr Phillips? Luke Phillips: No... no... I'm interested.

(last lines) Jack Favor: You are one lucky bastard.

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The Last Time I Committed Suicide

1997

Neal Cassady: My role in all this was to make her feel better. Better than what?

Neal Cassady: One startled look and I knew, I was right back where I'd started.

Harry: You must resign yourself to being extraordinary.

Joan: Thanks for being here. Neal Cassady: Where else was I gonna go? Got all I need right here.

Neal Cassady: You should have seen all you brought down. Sirens, ambulances, doctors, nurses, butchers, bakers. Some big fear you brought down Miss Joan.

Neal Cassady: The time is now and now is all we have.

Harry: Give me your shoe! I want to kiss the ground you walk on!

Harry: Sometimes a little distraction's ... a good thing.

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The Laurel-Hardy Murder Case

1930

Oliver: Where were you born? Stanley: I don't know. Oliver: Fancy not knowing where you were born! Stanley: Well, I was too young to remember.

Oliver: Didn't you once tell me that you had an uncle? Stanley: Sure, I've got an uncle. Why? Oliver: Now we're getting somewhere. Is he living? Stanley: No. He fell through a trap door and broke his neck. Oliver: Was he building a house? Stanley: No, they were hanging him.

Stanley: Three million dollars! Is that as much as a thousand? Oliver: Why, man alive! It's TWICE as much! Stanley: Gee whiz!

Stanley: Septober... Octember... No wonder.

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The Legacy

1978

Margaret Walsh: (as they approach Ravenhurst, the Mountolive family's dazzling residence) ... So what do you suppose this Mr Mountolive does for a living? Pete Danner: (with a shrug) Whatever it is, he's doing it right.

Clive Jackson: (in Ravenhurst's drawing room) ... I always wanted to break into the music business, myself. Jacques Grandier: (wryly) In most of Europe, he IS the music business.

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The Life and Times of Rosie the Riveter

(1980)

Lyn Childs: We'd never had any opportunity to do that kind of work. Do you think that if you did domestic work all of your life where you cleaned somebody's toilets and did all the cooking for some lazy characters who were sitting on top, and you finally got a chance where you can get a dignified job, you wouldn't fly through the door?

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The Little Prince

1974

The Snake: One sting and you'll be singing as your soul ascends.

The Pilot: Over the years, I came to know a great many grownups. My opinion of them never improved. In time, I stopped showing my drawing, and never again mentioned boa constrictors, elephants, or stars--instead, I would talk about golf, money, politics, and neckties, and everyone was pleased to have met such a sensible man.

The Fox: It's only with the heart that one can see clearly. What's essential, is invisible to the eye.

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The Magic Garden of Stanley Sweetheart

1970

Stanley Sweetheart: Cathy, this is Danny, Shane and Andrea. Cathy: Hi. Danny: No, but we're working on it.

Fran: What's the film about, Stanley? Stanley Sweetheart: Well, it's about a boy... and a girl... and how they use their aesthetic distance as a means to keep their egocentric mechanisms separated from their id.

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The Magnificent Dope

1942

Tad Page: I've known a lot of go-getters. I've been pallbearer to about ten of 'em. They're just so darn busy goin' and gettin', they didn't have time to breathe.

Tad Page: Oh no, I've got no respect for anybody who was born lazy. That's like being born a king. They didn't do anything to get there. Oh, I had to develop it. Took me a long time to get where I am.

Dwight Dawson: That kiss took five years off my life... ... hey, careful, I'll be too young to vote!

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The Magnificent Seven Ride!

1972

Marshall Chris Adams: Tell me everything you know about him. What he likes, how he acts, everything. Laurie Gunn: Well, ah, the first thing you notice about him are... his eyes. They tell you that he is mad. Crazy mad.

Noah Forbes, Writer: Well, should we bury 'em? Marshall Chris Adams: The living need us more.

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The Man from Utah

1934

John Weston: Before I could get either one to spill anything, the whole gang jumped me... and I had to carve myself a fast walking stick.

Marshal George Higgins: It seems mighty funny to me that every time this gang organizes a rodeo, their own men win all the first prizes. When it begins to look like an outsider is going to win, he gets sick. Two or three has even died from it. John Weston: Well, you can't arrest them for that, Marshal. Marshal George Higgins: No, maybe not. But it's might peculiar that when these outsides fall off them top broncs, they're suffering from snakebite. I tell ya, it just ain't natural. John Weston: What do you want me to do? Get snake bit?

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The Man Who Knew Too Much

1934

Abbott: You know, to a man with a heart as soft as mine, there's nothing sweeter than a touching scene. Bob Lawrence: Such as? Abbott: Such as a father saying goodbye to his child. Yeah, goodbye for the last time. What could be more touching than that?

Abbott: Tell her they may soon be leaving us. Leaving us for a long, long journey. How is it that Shakespeare says? "From which no traveler returns." Great poet.

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The Man Who Knew Too Much

1956

(to Louis Bernard) Hank McKenna: If you ever get hungry, our garden back home is full of snails. We tried everything to get rid of them. We never thought of a Frenchman!

(to Drayton) Foreign Prime Minister: You have muddled everything from the start, taking that child with you from Marrakesh. Don't you realise that Americans dislike having their children stolen?

(last lines) Dr Ben McKenna: Sorry we were gone so long, but we had to pick up Hank!

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The Man Who Met Himself

2005

Rachel: Then he smashed all the mirrors in the flat, I mean he was getting violent. Austin Peterson, Private Eye: Stephen's parents said that you met someone else. After Stephen's death? Rachel: No. I mean I met someone yes. At first it was like Stephen had never been gone. It didn't work out. Austin Peterson, Private Eye: He just wasn't Stephen? Rachel: He kept asking questions about Stephen, like he was still here, still a rival. He couldn't accept my reasons for being with him. There was a box with Stephen's things in. One day I caught him going through it. Austin Peterson, Private Eye: What happened to him anyway? Rachel: I asked him to leave. He never got on with our circle.

Michael: Have you ever heard the sound of a body swinging in the breeze? Silence.

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The Man Who Skied Down Everest

1975

(After stopping dangerously close to a bottomless crevasse.) Narrator: I am alive. They say I skied 6600 feet in 2 minutes and 20 seconds. I fell 1320 feet. I stopped 250 feet from the crevasse. Numbers have meaning in the world below. But in this almost airless world, what do they mean? Was it a success or a failure? That I am alive must be the will of some higher power.

Narrator: The first barrier in the ascent of Everest is a huge ice fall. It looks like the tongue of some gigantic demon. More lives have been lost here than on Everest itself. It rises 1600 feet--a world of dangerous, fragile beauty; a cascade of massive blocks of ice moving imperceptibly from the glacier above, pushed by the weight of centuries of the snows of Everest. Without warning it can shift and break into an avalanche of millions of tons of ice. On the other side of this barrier lies the most challenging ski run in the world.

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The Man Who Sued God

2001

Meyers' ex: You're going to sue one of the world's biggest insurance companies? Steve Meyers: Well, apparently I wouldn't stand a chance-I'm suin' God.

Meyers' ex: You know they say people make their own luck. Rebecca: That's stupid! Why would anyone make luck that bad?

Anna: The church can only win if it proves God does not exist.

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The Man with the Golden Arm

1955

Sparrow: You all right... you know? Frankie Machine: The monkey's gone.

Frankie Machine: I'm the kind of guy, boy when I move - watch my smoke. But I'm gonna need some good clothes though.

