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Movie Quotes - 65

Movie quotes on this page from the following movies:

B-Movie: The Shooting of 'Farmhouse Massacre'

2002 (V)

Vito: You've taken all the fun out of this, but we're putting our foot down. Marcus: Yeah. Vito: We're doing the lesbian vampire scene!

Marcus: It's about... the human spirit. Eh... about what's within... that you didn't know that you had. When people push you, what you do is you get angry, you put on a gorilla mask and you fucking chop somebody's cock off! You don't give a shit.

Beyond the Law

1992

Bogus Charlie: My grandfather once told me what to do when surrounded by white men with rifles. Dan Saxon: What? Bogus Charlie: Give the fuck up!

Dan Saxon: He saved my life. Renee: He saved Sid's life. Can you even tell the difference anymore?

Blood: Shut up! Don't say anything, don't do anything, just fucking sit there!

Big Eden

2000

Jim Soams: There's so few nice surprises in life. Seems to me that it'd be kind of a shame to squander one of them, don't ya think?

Grace Cornwell: Listen, you know what they say when you get lost in the woods? If you stay put, stay in one place and don't wander, they'll find you. And I was just hoping you'd let yourself be found this time. I was hoping you'd let us find you. But you keep wandering and we can't.

Big Guy and Rusty the Boy Robot

1999

Big Guy: The only thing more piping hot than mom's apple pie is the sting of my anti-terrorist lowlife mag-popper!

Rusty: We're robots. We don't have brains. Not that we're stupid.

(repeated line) Rusty: Rule number one... robots never harm humans.

Big Guy: For the love of Mike.

Big Guy: If he ticks, clock him.

Big Guy: (fighting lava creatures, and not understanding their mumbles) Sorry, I don't speak "Rock". Se habla kaboom? (fires)

Big Momma's House

2000

Malcolm Turner: I've seen a lot of scary shit in my days, but damn that was a lot of ass. John: I think I need a splint or something.

Big Momma: Somebody better tell me something, cause this show is some freaky shit.

John: Is that morphine in there? God, beats the hell out of aspirin.

Sherry: Oh, it's so good to see you, Big Momma. I thought you may forgotten all about me. Malcolm Turner: Shut your mouth, child. Oh, Big Momma could never forget that ass... Sherry: What? Malcolm Turner: ... ma. Asthma. Do you remember you had asthma?

(Big Momma finds Ben and Sadie in her bed) Big Momma: You two? In my bed? Oh, hell no! Ben: Hattie Mae, I can explain. Big Momma: Explain it to the fattier end of my baseball bat.

Bill Maher: Victory Begins at Home

2003 (TV)

Bill Maher: Its so easy to say anything. The one thats easy to say now is "I support the Troops". Doesn't cost you anything. "I support the troops". But I got a question for you can you really support the troops, If you also support these massive tax cuts for the very rich. Cause the people we say are our heros are paid by tax dollars. We hear about teachers have to buy their own school supplies. Soilders in this country are on food stamps. Firemen... Well firemen get laid so easily now... fuck them... but anyway. But I mean couldn't somebody in congress stand up and say "why dont we take half of that tax cut and give it to our heroes. Or is that why their our heroes cause they work cheap.

Billy Liar

1963

William Terrence 'Billy' Fisher: (daydreaming) It was a big for us, we had won the war in Ambrosia. Democracy was back once more in our beloved country.

William Terrence 'Billy' Fisher: Today's a day of big decisions - going to start writing me novel - 2000 words every day, going to start getting up in the morning. (Looks at his overgrown thumb nail) I'll cut that for a start. Yes... today's a day of big decisions.

William Terrence 'Billy' Fisher: (wearning a monocle and speaking in a posh voice) Cabinet change imminent I see. William Terrence 'Billy' Fisher: You'll be bloody imminent if you don't start getting up in the morning.

William Terrence 'Billy' Fisher: You've start coming in at night, I'm not having you gallivanting about all hours! William Terrence 'Billy' Fisher: Who are you having gallivanting about?

Billy the Kid and the Green Baize Vampire

1985

T.O: If you was an undertaker people'd stop dying.

