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Bad Jim

1990

July: Yeah, I believe a fella would believe most anything if all he ever saw was the ass end of a cow.

Tom Jefferd: Those savages are crazy! They come running in here, jabbin' at us with those sticks, and then runnin' off hollerin'. One of 'em got me right here in the shoulder... just light as a feather. July: Countin' coup. Tom Jefferd: What? July: I'm saying that's just like the Indian... for the glory of it, that's all. They ain't much for killin'.

B.D.: Now, that town marshal, he don't look like much neither. But I don't believe they give him that badge just to keep his vest from flappin'.

(B.D. and John survive a gunfight) B.D.: Well, as you said, it was them or us. John T. Coleman: Well, it should have been us. They were the ones in the right.

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Beyond the Forest

1949

Rosa Moline: What a dump!

Rosa Moline: If I don't get out of here I'll die. If I don't get out of here I hope I die and burn.

Rosa Moline: Life in Loyalton is like sitting in the funeral parlor and waiting for the funeral to begin. No, it's like lying in a coffin and waiting for them to carry you out.

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Caesar and Cleopatra

1945

Julius Caesar: And so to the end of history, murder shall breed murder, always in the name of right, and justice, and peace, until the gods create a race of men that can understand.

Julius Caesar: What's the matter? Cleopatra: You're bald! That's why you wear the wreath!

Julius Caesar: Go, Ptolemy. Always take a throne when it is offered to you.

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California Dreams

1992

Tony: (to Samantha) Just because I'm jealous, doesn't mean I'm an idiot.

Jake: Nobody messes with Jake Sommers, now if you excuse me there's something I got to do. Lorena: Oh no you don't, I'm not going to let to ride Dead Man's Curve. Jake: Who said anything about Dead Man's Curve, I just want to go beat that stupid speed bump.

Sly: I'm not greedy, I just can't get enough money.

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Calling Bobcat

2000

Darrin Marshall: This doesn't really have anything to do with you, pal. Jerry: Hey, watch your mouth, King Tuna!

Officer Wilson: Okay, honey. You've got one telephone call. Okay? Just one. Darrin Marshall: You weren't talking like that before. Officer Wilson: I'm sorry. What? Darrin Marshall: What are you doing later? Officer Wilson: You!

Darrin Marshall: What's wrong with you? You're not moving right. Lawson: Nothing.

Lawson: By this time tomorrow, my friend, we'll be eating chips on the beach!

Lt.Drien: You been drinking, son? Darrin Marshall: Yeah. No! I haven't been drinking any alcohol, sir, just... olive oil. Lt.Drien: Olive oil? That doesn't sound too bright. Darrin Marshall: No. I'm not a smart guy.

Monica: I want you to piss in all the hair care products your little heart desires. I'll still love you.

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Candyman: Farewell to the Flesh

1995

Octavia Tarrant: We die the same way we're born. Annie Tarrant: Alone? Octavia Tarrant: Naked, blind, and covered with shit.

Phillip Purcell: I believe in the myth, but in the fact - flesh and blood - I'm afraid not.

Ethan Tarrant: You're next, Purcell! Groin to gullet!

Octavia Tarrant: I'd like a winter funeral.

Matthew Ellis: He lives in the mirror - that's how he gets you.

Honore Thibideaux: Break the mirror, break the curse.

Candyman: I am the writing on the wall, the whisper in the classroom.

Candyman: Swallow your horror and let it nourish you - come with me and sing the song of misery - share my world!

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Captain Apache

1971

Capt Apache: I don't suppose you remember the combination? Griffin: I never had a head for figures.

Capt Apache: It's the spirit that dances, not the man - Indian proverb.

Capt Apache: Why do you always insult people who might kill you? Griffin: I like to see a man enjoy his work.

Griffin: You're at the wrong table, Captain... and the wrong hotel and the wrong town. And you might even be in the wrong line of business.

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Captain Caveman and the Teen Angels

1977

Opening Narrator: (Opening Narration) Set free by the Teen Angels from his prehistoric block of glacier ice comes the world's first superhero, Captain Caveman! Now the constant companion to the Teen Angels Brenda, Dee Dee, and Taffy in their hilarious, and sometimes scary mystery missions. Get ready for Captain Caveman and the Teen Angels!