Frankie Machine: I don't need it is all, I kicked it. Louie: Oh, kicked it... wanna bet? Frankie Machine: I mean it. Louie: Sure, I'll be around.

Frankie Machine: Guy teaches me drumming down there, says I'm a natural, arms made of pure gold.

Sparrow: Not even a postycard. Frankie Machine: You can't read anyway. Sparrow: You coulda drawed pictures.

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The Man Without a Clue

2002

Dale: (voice-over) I could smell the hormones in the air as soon as I walked into the room... and they weren't mine.

Dale: (voice-over) My life only got better from that day on; each day better than the last. It was trouble all right.

Dale: Stop thinkin' in the past tense, baby.

Charles Withingworth III: Darling, who is this... this? Dale: (voice-over) The man was clearly a poor listener. Lexie: This is Dale. He bursts in here as a different character nearly every day.

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The Man

2005

(from trailer) (after Derrick shoots Andy in the butt) Andy Fidler: You shot me! Special Agent Derrick Vann: I grazed you. Andy Fidler: Well, that's still shooting me!

(repeated line) Andy Fidler, Special Agent Derrick Vann: Oh, fuck-cryin' out loud!

Special Agent Derrick Vann: If the front of my car smells like ass, I'll beat you like a runaway slave.

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The Master

1984

Max Keller: Don't worry, I won't leave this bar through the window.

Max Keller: Hi, I'm Max Keller.

Truck Driver: I thought you died on me. You haven't moved for an hour. John Peter McAllister: A warrior in 16th-century Japan sat under an icy waterfall... with his arms above his head like this, (raises his arms above his head) without moving, for 86 hours. Truck Driver: Why'd he do that? John Peter McAllister: I can't imagine. Truck Driver: Yeah, well I say you didn't move at all. John Peter McAllister: Slow heartbeat. Close the door on the senses... and listen to the silence. Truck Driver: You must be a lot of laughs at a party.

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The Matchmaker

1958

Dolly "Gallagher" Levi: Money is like the sun we walk under. It can kill or it can cure.

Dolly "Gallagher" Levi: Money, pardon the expression, is like manure. It's not worth a thing unless it's spread around, encouraging young things to grow.

Dolly "Gallagher" Levi: Life is never quite interesting enough. You people who come to the movies know that. So I manage things a little. Nature isn't satisfactory, quite, and so it has to be corrected. So I put my hand in here and my hand in there.

Irene Molloy: Mr Vandergelder is a substantial man they tell me, and very well-liked. Cornelius Hackl: Oh, he's a lovely man. Irene Molloy: And a large circle of friends. Cornelius Hackl: Oh, yes indeed. Five or six. Barnaby Tucker: Five.

Dolly "Gallagher" Levi: The very young are almost as smart as the very old, Cornelius. It's in the middle that you get in all the trouble.

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The Matrices

2003 (V)

Neato: So it's like life... is just a movie... and I'm an actor... playing the person... in a movie... who discovers... that he's an actor? McTrinity: Yeah, it's kind of like that.

McTrinity: These agents have clients that get paid in the budgets of small African nations, Neato. Did you bring copies of your script? Neato: There is no script.

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The Mechanic

1972

Arthur Bishop: That was pretty cold. Steve McKenna: I knew she wouldn't do it. Arthur Bishop: But, had she done that, would be willing to pick up the tab?

Arthur Bishop: You always have to be dead sure. Dead sure or dead.

Arthur Bishop: It takes a special kind of person to do that. Steve McKenna: I can dig it. Arthur Bishop: You say you can "dig it". But, the fact is that you don't know what you're talking about. Steve McKenna: You do? Arthur Bishop: Do I? Steve McKenna: Interesting. When he's cornered, he answers questions with questions.

Steve McKenna: You're, uh, gonna be dead in five minutes.

Arthur Bishop: Murder is only killing without a license.

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The Merry Widow

1996 (TV)

Hanna: Besides the engagement to Rossion is off. Danilo: Off? Hanna: Off. Danilo: But that rendezvous in the summer house... Hanna: That was no rendezvous, that was another women a married woman, I merely stepped in to save her honor that's all. Danilo: That's all?! And I nearly went out of my mind with sheer RAGE and MISERY Hanna: You did? Danilo: Yes. Hanna: Why?

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The Mighty Mouse New Adventures

1987

(Trapped in a Scooby-Doo parody) Mighty Mouse: I can feel my I.Q. getting lower by the minute!

Ski-Nose: (a villain who's obviously Bob Hope, arriving to steal a trophy) Thanks for the memorabilia!

(as thousands of ping-pong balls fall from the ceiling...) Man: Only one man could have done this! Bat-Bat: Yes, but Captain Kangaroo's been in re-runs for years.

Mighty Mouse: Now I know why they call television a medium: There's nothing on that's either rare or well-done.

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The Miracle Woman

1931

(In the Temple of Happiness.) Florence: Outside the pulse of the world beats with hate! Hate! But here with you there is a heartbeat of love!

Hornsby: Religion is great if you can sell it, no good if you give it away.

Hornsby: You think you beat those people, don't you? Well you didn't. There's only one way to lick a mob, sister, join them. You're not a hypocrite if you admit it. Most of the trouble in this world comes from people who have beliefs. The answer is: don't have any! If you have none, you can assume the ones that happen to pay.

Hornsby: Hiccups and Alleluiahs don't mix!

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The Miracle Worker

1962

Annie Sullivan: All's fair in love and war. Captain Arthur Keller: This is not war. Annie Sullivan: Well, it's not love!

Annie Sullivan: Pity for this tyrant? Is there anything she wants she doesn't get? I'll tell you what I pity... that the sun won't rise and set for her all her life, and every day you're telling her it will. What you and your pity do will destroy her, Captain Keller.

Annie Sullivan: It's less trouble to feel sorry for her than it is to teach her anything better.

James Keller: Nothing I say is right. Kate Keller: Why say anything?

Annie Sullivan: (after a breakthrough with Helen) Now all I have to teach you is one word - everything.

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The Miracle

1959

TERESA: I am not a Christian. Christianity is a faith that betrays its believers! (taking off her rosary and throwing it down) I AM NOT A CHRISTIAN!

Capt Michael Stuart: But, Teresa is to be my bride! Mother Superior: Teresa is now the Bride of Christ!

Capt Michael Stuart: At every turn of the road the warning was there, but I refused to see it!

TERESA: What do you think you're doing? Flaco: Collecting food for the poor. TERESA: What poor? Flaco: Ourselves.

Capt Michael Stuart: (trying to convince Teresa to elope with him rather than becoming a nun) They'll cut your hair, Teresa. They'll shear it off.

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The Misadventures of Margaret

1998

Edward Nathan: Save some insanity for menopause!

Edward Nathan: Don't look for trouble when there isn't any... 'cause if you don't find it, you end up creating it.

Margaret Nathan: You're aging. Edward Nathan: You're helping.

The Philosopher: You see, in the end, our truest opinions are not the ones we have never changed... Young Girl: ... but those to which we have most often returned.

Margaret Nathan: Divorce Lawyers should be on call like Doctors!

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The Misfit Brigade

1987

(yelling at Tiny in a tank with very limited space) The Legionnaire: Watch it you stupid shit! Damn Russians in front of me and this fucking idiot behind me!

(walking along the bombed out street with her cat that the soldiers just saved out of the ruins of a house) Catwoman: Damned soldiers! When are you going to stop your senseless war?

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The Mountain Men

1980

Henry Frapp: I thought you got lost again. Nathan Wyeth: Haven't you ever been lost? Henry Frapp: Hmmm... been fearsome confused for a month or two, but I ain't never been lost!

