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The Mask

1961

Doctor Allan Barnes: I must. I must experience the greatest act of a human mind: to take another life.

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The Mating Habits of the Earthbound Human

1999

Narrator: The males, too, have a discussion: The Male's Friend: Fucked her? The Male: Fucked her. The Male's Friend: Cool.

Narrator: The female pulls a bone out of her head...

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The Maury Povich Show

1991

Host: You are *not* the father.

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The Mayor of Hell

1933

Lawyer: Tell us what you know, I said! Never mind what you think! Mr Hemingway: Excuse me, boss. I ain't no lawyer. I can't talk without thinkin'.

top

The McKenzie Break

1970

(last lines) Captain Jack Connor: Willi, looks like we're both in the shithouse.

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The Mean Season

1985

Alan: Have you ever noticed the older you get the smaller you become?

Christine: I've gotten so far away that leaving is just a formality, Malcolm.

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The Medusa Touch

1978

John Morlar: I will bring the whole edifice down on their unworthy heads

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The Meeting

2002

The Banker: Success comes from the pain and suffering from others.

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The Men

1950

Ellen's father: If he loves you as much you love him, he'll make you go. Ellen: You've been so clever, so logical, I've never knew that you handled words so well. Ellen's father: That's not an answer, Elly. Ellen: You weren't quite so logical a few years ago when we needed some boys to ground and get killed or paralyzed.

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The Mercenaries

1968

Curry: The gun's Chinese Ruffo, paid for by Russian rubles. The steel probably came from a West German factory built by French francs. Then it was flown out here on a South African airline probably subsidized by The United States. I don't think he got very far.

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The Merry Mishaps of Mr Bean

1992 (V)

Mr Bean: Merry Christmas, Mr Bean.

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The Message

1976

Abu Sofyan: Mohammed, there is still doubt in my heart. Khalid: If we were to cut off your head, it would remove all your doubts.

Bilal: There is no compulsion in religion. A man may take many years, or only need minutes. It is God who decides the time.

top

The Metro Chase

2003 (V)

Daniel: Unless she has the IQ of a cantaloupe, she's gonna know that it's not a restaurant.

top

The Mexican Dream

2003

Ajileo Barajas: Oh I'm sorry... I get lost in the character.

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The Micronots!

1993

Captain Giles Slate: We're going to save the human race. Lieutenant D.A. Blackfoot: But the human race has left us here to die! Captain Giles Slate: Yes. And we won't let them down.

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The Midnight Hour

2000

Alex: I'm gonna rock your world!

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The Midnight Patrol

1933

Car Dispatcher: Calling Car Thirteen Oliver: That's Us Car Dispatcher: Calling Car One-Three Stanley: I Thought he said Thirteen.

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The Milagro Beanfield War

1988

Joe Mondragon: You beat Luis Armigo by two votes. Sheriff Bernabe Montoya: That's because Domingo and Gunther were out of town. Joe Mondragon: So, you would have won by four. Sheriff Bernabe Montoya: Hell no man, those guys vote six, seven times apiece.

Kyril Montana: This posse couldn't find itself!

top

The Milkman

1932

Flip and Boy: (singing) Hail, hail, the gang's all here! Horse: (singing) What the hell do we care? Flip and Boy: You mustn't say the naughty word!

top

The Mind Benders

1963

Annabella: And I have every limb and organ that a girl should have, except one. I no longer have a shoulder to weep on. A Polish gentleman wore it away with his tears.

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The Mind Reader

1933

F.R. Franklin aka Frank: (to Chandra Chandler as he's being led away to prison to serve a 2-10 year sentence) It sure is tough to be going away just when beer is coming back.

top

The Miniver Story

1950

Kay Miniver: Death can be easy. It's living that's difficult.

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The Missouri Breaks

1976

Lee Clayton: I'd like almost anythin' better 'n' bein' burnt up.

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The Mob

1951

Johnny Damico: Who are the girls? Thomas Clancy: Would you know any more if I gave you the names? They're women.

Lt Banks: Be careful. Johnny Damico: Yeah, sure. I'll carry real bullets in my gun.

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The Modern Adventures of Tom Sawyer

1998

Tom Sawyer: Life is full of men who never get their monkeys.

top

The Mole People

1956

Dr Roger Bentley: Archaeologists are underpaid publicity agents for deceased royalty.

Dr Roger Bentley: Do you think anybody's ever tried to smoke dried mushrooms?

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The Monster of Piedras Blancas

1959

Fred: There's been another murder. Sturges, the Lighthouse Keeper: Who? Fred: Kochek. We found his body this afternoon. Sturges, the Lighthouse Keeper: He talked too much.

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The Moon-Spinners

1964

Stratos: They cannot have lied. The stars cannot lie... Madame Habib: Everybody lies when it serves their purpose, even the stars

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The Moon's Our Home

1936

(Cherry apologizes for almost injuring Mrs Medford) Cherry Chester: If I ever did, I'd blow my brains out! Mrs Boyce Medford: I know. And then I'd have to tidy up afterward.