Billy: When I've finished with the Green Baize Vampire, he's gonna need a blood transfusion, a brain transplant and a set of National Health railings.

Egypt: They call her Slack Alice; she's got a mouth like a clown's pocket.

Black Belt Jones

1974

Pinky: Who the fuck hit me? Black Belt Jones: Batman, muthafucka!

Pinky: Choose money over honey? Shiiiiit. Man, you can pull out my groin, just gimme that coin! Man, I'd rather be dead than not have any bread! Pinky's mama didn't raise no fool!

Black Belt Jones: I'm gonna make you sweat one way... and then the other.

Quincy: Come on back if you want some more! If you want some more, then come on back!

Pop Byrd: I got superfly!

Sydney: I'm gonna make you look like a sick faggot.

Black Roses

1988

Julie's Stepdad: Mmmmmm you really know how to take care of your old step-dad don't you?

Matt Moorhouse: Where in the hell are you getting all this stuff from? Damien: Are you kidding? You're a famous guy. I've known your soul a long time, man.

Mr Ames, Tony's Dad: Only two kinds of men wear earings: pirates and faggots. I don't see no ship in our driveway.

Matt Moorhouse: I'm here to see your father, is he in? Miss Priscilla Farnsworth: No. No, he's not here. Did you and daddy have a date? Matt Moorhouse: Come off it Pricilla, I am not in the mood. I need to talk to someone. Miss Priscilla Farnsworth: What about me?

Mayor Farnsworth: You sound like a hysterical Mrs Miller. Matt Moorhouse: If I was Mrs Miller I would be hysterical because Mr Miller's dead.

Black Samson

1974

Samson: Just keep your people out of here! Johnny Nappa: But you have a bar. You have a licence. You have to serve anybody who comes in here, don't you? Samson: Yeah, but this is a lousy bar with a lousy service!

(In Samson's Bar. Nappa's man are making trouble. Samson gets angry.) Samson: Just keep your people out of here! Johnny Nappa: But you have a bar. You have a licence. You have to serve anybody who comes in here, don't you? Samson: (smiles) Yeah, but this is a lousy bar with a lousy service!

Black Scorpion

1995 (TV)

(the crazed doctor is restricted to an iron lung) Dr Goddard: If I can't breathe like everyone else, then I'm gonna make everyone else breathe like me.

Argyle: (explaining the shape shifting of the car) The atoms change at a molecular level.

Darcy Walker: (a homeless man holds the clothes of Black Scorpion) Do you mind if I take those? Homeless man: No. I'll just keep lookin' for the naked lady. (as Darcy walks away) I was joking, lady!

Black Sunday

1977

Robert Moshevsky: My mother once said "Anyone who has a nervous breakdown has got to have something wrong with them".

Joseph Robbie: Cancel the Super Bowl? That's like canceling Christmas!

Major David Kabakov: Don't be so rude to everybody.

Major David Kabakov: What is this thing you Americans call the Super Bowl?

FBI Agent Sam Corley: The President isn't persuaded that attending the Super Bowl will pose a threat to his life. I suppose it's the more important thing on his mind; he's slipping in the polls! Eighty-two thousand, five hundred twenty-eight, to be exact!

Captain Michael J. Lander: I wanted to give this whole son-of-a-bitchin' country something to remember me by!

Black

2005

Debraj Sahai: Come... into... the light!

Debraj Sahai: (trying to comfort Michelle) Your world is not black!

Michelle McNally: I know now that there is God... He is not in the Holy Spirit we pray to... He isn't written about in religious texts... He is someone who is a part of our lives... Whom we live for... Because of whom we live...

Debraj Sahai: Yes, that's right, life's a big ice-cream. Have it before it melts.

Blechtrommel, Die

1979

Agnes Matzerath: Ich bin unkeusch gewesen, in Gedanken, Worten und Werken. Reverend Wiehnke: Allein oder mit anderen? Agnes Matzerath: Zu zweit. Reverend Wiehnke: Wo und wann? Agnes Matzerath: Immer am Donnerstag, in der Tischlergasse. Reverend Wiehnke: Aber Kind. Immer wieder dieser schmutziger Ort. Agnes Matzerath: Ich kann nicht anders, Hochwuerden. Ich moechte, aber ich... ich kann nicht. Reverend Wiehnke: Und die Folgen, liebe Frau Matzerath, die Folgen? Agnes Matzerath: Ist hier schon, Hochwuerden. Ist hier schon...

