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Movie Quotes - 78

Film dialogue

Battery Park

2000

(Of a vigilante calling himself "The Hawk.") Derek Finley: He's got wings AND a cape. You don't need both!

(Creating a personal ad to catch a con man) Ben Nolin: We'll go around the room and come up with things that we find attractive. I'll start: "Wealthy, attractive woman... " Anthony Stigliano: "Possibly bisexual... " Derek Finley: "Nymphomaniac... " Kevin Strain: "Into leather... " Carl Zernial: "Who likes to cuddle... "

St. Elsewhere

1982

Dr Mark Craig: "Premature is a relative term, Donald."

Monsignor: I don't like you, McCabe. You're a smoothie from Southie. You wear a clerical collar and convince people you're a good person without doing anything to earn it. Father McCabe: And you're a petty bureaucrat who uses the power of the Catholic Church as if Jesus Christ was your idea.

Dr Mark Craig: I'm sick and tired of sacrificing residents, so you can feel like Mother Teresa.

Dr Daniel Auschlander: Most people associate hospitals with disease. I think of romance. But that's another story.

Everybody: You're a pig, Ehrlich.

Dr Craig: Do me a favor, say "moose and squirrel". Natasha: (in her thick Russian accent) Moose and squirrel. Dr Craig: That's what I thought.

Dr Craig: (looking at an x-ray) There's a liver not long for this world. Dr Daniel Auschlander: It's mine.

Star Wars: Jedi Knight - Mysteries of the Sith

1998 (VG)

Mara Jade: Pirates! I wonder if it's anyone I know.

Kyle Katarn: (Kyle has just survived a bad fall by landing on a giant pipe) Gravity is a harsh mistress.

Mara Jade: (seeing a rancor) I KNEW I was gonna regret this!

Mara Jade: (seeing droids dancing) What is this? Droid aerobics?

State Property

2002

Beans: This city right here we call brotherly love? Ain't no love here.

Beans: Five million dollars. I want you to offer that nigga five million dollars. Tell him to take the stand, say he made a mistake, and I wasn't involved in none of that shit. Lawyer: It's worth a try. Beans: Don't fuckin' try. You do it.

Beans: You see this shit here? These motherfuckin' rings? These are for my top dogs. The minute you put that shit on, that shit means for life! That means till the day you die! Ain't no gettin' off this shit! (Beans puts his ring on and raises his fist) Beans: ABM for life! ABM Crew: ABM for life!

(repeated line) Beans: You either get down or lay down.

Steel and Lace

1991

Gaily: (quietly, to each of her victims) Pretty, very pretty.

Daniel Emerson: My associates and I will leave you now. You've got a lot of packing to do. Be out of the house in 12 hours or we'll knock it down with you in it. And my best to your wife.

(told his best friend is dead) Daniel Emerson: So is Elvis - what do you want me to do about it?

Alison: I won't castrate my art!

Albert Morton: She was dead - they were alive - it simply wasn't fair!

Gaily: There's only *one* safe place.

Streetcar Named Desire, A

1995 (TV)

Blanche: They told me to take a streetcar named 'Desire',transfer to one called 'Cemetery',ride six blocks and get off,at Elysian Fields

Stella: But there are things that happen, between a man and a woman, in the dark, that sorta make everything else seem unimportant Blanche: What you are talking about is brutal desire. Just desire. The name of that rattletrap streetcar that bangs through the Quarter, up one old narrow street and down another. Stella: Haven't you ever ridden that streetcar? Blanche: It brought me here, where I'm not wanted, and where I'm ashamed to be.

Stripperella

2003

Stripperella: Evil doers prepare to become evil don'ters...

(Cheap-o has just stolen the worlds largest imitation diamond) Cheap-o: Congratulate me boys I'm a Hundredaire!

Persephone: Hey, Kid Rock, remember me? Kid Rock: Sure, I do! Austin, Texas, 1998. You were seated in row six, seat eight. You flashed me before I went on stage. After the show, we went out to the great donut shop and bet that I couldn't eat 27 apple fritters in one sitting, but I did. Persephone: I think you might be the father of my child. (she holds up a picture of a kid that's dressed like Kid Rock) Kid Rock: What? I don't know you!