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The More the Merrier

1943

Benjamin Dingle: There are two kinds of people - those who don't do what they want to do, so they write down in a diary about what they haven't done, and those who are too busy to write about it 'cause they're out doing it!

top

The Morning After

1986

Turner Kendall: You'll notice that your spades spend disproportionately on transportation and clothing their young. Alex Sternbergen: What are you, some kind of Klan anthropologist?

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The Mother

2003/I

May: Oh, Darren. This cigarette's making my chest all congested. I can't breathe. Darren: What would happen if you did breathe? May: I'd say, would you... would it be too much trouble... spare rooms... would you come to the spare rooms with me... would you...

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The Mouse and the Monster

1996

(repeated line) Chesbro: Yipes! And I quit the cheese factory for this?

(during a meatball eating contest) Chesbro: Mo, stop eating! The meatballs are gonna come out of your ears! Mo: I can't hear what you're saying, there's meatballs coming out of my ears!

top

The Mouse Comes to Dinner

1945

Tom: Hey, what's cookin'? Tom's Sweety: You are, stupid!

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The Mouse on 57th Street

1961

(repeated line) Sergeant Muldoon: Oh, da boy, da diamond!

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The Mr Zed Show

1994

Mr Zed: Don't change the baby. That's right, I said don't change the baby! Change the diaper. Keep the baby!

top

The Mrs Merton Show

1994

Mrs Merton: (interviewing Germaine Greer) You were a right old slapper in the seventies, weren't you?

Mrs Merton: (interviewing Debbie McGee - Mrs Paul Daniels) What was it that first attracted you to millionaire Paul Daniels?

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The Mudlark

1950

Disraeli: Such proposals as slum clearance, public housing, educational facilities for the poor, are all wise and worthy measures and consequently will be opposed vigorously. The British are a proud and independent people, ma'am, and will not yield to improvement without a stout struggle.

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The Mummy

1959

Poacher: I've seen the likes tonight that mortal eyes shouldn't look at. Irish Customer: You've been around to Molly Grady's again.

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The Mummy's Hand

1940

Andoheb: You are very beautiful... so beautiful I'm going to make you immortal. Like Kharis, you will live forever. What I can do for you I can do for myself. Neither time nor death can touch us. You and I together for eternity here in the Temple of Karnak. You shall be my high priestess.

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The Munsters Today

1988

Marilyn: 1988? It can't be! Grandpa: Yes it can, and it is! But it's no problem, I can have it fixed in a jiffy. Lily: Jiffy? You can not fix what happened, we have just taken a twenty-two year nap!

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The Muppet Show: Sex and Violence

1975 (TV)

Sgt. Floyd Pepper: Can you believe this cat? Sam The Eagle: I am not a cat, I am a bird. Sgt. Floyd Pepper: You may be a bird, but you ain't the bird.

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The Muppets at Walt Disney World

1990 (TV)

Kermit: We're both members of FASA - Fictional Animal Stars of America.

Security Guard: Rats! Rizzo the Rat: You called? Security Guard: Ah! Don't do that!

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The Music Man

2003 (TV)

Professor Harold Hill: That hat... it's scrumptious!

top

The Naked Dawn

1955

Santiago: Aww! You know how to die. You watch plenty others.

top

The Naked Edge

1961

Martha Radcliffe: Did you have any news from him ?

Lilly Harris: Oh yes. By cheque !

top

The Naked Kiss

1964

Kelly: I saw a broken down piece of machinery. Nothing but the buck, the bed and the bottle for the rest of my life. That's what I saw.

top

The Naked Man

1998

Delores: Feel the marshmallow.

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The Naked Truth

1957

Sonny MacGregor: "Is your husband there? I'll just... " Lady Lucy Mayley: "Not all there I'm thinking."

(first lines) Minister: In reply to the honourable member's question, I can only say... Uhh... (collapses)

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The Naughty Nineties

1945

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The Navigator

1924

Rollo Treadway: I think I'll get married... today.

top

The Nazis: A Warning From History

1997 (mini)

Narrator: At the same moment as the pact was being signed in Moscow, Hitler stood with his guests on the terrace of the Berghof and stared at the sky.

Narrator: A Hungarian woman in Hitler's entourage looked at the sky and then turned to speak to her Fuhrer.

top

The Near Room

1995

Tommy Stirling: What do you call a cross between a labrador and a poodle? Charlie Colquhoun: I don't know. Tommy Stirling: A labradoodle.

top

The Neon Bible

1995

David: If you were different from anybody else in town, you had to get out. They used to say in school, "you have to think for yourself," but you couldn't do that in town. You have to think what your father thought and that was what everybody thought.

top

The NeverEnding Story III

1994

Urgl: Your body's gone. Engywook, Male Gnome: Well, your body went years ago.

top

The New Adventures of Beans Baxter

1987

(Beans participates in an exorcism to deal with a spirit way too fond of lounge music.) Beans Baxter: The power of Elvis compels you! The power of Elvis compels you!

top

The New Age

1994

Peter Witner: Did you know that in Chinese the word for "crisis" is the same as the word for "opportunity"?