Blessures assassines, Les

2000

Lea: If we were rich... Christine: What would change? Rich ladies have everything but I've seen them weeping in secret.

Christine: (to her sister Lea on her first of work) And always speak to them in third person. Aunt Isabelle said a master is three people. the one he is, the one others think he is and the one he believes he is. Always address the last one.

Blood Drips Heavily on Newsies Square

1991 (V)

Dee Caspary: I don't wanna die at a young age!

Ivan Dudynsky: Man, where's my... where is my porno magazines? Ah, up here! (opens cabinet above him) No. (looks under couch) No... shit, it ain't here. What's that fuckin' music? (scratches chest) Ah, in the bathroom! Of course! (opens bathroom door and looks inside) Let's see... no. (closes bathroom door) Damn!

Max Casella: Son of a bitch bastard! I'll break his ivory dome that cock sucka!

Kenny Ortega: Who the fuck are you? Who the fuck... oh yeah, yeah, I know you... You're the guy who's last big movie was playing a fish in a cartoon, get the fuck outta here. Go on, get the fuck outta here. (leaves, then turns back around when realizing he's being followed; hits the camera) Get the fuck outta here! (hits the camera) Get outta here, you fuck!

Blood of the Beast

2003

Stevie: That's a reality check, kids. We're in the South, where ignorance is worn like a badge of honor.

Alice: You can't stay here, this place isn't safe; it's too old!

James: Jesse, I brought these. (indicating two guns) Jesse: Do those even work? James: They'll knock anyone down who tries to get at us. Jesse: I'm sure they said that at the military base, too. James: Yeah, well you'll be thanking me when I save your dumb ass.

Reverend: Help me... nail that board to the wall!

Blood on the Sun

1945

Iris Hilliard: Japanese women aren't allowed to think. It's against the law.

(first lines) Arthur Bickett: But gentlemen, I know nothing about this article being printed. I was out of town. Secret Police Major Kajioka: Then let me read what is printed here in your paper. "If Japan wants to control China we must first crush the United States just as in the past we have to fight in the Russo-Japanese war."

Blood Work

2002

Detective Arango: Just because you got a Mexican's heart doesn't mean you're one of us!

Terry McCaleb: I prefer the hard line.

Buddy Noone: I'm the following sea, man. I'm the one you need to watch out for.

Detective Arango: Hey McCaleb! We don't need your doughnuts... or your shit! We've got enough of our own!

Terry McCaleb: Hey Arrango, next time you step foot on my boat, this Mexican will kick your ass!

Terry McCaleb: Where you're going? Buddy Noone: We're going to lean on him, right? You go after him, I pull you off. Good cop, bad cop. Terry McCaleb: Ah no. You stay with the car! Buddy Noone: C'mon man, Starsky and Putz.

Terry McCaleb: You guys can... keep the donuts.

Jaye Winston: (the heart McCaleb received from his transplant belongs to one of the victims) Conflict of interest. Did that ever occur to you, conflict of interest?

Blood

1997 (VG)

Caleb: (Mini Caleb) I'll swallow your soul!

Caleb: Okay She-bitch, lets go!

Caleb: I live... AGAIN!

Caleb: This is my Boomstick!

Caleb: Good, bad, I'm the one with the gun.

Caleb: Groovy.

Caleb: Give me some Sugar, baby

Caleb: You're pissing me off, you ugly son of a bitch!

Caleb: (singing to himself, when the game is idle for a while) strangers in the night... humm, mmmm

Blue Canadian Rockies

1952

(After accidentally knocking out his boss, Rawhide Buttram volunteers to help Gene Autry in Canada) Cyrus Higbee: I'm not sure Canada's far enough to send you! Rawhide Buttram: You gotta admit it's a step in the right direction.

(While shooting at a moose, Rawhide's rifle clicks on an empty chamber) Gene Autry: Why don't you try loadin'? Rawhide Buttram: You can't say I didn't give a sportin' chance.