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Captain Power and the Soldiers of the Future

1987

Capt Jonathan Power: Hawk? Maj. Matthew 'Hawk' Masterson: I'm okay, I just took a few dents in that last tussle with Soaron. I'm still over fifty percent. Lt Michael 'Tank' Ellis: Don't worry about Hawk, Captain. He'll be standing behind me like he always does. Maj. Matthew 'Hawk' Masterson: Just make sure you don't fall on me. Like you always do. (They all laugh)

(after shooting down a bunch of enemies) Lt Michael 'Tank' Ellis: I haven't had so much fun since my birthday-party. Maj. Matthew 'Hawk' Masterson: Hm... your birthday-party was noisier!

Capt Jonathan Power: (first line spoken in every episode) Power on!

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Captain Video and His Video Rangers

1949

Narrator: Captain Video! Master of space! Hero of science! Captain of the Video Rangers! Operating from his secret mountain headquarters on the planet Earth, Captain Video rallies men of good will everywhere. As he rockets from planet to planet, let us follow the champion of justice, truth, and freedom throughout the universe!

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Captain Z-Ro

1955

(last lines of each episode) Announcer: Be sure to be standing by when we again transmit you to the remote location on planet Earth where Captain Z-Ro and his associates will conduct another experiment in time and space.

(first lines of each episode) Announcer: Captain Z-Ro! Research explorer in time and space! Somewhere in a remote uncharted region of a planet called Earth stands the laboratory of Captain Z-Ro. In this secret location, known only to a few in the outside world, Captain Z-Ro and his associates experiment in time and space to learn from the past - to plan for the future. (morse code signal begins) Contact has been established. We now transmit you direct to the laboratory of Captain Z-Ro. Please stand by.

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Cardcaptor Sakura

1999

Clow Reed: Water... is a thing that flows.

Sakura Kinomoto: You really loved Mr Clow, didn't you? It hurts, doesn't it? It hurts to lose someone you love. (sobs) It hurts, doesn't it? (sobs) Madoushi: Is Clow Reed really dead? Sakura Kinomoto: (nods) Madoushi: (starts to fade as her powers wane) I waited for him forever... forever... for such a long time... I wanted to see him... to tell him something... (fades away into nothingness)

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Career Girls

1997

Adrian: A woman's place is on my face.

Adrian: Vagina. Nice place. Wouldn't want to live there.

Hannah: This isn't a bordello you know, you can't just walk into any boudoir and choose a different bint!

Ricky: I'm not an idiot. I'm like an idiot savant, I just haven't found my savant yet.

Annie: I'll cook you some pasta, like the old days. Hannah: Living in the pasta.

Hannah: I suppose on a clear day you can see the class struggle from here.

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Carlito's Way: Rise to Power

2005 (V)

Carlito Brigante: All we gotta do is kill them all and take it all.

Hollywood Nicky: When you take something that's mine, that offends me. It's spitting in my face.

Nacho Reyes: When you have them on the meathook, they will tell you everything.

Carlito Brigante: No prisoners on this one, just corpses.

Rocco: Get the spic squad in gear and take the shit.

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Carpenters Very First Television Special

1976 (TV)

Karen Carpenter: We've only just begun, to live. White lace and promises, a kiss for luck and we're on our way. Richard Carpenter: Hi. I'm Richard Carpenter. Karen Carpenter: And I'm Karen Carpenter. Richard Carpenter: And welcome to our very first television special.

Richard Carpenter: People always ask me why Karen plays the drums. Karen Carpenter: I can answer that in two words: Why not?

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Carry On Columbus

1992

The Wazir: (after a messenger arrives) He brings news of what the Lisbonians are getting up to. The Sultan: I don't care what they get up to, as long as they don't do it in the street in front of the camels! The Wazir: No, no, sir, the city of Lisbon. The Sultan: The one in Portugal? The Wazir: Quite right.

