Film Dialogue 50

Dr Joan: Do you think less of me? Lt Columbo: Ma'am, I'm just a policeman. Judging people... that's all up to someone else, but I have to say that I've enjoyed our talks very much, and I think I do understand.

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Columbo: Short Fuse

1972 (TV)

Doris Buckner: I called the Commissioner and he said he'd send his very best man. Roger Stanford: Is that a fact. Lt Columbo: My wife says I'm the second-best, she claims there are eighty men tied for first.

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Columbo: Strange Bedfellows

1995 (TV)

Lieutenant Columbo: There's just one more thing, sir. Graham McVeigh: Lieutenant, with you there's never really "just one more thing."

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Columbo: The Most Crucial Game

1972 (TV)

Lt Columbo: Uh, sir? Walter Cunnell: Yes? Lt Columbo: You don't mind if I ask you a personal question, do you? Walter Cunnell: No. Lt Columbo: What'd you pay for those shoes?

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Columbo: The Most Dangerous Match

1973 (TV)

Emmett Clayton: Well, chess *is* the ultimate test of the human mind, isn't it? Tomlin Dudek: You think so? I always thought it was women.

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Coma

1978

Dr Susan Wheeler: You did it. (Put people in irreversible comas) Dr George A. Harris: No decision is easy, Sue. It only looks that way when you're young. When you're older, everything is complicated. There is no black and white, only gray.

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Come te nessuno mai

1999

Silvio Ristuccia: ... Per che io so che come te non cera nessuno mai.

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Comedy Central Roast of Pamela Anderson

2005 (TV)

Jeffrey Ross: How is it possible that Courtney Love looks worse than Kurt Cobain?

Jeffrey Ross: I wouldn't fuck Bea Arthur's dick with Andy Dick's pussy.

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Comiche, Le

1990

Paolo: (as a woman's baby boy is peeing on him) Excuse me, ma'am! What are you doing? Donna in spiaggia: Oh, come on! Babies's pee is like angels' pee. What's the problem?

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Coming Apart

1969

Joe: ... You're all tripped out. Speed freaks. You're screwy, Baby! Ever see the inside of a 24-hour cold capsule? That's what your chromosomes probably look like. If I knocked you up, you'd probably have a giraffe.

Joe: You stink, you smell! You screw everybody! You fuck everybody! Don't You ever bathe?

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Coming Home

1978

Luke Martin: I have killed for my country, or whatever, and I don't feel good about it. Coz there's not enough reason, man, to feel a person die in your hands, or to see your best buddy get blown away.

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Coming Soon

1999/I

Stream Hodsell: Je veux l'orgasme. That means, I want an orgasm.

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Command & Conquer Red Alert: Retaliation

1998 (VG)

General La Roche: The casualties of war cannot compare to the casualties of defeat.

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Commander USA's Groovie Movies

1985

Commander USA: Sure!

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Commando Duck

1944

Japanese soldier #1: A thousand pardons. I bow my stomach at you! Japanese soldier #2: Quite all right!

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Committed

2000

Joline: I read somewhere, the reason most relationships break down is that each partner is waiting for the other to fix it. But if you want somebody to stand by you always, you have to be willing to do the same for them, even when they're acting like an idiot.

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Common Bonds

1997

Norman: They rip you off! They rip you off! They're always there to rip you off! It doesn't matter what generation, what decade, they're always there to RIP YOU OFF! And now they're feeding on our bodies like vultures.

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Common Ground

2000 (TV)

Don: What on earth can't be fixed with a little glitter, feathers, and a string of lights?

Don: There's no wrong time for a show tune.

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Common Pursuit

1992 (TV)

(Nick, sitting in a cafe reading over an article of his, has a very noisy coughing fit) Waitress: Are you alright, love? Nick Finchley: All right? I'm fucking brilliant!

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Communion

1989

Whitley: You've broken my mind.

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Company Business

1991

(About East German car.) Sam Boyd: Is it alarmed? Pyiotr Grushenko: Only if you frighten it.

Pyotir Grushenko: Whose ass you Americans going to kick now? Sam Boyd: Well, always got Fidel.

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Company

2002

Mallik: I am not Chandu.

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Complex World

1992

Stanley Matis: You know what's wrong with you people? You're ignorant. You don't know anything. But there's hope for you yet. You're all going to die - someday. Death makes you smart. You can take a complete idiot and kill him (or her) and he knows more than the smartest person alive: he knows what death is. So don't worry. Help is on the way.

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Confessions of an American Bride

2005 (TV)

Sam: (voiceover) Men get porn - women get wedding websites.