Blue Chips

1994

Pete Bell: Dwayne, you can get through college half-assed. Richard, you can get through LIFE half-assed. But I'll guarantee you boys one thing: sure as hell, I'll guarantee you this: you cannot *win* half-assed!

Pete Bell: You took the purest thing in your life and corrupted it, for what? For what?

(Slick talking about Neon) Slick: I'm not going to bullshit you Pete. He ain't no brain surgeon aight. He took the SAT recently and scored a 520 out of a possible 1600. Pete Bell: 520? You get 400 for just spelling your name correctly. Slick: That's it, he messed up on his name.

Pete Bell: ... But goddamnit, those kids played out their heart. They gave everything they had! They played up to the *maximum* of their ability! They gave it everything. And you know, it wasn't good enough. It wasn't good enough for me, wasn't good enough for you, wasn't good enough for anybody!

Body of Influence

1993

Clarissa: (after have sex with her psychiatrist) You know what? This might qualify as sexual harassment.

Laura: (after wripping off her clothes and straddling her psychiatrist's chair) I understand your pain, Jonathan.

Laura: Jonathan, we must have sex immediately!

Harry Reams: (on Laura) She ain't the only one who's sexually repressed.

Jonathan Brooks: I just felt that with you by my side I could handle anything that life threw at me.

Body Parts

1991

Bill Chrushank: I now have a murderer's blood in my blood.

Ray Kolberg: Maybe you got some kind of demon inside *you* these days.

Dr Agatha Webb: Science, like nature, destroys to build.

Karen Chrushank: Honey, you have this guy's arm, you don't have his personality.

Remo Lacey: Just listen to what your arm's saying to you, man.

Bon fils, Le

2001 (TV)

Luc: (Liliane comes home earlier than usual) What are you doing here? Liliane: What I'm doing here? I'm coming home!

Paul: May I call grandmother? I want to tell her the poem I've learned at school. Liliane: You've learned a poem, dear? Come on, tell it to us! Paul: It's for grandmothers only!

Luc: Paul, can't you see that I'm drawing? Paul: And when will you finish? Luc: In a minute. Paul: (demonstrates with his hands) In a big minute or in a small minute? Luc: A minute is a minute, Paul. Paul: (a bit sad) Yes, but you usually said that it would only take a small minute...

Boobs in Arms

1940

Curly: (laughing) I think we're captured! Moe: (laughing) They'll probably shoot us!

Moe: (laughing) Our own Army's bombarding us! Larry: (laughing) We'll get killed!

The Sergeant: (crying) Everything happens to ME!

Curly: (to Moe, whom he has just pushed into a puddle) Hey! What's the idea 'a goin' swimmin'? We got woik ta do!

Booby Traps

1944

Narrator: If you are a boob, you will be trapped! Snafu: I wish to hell you'd shut up! I ain't no boob and I won't be trapped!

Snafu: I wonder could this be one of them booby traps? Camel: Ehh... could be.

(Snafu slaps a girl's behind, finding it to be made of metal) Snafu: Ah, something new has been added!

Snafu: (after the manniquin's bra falls off, revealing a pair of bombs) Bo - bo - booby traps!

Book of Love

1990

Mr Joe Twiller: You're trash, and your friends are trash.

Peanut: She wears a training bra. Jack Twiller: Why? So she can learn to do tricks with her tits?

Jack Twiller: Crutch, the weirdest thing just happened to me. This, this girl offered me hot sex for a dollar. Crutch Kane: Why didn't you come and get me? Jack Twiller: Crutch, she was just like, nine years old. Crutch Kane: So what? My cocker spaniel's only five.

Boot Camp

2001

D.I. Tony Rosenbum: Save the drama for your mama and push.

Drill Instructor Francisco: (at the end of each episode) Drill Instructors, get 'em off of my hill.

