Film Dialogue 50
Columbo: A Trace of Murder
Lt Columbo: Three eyes see more than one.
Columbo: Butterfly in Shades of Grey
Soap Opera Director: Okay... homeless people, go home!
Columbo: How to Dial a Murder
Lt Columbo: Most people could sit and listen to somebody talking about their personality for hours - Lord knows *I* could.
Columbo: Lovely But Lethal
Viveca Scott: (to a competitor in the cosmetics business) Mr Lang, why don't you just go gobble up a pill company?
Columbo: Murder in Malibu
Lieutenant Columbo: Just one more thing, sir.
Lieutenant Columbo: Let 'im go. No law against shooting a dead body.
Columbo: Murder with Too Many Notes
Lt Columbo: Just one more thing, sir.
Columbo: Old Fashioned Murder
Janie Brandt: Aunt Ruth, he was in the Army, he can handle a gun, and he's the only one who was willing to work for that salary.
Columbo: Sex and the Married Detective
Dr Joan: Do you think less of me? Lt Columbo: Ma'am, I'm just a policeman. Judging people... that's all up to someone else, but I have to say that I've enjoyed our talks very much, and I think I do understand.
Columbo: Short Fuse
Doris Buckner: I called the Commissioner and he said he'd send his very best man. Roger Stanford: Is that a fact. Lt Columbo: My wife says I'm the second-best, she claims there are eighty men tied for first.
Columbo: Strange Bedfellows
Lieutenant Columbo: There's just one more thing, sir. Graham McVeigh: Lieutenant, with you there's never really "just one more thing."
Columbo: The Most Crucial Game
Lt Columbo: Uh, sir? Walter Cunnell: Yes? Lt Columbo: You don't mind if I ask you a personal question, do you? Walter Cunnell: No. Lt Columbo: What'd you pay for those shoes?
Columbo: The Most Dangerous Match
Emmett Clayton: Well, chess *is* the ultimate test of the human mind, isn't it? Tomlin Dudek: You think so? I always thought it was women.
Dr Susan Wheeler: You did it. (Put people in irreversible comas) Dr George A. Harris: No decision is easy, Sue. It only looks that way when you're young. When you're older, everything is complicated. There is no black and white, only gray.
Come te nessuno mai
Silvio Ristuccia: ... Per che io so che come te non cera nessuno mai.
Comedy Central Roast of Pamela Anderson
Jeffrey Ross: How is it possible that Courtney Love looks worse than Kurt Cobain?
Jeffrey Ross: I wouldn't fuck Bea Arthur's dick with Andy Dick's pussy.
Paolo: (as a woman's baby boy is peeing on him) Excuse me, ma'am! What are you doing? Donna in spiaggia: Oh, come on! Babies's pee is like angels' pee. What's the problem?
Joe: ... You're all tripped out. Speed freaks. You're screwy, Baby! Ever see the inside of a 24-hour cold capsule? That's what your chromosomes probably look like. If I knocked you up, you'd probably have a giraffe.
Joe: You stink, you smell! You screw everybody! You fuck everybody! Don't You ever bathe?
Luke Martin: I have killed for my country, or whatever, and I don't feel good about it. Coz there's not enough reason, man, to feel a person die in your hands, or to see your best buddy get blown away.
Stream Hodsell: Je veux l'orgasme. That means, I want an orgasm.
Command & Conquer Red Alert: Retaliation
General La Roche: The casualties of war cannot compare to the casualties of defeat.
Commander USA's Groovie Movies
Commander USA: Sure!
Japanese soldier #1: A thousand pardons. I bow my stomach at you! Japanese soldier #2: Quite all right!
Joline: I read somewhere, the reason most relationships break down is that each partner is waiting for the other to fix it. But if you want somebody to stand by you always, you have to be willing to do the same for them, even when they're acting like an idiot.
Norman: They rip you off! They rip you off! They're always there to rip you off! It doesn't matter what generation, what decade, they're always there to RIP YOU OFF! And now they're feeding on our bodies like vultures.
Don: What on earth can't be fixed with a little glitter, feathers, and a string of lights?
Don: There's no wrong time for a show tune.
(Nick, sitting in a cafe reading over an article of his, has a very noisy coughing fit) Waitress: Are you alright, love? Nick Finchley: All right? I'm fucking brilliant!
Whitley: You've broken my mind.