Suburban Commando

1991

Charlie Wilcox: I was FROZEN today!

Shep Ramsey: I'm here to rent the apartment.

Hutch: You're a dead man, Ramsey.

Gangleader: Do you have any idea what we are gonna do to you? If we find any kind of scratch? Shep Ramsey: Lemme guess. Your gonna pound my face. Gangleader: What are you nuts? This is the '90s. We're gonna sue you.

Suburbia

1984

Jack Diddley: My old man's gonna be back soon and if we're still here he's gonna shit Twinkies.

Jack Diddley: I hate buses.

Club Owner: Give 'em the muzak.

DI - Vocals: Have some fuckin' fun, move up.

Razzle: Happy Easter, asshole.

Jack Diddley: Where's that house, Flea? Razzle: Over there... Hey, my name's Razzle, man.

Suddenly

1954

John Baron: Tonight at five o'clock I kill the President. One second after five there's a new President. What changes? Nothing!

John Baron: The thing about killing you or her or him is that I wouldn't be getting paid for it and I don't like giving anything away for free.

John Baron: Your guts are showing all over the place, brave boy.

John Baron: I'm not actor, bustin' my leg on a stage so I can yell 'down with the tyrants'. If Booth wasn't such a ham he might've made it.

John Baron: I hate awards.

Sukeban Deka: tanj-hen

1991 (V)

Saki Asamiya: If you don't stop hanging off me like crap out of a carp's butt, I'll beat you senseless! Sanpei Nowaki: Oh, boy! S&M! I'm game!

Saki Asamiya: You can't put handcuffs on a corpse, can you?

(After learning Saki's mother is in prison) Saki Asamiya: You don't have to cry for me, Junko. Junko Uena: Someone does.

Sunshine Hotel

2001

Nathan: I don't find myself in the common mold of interests, you know, that one would see. And, as a consequence, I see things a little differently than the other person. I don't quite see things the same way. I have a different perspective of things that I see, and that makes things difficult. I think in very simplistic terms. You wake up in the morning, you eat breakfast and you breathe in and out for the rest of the day... and at night you eat dinner, you go to bed, and perhaps you wake up the next day... if you don't croak during the meantime. Unfortunately, things have turned out not to be so simple.

Ray: Once you take the cherry out of life. Once you take your wife, or your love or however... the cherry, life ain't nothin man. It ain't nothin man. You're a zero, and everything else you're doing is just fucking around.

Bruce: I am in superlative aerobic condition and tremendously accustomed to the extremes of Mother Nature.

Super Puzzle Fighter II X

1996 (VG)

Chun-Li: I'm the strongest puzzle fighter in the world!

Dan: Amateur! Go home and practice dragon punches!

Felicia: You're about as sharp as a circle!

Morrigan: It's not whether I win or lose, just as long as I piss you off!

Ryu: Don't tell me, you only know how to play fighting games?

Super Sloppy Double Dare

1987

Host: (while holding his CableACE award) Fun House doesn't have one of these, we do!

Host: Robin, you left the fish tank in the freezer. Any reason for that? Assistant: Hey. Host: That's why we pay her the big bucks. Assistant: (hits Marc with blindfold) Host: "Hey!" What a great adlib.

JM J. Bullock: Marc, how does it feel to be a contestant on your own show? Host: This is really strange. Now, you hosted "Hollywood Squares," right? JM J. Bullock: Yes I did; for two weeks. Host: And how'd you do? JM J. Bullock: I had a nervous breakdown, but I'm back now. I'm okay. Host: That's how I feel right now.

Superguy: Behind the Cape

2000

Barbara Williams: Right now does it bother you that we are sitting here, that we're taking several hours out of this day while people are dying... while you could be out there saving somebody. Superguy: I can't think about that. Barbara Williams: How dare you sit here? I mean it... how dare you sit here? Superguy: I cannot be out there 24 hours a day rescuing and saving lives. Barbara Williams: But people expect it of you. Superguy: I need to conserve some energy for myself. Barbara Williams: Yet somebody loves those people that are dying right now. Superguy: Yes. Barbara Williams: Those loved ones will have complaints. "Where was Superguy when I needed him?" Superguy: Mmm-hmm, mmm-hmm. Barbara Williams: You live with that on a daily basis. Barbara Williams: Every day.