Bill Tyler: I heard you got in on the money end of this miserable business. Henry Frapp: Yep. Packed in supplies, watered down the whiskey, jacked up the prices... and went to tradin' for beaver. Bill Tyler: How'd ya do? Henry Frapp: I lost my ass!

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The Mullet Man Show

2003

Mullet Man: What in the name of Blaze Bailey do you think you're doing?

Lucky Larry: I like Rancid's new album. It reminds me of Deep Purple's early work... Mullet Man: HA! You can't compare Rancid to Deep Purple. Ritchie Blackmore, Rock God, like captain Kirk, cool integalatic shag magnetic and Mr Spock's best mate. Rancid, wannabe US rockers, here today, gone tommorow. They would be like Captain Pichard, wussy baldy make it so loser whose best friend's a bleeding robot! It's just not the same thing!

Mullet Man: (at the end of every episode) Goodbye boys and girls... and spread the disease!

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The Murder of Dr Harrigan

1936

Nurse Sally Keating: What do you expect to find at the morgue? Doctor George Lambert: What do you usually find at a morgue? Nurse Sally Keating: A lot of your patients!

Nurse Sally Keating: George, you have proposed to me in many different ways, and many different places, but I'll only accept you in an environment fitting of your actions. Doctor George Lambert: Oh yeah, where's that? Nurse Sally Keating: The psychiatric ward!

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The Nanny

2002 (V)

Joey: Stick 'em up, lady! I'm robbin' the place. (Kelly raises her hands in submission) Kelly: Oh, take whatever you want, I promise I won't be a problem. Joey: You better not! In fact, to be sure, you hold out your hands.

Joey: You know, I'd be like a bank robber, and I'd come into a bank and rob it. Kelly: That sounds like I might get tied up again.

Laura: You've been a bad nanny letting yourself get all tied up like this. Maybe I should give you a spanking.

(Joey has tied Kelly to a chair) Kelly: Don't worry, he'll pay... (sounds of tape ripping off camera) Kelly: Joey, don't use that duct tape! No! Joey! Mmmph!

Kelly: Oh, my God! Cowboys, please come and help me! Save me!

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The Night Stalker

1972 (TV)

(About his vampire story) Carl Kolchak: Judge for yourself its believability, and then try to tell yourself, wherever you may be, it couldn't happen here.

Carl Kolchak: (singing) I'll take Manhattan, the Bronx and Staten Island, too. Watch out you great big wonderful Big Apple, Kolchak's coming back. Yeah!

Carl Kolchak: Don't look now, baby, but Kolchak's coming back in style.

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The Nine Tailors

1974 (mini)

(Lord Peter guesses that two suspects have run away to get married in secret) Lord Peter Wimsey: Ah yes, I thought he had a nice easy number. May I use your telephone? Supt. Blundell: Help yourself. Lord Peter Wimsey: (into telephone) Canterbury 123, please. If you wouldn't mind, it's urgent. (to Superintendent Blundell) In their flight, you know there is one thing the Thodays certainly overlooked. We have an ally, Blundell. A haughty prelate. An arbitrary prince. To wit, the Archbishop of Canterbury. Supt. Blundell: Oh yes, and Mr Mussolini and the Emperor of Japan? Are you all right, my Lord?

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The Oblong Box

1969

Dr Neuhart: I might find myself buying your pretty little body one day for a guinea or two.

Trench: Sir Edward. I thought you've been- Sir Edward Markham: Buried. Yes. Waking up in that horrible oblong box, no air to breathe, trapped and no escape. Earth raining down on the lid, every shovel full burying you more deeply.

N'Galo: We have knowledge of things you know nothing of.

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The Odd Couple: Together Again

1993 (TV)

Felix: Oscar's in the hos---what hospital? Murray: Columbia Presbyterian, but he begged me not to tell you. Felix: He tells you, but he doesn't tell me, his best friend. I guess he doesn't want to worry me. Murray: He doesn't want to *see* you.

(Felix is upset that his daughter's fiance has been twice divorced.) Felix: The man's been divorced twice, Oscar. Oscar: Be careful, Felix. A lot of people have been divorced. Jeannie was divorced, you're divorced. Felix: That's different. Oscar: I'm divorced. Felix: Well, I wouldn't want my daughter to marry you either.

(After Oscar has throat surgery.) Felix: You sound terrible. Oscar: No kidding, I just had my throat circumcised!

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The Onion Field

1979

(the two are eating at a diner) Det. Karl Hettinger: You feel like another piece? Det. Ian Campbell: Nah, I just got my weight below 200. Det. Karl Hettinger: At least you're tall enough to carry it. Married life's making me feel like an avocado with feet.

(repeated line) Jimmy Smith: Jumpin' Jesus!

(last lines) Boy piper: Yeah, I think I'll play the bagpipes as long as I live. Chrissie Campbell: I think that's a lovely idea.

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The Opening of Misty Beethoven

1976

Seymour Love: What's your name? Misty Beethoven: Misty Beethoven. Seymour Love: Is that your real name? Misty Beethoven: No, it's not. I took to sound more important. Seymour Love: What was it before? Misty Beethoven: Dolores Beethoven. Seymour Love: I should have guessed.

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The Origin or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the J.O.I.N.T.

2005

Peter Sativa: You're losing your brain cells, man! Paranoid much? James Bong: I'm not losing 'em, I'm using 'em. I'm really onto something here.

Agent Ken Abyss: You must be prepared for a new breed of enemy. Well, James, Bong appetit.

Paraquat: Welcome to the Chamber, Mr Bong. Inhale the aroma of paraquat.

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The Other Side of the Mountain

1975

(Reflecting on her life after the loss of her fiance.) Jill Kinmont: I try not to let it, but sometimes it all plays back in my mind, and when it does, I remember the words that Dick Buek said to me the last time I saw him: "How lucky I am to have found someone and something that saying goodbye to is so damned awful."

Jill Kinmont: I think the hardest time is waking up in the morning... those moments before I remember who I am, and think instead about who I was.

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The Others

2000

Elmer Greentree: Do you have any advice for me, Doc? Dr Mark Gabriel: Drink heavily.

(On a plane about to crash.) Woman: How can you be so calm? Warren Day: Medication.

Dr Mark Gabriel: We almost lost you there for a moment. Elmer Greentree: I was ready to go. But there was something in heaven that I didn't like. Miles: Heaven had a Disney store?

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The Paradine Case

1947

Gay Keane: Well, nice people don't go murdering other nice people.

Sir Joseph, Counsel for the Prosecution: She had patience. She could wait. This was, indeed, no ordinary woman.

Mrs Maddalena Anna Paradine: You are not to destroy him - if you do, I shall hate you as I've never hated a man.

Andre Latour, Paradine's Valet: That woman is bad, bad to the bone.

Anthony Keane, Counsel for the Defense: (to Latour, when Latour tries to tell him about Mrs Paradine) I don't want any dirty, lying sneaks in my room.

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The Park Is Mine

1986 (TV)

Mitch: The park is mine!

(after Valery is shot) Mitch: You ignorant mother fuckers have just shot an innocent photojournalist here! A female... (Mitch is cut off by a burst of gunfire)

Mitch: I never meant to hurt anyone. Valery: You shove a gun in an old man's face and tell him you're gonna blow his head off, and he dies of a heart attack because he's so fucking scared, and you're not responsible because your gun isn't loaded?

Mitch: Take off your clothes. Valery: What? Mitch: (shouts) Get naked!