Drill Instructor McSweeney: (pointing at chalkboard) What is that? I bet one of our dainty recruits knows, how 'bout you, Wolf? Ryan Wolf: It is an assortment of Japanese sushi, sir! Drill Instructor McSweeney: An assortment, Wolf? Ryan Wolf: Yes, sir! Drill Instructor McSweeney: Is it a plethora, Wolf, a myriad? Ryan Wolf: (smiling) Yes, sir! Drill Instructor McSweeney: You know something, Wolf? You're gonna be doing a myriad of push-ups if you don't get that smile off your face, now get outa here!

Born to Kill

1947

Albert Arnett: As you grow older, you'll discover that life is very much like coffee - the aroma is always better than the actuality.

Helen Brent: If you go to the police, you'll see Laurie sooner than you think. Mrs Kraft: Are you trying to scare me? Helen Brent: I'm just warning you. Perhaps you don't realize - it's painful being killed. A piece of metal sliding into your body, finding its way into your heart. Or a bullet tearing through your skin, crashing into a bone. It takes a while to die, too. Sometimes a long while.

Born to the West

1937

Dinkey Hooley: Where's this cousin of yours at? Dare Rudd: Wyoming Dinkey Hooley: Where do your figure Wyoming's at? Dare Rudd: Right over yonder beyond that hill... unless somebody's moved it.

Fallon: Get out of here! The Sheriff's comin'! Dinkey Hooley: I think we're on the wrong side. Dare Rudd: This is no time to think!

Tom Fillmore: Why don't you get married and settle down? Why, you're running around like a maverick without a brand on. Dare Rudd: Well, I don't like branding. It hurts in the wrong place.

Dinkey Hooley: Too bad to waste such good food on just ordinary cowboys. Why, this kind of food is fittin' for human beings. Cowboy: Well, I ain't human and that ain't fittin'! Dinkey Hooley: Sink your teeth into those biscuits. Cowboy: Last time I did, two of 'em stayed there!

Botany Bay

1953

Capt Paul Gilbert: (after sentencing Hugh Tallant to a 50-lash whipping) I don't want any danger of infection. Have you the salt ready for his wounds?

Capt Paul Gilbert: Mr Green, you will make preparations for keelhauling the prisoners. Second Mate Spencer: Captain Gilbert, no man has been keelhauled on an English ship for fifty years. Capt Paul Gilbert: Oh, I don't think it's been that long.

Bouncing Babies

1929

Wheezer: Ah, I wish someone would take that ol' little baby away from here. Mary Ann: Why Wheezer, how can you talk so? Wheezer: Ah, before he come I used to get a little attention. Now nobody loves me. Mary Ann: Well, after the angels brought you nobody loved me either. Wheezer: Huh, I don't see how they could.

Wheezer: (to his mother) Why don't you dress me, and let that ol' little baby dress himself. All he wears is a bandana.

Boy Next Door

1999/I

(after Charlotte has called Chris a "fag") Mrs Marker: Alright. Just make sure you get your bitchy, faggoty asses to your rooms before my date gets here.

(to Charlotte) Chris: Looking a little bloated today...

(into his cell phone, while Charlotte is present) Rick: Aw, nothing. It's just my neighbor.

Boys and Girls

2000

Betty: We never did our laundry together.

Jennifer: Want to go get a cup of coffee? Ryan: I don't think you and I click.

Hunter: How far can you bend over?

Ryan: Nothing will ever hurt me as much as your reaction to that same experience.

Jennifer: I wanna do laundry with you, Ryan.

Flight Attendant: Can I help you? Ryan: I don't know. Can you?

Jennifer: Everybody's been in love but how come we don't know that it's true love 'till it's over? Maybe theres no one or two or three or four or even five. Maybe there is no such thing as true love. And we just keep on dressing up, we keep pretending to be something that we're not. We lose ourselves in something that we hope is better than what we think we are. What if the something that we're looking for just doesn't exist?

Hunter: He's in love with a girl that doesn't love him back, how do you think he feels?

Boys Beware

1961

Narrator: What Jimmy didn't know was that Ralph was sick; a sickness that was not visible like smallpox, but no less dangerous and contagious; a sickness of the mind. You see, Ralph was a homosexual: a person who demands an intimate relationship with members of their own sex.

Narrator: But not all homosexuals are passive, some resort to violence as in the case of Mike Merritt.