(About East German car.) Sam Boyd: Is it alarmed? Pyiotr Grushenko: Only if you frighten it.
Pyotir Grushenko: Whose ass you Americans going to kick now? Sam Boyd: Well, always got Fidel.
Mallik: I am not Chandu.
Stanley Matis: You know what's wrong with you people? You're ignorant. You don't know anything. But there's hope for you yet. You're all going to die - someday. Death makes you smart. You can take a complete idiot and kill him (or her) and he knows more than the smartest person alive: he knows what death is. So don't worry. Help is on the way.
Confessions of an American Bride
Sam: (voiceover) Men get porn - women get wedding websites.
Confessions of Babette
Paul: I want you to take me mamoru, you crazy animal
Confiance rgne, La
Ludo: Since you're fourteen, you keep stealing motorcycles and sucking dicks! Chrystle Burrel: Better that way than the other.
Conquistatore di Corinto, Il
Diaeus: My soldiers arrested him as he was about to embark. I've had him whipped but he won't speak.
(first lines) Lilly: (asking about the death of his lover Alex) You gonna tell your mother? Paul: How can I? They don't even know about me.
(last lines) David: (placing his feet suggestively atop Paul's) My feet are bigger than yours. Paul: That jellyfish must have affected your brain
(first lines) Bus driver: Next stop will be Littleton.
(last lines) Josie: Did you get our present?
Hubbard: (drunk) What else do you want to know about me? How many times a week I screw? Stella Holmes: If you're always in that condition, it's obvious you couldn't get it up, even if you used a crane.
Colonel Stella Holmes: Help! Let me out! There's an egg!
Ernie Souchak: I know what I wrote, I was there when I wrote it.
Ernie Souchak: It's so quiet up here, you could hear a mouse get a hard on.
Ernie Souchak: But why ornithology? Nell Porter: I like the uniform.
Lee Ray Oliver: Don't you ever talk about my fucking family ever again!
Conversations in Limbo
Priest: You know, it's not the church's job to walk you through the gates of heaven. It's here to let you know there is one.
Dominick 'Dino' Capisco: Take the gum out of your mouth when you're talking to me. You look like a hooker.
Bunny: You leave my father out of this, you Wonder Bread wop!
Carmela 'Cookie' Voltecki: This place smells like a bordello.
Lenore: I raised you all by myself. I was a single mother long before they were talking about it on Oprah Winfrey.
A Cook's Tour
Anthony Bourdain: As a cook, tastes and smells are my memories, and I'm in search of some new ones. So I'm leaving New York and hoping to have a few epiphanies around the world. I'm looking for extremes of emotion and experience. I'll try anything. I'll risk everything. I have nothing to lose.
John: You're really starting to annoy me. I think I'm gonna have to shoot you in a minute or two.
A Cooler Climate
Paula Tanner: Iris, I don't want to breathe. Why the hell would I want to go to the garage?
Preacher: You guys think it's so funny because I want to be something besides a factory worker or a football player. Well, that's because you're a bunch of stupid niggers that don't know shit!
Brenda: Y'all need to go to church!
Pooter: If I ain't goin', nobody's goin.
Lloyd Hopkins: You blow away a broad's date, the least you can do is drive her home.
Lloyd Hopkins: Well, there's some good and there's some bad news. The good news is you're right - I'm a copy and I've gotta take you in. The bad news is I've been suspended and I don't give a fuck.
Lloyd Hopkins: I hear West Hollywood's a faggot sewer.
Mayor's Daughter: I won't marry you until you become a big business man.
(repeated line) Agent Baldwin P. 'Bulletproof' Vess: It's crime-fighting time!
(repeated line) Various Good Guys: Freeze! We're cops, and you're under arrest!
(repeated line) Various Bad Guys: Freeze! We're crooks, and this is a stick-up!
Barbara Windsor: I think heaven's being left alone with a Steinbeck in the edit suite. You sit in front of your life and you're allowed to re-edit it. Cut the rotten bits, loop the sex, montage the good moments. Live it over and over, a bit better every time. And eventually, make it perfect.
Laurence Gerard: I'll tell you what. I thought it over and decided not to pay any attention to you.
Shemp: Gee Moe, I'm sorry Moe! What mo' can a fellow say? That's all there is, there ain't no mo'!
Dr Herbert West: I'll save her for the parts.
Dan: Why are you all sweaty, Charlie?