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Carry On, Constable

1960

Const. Charlie Constable: May I help you madam? Agitated woman outside ladies' loo: (searching through her handbag) I could certainly use a copper! (looking around, Charlie, noticing the ladies convenience behind them, pulls a coin out of his pocket and holds it up) Const. Charlie Constable: Here you go, have this one on me! Agitated woman outside ladies' loo: (accepting the coin) Oh, ta!

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Casa de los babys

2003

Leslie: I have socks that are older than you.

Leslie: ... You gotta admit, she's a sociopath. Gayle: Is that anything like a psychopath? Leslie: With a lower body count, yeah.

Leslie: (Leslie and Gayle are watching Spanish-language TV) Their stuff is worse than our stuff. Gayle: I just wish I could speak it like you do. Leslie: You don't need to understand the words to watch TV. Stupidity is the universal language.

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Casper & Mandrilaftalen 2: Fisso

2003 (V)

Casper Christensen: What can you do? Poul Panasonic: I can close my eyes, and then I can, more or less, find out where I am with a little help from my tongue Casper Christensen: Okay... See if you can taste what this is (hands him a bun) (Panasonic closes his eyes and licks on the bun) Poul Panasonic: (laughs hysterically) That's... that's a pussy... Casper Christensen: No it isn't... look it's a bun. Poul Panasonic: What the... ? Then my girlfriend's been screwing me around... dammit.

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C.B.C.'s Magic Hour

1989

Ralph: (to Rebecca) You are the most beautiful girl I have ever met. And I thought that even before I met you! Girls like you are not supposed to go out with guys like me, they're supposed to go out with Jerry Wakowskis. Guys who are captains of basketball teams and guys who can drive stick shifts and... guys who wear size 42 tuxedos... and who would never rip off your dress unless... maybe you wanted him to.

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Celebration

1981 (TV)

Chris Evert-Lloyd: Good shot. I think you should join the tour. Lynda Carter: Thank you. Chris Evert-Lloyd: Yeah, I think we need some older players. Lynda Carter: Oh, cute Chris. Now that your the grandma of the tour.

Lynda Carter: Aren't there a lot of really young players? Chris Evert-Lloyd: Yeah. There's a lot of 14 year olds coming up. Lynda Carter: You know, I started playing tennis when I was 14. That was about 3 years ago. Chris Evert-Lloyd: That's amazing. You know, you keep track of your birthdays the same way you keep score.

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Charley Varrick

1973

Charley Varrick: I like your bed. You may find this hard to believe but I've never slept on a round bed. Sybil Fort: Is that so? Charley Varrick: What's the best way? North, south, east, or west? Sybil Fort: That depends on what you had in mind. Charley Varrick: What I had in mind was boxing the compass.

Charley Varrick: It has to do with this bag of money I'd like to give back to you. Maynard Boyle: So give it back. What's the problem? Charley Varrick: The problem is the big gorilla in the maroon car who's trying to kill me.

Molly: (when asked if he would like a prostitute) I don't sleep with whores... at least, not knowingly.

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Charlie Brown's All Stars!

1966 (TV)

Charlie Brown: Linus, give us the scouting report on the other team. Linus: I watched this team practice, see. They were terrible! Anybody could beat them. None of their players can hit the ball out of the infield. And they have this loud mouth girl in center field who can't catch a thing. They also have some animal at second base who can't even throw, and their pitcher is a kind of round-headed kid who is absolutely no good at all. And-- Everyone: YOU SCOUTED YOUR OWN TEAM!

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Charlie's Angels

1976

(Opening narration) Charlie Townsend: Once upon a time, there were three little girls who went the Police Academy, and they were each assigned very hazardous duties. But I took them away from all that, and now they work for me. My name is Charlie.

Jill: I am not a yoyo!

Kelly Garrett: How long has it been since *you've* been sprayed?

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Chasers

1994

Eddy: Oh. Somebody's always doin' somebody wrong. On that radio. Toni: Oh, cheer up. At least you're not going to jail. Eddy: Right. Toni: What's on your mind? Eddy. I was ready to explode, when you were on my lap. Toni Oh, is this the sweet-talking stage? Eddy: You kill me. Toni: You're turning me on. Eddy: You're wild. Toni: I'm ready.

Toni: I've neer done this handcuffed to a man before. Kinda sexy, don't ya think

Rock Reilly: Get in the van!