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Confessions of Babette

1963

Paul: I want you to take me mamoru, you crazy animal

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Confiance rgne, La

2004

Ludo: Since you're fourteen, you keep stealing motorcycles and sucking dicks! Chrystle Burrel: Better that way than the other.

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Conquistatore di Corinto, Il

1962

Diaeus: My soldiers arrested him as he was about to embark. I've had him whipped but he won't speak.

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Contact

2002/III

(first lines) Lilly: (asking about the death of his lover Alex) You gonna tell your mother? Paul: How can I? They don't even know about me.

(last lines) David: (placing his feet suggestively atop Paul's) My feet are bigger than yours. Paul: That jellyfish must have affected your brain

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Contamination .7

1990

(first lines) Bus driver: Next stop will be Littleton.

(last lines) Josie: Did you get our present?

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Contamination

1980

Hubbard: (drunk) What else do you want to know about me? How many times a week I screw? Stella Holmes: If you're always in that condition, it's obvious you couldn't get it up, even if you used a crane.

Colonel Stella Holmes: Help! Let me out! There's an egg!

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Continental Divide

1981

Ernie Souchak: I know what I wrote, I was there when I wrote it.

Ernie Souchak: It's so quiet up here, you could hear a mouse get a hard on.

Ernie Souchak: But why ornithology? Nell Porter: I like the uniform.

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Control

2004

Lee Ray Oliver: Don't you ever talk about my fucking family ever again!

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Conversations in Limbo

1998

Priest: You know, it's not the church's job to walk you through the gates of heaven. It's here to let you know there is one.

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Cookie

1989

Dominick 'Dino' Capisco: Take the gum out of your mouth when you're talking to me. You look like a hooker.

Bunny: You leave my father out of this, you Wonder Bread wop!

Carmela 'Cookie' Voltecki: This place smells like a bordello.

Lenore: I raised you all by myself. I was a single mother long before they were talking about it on Oprah Winfrey.

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A Cook's Tour

2002

Anthony Bourdain: As a cook, tastes and smells are my memories, and I'm in search of some new ones. So I'm leaving New York and hoping to have a few epiphanies around the world. I'm looking for extremes of emotion and experience. I'll try anything. I'll risk everything. I have nothing to lose.

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Cool Crime

1999

John: You're really starting to annoy me. I think I'm gonna have to shoot you in a minute or two.

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A Cooler Climate

1999 (TV)

Paula Tanner: Iris, I don't want to breathe. Why the hell would I want to go to the garage?

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Cooley High

1975

Preacher: You guys think it's so funny because I want to be something besides a factory worker or a football player. Well, that's because you're a bunch of stupid niggers that don't know shit!

Brenda: Y'all need to go to church!

Pooter: If I ain't goin', nobody's goin.

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Cop

1988

Lloyd Hopkins: You blow away a broad's date, the least you can do is drive her home.

Lloyd Hopkins: Well, there's some good and there's some bad news. The good news is you're right - I'm a copy and I've gotta take you in. The bad news is I've been suspended and I don't give a fuck.

Lloyd Hopkins: I hear West Hollywood's a faggot sewer.

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Cops

1922

Mayor's Daughter: I won't marry you until you become a big business man.

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C.O.P.S.

1988

(repeated line) Agent Baldwin P. 'Bulletproof' Vess: It's crime-fighting time!

(repeated line) Various Good Guys: Freeze! We're cops, and you're under arrest!

(repeated line) Various Bad Guys: Freeze! We're crooks, and this is a stick-up!

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Cor Blimey!

2000 (TV)

Barbara Windsor: I think heaven's being left alone with a Steinbeck in the edit suite. You sit in front of your life and you're allowed to re-edit it. Cut the rotten bits, loop the sex, montage the good moments. Live it over and over, a bit better every time. And eventually, make it perfect.

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Cornered

1945

Laurence Gerard: I'll tell you what. I thought it over and decided not to pay any attention to you.

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Corny Casanovas

1952

Shemp: Gee Moe, I'm sorry Moe! What mo' can a fellow say? That's all there is, there ain't no mo'!

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Corpse-O-Rama

2001 (V)

Dr Herbert West: I'll save her for the parts.

Dan: Why are you all sweaty, Charlie?

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Corpses Are Forever

2003 (V)

(Stark checks his watch after coming back from the dead) Jack Stark: Jeez, my watch stopped. So did my heart, for that matter.

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Cosby

1996

Hilton: What do you want me to do? Ruth: Kiss me, you fool!

Hilton: What did I tell you about slamming the door? Griffin: Um, you like it?

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Costa Brava

1994

Anna: Generally people don't label me a lesbian. They label me nuts. When they hear I had a relationship with a woman for five years, and I only slept with her twice, they label me nuts.