Superman Returns

2006

(from trailer) Clark Kent: That place was a graveyard, I am all that is left.

(from trailer) Lois Lane: (writing an article specially meant for Superman) The world doesn't need a saviour - and neither do I!

(from trailer) Lex Luthor: Say goodbye, Superman!

(from trailer) Jor-El: Even though you been raised as a humans you're not one of them. They can be a great people Kal-El, they wish to be, they only lack the light to show the way. For this reason above all their capacity for good, I sent them you my only son

Superman

1988

Superman/Clark Kent: This looks like a job for Superman!

Imp: I kinda liked the honey roasted peanuts. Cyrene: We're not here for peanuts! We're here for Wonder Woman!

Superman/Clark Kent: Great Scott!

Cyrene: Fasten your seatbelts... I've never been so humiliated in my life!

Cyrene: You trapped me once Hippolyta but never again!

Imp: Would you like a peanut? They flew half-way across the ocean!

(repeated line) Perry White: Don't call me chief!

Ma Kent: (to young Clark on his first day of school) Remember not to use you know what?

Pa Kent: (t Teenage Clark learning to drive.) Don't blow down the barrels.

Superman/Clark Kent: (Cyborn is escaping.) He's in the power lines.

Supernanny

2005/I

Daughter: (to camera man) Get out of my room, now!

Mother: You won't have any friends to stay over all of next week. Daughter: I don't care. I hate my friends.

Son: (to Jo) Go home, now!

Mother: If you do that one more time I will confiscate all your toys. Daughter: It doesn't matter! Mother: It does matter, coz you won't have anything to play with. Daughter: I'll buy more toys from the shop! Mother: And who'll pay for them? Daughter: You.

Jo Frost: It is basic expectations, Marianne, you do not punch your mother!

Daughter: (to Jo) My friend thinks your a bitch ... and so do I!

Jo Frost: You do *not* bite me!

Supernova

2000/I

(As the ship prepares to make a dimension jump) Yerzy Penalosa: Man, last time we did this I didn't shit right for a month.

Nick: Look at it! We don't even know what the hell that is. It can be just a light or a bomb or... Danika: Or a sexual object, when you look right down to it, the form of it... (Nick interrupts immediately)

Karl Larson: Stars die so we may live. We die so stars may be reborn.

Swamp Thing

1982

Dr Anton Arcane: A man who loves, gives hostages to fortune.

Dr Anton Arcane: You've heard of but never seen me, so I'll introduce myself. My name is Arcane.

Alice Cable: I don't know where we are Toto, but it sure isn't Kansas.

Jude: Oh Shit. . .Here Comes Trouble!

Swamp Thing: Everything's a dream when you're alone.

(Jude has been brought back from the dead, and the first thing he sees is Swamp Thing) Jude: Oh shit. There goes the neighborhood.

Bruno, Ferret's Henchman: Where is he? Ferret, Arcane's Commando Leader: What is he?

Dr Anton Arcane: Why doesn't Bruno have your strength? Swamp Thing: Because he never had it.

Swat Kats: The Radical Squadron

1993

Razor: T-Bone, if you drown, I'm gonna kill you!

T-Bone: (referring to Turmoil) She's kinda cool, in a nasty sort of way.

T-Bone: Crud! What is that thing? Razor: Giant monster of the week?

Dark Kat: He who hesitates, is lost!

Mac Mange: Think you can handle Feral? Molly Mange: Think you can learn to drive?

Mutilor: It is so refreshing to clash with true warriors. It is a shame I must destroy you.

(repeated line) Razor: Bingo!

(repeated line) Cmdr. Ulysses Feral: This is Feral. Bring me chopper back-up!

Razor: (approaches a set of doors, tests) Locked. HI-YAH! (he kicks the doors, which open) Unlocked.