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Che!

1969

(Che is falling behind on a march) Fidel Castro: Stragglers are sure to die, don't you know that? Che Guevara: I'm not a straggler, I'm your rear guard. Fidel Castro: No you're not, you're the company doctor. See what you can do for the men with blistered feet. You've got ten minutes. Che Guevara: (noticing enemy planes flying overhead) It's too late for chiropody. The buzzards are already circling.

Che Guevara: The peasant is like a wild flower in the forest, and the revolutionary like a bee. Neither can survive or propogate without the other. There is one essential difference between us and bees, however. In this hive, I will *not* tolerate drones!

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Chickens Come Home

1931

Mrs Hardy: And how is Mrs Laurel? Stanley: Oh, Fine, Thank you. Mrs Hardy: I'd love to meet her sometime. Stanley: Neither do I to.

Introductory Card: Every man has a past - with some little "indiscretion" he would like to bury - Mr Laurel and Mr Hardy have 30 or 40 they would like to cremate.

Stanley: Do you mind if I smoke? Ollie's blackmailer: I don't care if you burn up!

Oliver: Well... Stanley: Here's another nice mess I got you into.

Oliver: Oh, Gabriel, blow your horn.

Ollie's blackmailer: Give me that key!

Busybody: Far be it for me, Mrs Laurel, to talk about anybody, but... don't trust any man. I've had five of 'em, and I know!

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CHiPs

1977

(Jon announces his proposal for a trail bike task force) Officer Jon Baker: I'd like to nominate my partner, Frank Poncherello. Officer Francis Llewellyn 'Ponch' Poncherello: Hey, that's great. 'Cause when we first met, I was on a dirtbike. Officer Jon Baker: Uh, no, Ponch. When we first met, you had just fallen off a dirtbike.

(a hacker has messed up the CHP's payroll) Sgt. Joseph Getraer: Now, about the paychecks. Officer Barry Baricza: Yeah, I've got a car payment due! (the other officers start complaining) Sgt. Joseph Getraer: Settle down! Just settle down and we'll try to sort out your paychecks. Officer Barry Baricza: Well, how much was YOUR paycheck? Sgt. Joseph Getraer: (nervously) It's... more than I usually get. (under his breath) It's closer to what I deserve.

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Chobits

2002

Sumono: (wakes up. Blows a whistle.) Good morning! Let's do the wakey wakey exercises!

Hideki: (feeling embarrassed after buying underwear for Chi) The store workers must think I'm such a pervert. Chi: (Chi just learned a new word and identifies it with Hideki) Pervert. Pervert. Hideki is a pervert. Hideki: (now feeling even more embarrassed) No, Chi, don't say that word!

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Christmas Carol, A

1999 (TV)

(first lines) Clergyman: A man that is born of woman hath but a short time to live and is full of misery. He cometh up and is cut down like a flower.

(last lines) Tiny Tim: God bless us, every one!

Bob Cratchit: I was wondering if you'd like Mr Marley's name removed from the sign outside. Mr Ebenezer Scrooge: No; time will erase it at no cost to us.

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Christmas Eve

1947

(Michael struggles against kissing Ann) Ann Nelson: What's the matter, dreamboat? Didn't you have your vitamins this morning?

Ann Nelson: Oh, Michael! I thought I was going to lose you because you were a rich man and now you haven't got a quarter! Isn't it wonderful?

Gustav Reichman: Promises, my dear lady, are the counterfeit currency that inferior people exact from each other when unsure of their own strength.

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Christmas in Connecticut

1945

Alexander Yardley: (Elizabeth's baby needs medical attention) Mr Yardley: I don't want anything to happen to that baby. It will ruin my circulation. Felix Bassenak: Felix: It won't do the baby no good, neither.

Alexander Yardley: (Elizabeth's baby needs medical attention) I don't want anything to happen to that baby. It will ruin my circulation. Felix Bassenak: It won't do the baby no good, neither.

(repeated line) Felix Bassenak: Catastroph!

Felix Bassenak: Nobody needs a mink coat but the mink.

Elizabeth Lane: Maybe scarlet fever. It's a better color for Christmas.