(after killing Tran Chan Dinh, a mercenary sent to kill him) Mitch: Those sick sons-of-bitches! They're sending in the Viet Cong to get *me*!

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The Party at Kitty and Stud's

1970

Stud: Be careful, you bit me the last time... Kitty: I'll be velvet-mouthed on your shank of love.

Stud: Be careful. You bit me last time. Kitty: I'll be velvet-mouthed on your shank of love!

Kitty: Someday you'll be known as the Italian Stallion. Stud: Let's get high.

Kitty: Give it to me, Stud.Give it all to me. Kitty: Go ahead, Stud, give me all your juice.

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The Peacekeeper

1997

Lt Colonel Douglas Murphy: Wanna be a hero just like me? You're running out of time to save the world!

Jane: Are you still mad at me? Major Frank Cross: Well, that depends. Jane: On what? Major Frank Cross: On what you're wearing.

President Robert Baker: Who is this? Lt Colonel Douglas Murphy: I don't know, Bob. When do you die, do you keep your old name?

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The Peanut Butter Solution

1985

Student: (About Mikey's hair) Sir, it's moving! Teacher: It's not moving, it's just too long. Mike: It was short this morning. Teacher: Nonsense! What kind of a dodo do you take me for? Human hair grows only half an inch a month, no more. Mike: Not my hair, Sir.

The Signor: (To a group of children he has kidnapped) Quiet! Or I'll pinch you in the neck!

Principal: I found out that you've been kicked out of two schools, that you've faked famous paintings, and that you've changed your name and appearance four times. AND, you claim to be Rembrandt's great-great, great-great grandson. The Signor: I am a great teacher. I am a great artist. I am a great, great, Great, GREAT GRANDSON! Paris, Milano, Veroncia!

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The Pebble and the Penguin

1995

Rocko: You are crazy, insane; you're amazing.

Rocko: You're either the greatest romantic hero of all time... or you're the stupidest penguin who's ever lived!

Hubie: (discovers he's not in Antarctica anymore) But I've got to get back! Rocko: (points south) Well, it's that way. but you'll never get there. yeah, i give you three days. you'll end up in the belly of anything from a killer whale to a sardine.

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The Perfect Man

2005

Holly Hamilton: Patsy's back, it's packing time.

Jean Hamilton: Give us a word with tic in it. Holly Hamilton: Fine, tragic. Jean Hamilton: Fantastic. Holly Hamilton: Pathetic. Ecstatic. Jean Hamilton: Thank you. Holly Hamilton: Sarcastic. Jean Hamilton: Psycotic. Holly Hamilton: It's genetic.

Amy Pearl: I paid fifty dollars for mine, you? Holly Hamilton: Free, I pulled them out of a garbage somewhere in Wheelingsport. Amy Pearl: You win.

Jean Hamilton: Do you see these lines? We're in a race against time here. Scan it!

Dolores: Look at you all grown up. Got your little speed bumps and everything.

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The Pink Panther

2006

(from trailer) Inspector Jacques Clouseau: Without warning, I will attack you. In this way, I will keep you vigilant and alert. (attacks Ponton, but Ponton hits Clouseau) Inspector Jacques Clouseau: Good one. Ponton: Thank you.

(from trailer) Ponton: He was found dead. Inspector Jacques Clouseau: Was it fatal? Ponton: Yes. Inspector Jacques Clouseau: How fatal? Ponton: Completely.

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The Poirot

1989 Affair at the Victory Ball (1991) SUSPENDED

Mrs Mallaby: "I was afraid that Miss Courtnay was having a clandestined affair with Henry Hall! And his orchestra!"

Hercule Poirot: "Young people must realize that life is not to be gambled with like the roulette wheel! (Poirot, upon finding cocaine in the count's pocket.)

Hercule Poirot: "Young people must realize that life is not to be gambled with like the roulette wheel! This is nothing but poison." Cheif Inspector James Japp: "Cocaine!"

Hercule Poirot: "You still protect him, Madame! Even after he implicates you, his own wife in the crime!"

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The Pope Must Die

1991

Vittorio Corelli: NO MORE MR. NICE POPE!

The Pope: (as Carmelengo is lowering the triple crown onto his head) You don't understand! You've got the wrong man! Carmelengo: That's what they all say.

Vittorio Corelli: I want them to know I killed them. I don't want them to think they were just... unlucky.

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The Portrait of a Lady

1996

Mr Touchett: Things are always different from what they might be.

Gilbert Osmond: I know plenty of dingy people. I don't want to know any more.

Isabel Archer: I'm rather ashamed of my plans. I make a new one every day.

Ralph Touchett: I call a person rich when he can meet the requirements of his imagination.

Ralph Touchett: I love you but without hope.

Isabel Archer: Why should there be pain then? That's not the deepest thing. Ralph Touchett: Pain's deep... but it passes, after all. It's passing now but love remains.

Ralph Touchett: And remember this, that if you've been hated, you're also been loved.

Isabel Archer: My cousin. He's dying. I must go to him. Gilbert Osmond: Your cousin was dying when we married. He'll outlive us all.

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The President's Lady

1953

Rachel Donaldson Robards Jackson: (to Andrew who is planning to dual with Charles Dickinson the following morning) Andrew, if I'm to be the cause of all your quarrels for the rest of your life, then you give me no choice. I must leave you! I will not let you be killed because of me, nor will I let you take another man's life. I must leave! President Andrew Jackson: You'd leave me now?? Rachel Donaldson Robards Jackson: No! No! Oh Andrew, please, please don't do this! If Mr Dickinson's bullet kills you, it kills me too! Let him say what he will about me! President Andrew Jackson: No man can say what he will about my wife!! Rachel, I've failed you a great many times and a great many ways and I hope you'll forgive me. But I couldn't expect you to forgive me if I lived without honor!

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The President's Man

2000 (TV)

Deke Slater: You know, they say it isn't bragging if you can back it up. Joshua McCord: It's still bragging. Deke Slater: Well, this braggart thinks he can beat you to the bell. Joshua McCord: Oh, really?

Guerilla Leader: Who are you? Joshua McCord: Room service.

First Lady Matthews: (to Joshua) I don't know who you are, but you certainly know how to make an entrance!

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The Princess and the Pirate

1944

Princess Margaret: I hear there are pirates in these waters. Sylvester: Yeah? Well, let them stay in the water, they're dangerous on ships!

Sylvester: I'll chop off his liver! Say, that might be pretty good, chopped liver.

Sylvester: If you don't tell anybody I'm not a gypsy, I won't tell anybody you're not an idiot.

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The Prisoner

1955

(the Cardinal is in solitary confinement for two months) The Cardinal: How are you doing this to me? Why am I... going out of my mind? The Jailer: Well, it's funny, you know. The more store a man sets by his wits, the sooner he loses them. When a man starts watching his mind at work, you can't leave him alone for five minutes without he frightens himself to death.

(Speaking about the "art" of interrogation) The Interrogator: It's a pity it's a sport that has to be played with living men.

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The Private Life of Samuel Pepys

2003 (TV)

(Pepys is in the dock) Samuel Pepys: (to camera) And what have they accused me of? Spying for the French and taking bribes. I never spied for the French.

Samuel Pepys: They say that when we get to Heaven's gate, St. Peter gives us a book in which all our sins are written. I seem to have done his job for him.

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The Process of Creative Deception

2001

Taylor: I talk about it when the dog rips into the garbage in the back alley, but that doesn't make it art. Venice: But if you put the garbage on a gallery wall, some would argue it is art. Samantha: Yes, and they'll pay through the nose to get it.