Narrator: The companionship, the praise, the friendly attitude dispelled any misgivings Mike might have had about going with a stranger. He probably never realised until too late that he was riding in the shadow of death, but sometime that evening, Mike Merritt exchanged his life for a newspaper headline.

Narrator: A good restroom can often be a hangout for the homosexual.

Narrator: One never knows when a homosexual is about. He may appear normal and it may be too late when you discover he is mentally ill.

Boys of the City

1940

Algy: Where is Knuckles? Is he is going to eat? Danny: He's taking a bath. Muggs: That kid's gonna get sick for washing himself too much.

Judge Parker: You can eat later. Simp: Oh gee, and I was so hungry. Pee-Wee: Then why don't you eat? Simp: He ain't paying me for that.

Muggs: Five millions guys thumbing their way along the road and we gotta pick up a Judge. That's fate.

Muggs: I think this organ has something to do with the secret. Then Agnes said "not to touch it" and Knuckles said that Ms Mason was to meet him in this room. She vanished from this room. I'll bet you there's a secret panel. Danny: You're crazy. You've been seeing too many movies. Muggs: Movies - hey, that's it! Say what's The Thin Man got that I ain't got? Danny: Myrna Loy.

Braceface

2001

Sharon: It's kind of like 'Clueless' meets 'My So-Called Life,' but for younger kids.

(Sharon is drunk) Sharon: Are there any requests? Maria: Sharon, stop it! Sharon: "Sharon, stop it!" Hmm... I'm not sure I know that one... maybe you can hum a few bars? Maria: You're making a total fool of yourself!

Sharon: Didn't you hear us calling? Josh: I didn't think you'd care. Sharon: What kind of sister do you think I am?

Brandy & Mr Whiskers

2004

Brandy Harrington: How would you like it if I told everyone your secrets? Mr Whiskers: What secrets? Brandy Harrington: Like, you collect toejam, you're afraid of belly lint, you pass gas in your sleep!! Mr Whiskers: I pass gas in my sleep? Cool! Brandy Harrington: I'm cutting you off! Mr Whiskers: Aw, but Brandy, I *crave* your anguished ramblings, even more so now that they're taboo! The forbidden fruit! The desire of dare not speaketh name!... I also like the way you dot your 'I's with hearts.

Brannigan

1975

(Brannigan approaches a motorcyclist who has just thrown a bag in the Thames) Brannigan: Can you swim? Motorcyclist: Yes. Brannigan: Go get it! (pushes motorcyclist into the river)

Brannigan: (after kicking down door) Knock, knock!

Det. Sgt. Jennifer Thatcher: (quoting her father) The problem with you Yanks is: 'you're oversexed, overpaid and over here'. Brannigan: I walked into that one, didn't I?

Breakfast of Champions

1999

(on Harry dressing like a mortician) Dwayne Hoover: Modern science has given us a vast array of colors with exciting names like Red! Blue! Orange! Brown! and PINK! Harry Le Sabre: Why don't you come right out and say it, Dwayne? Dwayne Hoover: Say what, Harry? Harry Le Sabre: That I like to wear women's clothing. Dwayne Hoover: Is that what you LIKE, Harry? Harry Le Sabre: Yes... I mean, NO! NO! OF COURSE NOT!

Dwayne Hoover: It's all life until your dead.

Brick Doll House

1967

Sandy: Girls, this is my new roomie. Dina Hammond. Linda Sherman: Do you like boys? Dina Hammond: I sure do. Carmen Esperanza: Do you get high? Dina Hammond: High out baby. Danielle Dubois: Do you like nude parties? Dina Hammond: Anytime, anyplace. Sherry West: Do you like orgies? Dina Hammond: More than the Romans, my dear.

Bright Leaf

1950

Blacksmith: Say, don't I know you from some place? Brant Royle: I've never been there.

Lawyer Calhoun: We all felt pretty bad about your... trouble. Brant Royle: Yeah, I'll bet you cried hour after hour.

Major Singleton: I'm afraid I don't believe in cigarettes, much less a machine for makin' them. It turns my stomach, sir, every time I have occasion to witness someone pokin' one of those vile concoctions into their face. I deal in cigars, sir. Nothing less.