Sweet Sixteen

1983

Helen Morgan: I'm going to have a baby. Peter Morgan: What do you want a baby for? Helen Morgan: I don't. Well I mean, I didn't. Now I do. Peter Morgan: It's about as clear as one of your memos. Don't, didn't and do. Helen Morgan: I wont be asking you to marry me. Peter Morgan: Well, that's a great relief. I thought I was about to be your next...

Swimming Pool

2003

Sarah Morton: Awards are like hemorrhoids. Sooner or later every asshole gets one.

Julie: I'm so tired! Sarah Morton: Not surprised. It's tiring to kill a man.

Sarah Morton: I pity your mother. Julie: You pity her? Why? Sarah Morton: Well, I imagine having a daughter who comes home with a different man every night must be difficult for a mother. Julie: Well, you imagine wrong. You know what? You're just a frustrated Englishwoman who writes about dirty things but never does them. You can shove your uptight morals up your ass!

Swing Shift Cinderella

1945

Cinderella: Grandmother! You wave a mean wand, don't you old girl?

(singing on stage at the night club) Cinderella: All the chicks in town are crazy for a certain burly wolf/ A real sharp curly, curly wolf/ Whose line is oh so smooth when he spreads it on!/ Oh so smooth, he's in the groove/ Where lovin' is a cinch/ And all the babes in town trail him around/ Just to hold his paw and say... / Oh, wolfie! Oh, wolfie!/ Ain't you the one?/ Oh, wolfie! Oh, wolfie!/ Ain't we go fun?

Swing Time

1936

Penelope "Penny" Carrol: Listen. No one could teach you to dance in a million years. Take my advice and save your money!

John "Lucky" Garnett: Now, eh... how did you say that last step went? Eh... oh, yes!

Mabel Anderson: (Mable thinks she's talking to Pop and turns to a young lady sitting at one of the tables) Oh, listen girlie! I always talk to myself... you see, I'm my own grandmother and I have to keep the old girl ticking!

Swiss Family Robinson

1960

Father Robinson: The world is full of nice, ordinary little people who live in nice, ordinary little houses on the ground. But didn't you ever dream of a house up on a tree top? Mother Robinson: No! Mostly I dream of having a house in New Guinnea.

(Reflecting on their island paradise) Mother: It's wonderful for today, but what about tomorrow?

Roberta 'Bertie': Do you like the sea, Fritz? Fritz Robinson: I like things you can depend on. The sea, you can never be sure of it. Roberta 'Bertie': Well, that's the fun of it. Not being sure of things.

Roberta 'Bertie': Do you read a lot, Fritz? Ernst Robinson: Who, him? He practically doesn't ever read at all! Fritz Robinson: Never really needed to. Sooner or later, Ernst tells me everything he knows.

Take a Letter, Darling

1942

Tom Verney: You're a beautiful brain and beautiful clothes. No temperature, no pulse. That's all. A.M. MacGregor: Where did you learn about women, Verney? Tom Verney: It isn't a matter of learning. It's instinct. A.M. MacGregor: I'm a brain with no pulse, eh? I'm a woman, Verney, more woman than you'll ever know.

Taking Care of Business

1990

Spencer Barnes: I'll sue you for everything you've got! Jimmy Dworski: I'd like to see that. I've got nothing!

(pretending to be Spencer Barnes while making a toast during a business meeting) Jimmy Dworski: A toast on that the Cubs may win the World Series... , and big tits.

Jewel Bentley: That was the best safe sex I've ever had! Jimmy Dworski: That was the best sex I've had in 2 years, 11 months, 3 weeks and 5 days!

A Tale of Two Cities

1935

Sydney Carton: It's a far, far better thing that I do than I have ever done. It's a far, far better rest I go to than I have ever known.

Jarvis Lorry Jr.: Young man, what is your business? Sydney Carton: Me? I have no business! Jarvis Lorry Jr.: Well, I trust if you had some you would attend to it. Sydney Carton: Lord love you, no I wouldn't!

A Tale of Two Kitties

1942

Catstello: I'm afraid to go up high. I get heightrophobia.

(Urging Catstello to grab Tweety) Babbit: Give me the bird! Catstello: If the Hayes Office would only let me, I'd give him the bird all right!

Tweety: I tawt I taw a putty tat!

(last lines) Tweety: Turn out that light!