Venice: What does money have to do with art? When did we decide that art had to have a monetary value? Sheldon: I didn't say the people buying had taste. All I'm saying is that the work should convey a message, which makes it necessary for someone to see it. Whether they like it or not is incidental ^Bottom Line, Somewhere Between Crap and Masturbation is Art.

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The Prophecy 3: The Ascent

2000 (V)

Gabriel: I'd die every night, if I had the money.

Zophael Jones: You answer my question, or I'll personally see to it that you spend the next millennium chained to a damp wall, wondering just what that is that's been winding its way up through your bowels for the last 750 years.

ZophaelJones: Killing you would be so easy. Gabriel: Fried food can kill me, a mugger can kill me. You're not so special down here, Jones!

Pyriel: Genocide... it happens now and then.

Gabriel: You been with a woman, Zophael? It's like dying... you moan, cry out. You get to a spot that has you begging for release. Once, I was an Angel of Death... now, I die every day... when I have the cash.

Gabriel: In the end, there's still the word. Everywhere. In heaven with angels, the Earth and stars; even the darkest part of the human soul. It was there the word burned brightest, and for a moment... I was blinded.

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The Quick and the Dead

1987 (TV)

Con Vallian: Shoot to kill. Wounds don't impress them. They've all been shot before.

Con Vallian: Why is it that the man who begs for mercy never gives it?

Con Vallian: You're going to have a choice. Them or me.

Con Vallian: You shoulda made sure, Injun.

Con Vallian: I work hard, every day of my life, just stayin' alive.

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The Quiet Earth

1985

(Aiming a shotgun at a crucifix) Zac Hobson: If you don't come out I'll shoot the kid!

(recording his audio log) Zac Hobson: Zac Hobson, July 5th. One: there has been a malfunction in Project Flashlight with devastating results. Two: it seems I am the only person left on Earth.

Api: You coming? Joanne: I wouldn't ride with you if you were the last man on Earth. Api: I'm workin' on it.

Zac Hobson: I've been condemned to live.

(speaking to a cardboard cut-out of Adolf Hitler) Zac Hobson: Look, I haven't got time to talk to you, I'm a very busy man! Besides, you've had your turn...

Api: You tell lies!

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The Rainmakers

1935

(Roscoe and his assistant Billy are detailing the specifications of his rainmaking machine) Roscoe Horne: Are there any questions? Farmer: (angrily) Aw, we can see through you! Roscoe Horne: (to Billy) When you get the machine started, drown him first, will you?

Roscoe Horne: I could use a bright boy like you! You could be my assistant. Do you know anything about machinery? Billy: I know all about plows and tractors and things... Roscoe Horne: Good! Then I'll be your assistant.

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The Rains Came

1939

Thomas 'Tom' Ransome: (showing Lady Esketh the Maharajah's summer palace) That's a Rembrandt. That's a Buddhist prayer wheel.

Major Rama Safti: (translating Hindu song) "Would my lyre were of jade, its strings of pure-spun gold, that I might sing with merit of your beauty... in your heart my love has found a home, and it can never die... "

Lady Edwina Esketh: You sober enough to take me to the party? Thomas 'Tom' Ransome: (taking a drink) Almost.

Lady Edwina Esketh: Some night you're going to fall flat on your face and people will begin to suspect you drink.

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The Rest of Your Life

2001

Ben McGuiness: I'm listening. Come on, I've got work to ignore.

Marvin Renaldi Sr: Don't talk to me like that, you little tadpole-fucking scrotum boxer!

David McGuiness: Six bucks to get in? It's a Sunday night! Ben McGuiness: That cover sucks! Bob the Huge Bouncer: Yeah? Well, there's no cover at all over at the 7-Eleven.

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The Richard Pryor Show

1977

Richard Pryor: I'm doing this stand-up on the show because the people at NBC said that well America don't know who you are and you come out and they're scared. They just see black people and they get nervous if they don't know who they are.

Richard Pryor: (as a TV preacher) People are always asking me, "Reverend; if you need money so bad, why don't you sell one of your houses, or cars or get rid of some of that jewelry?" And I always reply, "Are you crazy!" (looks at the phone bank) How much money have we raised so far? None! OK, this is a message for all you white people out there. Part of the money we raise tonight will go to the Back to Africa movement and... (every phone rings)

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The Saddest Music in the World

2003

Lady Port-Huntley: If you are sad and like beer, I'm your lady.

Fyodor: Are you an American? Narcissa: No, I'm not an American. I'm a nymphomaniac.

Mary: No one can beat the Siamese when it comes to dignity, cats, or twins.

Chester Kent: Sadness is just happiness turned on its ass.

Chester Kent: Idealism and business rarely mix.

Chester Kent: Why bother with shame at all is my philosophy.

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The Search for One-eye Jimmy

1994

Col Ron: If they hadn't shot my dick off in 'Nam, I'd whip it out and piss in your face!

Junior: What am I going to do with your old glasses? These are subscription, man.

Snake: Who are you? Junior: You know me, I'm Junior. Snake: Junior? Who's your father? Junior: Junior. Snake: Junior Senior? Junior: Yah. Snake: And you're are Junior Junior? Junior: That's right.

Joe Head: Who's Disco Bean? He's one of the greatest disco dancers around. I can introduce you to him, he's a friend of mine. Les: Isn't disco suppose to be dead? Joe Head: He died? Nobody told me nothin'.

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The Set-Up

1949

Stoker: Yeah, top spot. And I'm just one punch away. Julie: I remember the first time you told me that. You were just one punch away from the title shot then. Don't you see, Bill, you'll always be just one punch away.

Stoker: Well, that's the way it is. You're a fighter, you gotta fight.

Red: I tell you, Tiny, you gotta let him in on it. Tiny: How many times I gotta say it? There's no percentage in smartenin' up a chump.

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The Sex Monster

1999

Laura Barnes: There you go... all tied up and gagged... what's next? Evie Pembroke: With a pillow... pillow (muffled pleading) Laura Barnes: With a pillow? Evie Pembroke: Yes! (giving frantic, muffled directions) Laura Barnes: Evie, you're starting to scare me now.

Marty Barnes: Listen to me, you're taking the whole thing way too far. You're tying women up and you're gagging them now! That's too far! What's next? I'm gonna come home one day and you're gonna be performing surgery on some girl?

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The Shiny Show

2002

Dogsby: But I don't like fish. Tiggs: But all we've got is a fishy. Mukka: AND A DISHY! Tiggs and Mukka: Ocean'll have a bone-y on a little dishy, ocean'll have a... (Dogsby interrupts) Mukka: What now? Dogsby: Fishy on a dishy rhymes. Boney on a dishy doesn't rhyme. (Mukka looks very frustrated.) Mukka: But you wanted us TO CHANGE IT! (Slams dish into his face)

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The Shooter

1997

Jerry Krants: Sounds like you're a brave war hero! Michael Atherton: It could be possible. Jerry Krants: It was time that we met. Jerry Krants: Dead gunfighters need no guns!

Duncan: I can't believe it. Krants is dead! Kyle: Don't get your hopes up too soon!

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The Shooting of Dan McGoo

1945

Wolf: Give me a straight whisky. (the Wolf takes is drink and goes into wild convulsions, hopping all over the place) This stuff's been cut! Droopy: Well, what do you want for ten cents, gasoline? Wolf: 'Tain't funny, McGoo... What corny dialogue.

Droopy: Hello, all you happy taxpayers.

Bartender: (standing in front of a painting of a woman, obscuring the view of her supposedly naked torso) You might as well keep moving, doc. I don't move from here all through the picture.