Anna: Whenever she's upset, she wants to make love, but whenever I'm upset, I want to have pizza.

Montserrat: I'm not a lesbian just because I want to sleep with you.

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Cottage to Let

1941

Helen: You know, George, I think you waste your time with the wrong sort of women. George: I don't waste my time with any women. Helen: I quite believe that.

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Count Yorga, Vampire

1970

Count Yorga: Doctor Hayes, what an unexpected surprise. Dr James Hayes: Yes, so much so that I almost had a massive coronory.

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Countdown w/ Keith Olbermann

2003

(first lines) Keith Olbermann: Which of these stories will you be talking about tomorrow?

(last lines) Keith Olbermann: That's Countdown. Thanks for being part of it. I'm Keith Olbermann. Good night and good luck.

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Countdown

1982

Host: Nine in a line, 30 seconds is the time!

Host: Nine in a row, off we go!

Host: It's a date - that'll be great!

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Counting Days

2000

Rev. John Santos: God doesn't let bad things happen. People do.

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Country Cuzzins

1970

Grandma Peabody: Fester, you and Jobe go fetch Prudence a drink. Cousin Prudence: I never drink before five. Fester: Awe, that's all right we haven't got any clocks out here!

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Country of My Skull

2004

Anna Malan: Because of you, this land no longer lies between us but within. It breathes becalmed, after being wounded in its wondrous throat. In the cradle of my skulll it sings, it ignites my tongue. Five thousand stories are scorched on your skin... I am changed forever... Forgive me. Forgive me. Forgive me...

Langston Whitfield: I would love to kill you.

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County Hospital

1932

Oliver: Why didn't you bring me a box of candy? Stanley: They cost too much. Oliver: What's that got to do with it? Stanley: You didn't pay me for the last box I brought you.

Stanley: I brought you some hard boiled eggs and some nuts.

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Coupe de Ville

1990

Buddy Libner: We had sex!

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Coupling

2003

Steve: The moment fire was invented we didn't say, 'Hey, let's cook!' we said, 'Great! now we can see naked women in the dark!'.

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Course du livre travers les champs, La

1972

Sugar: My name is Sugar. My husband loved to eat.

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Courting Courtney

1997

Karen: Nice guys are boring. Until you're 30. Then they're scarce.

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Cover Me

1995

Eddie Agajan: Ginger's my only other shower dancer and she's waterlogged.

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Cover Story

2002

Samantha Noble: Remember, people, celebrities are not your friends. After they get what they want, they won't even return your call.

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Cowboys & Angels

2003

Richard: Look at you. Look at the state of you. You can't keep burning the candle at both ends you know. Shane: (turns to him) It's my wick and I'll go out in flames if I want to.

Jerry: If I'd a pound for every pint I pissed into the Shannon I'd have retired years ago.

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Cracked Quack

1952

(after crashing during a blizzard) Daffy Duck: Holy smokes! That building ran right out in front of me!

Porky Pig: Oh, th-th-this darned old income tax would come out all right if I only had a f-f-few dependants. Daffy Duck: Did you say dependants? (Opens door to reveal ducks partying in kitchen) You got 'em, brother.

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Cradle 2 the Grave

2003

Fait: You read Chinese? Archie: No, but I know "cop" in every language.

Fait: What are you, some kind of kung fu James Bond?

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Crash Bandicoot

1996 (VG)

Dr Neo Cortex: Damn you, Crash Bandicoot! Hahaha!

(first lines) Nitrus Brio: But Dr Cortex, we have not determined the cause of test failures! Dr Neo Cortex: Moron! This bandicoot will be my general, and he will lead my Cortex commandos to world domination. This time I shall reign triumphant!

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Crash Dive

1943

Oliver Cromwell Jones: Mac, it's none of my business, and it certainly isn't up to me to give you advice, but if I had a weak heart . . . Chief 'Mac' McDonnell: What are you talking about? Oliver Cromwell Jones: A man don't take nitroglycerine for dandruff.

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Crazy for You

1999 (TV)

Irene: So which is it, Bobby? Me... or Deadrock? Bobby: (looks uneasily between her and his mother, then grabs letter and runs away) Taxi! Grand Central Station!

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Crazy House

1943

(questioning the artist about his abstract painting "Moonlight Over Manhattan") Prosecutor: Will you kindly tell us where the moonlight is? Roco: Well, it's all moonlight. Prosecutor: Then where's Manhattan? Roco: Between Brooklyn and Jersey. Everybody knows that.

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Crazy Love

2004

Chance LaRue: My name is Chance LaRue, and I was born special.

Chance LaRue: Someone once said with great power comes great responsibility... I think it was Jesus.