Corpses Are Forever
(Stark checks his watch after coming back from the dead) Jack Stark: Jeez, my watch stopped. So did my heart, for that matter.
Hilton: What do you want me to do? Ruth: Kiss me, you fool!
Hilton: What did I tell you about slamming the door? Griffin: Um, you like it?
Anna: Generally people don't label me a lesbian. They label me nuts. When they hear I had a relationship with a woman for five years, and I only slept with her twice, they label me nuts.
Anna: Whenever she's upset, she wants to make love, but whenever I'm upset, I want to have pizza.
Montserrat: I'm not a lesbian just because I want to sleep with you.
Cottage to Let
Helen: You know, George, I think you waste your time with the wrong sort of women. George: I don't waste my time with any women. Helen: I quite believe that.
Count Yorga, Vampire
Count Yorga: Doctor Hayes, what an unexpected surprise. Dr James Hayes: Yes, so much so that I almost had a massive coronory.
Countdown w/ Keith Olbermann
(first lines) Keith Olbermann: Which of these stories will you be talking about tomorrow?
(last lines) Keith Olbermann: That's Countdown. Thanks for being part of it. I'm Keith Olbermann. Good night and good luck.
Host: Nine in a line, 30 seconds is the time!
Host: Nine in a row, off we go!
Host: It's a date - that'll be great!
Rev. John Santos: God doesn't let bad things happen. People do.
Grandma Peabody: Fester, you and Jobe go fetch Prudence a drink. Cousin Prudence: I never drink before five. Fester: Awe, that's all right we haven't got any clocks out here!
Country of My Skull
Anna Malan: Because of you, this land no longer lies between us but within. It breathes becalmed, after being wounded in its wondrous throat. In the cradle of my skulll it sings, it ignites my tongue. Five thousand stories are scorched on your skin... I am changed forever... Forgive me. Forgive me. Forgive me...
Langston Whitfield: I would love to kill you.
Oliver: Why didn't you bring me a box of candy? Stanley: They cost too much. Oliver: What's that got to do with it? Stanley: You didn't pay me for the last box I brought you.
Stanley: I brought you some hard boiled eggs and some nuts.
Coupe de Ville
Buddy Libner: We had sex!
Steve: The moment fire was invented we didn't say, 'Hey, let's cook!' we said, 'Great! now we can see naked women in the dark!'.
Course du livre travers les champs, La
Sugar: My name is Sugar. My husband loved to eat.
Karen: Nice guys are boring. Until you're 30. Then they're scarce.
Eddie Agajan: Ginger's my only other shower dancer and she's waterlogged.
Samantha Noble: Remember, people, celebrities are not your friends. After they get what they want, they won't even return your call.
Cowboys & Angels
Richard: Look at you. Look at the state of you. You can't keep burning the candle at both ends you know. Shane: (turns to him) It's my wick and I'll go out in flames if I want to.
Jerry: If I'd a pound for every pint I pissed into the Shannon I'd have retired years ago.
(after crashing during a blizzard) Daffy Duck: Holy smokes! That building ran right out in front of me!
Porky Pig: Oh, th-th-this darned old income tax would come out all right if I only had a f-f-few dependants. Daffy Duck: Did you say dependants? (Opens door to reveal ducks partying in kitchen) You got 'em, brother.
Cradle 2 the Grave
Fait: You read Chinese? Archie: No, but I know "cop" in every language.
Fait: What are you, some kind of kung fu James Bond?
Dr Neo Cortex: Damn you, Crash Bandicoot! Hahaha!
(first lines) Nitrus Brio: But Dr Cortex, we have not determined the cause of test failures! Dr Neo Cortex: Moron! This bandicoot will be my general, and he will lead my Cortex commandos to world domination. This time I shall reign triumphant!
Oliver Cromwell Jones: Mac, it's none of my business, and it certainly isn't up to me to give you advice, but if I had a weak heart . . . Chief 'Mac' McDonnell: What are you talking about? Oliver Cromwell Jones: A man don't take nitroglycerine for dandruff.
Crazy for You
Irene: So which is it, Bobby? Me... or Deadrock? Bobby: (looks uneasily between her and his mother, then grabs letter and runs away) Taxi! Grand Central Station!
(questioning the artist about his abstract painting "Moonlight Over Manhattan") Prosecutor: Will you kindly tell us where the moonlight is? Roco: Well, it's all moonlight. Prosecutor: Then where's Manhattan? Roco: Between Brooklyn and Jersey. Everybody knows that.