Tweety: (after playing "This Little Piggie" with Catstello's toes, while he was hanging from a pole) Oh, wook. I wan out of piddies.

Tweety: Aw, da poor puddytat. He cah-wushed his widdle head.

Tales from the Darkside

1984

(opening narration) Narrator: Man lives in the sunlit world of what he believes to be reality. But... there is, unseen by most, an underworld, a place that is just as real, but not as brightly lit... a Darkside.

(closing narration) Narrator: The Darkside is always there waiting for us to enter; waiting to enter us. Until next time, try to enjoy the daylight.

Tangled

2001

(David is flying a kite.) Alan: Hey, I was looking all over for you and I figured you'd be here. Look, I made my own kite! (Holds up his kite, which reads "I AM AN" followed by many photocopies of a butt) I am an ass. Yes, that is my own ass and the people at Kinko's weren't too happy, but that's nothing a little Windex won't take care of, right?

David: Oh my gosh, I have to tell you this story. Freshman year, Alan hooked up with two girls at a bar - Renee and Jackie. So he's going back and forth between the two of them all semester... until they found out about each other. Jenny: So, what? He got dumped? David: No! They had a threesome! I come home that night to find this huge mass of flesh and- Jenny: DAVID! Why would you tell me that?

Alan: You know, the whole Twinky thing would be freaky enough if you didn't also have to wear it.

Tank

1984

Zack: We're not runnin' from the law. We're runnin' *to* the law.

Reporter: Why would anyone want to own a Sherman tank? Zack: Because it's very hard to shoot yourself while you're cleaning it.

Sheriff Buelton: Do you believe in Wonder Woman?

Sheriff Buelton: Did you just call me a pussy communist?

Man: What're ya'll doing? Biker: Stealin'

Zack: I do believe I got you covered.

Target

1985/I

Walter Lloyd: A long time ago I worked for the CIA.

Chris Lloyd: Did you kill people?

Chris Lloyd: You speak French?

Walter Lloyd: They gave us new papers, new jobs, new names. The works... everything. Chris Lloyd: New names? Walter Lloyd: Yeha. Chris Lloyd: Oh, Oh. Wait a minute. We were at the hotel and Taber asked you, "What name?" This is not my name? What's my name? Walter Lloyd: Derek, Derek Potter. I'm Duncan. This is where the "Duke" comes from.

Taber: (talking to Clay about one of his agents) Where did you recruit him? In the Sears catalog?

Proprietress Marie Louis Mansion: Welcome to Berlin! Are you here for -business or pleasure? Walter Lloyd: Funeral.

Telling Lies in America

1997

Billy Magic: Have you done the nasty yet? Karchy Jonas: Sure, lots of times.

Diney Majeski: Why you got to show off so much? Karchy Jonas: Cause I ain't got that much to show.

Billy Magic: I woke up in the morning, went to take a piss, looked down, and all I saw was teeth marks.

Karchy Jonas: (sing while combing his hair) Hey, hey, what do you say... Karchy Jonas is coming your way... Karchy Jonas: ... How are you darlin'?

Terminal Virus

1995 (TV)

(McCabe has been sentenced to death) McCabe: Will this go on my permanent record?

Joe Knight: Do you still remember how to do it?

Shara: Please don't make me!

Queen of the Amazons: Twenty-three years is more than any woman can take!

Shara: I'd rather die by a bullet than by the awful death you have planned.

That Touch of Mink

1962

Connie Emerson: Men take one look at you and all of a sudden their wives don't understand them.

Cathy Timberlake: (very drunk) Do you like the way I walk? Philip Shayne: Poetry in motion. Cathy Timberlake: I learned when I was a baby, been walking for years.

Philip Shayne: The Four Horsemen now have a riding companion. There's War, Famine, Death, Pestilence, and Miss Timberlake!

Doctor Gruber: Cancel my order! My patient has developed some instabilities which make his judgment questionable.

Cathy Timberlake: He's so low that if they bury him, they'll have to dig UP!

That's My Mama

1974

Earl Chambers: It just goes to show you that you can't judge a man's cover by how many times he's been booked.

Junior: Ewwww Weeeee!