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Crazy Six

1998

The Sheriff: This town seems to be perfect for me. I never saw a place where there are so few brains and so many guns!

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Crazy Watto

2000

Crazy Watto: Speederbikes! They're good on Endor, and they're good outdoor too!

Crazy Watto: This here, this is a Borg Cube! She's a box, but she's safe!

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Crazy with the Heat

1947

Goofy: Give me an ice cream sody!

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C.R.A.Z.Y.

2005

Raymond Beaulieu: I missed... your delicious ironed toast.

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Creativity with Bill Moyers

1982

Bill Moyers, Bill: Creativity, in my eyes, is not the exclusive possession of the gifted. It is open to all of us, once the scales drop from our eyes to discover new possibilities for originality and problem solving.

Maya Angelou: (on a 1982 visit to her hometown, Stamps, Arkansas) I was terribly hurt in this town and vastly loved. I now close my mouth and become an ear.

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Creature from Black Lake

1976

Joe Canton: I'm gonna get my shotgun and make a rug outta that damn thing!

Pahoo: Was that is? Was that it? Was that the creature?

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Creature from the Haunted Sea

1961

Renzo Capetto aka Capo Rosetto aka Ratto Pazetti, aka Zeppo Staccato, aka Shirley Lamour: (narrating) It was dusk. I could tell 'cause the sun was going down.

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Cremains

2001 (V)

Frank: Life is just a series of irreclaimable moments.

Kevin: I don't wanna die anymore.

Necromancer: I know what you're going through, but let me take care of it.

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Crime Against Joe

1956

Joe Manning: Slacks, are you a nice girl, Slacks? 'Slacks' Bennett: Well, either way I wouldn't want it known.

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Crime & Punishment

2002

Narrator: In the criminal justice system, deputy district attorneys represent the people. The prosecutors you are about to see, and the cases they try, are real. Nothing has been reenacted.

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Crime by Night

1944

Robbie Vance: You and I are gonna stick so close together we could wear the same suspenders.

Ann Marlow: We have a lot in common, don't we? Robbie Vance: Common is right.

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Crime Doctor's Man Hunt

1946

Police Inspector Harry B. Manning: Say, Doctor, I'd like you to see my wife. Dr Robert Ordway: Split personality? Police Inspector Harry B. Manning: No personality.

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Crime Wave

1985/II

Kim: Next, Steven showed me a tape-recording of a speeding car that lost control and smashed a camera he borrowed from the National Film Board of Canada. He lost $2000, and when his movie came out almost nobody liked it.

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Crimes of Passion

1984

Rev. Shayne: Save your soul, whore! China: Save your money, shithead!

Wife: Didn't your mother teach you to wash your hands after you went to the bathroom? Bobby Grady: No, she taught me not to piss on my fingers.

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Criminal Hearts

1995

Thackler: Didn't your mama ever tell you not to put anything bigger than your elbow in your ear?

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Criminal

2004

Rodrigo: Hey, so, what's next? Richard Gaddis: I don't know. Maybe we should go our own ways. The Jew is going to be coming back soon. He finds out I replaced him, he'll be pissed. The Jew gets jealous.

Richard Gaddis: (speaking to Rodrigo) You have one thing money and practice can't buy - you look like a nice guy.

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Criminally Insane 2

1987

Hope Bartholomew: Time for your medication, Ethel. Ethel Janowski: I don't want any damn pills. I want a snack, Granny!

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Crise, La

1992

Victor's Mother: Et alors moi, ta mre, j'aurais pas le droit d'avoir une belle histoire de cul? (And so I, your mother, should not be allowed to have a beautiful sex affair?)

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Crisis

1950

(After a rehearsal for Farrago's surgery) Raoul Farrago: Well, doctor, did the operation go well? Dr Eugene Norland Ferguson: Fine. You just died.

Dr Eugene Norland Ferguson: Same old cry through the ages--save me, doctor. Save me, anybody.

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Criss Cross

1949

Steve Thompson: She's all right, she's just young. Mrs Thompson: Huh! Some ways, she knows more than Einstein.

Det. Lt Pete Ramirez: I should have been a better friend. I shoulda stopped you. I shoulda grabbed you by the neck, I shoulda kicked your teeth in. I'm sorry Steve.

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Critical Care

1997

Dr Hofstader: Seeing patients is a waste of time.

Dr Werner Ernst: If he's going to die, why should we proceed? Dr Butz: Where have you been all your life? It's called revenue!

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Critic's Choice

1963

John Ballantine: For the record, Sisters Three was written by Angela Ballantine, directed by Dion Kapakos, and produced by mistake.

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Critter Gitters

1998

Adam West: Well... I'll be a vet's nephew!

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