Chance LaRue: My name is Chance LaRue, and I was born special.
Chance LaRue: Someone once said with great power comes great responsibility... I think it was Jesus.
The Sheriff: This town seems to be perfect for me. I never saw a place where there are so few brains and so many guns!
Crazy Watto: Speederbikes! They're good on Endor, and they're good outdoor too!
Crazy Watto: This here, this is a Borg Cube! She's a box, but she's safe!
Crazy with the Heat
Goofy: Give me an ice cream sody!
Raymond Beaulieu: I missed... your delicious ironed toast.
Creativity with Bill Moyers
Bill Moyers, Bill: Creativity, in my eyes, is not the exclusive possession of the gifted. It is open to all of us, once the scales drop from our eyes to discover new possibilities for originality and problem solving.
Maya Angelou: (on a 1982 visit to her hometown, Stamps, Arkansas) I was terribly hurt in this town and vastly loved. I now close my mouth and become an ear.
Creature from Black Lake
Joe Canton: I'm gonna get my shotgun and make a rug outta that damn thing!
Pahoo: Was that is? Was that it? Was that the creature?
Creature from the Haunted Sea
Renzo Capetto aka Capo Rosetto aka Ratto Pazetti, aka Zeppo Staccato, aka Shirley Lamour: (narrating) It was dusk. I could tell 'cause the sun was going down.
Frank: Life is just a series of irreclaimable moments.
Kevin: I don't wanna die anymore.
Necromancer: I know what you're going through, but let me take care of it.
Crime Against Joe
Joe Manning: Slacks, are you a nice girl, Slacks? 'Slacks' Bennett: Well, either way I wouldn't want it known.
Crime & Punishment
Narrator: In the criminal justice system, deputy district attorneys represent the people. The prosecutors you are about to see, and the cases they try, are real. Nothing has been reenacted.
Crime by Night
Robbie Vance: You and I are gonna stick so close together we could wear the same suspenders.
Ann Marlow: We have a lot in common, don't we? Robbie Vance: Common is right.
Crime Doctor's Man Hunt
Police Inspector Harry B. Manning: Say, Doctor, I'd like you to see my wife. Dr Robert Ordway: Split personality? Police Inspector Harry B. Manning: No personality.
Kim: Next, Steven showed me a tape-recording of a speeding car that lost control and smashed a camera he borrowed from the National Film Board of Canada. He lost $2000, and when his movie came out almost nobody liked it.
Crimes of Passion
Rev. Shayne: Save your soul, whore! China: Save your money, shithead!
Wife: Didn't your mother teach you to wash your hands after you went to the bathroom? Bobby Grady: No, she taught me not to piss on my fingers.
Thackler: Didn't your mama ever tell you not to put anything bigger than your elbow in your ear?
Rodrigo: Hey, so, what's next? Richard Gaddis: I don't know. Maybe we should go our own ways. The Jew is going to be coming back soon. He finds out I replaced him, he'll be pissed. The Jew gets jealous.
Richard Gaddis: (speaking to Rodrigo) You have one thing money and practice can't buy - you look like a nice guy.
Criminally Insane 2
Hope Bartholomew: Time for your medication, Ethel. Ethel Janowski: I don't want any damn pills. I want a snack, Granny!
Victor's Mother: Et alors moi, ta mre, j'aurais pas le droit d'avoir une belle histoire de cul? (And so I, your mother, should not be allowed to have a beautiful sex affair?)
(After a rehearsal for Farrago's surgery) Raoul Farrago: Well, doctor, did the operation go well? Dr Eugene Norland Ferguson: Fine. You just died.
Dr Eugene Norland Ferguson: Same old cry through the ages--save me, doctor. Save me, anybody.
Steve Thompson: She's all right, she's just young. Mrs Thompson: Huh! Some ways, she knows more than Einstein.
Det. Lt Pete Ramirez: I should have been a better friend. I shoulda stopped you. I shoulda grabbed you by the neck, I shoulda kicked your teeth in. I'm sorry Steve.
Dr Hofstader: Seeing patients is a waste of time.
Dr Werner Ernst: If he's going to die, why should we proceed? Dr Butz: Where have you been all your life? It's called revenue!
John Ballantine: For the record, Sisters Three was written by Angela Ballantine, directed by Dion Kapakos, and produced by mistake.
Adam West: Well... I'll be a vet's nephew!