Clifton Curtis: (opening narration) Welcome to Oscar's Barbershop, named after my daddy who passed it on to me. It's been a part of Washington, DC a long time. This is me Clifton Curtis, my own boss and loved it every minute of it, and this is my little sister Tracy and her husband Leonard. This is my best friend, happy-go-lucky Earl, and this wonderful person, well... That's My Mama!

The 11th Hour

1995 (VG)

Stauf: You are so gullible, that if someone said, "it's chilly outside," you'd grab a bowl.

(If you touch the phone in Stauf's kitchen) Stauf: If you want to make a call, hang yourself and try again.

(about Carl Denning, who is a TV reporter) Stauf: I can see why you'd make a good anchor. All that dead weight between your ears!

Stauf: Not even in the ball park! In fact, not even game day.

Stauf: A lot of intermarriage in your family, stupid?

The 2004 IFP/West Independent Spirit Awards

2004 (TV)

Bill Murray: (accepting his Best Male Lead award) I have no prepared remarks. I didn't feel that would be "Independent."

Bill Murray: For a great number of the people in this room, this is as dressed up as you're going to get all year. And for perhaps an equally large number, this is as casually dressed as you're going to be all year.

Bill Murray: I'd like to thank the people responsible for this film, but I don't think they can handle it.

The 46th Annual Academy Awards

1974 (TV)

(Accepting his Best Actor Award) Jack Lemmon: In recent years, especially, there has been a great deal of criticism about this award. And probably, a great deal of that criticism is very justified; I would just like to say that, whether it is justified or not, I think it is one hell of an honor and I am thrilled, and I thank you all, very, very much.

(on the streaker) Niven, David: You see, it's interesting... the only thing he will be remembered for are his short-comings!

The 47th Annual Academy Awards

1975 (TV)

Bob Hope: Oh, there's some great pictures. I think "Godfather Part II" has an excellent chance of winning. Neither Mr Price nor Mr Waterhouse have been heard from in four days.

Frank Sinatra: It's, uh, reassuring for me to look out at all of you and see how pretty, and how lovely you look tonight. And so many gifted people are still making pictures like you do with your clothes on. And contrary to what Dustin Hoffman thinks, it is *not* an obscene evening, it is *not* garish, and it is *not* embarrassing.

Himself - Presenter: Best Actress: We are all very fortunate tonight, because I have lost my voice.

The 48th Annual Academy Awards

1976 (TV)

Jack Nicholson: I guess this proves that there are as many nuts in the academy as anywhere else.

Jack Nicholson: (receiving the Best Actor award for One Flew Over the Cuckoo's nest) I guess this proves that there are just as many nuts in the academy as anywhere else.

Himself - Best Supporting Actor Winner: (on winning the Oscar) After this I think I'll start taking some of those gentile roles, become the next Robert Redford.

Himself - Best Director Winner: I've been told by many people that the Academy is patriotic, chauvinistic and does not like to give awards to foreigners. It's nice to know it isn't so.

The 49th Annual Academy Awards

1977 (TV)

Himself - Co-host: I'm here to explain why black people will never be nominated for anything. This show is going out to 75 million people - none of them black. We don't even know how to vote. There's 3,349 people in the voting thing and only two black people, Sidney Poitier and Harry Belafonte. We're quitting. You'll have to listen to Lawrence Welk.

Himself - Presenter: Best Live Action Short: I would like to take this opportunity to point out that God made me in his own image.

The 5,000 Fingers of Dr T.

1953

Dr Terwilliker: Is it atomic? Bart Collins: Yes sir, VERY atomic!

Mrs Collins: The work for the happy finger method must go on.

Bart Collins: I don't think the piano is my instrument. Dr Terwilliker: What other instruments are there, pray tell? Scratchy violins, screechy piccolos, nauseating trumpets, et cetera, et cetera?

Bart Collins: See? Now do you believe me? Mr Zabladowski: We should always believe children. We should even believe their lies.

Dr Terwilliker: "the idiotic cock-eyed flum-dummery"

Mr Zabladowski: I am no cog; I don't even like the sound of it. I am an independent contractor.