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The Shrimp on the Barbie

1990

Carlos: Oh, look a kangaroo

Carlos: Relax Holmes, just teasing.

Carlos: Who died and made you Darth Vader?

Alex: Fine! I'll double it. Another five grand.

Carlos: (to Edison) Hey, next time don't be bullshiting me with the vodka.

Carlos: Hey, do you mind if I use that stick? Alex: What stick? Carlos: The one that's up your butt!

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The Simple Life: Interns

2005

Paris Hilton: Send in the next bitch.

Nicole Richie: It's five dollars to get your ass kicked, another two dollars to get flipped and another three dollars to get your nipples twisted.

(Paris and Nicole inspecting the funeral home crusher receptacle) Nicole Richie: What's the little bottom one for? Feet? Shoes?

(to patient) Nicole Richie: I'm gonna do the surgery on you myself, are you excited?

Nicole Richie: (while cutting a little boy's hair with clippers) If I start cutting off you ear, just scream and I'll stop.

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The Small Back Room

1949

Susan: Wouldn't it be silly to break up something we both like doing, only because you think I don't like it. Sammy Rice: Yes, you've got it all worked out in the way women always have. They don't worry about anything except being alive or dead.

Sammy Rice: I must have a drink. Ask me to have a drink woman. Susan: Have a drink Sammy. Sammy Rice: Whisky? (Susan nods.) Sammy Rice: No thanks Susan.

Susan: Where were you going Sammy? Sammy Rice: I don't know. Susan: A woman? Sammy Rice: Maybe. Susan: How about me?

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The Son of the Sheik

1926

Ahmed, the Sheik's Son: (the Sheik picks up a thick bar of iron and bends it into a u) I will bend you to my will, as I bend this bar of iron. (The son straightens the bar back out)

Title card: The night was young at Cafe Maure. Not a knife had been thrown - so far.

Ghabah: My young lion. Your people would gladly pay ten thousand francs to look at your handsome face again.

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The Spirit of Christmas

1992

Kid: Oh my God! Frosty killed Kenny!

Boy 1: You know, thanks to you there's not gonna be any Christmas, and there's no one left to help us. Boy 2: Oh, Christ... Boys: Jesus!

Boy 2: Well, that sucked. Boy 1: I'm sure glad that's over with.

(the boys refer to Jesus after seeing him defeat Frosty) Boys: Our savior!

Boy 1: Dude I told you not to put that fucking hat on frosty's fucking head now did'nt I

Boy 2: Well im Sorry Mr Rocket Fucking Scientist

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The Spirit of St. Louis

1957

(first lines) Reporter: (checking his copy) Here at the Garden City Hotel, less than a mile from Roosevelt Field... less than three-quarters of a mile from Roosevelt Field... everyone is waiting, as they have been now for seven days and nights, waiting for the rain to stop...

(last lines) Charles Lindbergh: (narrating) There were 200,000 people there that night. And when we came back home, there were 4 million people waiting.

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The SpongeBob Squarepants Movie

2004/II (VG)

Mindy: How fast do you think you guys can slide? SpongeBob: Will this answer your question... lolololo Patrick: lololololo

SpongeBob: Plankton there's no where left to run Plankton: You're too late, Spongebob. King Neptune is already at the Krusty Krab 2 getting ready to fry Mr Krabs and there's nothing you can do about it He He SpongeBob: We'll just see about that. Plankton: I love to stay and chat but I have a show to catch (flies away) Plan Z! I love ya! SpongeBob: YOU WON'T GET AWAY WITH THIS PLANKTON!

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The Spy Who Came In from the Cold

1965

Alec Leamas: She offered me free love. At the time, that was all I could afford.

Alec Leamas: Before, he was evil and my enemy; now, he is evil and my friend.

Alec Leamas: I reserve the right to be ignorant. That's the Western way of life.

Alec Leamas: I'm a man, you fool. Don't you understand? A plain, simple, muddled, fat-headed human being. We have them in the West, you know.

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The Star Packer

1934

U.S. Marshal John Travers: Whaddya find out? Yak: Two men gonna hold up stage - Coyote Canyon. Much money on stage. U.S. Marshal John Travers: Well, it looks like we're going to have our hands full. Yak: More trouble - more fun! U.S. Marshal John Travers: That's one way to look at it.

Henchman: Who's that comin'? Matt Matlock: It's that fool girl. Stop her! Take her to the hideout!

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The Steaks

2000

Brian: She makes my dick harder than a Japanese bar exam.

Finn: I really like that coat... Sarah: Really? Finn: Yeah, it makes you look like a polar bear. Totally in the good sense of the word.

Finn: You want to watch a movie? Sarah: Sure Finn: 'Usual Supects'? Sarah: We've seen it before... Finn: Ever seen a sunset before?

The DJ: (on air) I believe it was Sir Lawrence Oliver who said being FUCKING RIPPED OFF is the greatest form of flattery...

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The Street with No Name

1948

Alec Stiles: I haven't seen you around lately. Gene Cordell: (as George Manly) I've been away. Alec Stiles: Is that right? Gene Cordell: (as George Manly) Weekend on the country. Alec Stiles: Courtesy of the city? Gene Cordell: (as George Manly) Something.

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The Subject Was Roses

1968

Nettie Cleary: I never doubted he'd do as well as anyone else. John Cleary: Where he's concerned, you never doubted, period. If he came in right now and said he could fly, you'd help him out the window.

Nettie Cleary: In all my life, the past twelve hours are the only real freedom I've ever known. Timmy Cleary: Did you enjoy it? Nettie Cleary: Every moment. Timmy Cleary: Why did you come back? Nettie Cleary: I'm a coward.

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The Sum of Us

1994

Harry Mitchell: I'm tired of living in sin with my own right hand.

Harry: Why don't you get the young fella another whiskey, Jeff? Greg: No, no really, I'm a two pot screamer. Jeff Mitchell: I'm a bit like that myself, two and I'm anybody's. Greg: Three and I'm everybody's. Harry: Four and I'm nobody's.

Jeff Mitchell: Life would be pretty shitty without plumbing.

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The Talk of the Town

1942

Leopold Dilg: Well, it's a form of self-expression. Some people write books. Some people write music. I make speeches on street corners.

Leopold Dilg: What is the law? It's a gun pointed at somebody's head. All depends upon which end of the gun you stand, whether the law is just or not.

Leopold Dilg: With these indoor habits of yours, you've got the complexion of a gravel pit. Michael Lightcap: You know, Joseph, you're no oil painting yourself.

Leopold Dilg: Stop saying "Leopold" like that, tenderly. It sounds funny. You can't do it with a name like Leopold.

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The Tall Men

1955

Title card: Montana Territory - 1866. They came from the South, headed for the goldfields... Ben and Clint Allison, lonely and desperate men. Riding away form a heartbreak memory of Gettysburg. Looking for a new life. A story of tall men - and long shadows.

(first lines) (pointing to a lynched man dangling from a tree limb) Colonel Ben Allison: Looks like we're close to civilization.

(about Ben Allison) Nathan Stark: There goes the only man I ever respected. He's what every boy thinks he's going to be when he grows up and wishes he had been when he's an old man.

(last lines) Nella Turner: Ben, it was a long walk out here and my feet are killing me. Will you take my boots off?

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The Thief

2004

Eddie Smooth: Come on Lorna, you know I think about you. Lorna Swoon: Really? You do? Even when you're with your wife? Eddie Smooth: Especially when I'm with my wife.