Felix Bassenak: Watch now. I show you how to flip-flop the flop-flips.

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Christmas with the Kranks

2004

Nora Krank: We skip Christmas!

Vic Frohmeyer: Nora Krank, we're here for Frosty!

Spike Frohmeyer: You're skipping Christmas! Isn't that against the law?

Spike Frohmeyer: (watching Luther steal a Christmas tree) Are you sure this isn't illegal? Luther Krank: Are you a cop?

Blair Krank: I'm bringing home Enriqu! Luther Krank: What's a reek?

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C.H.U.D. II - Bud the Chud

1989

Graves: (off the Barber Chud walking waywardly down the street) What the hell is that? Colonel Masters: Only the God damndest, ugliest barber I've ever seen.

Bobby: So what'll it be? C.H.U.D.s: Meat. Bobby: Well we have a variety of stuff like that. Just look around and tell me what kind of meat you want. (C.H.U.D.s confusedly looking around and seeing Bobby's name tag.) C.H.U.D.s: Bobby.

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City of Missing Girls

1941

King Peterson: Do you mind if I smoke? Assistant D.A. James J. Horton: I don't care if you burn.

Kate Nelson: (attempted seduction/"confession") I've got a lot of things on my chest I think you might be interested in.

Kate Nelson: The trouble with you, tootsie, is you haven't the right kind of vibration for real drama. Helen Whitney: Is that so! Well, I can vibrate as good as you can any old time!

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City on Fire

1979

Chief Albert Risley: All it takes is one man, could be anybody - your neighbor, my neighbor - one man to destroy a city.

Mayor William Dudley: What's eating you now? You have a new job and the city has a beautiful new hospital. Dr Frank Whitman: That's right, some new hospital. It looks really good on the outside. But thanks to your political favors here and there of saving money and cut backs, I'm stuck with the patch-up job! Mayor William Dudley: Well nothing is perfect. Everything's compromised. Now, if you were the mayor of a big city and you have to get things done, you have to learn to give and take. Dr Frank Whitman: Try talking to a surgeon about compromise during an open-heart operation.

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Clarissa

1995 (TV)

Clarissa: This bites!

Porter: You saw Hugh's column? Clarissa: Yeah, he makes me sound like this naive freak of nature. Porter: No, he doesn't. Not really. Clarissa: Right here he says, "Clarissa's a naive freak of nature."

Hugh: I can't have you looking at me with that "you-just-cooked-my-pet-turtle-but-I-forgive-you" expression.

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Class of 1999

1990

Cody: Reach down the back of my pants. Christie: What? Cody: Come on! Live dangerously.

Cody: I'm going in there to waste some teachers - are you with me?

Doctor Miles Longford: They've been waging *war* with my students - whatever happened to *education*!

Hector: The mind is a terrible thing to waste - don't make me waste yours.

Mr Hardin: I operate from a model of absolute zero tolerance.

Cody: Now be careful! These things are like a bad, fucked up, George Jetson nightmare!

Doctor Miles Longford: One million megabytes (as the teacher lifts his mouth over his whole head revealing the robot underneath)

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Class of Nuke 'Em High Part II: Subhumanoid Meltdown

1991

Journalism teacher: So, you'd say you witnessed a subhumanoid meltdown?

Roger Smith: I'd never fed squirrels with a girl before - I didn't know what I was missing.

Roger Smith: Just because Victoria had lips on her belly didn't stop me from loving her.

Roger Smith: The whole thing made me want to projectile-vomit.

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Clockwise

1986

Brian Stimpson: It's not the despair, Laura. I can take the despair. It's the hope I can't stand.

Brian Stimson: My office - 9: 20 - Executions!

Mr Stimson: We don't need a track. It's grass.

(Mr Stimpston is looking for a tractor) Ivan with the Tractor: Hey, guess what I'm sitting on! Brian Stimpson: A bomb, I hope! (walks away) Ivan with the Tractor: Alright then. You go that way and I'll go this way, and I'll bet you this jam tart... that I'll find a tractor first. (drives away on tractor)

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Cockeyed Cavaliers

1934

Bert: You blew your nose! Bob: I did not blow my nose. It was your imagination! Bert: Oh, no. My imagination doesn't make a noise like that.