The 56th Annual Academy Awards

1984 (TV)

Johnny Carson: You people, uh, who just tuned in at home, this is the Academy Awards. Warning: contents may cause drowsiness; do not drive or operate heavy machinery.

(Accepting the Best Actress award) Shirley MacLaine: I'm gonna cry, because this show has been as long as my career. (audience laughs) I have wondered for twenty-six years what this would feel like; thank you for terminating the suspense.

The 62nd Annual Academy Awards

1990 (TV)

Billy Crystal: I know what you're thinking as you look at me. Where's my opening production? I know you miss it, don't you? Where's that big, terrible number that usually opens the Oscars? (audience laughs) Where is that number where they take all the nominees for Best Picture, put 'em into one medley? Well, you won't be seeing that tonight. You won't see that number that usually-- (audience applauds) You won't see that number that usually begins, (singing) "It's a wonderful night for Oscar! Oscar, Oscar! Who will win?"

Billy Crystal: Are you happy to see me or are you just glad I'm not Snow White?

The 72nd Annual Academy Awards

2000 (TV)

('Warren Beatty' qv) and a pregnant 'Annette Bening' (qv) are in the audience Billy Crystal: As host, I have a lot of duties to do tonight. If Warren happens to be on stage, if Annette goes into labor, I have to be her Lamaze coach. But she's a pro and I know she'll do it in one take. And if Roberto Benigni gets out of hand, I've got the stun gun.

Billy Crystal: Welcome to Oscar 2000, or as ABC calls it, Regis's night off.

Billy Crystal: Who's in charge of security? Probably the same guys who protected Sonny Corleone at the tollbooth.

(Presenting Best Original Screenplay) Mel Gibson: Consider the writer. Locked away in a lonely room, waiting for Lady Muse to alight gracefully and turn the stark blank empty void of a page into the stuff of masterpiece... geez, who writes this stuff?

The 77th Annual Academy Awards

2005 (TV)

Chris Rock: If our next presenter isn't dazzling us with his acting abilities, he's boring us to death with his politics. Please welcome Tim Robbins.

Chris Rock: That's two for "The Aviator". If Howard Hughes were here right now he wouldn't shake hands with anybody.

Cate Blanchett: (to Martin Scorsese) I hope my son marries your daughter.

The Abominable Snow Rabbit

1961

Daffy Duck: I can't stand pain. It hurts me.

Bugs Bunny, Daffy Duck, Hugo the Abominable Snowman: (holding Daffy, who's shirt makes him look like a rabbit) Oh, boy, a bunny rabbit! (cradling Daffy) I will name him George and I will hug him and squeeze him... Daffy Duck: I'm not a bunny rabbit... Bugs Bunny, Daffy Duck, Hugo the Abominable Snowman: ... and pat him and pet him and... Daffy Duck: You're hurting me. Put me down, please. Bugs Bunny, Daffy Duck, Hugo the Abominable Snowman: ... and rub him and caress him and... Daffy Duck: (shouts) I ain't no bunny rabbit!

The Adventures of a Rookie

1943

Jerry Miles: And she's pretty, too. Mike Strager: Yeah. So is my peanut.

Jerry Miles: You ought to diet. Mike Strager: No, I like it this color.

Bob Prescott: You stay here and I'm gonna see what's around the corner. Jerry Miles: I hope it's prosperity.

The Adventures of Barry McKenzie

1972

Barry McKenzie: Now listen mate, I need to splash the boots. You know, strain the potatoes. Water the horses. You know, go where the big knobs hang out. Shake hands with the wife's best friend? Drain the dragon? Siphon the python? Ring the rattlesnake? You know, unbutton the mutton? Like, point Percy at the porcelain? Blanche: I think he wants to go to the loo.

The Adventures of Long John Silver

1955

(opening narration to most episodes) Capt Long John Silver: If sailor tales and sailor tunes, / Storm and adventure, heat and cold, / If schooners, islands and maroons / And buccaneers and buried gold, / And all the old romance retold / Exactly in the ancient way / Can please as me they pleased of old / The wiser youngsters of today... So be it! Ar-har! And fall on!

Capt Long John Silver: There be as many women as fish in the sea. Love be a trick of dame nature - and she be a woman. Thank your stars you be rid of her boarding hook.