Chris Dean: Tommy, come on Tommy. I'm waiting for you downstairs. Eddie Smooth: No. No Tommy here. Chris Dean: Tommy, come on Tommy. You do this all the time! Eddie Smooth: No. There is NO TOMMY HERE. Chris Dean: I didn't tell anyone about Cancun, man.

Chris Dean: You gotta gun? Darrel Anderson: No. Chris Dean: But, you told him you had a gun. Darrel Anderson: Semantics.

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The Thin Blue Line

1988

Randall Adams: If there was ever a hell on earth, it's Dallas County.

Edith James: The reason they were talking to the police at all was that there had been a three-day running knife fight in their apartment.

Floyd Jackson: David didn't have a conscience. If I do something bad I think, "Shucks, I shouldn"t done that, I feel bad about it." It didn't bother him. It didn't bother him at all.

David Harris: (asked if Randall Dale Adams is innocent) Did you ask him? Errol Morris: Yes. David Harris: What did he say? Errol Morris: Well, he's always said he's innocent. David Harris: There you go. You didn't believe him did you? Criminals always lie.

Melvyn Carson Bruder: Prosecutors in Dallas have said for years - any prosecutor can convict a guilty man. It takes a great prosecutor to convict an innocent man.

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The Thing About My Folks

2005

(Two young girls walk by. Sam keeps staring after them, finally points at them) Sam Kleinman: Explain that to me. Ben Kleinman: What? Sam Kleinman: The holes in those jeans... Ben Kleinman: Uh-uh. Sam Kleinman: They're on purpose? Ben Kleinman: That's right. Sam Kleinman: It's not because she's poor, and can only afford ripped clothes? Ben Kleinman: That's correct, sir. Sam Kleinman: (takes this in) And she doesn't mind that we can see her ass peeking out like that? Ben Kleinman: No, she does not. In fact, I think she would be insulted if you didn't look. Sam Kleinman: The last thing I wanna do is insult her.

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The Thirteenth Floor

1999

Jason Whitney/Jerry Ashton: Hey! What'd you do to the world? Douglas Hall: Turned it off.

Douglas Hall: Of course, we've improved on this model since then, now the players can beat the shit out of, and try to drown one another.

Detective McBain: I made the age old mistake. Never trust a beautiful woman.

Detective McBain: (after shooting David and realizing the truth) So, is someone gonna unplug me now? (to Jane) Do me a favor, will you? When you get back to wherever it is that you come from, just leave us all the hell alone down here, okay?

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The Thorn Birds: The Missing Years

1996 (TV)

Fee: Don't do to Meggie what you did to Mary Carson. Don't destroy her with love!

Fee: You really think Meggie doesn't love you? She doesn't want Luke, she wants a father for the children. All you would have to do is say one word and she would be with you in a heartbeat

Ralph: Does God want me for my ability or Mary Carson's money?

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The Time Guardian

1987

Annie Lassiter: Tell me more, Ballard. Ballard: About the City? Annie Lassiter: Yeah. Ballard: You'd be amazed. The technology's enormous. We've got powers your time only dreams about. Annie Lassiter: No, I mean, the people. Are they different? Ballard: They still fight and squabble, and try very hard to outdo each other. I guess they're not very different. Annie Lassiter: And what about men and women? Ballard: They fall in and out of love, marry and divorce, argue over the children... what? Annie Lassiter: I'm pleased. Ballard: Why? Annie Lassiter: I guess you people are human after all.

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The Time Machine

1960

George: When I speak of time, I'm speaking of the fourth dimension.

Filby: If that machine can do what you say it can do, destroy it, George! Destroy it before it destroys you!

Filby: He's got all the time in the world.

David Filby: Take your journey on your contraption. What would you become? A Greek, a Roman, one of the pharaohs?

George: What have you done? Thousands of years of building and rebuilding, creating and recreating so you can let it crumble to dust. A million years of sensitive men dying for their dreams... FOR WHAT? So you can swim and dance and play.

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The Tingler

1959

Dr Warren Chapin: Ladies and gentlemen, please do not panic! But SCREAM! Scream for your lives!

Isabel Stevens Chapin: There's a word for you. Dr Warren Chapin: There are several for you.

Dr Warren Chapin: Ladies and gentlemen, just a word of warning. If any of you are not convinced that you have a tingler of your own, the next time you're frightened in the dark... don't scream.

Lucy Stevens: Dave, that drug you brought... David Morris: It's not a drug, it's an Acid

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The Toy That Saved Christmas

1996 (V)

Larry the Cucumber: (Bob, Larry, and Junior Asparagus have just crashed their sled) Bob! Are you okay? Bob the Tomato, Grandpa George, Mr Nezzer, Mr Lunt, Pa Grape, Scallion, Dad Carrot, Dad Pea, Percy Pea: (Bob, upside down in the snow) Mousetrap. Larry the Cucumber: What? Bob the Tomato, Grandpa George, Mr Nezzer, Mr Lunt, Pa Grape, Scallion, Dad Carrot, Dad Pea, Percy Pea: (Bob, still upside down in the snow) I wanted to play 'Mousetrap.' Y'roll your dice, y'move your mice. Nobody gets hurt.

Buzzsaw Louie: Christmas is when you get stuff! You need more toys!

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The Tuskegee Airmen

1995 (TV)

Hannibal 'Iowa' Lee Jr.: Straighten up... Billy 'A-Train' Roberts: ... fly right.

Major Sherman Joy: The four elements: earth, air, water, and fire. Of these, I call your attention to two: air and fire. As pilots we live in the air, but we die by fire.

(last lines) Lt Col Benjamin O. Davis: We weren't assigned. We were requested.

Major Sherman Joy: You, people. Don't you know how bad we treat you, people? Serving your country? This ain't your country. You country is full of apes and gorillas, malaria, missionaries...

Hannibal 'Iowa' Lee Jr.: (to an exploding Focke-Wulf) Give my regards to Der Fuhrer.

(first lines) Young Hannibal: (chasing after biplane) Hey! Hey! Hey! Wait for me!

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The Twelve Chairs

1970

Ippolit Vorobyaninov: You're not worth spitting on! Father Fyodor: Oh yeah? Well, you are! (spits)

Nikolai Sestrin: I hate people I don't like.

Father Fyodor: Oh, God! You're so strict!

Ostap Bender: (after yet another failure) Remember the famous Russian proverb: "The hungrier you get, the tastier the meal." On the other hand, the French have a proverb: merde!

(Ostap Bender is kissing a young woman.) Young Woman: Do you love me? Ostap Bender: Let's just say that I am very much in lust with you.

Ippolit Vorobyaninov: I am cousin Kiev, from Vorobyaninov. All of the Michaels are dead.

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The Twilight Zone

1985

(After his life is saved by a time traveler, JFK gives a speech to a Harvard class - in 2172) President John F. Kennedy: Let the record show that there are men who do more than that for which they are called upon - men of honor, men of courage! You will not always know their names. But let their deeds stand as monuments, so that when the human race is called to judgment, we may say, "This, too, was humanity!"

(A demon challenges a mathematics professor to give him a task he can't perform.) Professor: Not a question. A command. Demon: Lay it on me, babe! Professor: Get lost!

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The Tyra Banks Show

2005

(on her failed attempt at launching a singing career) Tyra Banks: 'Cause y'all know I tried to sing, but that didn't really work out like we had planned.