Bob: Get that silly look off of your face! Every time you do that I know you're ready to lift something--and you promised me you weren't gonna steal another thing! Bert: You know I can't help lifting things. It's a disease! Y'know, the doctor says that I'm a kleptomaniac. Bob: Yeah, well why don't you take something for it? Bert: I've taken everything. But you know, I don't really steal. Bob: Aw, no, you don't steal--you just find a lot of things that haven't been lost, that's all!

Bob: Hi there, Jen! Doggone, what a beautiful dress you have on! Lady Genevieve: My dressmaker says it's the coming thing. Bob: Heh! It must be coming--because there's a lot of it that hasn't arrived yet.

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Coda dello scorpione, La

1971

(first lines) Lisa Baumer: Hello, this is Lisa. Yes, it's alright. Yes, his plane will be leaving in a few minutes. You know I'm dying to see you. Soon, hurry darling, I'll be waiting. Bye.

(last lines) Clo Dupont: Oh, John, you're still in town! I was told you flew out of Athens yesterday. John Stanley: Well, before I went anywhere, I was waiting... for a beautiful day and a beautiful girl.

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Coffee & Donuts

2000

Steve: Don't you think that... I don't know... maybe if you didn't watch so many horror movies you would be slightly happier? Adam: Dude, horror movies are the greatest films ever made. When's the last time you saw a love story or a romance in one of these things? All it is is people running around and meaningless dialogue and cool special effects and lots of people dying. Why do you think they made so many goddamn Friday The 13th's? It's cause life sucks so bad.

Adam: Yeah, that's a great idea! That's almost about as good of an idea as when you bought that Chumbawamba album and told everyone they were gonna be the next Pink Floyd. Steve: That was you! Adam: Whatever.

Adam: Hey, what did the fourteen year old girl from New Hampshire say to her father when she lost her virginity? Alanah: What? Adam: "Get off me, you're crushing my Marlboros!" Alanah: I... don't get it. Adam: It's a... joke.

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Colorado

1940

Lylah Sanford: You have just proven you can still do the right thing. Capt Donald Mason: It'll probably be the last time I'll ever be fool enough to do it.

Capt Donald Mason: You know, in Mexico, they have a way of sparing prisoners of all that. When a fellow is gonna be executed, they give a chance to run for it... and shoot him when he's trying to escape. Ley de Fuga they call it, I think. Lt Jerry Burke: I know - the law of flight.

Gabby: Doggone it! There's another good man gone and got himself roped and hogtied in spite of my warnings!

Etta Mae: Men are all alike. They can't be trusted - none of 'em!

Gabby: You know, the further west you go, the more dangerous it gets.

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Columbo: Columbo Likes the Nightlife

2003 (TV)

Lt Columbo: What a great idea, fish in a dance floor. Fantastic! Yeah, fantastic!

Lt Columbo: What are these fish called again? Justin Price: Koi. Lt Columbo: Koi! Magnificent creatures.

Lt Columbo: This place really coulda been something. Too bad.

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Columbo: Dead Weight

1971 (TV)

TV Newsman: In the Korean War, commanding a regiment of armored cavalry, General Hollister captured the imagination of the American people.

Mrs Walters: Your pot's overcooking. Helen Stewart: That is not a pot! That's a crock!

Maj. Gen Martin Hollister: You know, lieutenant, I don't see how a man with the name of Columbo, shouldn't he be more at home on a boat? Lt Columbo: Must have been another branch of the family, general, how soon do we land?

Helen Stewart: There are some men, Lieutenant, that do not want to look like an unmade bed!

Harry Barnes: If you hand me your line, I'll secure your stern. Mrs Walters: I beg your pardon? Harry Barnes: I'll tie up your boat.

Mrs Walters: I never thought we'd make it. Harry Barnes: Neither did I.

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Columbo: Double Exposure

1973 (TV)

Dr Bart Keppel: (voiceover narration for motivational film) Nothing can happen in this country until someone sells something. We are traditionally a nation of salesmen. But most importantly, we have turned salesmanship into a creative art. Salesmanship, a profession that has become a way of life, our most powerful weapon in the war of ideas and economies, a tribute to American creativity.