John Barton: I've learned a great deal from you, Brant. If I weren't an honest man, I might be able to use it.

Brighton Rock

1947

Rose: People change. Ida: I've never changed. It's like those sticks of rock. Bite one all the way down, you'll still read Brighton. That's human nature.

Colleoni: You see the gold on them furnitures? Napoleon stayed here with Eugenie. Pinkie Brown: Who's she? Colleoni: Oh, some foreign palone.

Mother Superior: (while comforting Rose after Pinkie's death) You or I cannot fathom the appalling strangeness of God.

Bring Me the Head of Alfredo Garcia

1974

Bennie: You guys are definitely on my shit list!

Bennie: I've been no place I wanna go back to, that's for damn sure.

Bennie: You wanna stay here with him?

Bennie: (after a shootout) Am I still gonna get paid? Sappensly: (pulling out a gun) Yeah, you'll get paid.

Bennie: I can smell him 100 miles away... sometimes closer.

Bruiser

2000/I

Bruiser: Looks like you pissed yourself there buddy, must be the stress, stress of high finance

(To his wife's small dog as he eats breakfast...) Henry Creedlow: This is people food, not mouse food.

(After Rita issues several insults to Henry in Spanish, he responds in the same language.) Rita: I never knew you speak Spanish. Henry Creedlow: I'm full of surprises.

Buccaneer Bunny

1948

Yosemite Sam: (singing) Fifteen men on a dead man's chest/ Yo ho ho and a bottle of... (To a rhumba beat) Yosemite Sam: Ma's old-fashioned cider! Ma's old-fashioned cider!

Yosemite Sam: Now gimme back them jewels. I'm going to hide them where no one will know where they're at but me. Bugs Bunny: Aha, and me. Yosemite Sam: What. (points gun at Bugs) Say your prayers, varmit. Dead rabbits tell no tales. Bugs Bunny: Wait a minute, Doc. Ain't you got that wrong? It's "dead men tell no tales." Yosemite Sam: Dead men tell no... ? Say, you're right. Well, reckon I ain't got no alternative. (Points gun at his own head) Bugs Bunny: Well, so long, Captain Kidney. He he he. Yosemite Sam: (realizing he's been duped) OOOOOOH.

Buck and the Preacher

1972

Buck: Which way are you ridin', Preacher? The Preacher: Well, that's not exactly settled in my mind yet. Buck: Well, you got three possibilities. The Preacher: Oh? Buck: North, south or east. The Preacher: What happened to west? Buck: We're going west.

Buck Benny Rides Again

1940

(Jack is soaked) Rochester: Is it rainin' outside? Jack Benny: No, Rochester, I was eating a grapefruit and it got out of control.

Phil Harris: Going somewhere? Jack Benny: Listen, Phil, there's a train leaving for the east tonight. I'm going to be on it if I have to sit on the engineer's lap. Phil Harris: Well, we just got here. You know what Brenda said... this place grows on you. Jack Benny: Well, it'll have to grow on somebody else!

Bullshot

1983

Bullshot: I can't control this thing between my legs!

(asked about the gas he's just used) Count Otto van Bruno: A very exotic drug from Asia. More commonly known as "Indian Hemp" or "marijuana".

Bullshot: Great Scott! You've all been doped!

Bullshot: I'm a collector of unusual insects

Fräulein Lenya von Bruno: Unfortunately his war wounds prevented him from doing certain things... Bullshot: A lot of chaps couldn't hunt after the war.

Bullshot: This is the last straw! England crushed by Australia!

Bullshot: Is this seemly, Mrs Platt-Higgins, playing popular music and your husband only ten years dead?

Bully for Bugs

1953

Bugs Bunny: (Laughing) What a gulla-bull. What a nin-cow-poop. (the bull promptly thumps Bugs to the ground)

(the bull is snorting very close behind Bugs Bunny) Bugs Bunny: (Slapping the bull on the face) Stop steaming up my tail. What are you trying to do? wrinkle it?

Bugs Bunny: Of course you realize, this means WAR.

(Bugs holding a cape in front of a rifle) Bugs Bunny: Ok, el toro, whenever you can find the time. (to audience) Booby trap!