(Carolyn shares tips for raising children and what she hopes to accomplish with her involvement with the show) Carolyn London: It's important to know that, when you're raising children, it's okay for them to bump into walls. She still bumps into walls. Tyra Banks: Constantly! (laughs) Carolyn London: It's just being there for them, and, hopefully through being here on the show, I can be there for you all, as well. Tyra Banks: Yeah, she's gonna be everybody's mama! Thank you, ma! (hugs)

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The Warriors

2005 (VG)

(after arriving to help take down a rival gang) Ajax: (to Cochise and Vermin) So. I heard you ladies needed help wasting a cripple.

Cyrus: What do you see before you? Masai: I... I see the Vancortlandt Rangers' turf. Cyrus: Turf? Turf ain't nothin' but where one gang stops dropping their colors and another gang starts. Lines on a map, that's all turf is.

Luther: Warriors, come out to play-ay!

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The Weakest Link

2000

Host: It's time to vote off the Weakest Link.

Host: Rob, do you still think I'm sexy? Rob Schneider: Yes, I do. Host: Good, because I still think you're stupid.

Host: You are the Weakest Link, goodbye!

(to Skid Row member Sebastian Bach) Host: Sebastian... why are you dressed like a drag queen?

(to rapper Coolio) Host: Coolio... why do you have a tree growing out of your head?

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The Wizard of Oz

1991/I

Dorothy: Well, we're not living in a trailer park, so we'll be all right.

Tin Man: Without a heart I can never really know what it would be like to love someone, or ever really understand trashy novels.

Tin Man: It would take a man of steel to get into that place. Wait a minute, tin is like steel, I'll becomne the Tinmanator!

Dorothy: If you're the Wizard then I'm Judy Garland!

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The X Files Game

1998 (VG)

Mary Astadourian: (after escaping bomb) It's times like this I wish I still smoked!

Special Agent Fox Mulder: Geez, man, do I know you? Craig Willmore: Cable Guy.

Craig Willmore: Did you get those prints lifted? John Amis: Ah jes' fished 'em, Miss Daisy, ah still needa process'm. Craig Willmore: And they say sugar has no effect on children...

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There's One Born Every Minute

1942

Mayor Moe Carson: I demand a little respect. Lester Cadwalader, Sr: You're getting it... very little.

(In a debate) Lemuel P. Twin: The other side has been robbing us for 20 years. Why not give us a chnace. Mayor Moe Carson: I want tax reform, school reform... Lemuel P. Twin: Give him chloroform.

(The Twine family ghosts want to help Lemuel win the election, but a ghostly matriarch objects) Agatha: Since when have we become trouble-shooters for dimwit mortals?

Agatha: Very well, if you can't keep a civil tongue in your mouth, I'll thank you for my trumpet and be gone.

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They Call Me Macho Woman

1989

(menaces Susan by breaking bricks with his forehead) Chang: Black belt. Karate. Fifteen years. (Susan kicks him with her spiked shoe) Susan Morris: Ballet. Six months.

Mongo: Get back to work! No drugs, no money!

(looking at a field full of corpses) Susan Morris: I bet you never listened to your mothers, either.

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They Made Me a Criminal

1939

Speed: She took eight gallons. That's a dollar twenty-eight.

Johnnie Bradfield, aka Jack Dorney: If you're rootin' for me, I'll go in there and bang the ears off the biggest guy in the world.

J. Douglas Williamson: You think you're smart, don't you? Spit: They call us "the Six Geniuses."

Ringside Radio Fight Announcer: A right to the jaw. A left to the face. Boy, is he a killer. Is he murderous. The Bull lands a terrific right to Smith's jaw, and Smith is down! It'll be best for Smith if he stays down, because this is downright murder. Smith's face is red pulp; red, red pulp. 8, 9, 10! And Smith's out. Phew! And I'm glad that's over.

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They Still Call Me Bruce

1987

Bruce: With my right foot, I will kick your face. With my left, I will kick your nose. With my fingers, I will poke your eyes out. Take a good look at my face. I'm an Oriental.

Psychiatrist: I want you to make 5 appointments with my nurse. Bruce: 5 times with your nurse? She's beautiful. Psychiatrist: No, I want to see you 5 times. It's imperative that I see you. Bruce: You a lonesome guy, Doc? You've been in this office too long.

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They Think It's All Over

1995

Nick Hancock: Jimmy Greaves was controversially left out of the 1966 World Cup Final winning team. And if he ever finds out, he'll be gutted.

(After being bitten on his finger by a ferret during "Feel the Sportsman" round) Jonathan Ross: I was 6 inches away from being Jewish.

Nick Hancock: According to our own Gary Lineker, when he was introduced to Tiger Woods, Mr Woods smiled politely and said, "When did you retire from football?" Yeah, sure. Probably right after he said, "Oi, Dumbo, two sugars."

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thirtysomething

1987

Prof. Gary Shepherd: Even Hemingway wasn't good at being Hemingway.

Miles Drentell: You don't look well. Have you been sleeping properly? Michael Steadman: (who wasn't gotten actual sleep in days) Like a top. (Exits) Miles Drentell: (to himself) "Like a top"...

Ellyn's date: I think "I Love Lucy"'s overrated, myself.

(Miles shows up, with flowers etc., at Melissa's place, after the night he nearly raped her) Melissa Steadman: I didn't know there was a Hallmark card for this kind of thing...

Prof. Gary Shepherd: I think I'm missing the relationship chromosome.

Ellyn Warren: I mean, Michael's cute and all, but how much fun can it be sitting at home watching him sulk night after night?

Ethan Weston: (whiny) Dad... Elliot Weston: Son...

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This Can't Be Love

1994 (TV)

(Jason and Sarah are making out, when the doorbell sounds.) Grant: Oh my God, oh my God, it's Miss Bennett! Sarah: How do you know? Grant: I've always found that by asking what's the worst thing that could possibly happen, I can predict the future with incredible accuracy. Grant: Where could she have gone? Sarah: Does she have any friends? Grant: None that she likes.

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Those Lips, Those Eyes

1980

Harry Crystal: There's one thing you learn in this business, and you learn it over and over: There'll always be a bigger agent, there'll always be a better job and they'll always be a prettier girl.

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A Thousand Acres

1997

Ginny: Rose left me with a riddle I have not yet resolved: how we judge those that hurt us and show no remorse.

Rose: Don't make me feel sorry for myself. The more pissed off I am, the better I feel.

Rose: We're not going to be sad. We're going to be angry till we die.

Ginny: It was Rose who dropped things through the grates. It was Rose who sang.

Larry Cook: You can't have children, but you, Rose, your children will laugh when you die.

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Thousands Cheer

1943

Private Eddie Marsh: From now on I only kiss women I know.

Hyllary Jones: Trapeze? Are Eddie's parents acrobats? Kathryn Jones: Aerialists! And I love him!

Frank Morgan: Just checking your pulse. Hmmm... very irregular. Rapid, too! Lucille Ball: You have your fingers on my wristwatch.

Private Eddie Marsh: There's so much to say. Kathryn Jones: Don't say anything. Just come back.

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Thumbsucker

2005

Mr Geary: Did you see the girls out there? Justin Cobb: Yeah. Mr Geary: Okay, go round 'em up. Bring 'em in here. Justin Cobb: (hesitant) ... Men's room. Mr Geary: (nodding) That's okay, I'm a teacher, I'm a teacher.

Justin Cobb: We have to overcome the idea that everyone is the same.

(from trailer) Dr Perry Lyman: There's only so much I can do with traditional orthodontics. Justin, are you ready to let go of your thumb? Justin Cobb: Why are you talking like that?

(from trailer) Dr Perry Lyman: I want to try hypnosis. Imagine you're deep in the forest. Call on your power animal. Justin Cobb: Come here! Dr Perry Lyman: (pause) Do it in your mind.

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