Lt Columbo: I had an uncle who made a killing in real estate up in San Dimas. Know what he did before he started sellin' dirt? Drove a school bus. Now he owns a ranch, a couple of Cadillacs, sends out embossed Christmas cards.

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Combat!

1962

Braddock: Don't just stand there sucking on a prune pit, get these men some water!

Sgt. Chip Saunders: (a typical "pep talk" to his squad) ... All right, just knock it off. YOU KNOCK IT OFF! You people make me sick. Go on, look at yourselves. You call yourselves a squad? You're a bunch of GOOF-UPS! Littlejohn, you cause nothing but trouble! You mind everybody's business except your own. From now on, you mind your OWN business and you FOLLOW ORDERS! Kirby - KIRBY! You're a hot-headed show-off who thinks of himself first and everybody else second. You fly off the handle every time you turn around! Cooling your heels off in some stockade may be exactly what you need, so you'd just better SHAPE UP! Now I've had it. I HAVE HAD IT! This squad's gonna shape up! You've been on the front so long, you're forgetting you're soldiers! I'm sick of... !

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Comedy Central Presents: The N.Y. Friars Club Roast of Drew Carey

1998 (TV)

Jeffrey Ross: Ladies and gentlemen, Drew Carey is to comedy what Mariah Carey is to comedy.

Jeffrey Ross: Look at this: Abe Vigoda, Freddy Roman, Alan King... I've seen younger faces on cash.

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Comedy Central Presents: Zach Galifianakis

2001 (TV)

Zach Galifianakis: I like to go to really bad movies, during their sixth week at the theatre. And there's only one other person in the room. I like to sit *right* by that person. And they're like, 'excuse me', and I'm like, 'Shhh, I can't hear Keanu.'

Zach Galifianakis: I've, uh, been working on some impressions, and I like to call this one a gay snake, ok. A gay snake: ... sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss. Thank you.

Zach Galifianakis: Here's a character I like to call the Timid Pimp. 'Hi, hi Amber? It's Marcus... yeah, I'll hold.'

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Command Decision

1948

(Standing next to a B-17 starting up) Col Edward Rayton Martin: Well... see you later. (Col Martin runs to get aboard the bomber) Col Edward Rayton Martin: Keep your temper with the big wheels! Brig. Gen K.C. 'Casey' Dennis: What? Col Edward Rayton Martin: I said; keep your temper with the big wheels! I don't want to get back and find you with a Legion of Merit and a ticket home!

James Carwood: What's the answer, Brockie, all guts and no brain? Elmer Brockhurst: No. That's putting it too simply. Dennis is one of those boys whose brain is fascinated by guts. He loves this lousy war.

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Comme une image

2004

Lolita Cassard: I'm hopeless ! Sbastien: We all are... Lolita Cassard: Yes, but me more than others.

tienne Cassard: There's cyanide in the bathroom.

Sylvia Millet: (singing lesson) Use the consonants, don't avoid them.

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Conan the Destroyer

1984

Jehnna: I go where I feel myself led. Conan: So I've noticed.

Jehnna: I suppose nothing hurts you. Conan: Only pain.

Malak: A fine magician you are! Go back to juggling apples.

Malak: I think we made the merchant angry. Conan: Are you surprised? Malak: But we didn't steal everything he had! Conan: We didn't have time.

Malak: Why are they trying to kill us? Conan: Maybe the want to capture us, and torture us to death.

Conan: Into the boat!

Akiro 'The Wizard': Death to the world. Conan: Life for Valeria.

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Conceiving Ada

1997

Doctor: The uterus is completely destroyed. All that mathematics was too much for your body.

Ada Augusta Byron King, Countess of Lovelace: (her last words) Death makes the fragility of life delicious. In general, I'm not opposed to it.

Ada Augusta Byron King, Countess of Lovelace: I'm not at all certain that half a life is better than no life at all.