Busting

1974

Huge Black Man: (while beating Keneely with brass knuckles) Hello, Keneely. You know what, Keneely? I gotta message for you, from my friend. He says: Shazam! That's all; Shazam. Can you dig it?

Vice Detective Michael Keneely: Wouldn't you think the man would've at least had the decency to stay for the sermon? Vice Detective Patrick Farrel: The Lord's gonna smoke his ass!

Butley

1974

Ben Butley: I'm a one-woman man, and I've had mine, thank God.

Ben Butley: You know how it exhausts me to teach books I haven't read.

(regarding student unrest) Ben Butley: Perhaps they were protesting about the Aristotle collection. Edna Shaft: It wouldn't surprise me. I had one or two last year who were mutinous about "The Faerie Queen". Ben Butley: You mean the principal? He really must learn discretion.

By Dawn's Early Light

1990 (TV)

(Alice has just refused an order from the acting president) Sam: They'll shoot you for this general. Alice: Sam, old friend, I should find such an angel of mercy.

(Harpoon and Fargo try to advise the acting president on how to react to the nuclear conflict) Harpoon: Use the pause. Settle things down. Fargo: The best defense... Cut off the head of the Soviet chicken.

(President talking of the incompetent acting president) President: We got Alice in one plane and the mad hatter in another.

Fargo: Hell, most Soviet bombers are so old they still use propellers. The Minnesota Air National Guard could probably knock them down. Harpoon: Well, do you want to get on the phone and order them into the air, Colonel, because every transistor in Minnesota is BURNED OUT!

By Hook or by Crook

2001

Valentine: Did you ever hear about those monks, who just walk around real slow and careful, and they're careful about everything, and they don't step on any bugs, and the main thing is that they don't hurt or kill anything their whole lives? Shy: What's your point? Valentine: Well... we're just hitting lots of bugs all the way along here.

Kid: Are you a girl or a boy? Shy: Both.

By the Sword

1991

Fencing Student: You never taught me that! Alexander Villard: You can't teach surprise.

Alexander Villard: Don't finish the windows. I don't like seeing outside any more.

Alexander Villard: Do you ever get the feeling that you were born in the wrong age? Max Suba: No. I appreciate modern plumbing. Alexander Villard: You don't like me much, do you? Max Suba: I think you are the greatest fencer that I've ever seen. Alexander Villard: Ah. You don't like me at all.

Max Suba: Like father, like son. Alexander Villard: I won two of each. Max Suba: Twice the man he was.

Alexander Villard: There is no good. There is only best.

Cadet Kelly

2002 (TV)

Kelly Collins: (to Brad Rigby, while shining boots) Excuse me, sir, may I borrow some spit? I promise I'll pay you back!

Kelly Collins: I would really like to retain my individuality.

(repeated line) Brad Rigby: And that's an order.

(last lines) Kelly Collins: (narrating) Since this is my first autobiography, I might not have gotten everything right, but the events are true, the feelings are genuine, and my memoirs are finished. But, I might've forgotten what everyone was wearing.

Cadfael

1994

Hugh Beringar: I would know more of you, Cadfael. In this new town of mine I shall need a good friend. And I can think of none better than a rare Benedictine.

(Examining a dead body) Brother Cadfael: But the most interesting thing-- Prior Robert: Interesting? We don't all share your morbid propensities, Brother. Brother Cadfael: Revealing, then.

Brother Cadfael: There is no shame in tears if they are worth the shedding.

(After hearing a ridiculous theory) Hugh Beringar: You might equally suggest that the earth moves around the sun with as little proof!

Cadfael: Oswin, it surely is not in your vows to listen to gossip. Brother Oswin: No, brother. Cadfael: Well, don't let that stop you.

Brother Cadfael: Oswin? When you entered these walls you renounced the world... not your senses!

Cadillac Ranch

1996

(Watching CJ flirt with Beau.) Francis: Look at her... just thinking every man's dying for her. Mary Catherine: Do you like him? Francis: Of course not... he WORKS at a gas station... and he's a poet... and he smells like pine trees...

Mary Catherine: Well, I called Mother. She's still taking parenting tips from Joan Crawford.

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