(Long John is mortified when his crew pays more attention to the women they've rescued than the French treasure they've captured) Capt Long John Silver: Arrrr, females!

The Adventures of Mary-Kate & Ashley: The Case of the Logical i Ranch

1994 (V)

Ashley: Olsen & Olsen mystery agency. We'll solve any crime by dinner time, or else^ Or else we all have to listen to Mary-Kate play the violin!

Ashley: Maybe it's a footprint of the abonible (sic) snowman. Marion Winklestammer: Not likely. Mary-Kate: The Loch-Ness monster? Marion Winklestammer: Not a chance. Ashley: Uncle Lou? Mary-Kate: He's got feet the size of a Buick. Marion Winklestammer: Perhaps your uncle Lou possesses quite large feet. However, what we've got here is a fossil of a dinosaur. Mary-Kate & Olsen,Ashley: A dinosaur? Marion Winklestammer: It's over 250 million years old! Ashley: That's almost as old as Uncle Lou!

The Adventures of McGee and Me

1986

Phillip Monroe Jr.: Don't tell Mrs Herman, but he's making me give the answers to the geography quiz. Nicolas 'Nick' Martin: Figures. I guess he can't remember big words like "Ohio".

Nicolas 'Nick' Martin: Oh, great idea, so where do I dig up a suit of armor?

The Adventures of Pinocchio

1996

Pinocchio: Miracles are made in the heart papa.

Pepe: Applause may be good for the moment, but love is everlasting.

Gepetto, the Puppet Mason: Excuse me, but haven't you two got a pushcart to rob? Volpe: We've already done that.

Felinet: But, Gepetto, darling, we were just playing with him. Gepetto, the Puppet Mason: He'll play with his own sort. Felinet: And what sort may that be?

The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes

1939

Sherlock Holmes: You've a magnificent brain, Moriarty. I admire it. I'd like to present it pickled in alcohol to the London Medical Society. Professor Moriarty: Holmes, you only now barely missed sending me to the gallows. You're the only man in England clever enough to defeat me. I'm going to break you. I'm going to bring off right under your nose the most incredible crime of the century, and you'll never suspect it until it's too late. It'll be the end of you Sherlock Holmes. Then I can retire in peace. I'd like to retire; crime no longer amuses me. I'd like to devote my remaining years to abstract science.

Sherlock Holmes: Elementary, my dear Watson.

The Air Up There

1994

Saleh: You came halfway around the world to watch me play this basketball? Jimmy Dolan: That's what I said. Saleh: (pointing to his head) Are you healthy up here? Jimmy Dolan: Never said that.

Sister Susan: I only hope you're as good a coach as you are a bullshit artist! Jimmy Dolan: (shocked) You're allowed to say bullshit? Sister Susan: Only if I really mean it. Father O'Hara: (in a low voice to Jimmy) Every day I thank the lord she's on our side.

(Sister Susan kisses Jimmy after his team wins) Jimmy Dolan: Sister! You're allowed to kiss? Sister Susan: (smiling) Only if I really mean it!

The Alamo: Thirteen Days to Glory

1987 (TV)

Gen Antonio Lopez de Santa Anna: History teaches us, gentlemen, that great generals remain generals by never underestimating their opposition.

Col William Barrett Travis: What are you fighting for? Jim Bowie: More like the old life, I guess... like it used to be. Like it is in America where the people own the government. You see, Santa Anna, he thinks he owns the people. Now I don't like being owned. I'm kind of particular about that kind of thing.

Col William Barrett Travis: This is not about land or money... but the one thing that no man should never be able to take from another man: the freedom to make his own choices about his life, where he'll live, how he'll live, how he'll raise his family.

The Alligator People

1959

Manon: I'll kill you Alligator Man! Just like I'd kill any four-legged gator!

Joyce Webster, aka Jane Marvin: What secret was Mrs Hawthorne hiding in this strange, unfriendly house? Joyce Webster, aka Jane Marvin: Why had she told me not to leave my room?

Manon: Dirty, stinkin', slimy gators!

Louann, the maid: Miz Hawthorne, she deal with the Evil One.

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