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A Concert for Hurricane Relief

2005 (TV)

Kanye West: I hate the way they portray us in the media. If you see a black family it says they're looting, if you see a white family it says they're looking for food. And you know that it's been five days because most of the people are black and even for me to complain about - I would be a hypocrite because I've tried turn away from the TV because it's too hard to watch. I've even been shopping before even giving a donation and so I'm calling my business manager right now to see what is the biggest amount I can give. And just to imagine if I was down there, those are my people down there. So anybody out there that wants to do anything to help with the set up, the way that America is set up to help the poor, the black people, the less well-off as slow as possible. I mean, Red Cross is doing everything they can. We already realize a lot of the people that could help are at war right now fighting another way and they've given them permission to go down and shoot us... George Bush doesn't care about black people.

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Confessions of a Sociopathic Social Climber

2005 (TV)

Katya Livingston: Darling don't you know that looking good is everything - no matter how much it costs? (pause) Nevermind.

Katya Livingston: I barely have enough time to keep a journal let alone breast feed an orphan.

Eliza: They feel that discussing your six-figure salary might make him feel discontented with his life. Katya Livingston: Eliza, he lives in a shack with no air conditioning, TiVo, or DSL, I don't think I could make him feel any more discontent than he already is.

Melissa Rivers: Is there anyone that she hasn't been married to, or planned on marrying, or sleep with, in the last five minutes?

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Confessions of a Sorority Girl

1994 (TV)

Sabrina Masterson: Wake up, Rita! What do you think those two do after work, wipe tables?

Joe: What about you? You almost mowed a family down on the lake! Sabrina Masterson: They don't give you 10 to 15 for that.

Sabrina Masterson: I'm sorry Mother, God was only able to create *one* perfect daughter for you, now you'll just have to suffer with me.

Rita Summers: Wow, these are all French designs. Coco Channel... Sabrina Masterson: It's pronounced Coco *Chanel*. And I don't share my clothes. Rita Summers: I didn't ask you to!

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A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court

1949

Alisande La Carteloise: Pardon, my lord, but the monster seemeth a gentle soul. King Arthur: Gentle? Alisande La Carteloise: He has nice eyes.

Sir Sagramore: If there were aught I could say, aught I could do to save thee... Hank Martin: Well, ain't there aught? Sir Sagramore: Naught.

(first lines) Hank Martin: Here ya are. (pays taxi driver) Hank Martin: Hey, has this castle always had four turrets? Pendragon Castle door man: Always.

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Conquest of the Planet of the Apes

1972

(Referring to cigarettes) Woman: Funny, now that I know these things won't kill me, I don't enjoy them.

Caesar: Where there is fire, there is smoke. And in that smoke, from this day forward, my people will crouch and conspire and plot and plan for the inevitable day of Man's downfall - the day when he finally and self-destructively turns his weapons against his own kind. The day of the writing in the sky, when your cities lie buried under radioactive rubble! When the sea is a dead sea, and the land is a wasteland out of which I will lead my people from their captivity! And we will build our own cities in which there will be no place for humans except to serve our ends! And we shall found our own armies, our own religion, our own dynasty! And that day is upon you NOW!

Lisa: N-No. . .

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Conspiracy

2001 (TV)

Heydrich: Emigration. The policy that will take the place of emigration, and we have collected enough practical experience to do it well, is evacuation. Hofmann: Which differs from emigration in what way? Evacuation to where? Heydrich: Let us postpone that question for a while. Klopfer: To hell, one hopes. Lange: Many already have. Luther: Do they even have a hell? Heydrich: They do now. We provide it.

General Reinhard Heydrich: From Lapland to Libya, from Vladivostok to Belfast, no Jews. Not one.

Kritzinger: But... the annihilation of these people! The Fuhrer has denied this to me, personally! Heydrich: And he will continue to do so.

Heydrich: Dead men don't hump, dead women don't get pregnant.

Heydrich: Look at the world and tell me the pleasures of sanity.

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Copper Canyon

1950

Deputy Lane Travis: Remember when I told you once about never having to dodge bullets from a dead man? Well, that still goes.

Johnny Carter: When you kill a man, he dies just as bad or just as stupid as the moment when you put the bullet in him. If you let him live, he's still got a chance to learn things. Deputy Lane Travis: Well, that's smart... provided he learns the right things.

Johnny Carter: You know, personally, I think there are only three things worth living for: fine guns, good horses and beautiful women.

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