Jeff Witner: How are your morals tonight?

top

The New Avengers

1976

(surrounded by cats) Mike Gambit: Pussy... John Steed: ... Galore!

top

The New Kids

1985

Gideon: There's this movie playing out at the drive in. I've seen it about five times. It's called "Saturday Night Girls."

Mark: Thats Eddie Dutra, He's about as much fun as a rabid dog.

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The New Moon

1989 (TV)

Phillippe Dupres: (singing) Love came to me / Gay and tender / Love came to me / Sweet surrender / Love came to me / In bright romantic splendor. / Fickle was she/ Faithful never / Fickle was she / And clever / So will it be / Forever - forever / Softly, as in a morning sunrise / The light of love comes stealing / Into a newborn day.

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The New Newlywed Game

1984

Bob Eubanks: Next question, ladies, 25-point boner... BONUS question!

Bob Eubanks: Ladies, what vowel does your husband most resemble when he sleeps? Contestant: An R.

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The New Scooby-Doo Movies

1972

Shaggy: Man, I don't know what's worse... Those Muck Men, or Cass Elliot's driving... Scooby: Cass Elliot's driving!

top

The New Steve Allen Show

1961

(repeated line) Host: Schmuck!

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The New Treasure Hunt

1973

Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, this bonded security agent has just placed a certified check for $25,000 in one of these thirty surprise packages. Tonight, someone may win any one of our fabulous prizes... or that grand prize of $25,000 on... "THE NEW TREASURE HUNT"!

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The Nick & Jessica Variety Hour

2004 (TV)

Self: What's the matter, Christina? I thought "Words won't bring you down!"

top

The Night Flier

1997

Richard Dees: Never believe what you publish, and never publish what you believe

Ezra Hannon: What paper you say you're from? Richard Dees: Inside View, you know it? Ezra Hannon: Oh yeah, my wife Martha reads your paper. After she's done, I use it for the kitty's toilet box. Sucks that cat piss really good. (laugh)

top

The Night Life

2004

Detective: Love: it's what you get when you play tennis with a broken racquet.

top

The Night Nurse

1978 (TV)

(last lines) The Diva: Prudence!

top

The Night of the Following Day

1968

(He's been concealing a gun) Leer: You know, some day, somebody is gonna invent a comfortable gun.

top

The Night the World Exploded

1957

Dr David Conway: We better do more than hope, gentlemen. We better pray!

top

The Night We Dropped a Clanger

1959

Narrator: If there is any similarity between this picture and certain events which occurred in the last war we shouldn't be at all surprised.

top

The Nightmare Before Christmas: Oogie's Revenge

2004 (VG)

Oogie Boogie: Barrel, my star pupil, my prodigal son, my shining star!

Mayor: And now, to present the award for most spines tingled by a non-corpeal being...

top

The Norman Conquests: Table Manners

1978 (TV)

Annie: Oh, nun's knickers!

top

The Nostril Picker

1993

Joe Bukowski: Shit. I should of known this was jive ass bullshit.

top

The Nude Bomb

1980

Sauvage: Calm down, dear Nino. I don't understand this outburst. You've become highly irrational since that explosion in your laboratory. You lost your eye, your arm, your leg, your larynx. What's wrong with you?

top

The Occult Experience

1985

Narrator: If the devil lives anywhere, it could be in San Francisco.

Narrator: There is a gap between what we know and what we feel. Many feel the occult can bridge that gap. It can take us beyond ourselves, to the infinite.

top

The Odd Job

1978

(The Caretaker spots Arthur's first suicide attempt) Caretaker: What are you doing? Arthur Harris: I'm minding my own sodding business, which is more than can be said for you, you snivelling little turd!

top

The Odessa File

1974

(Miller is trying to sell his editor on a story based on the diary) Editor: No one wants to read about Jews. Miller: They were GERMANS! Editor: They were German Jews.

top

The Odyssey

1997 (TV)

Poseidon: My goal is not to kill you. You must understand. Odysseus: What? What? (shouts) What do you want me to understand? Poseidon: That without the gods, man is nothing.

top

The Odyssey

1992

Alpha: I could've had whatever I wanted! Forever! Jay: Dead is forever...

Jay: It's blood. Flash: Ew... who drinks blood? Jay, Flash: VAMPIRES!!!

Jay: Thanks, Keith. Flash: What did you call me? Alpha: Who's Keith? Jay: I don't know...

top

The Old Man of the Mountain

1933

Betty Boop: What are you gonna do? Himself & Old Man: I'm gonna do the best I can.

top

The Omega Code

1999

Stone Alexander: I have become King and God.

Cassandra: Even Satan comes as an angel of light.

top

The Opposite Sex and How to Live with Them

1993

Eli: Two beers. Ball park attendant: Lite beer? Eli: Do I look like a pussy?

top

The Oprah Winfrey Show

1986

Oprah: Your future's so bright it burns my eyes.

Oprah: Never take a "no" from somebody who isn't in a position to give you a "yes" in the first place.

Oprah: Do you think you can stop this with a football tackle?

top

The Optimists

2000

Bishop Boris Kharalampiev: Everyone is entitled to his own faith. No one should violate the intimate, spiritual life of another. That's how I think now, that's how I have thought in the past, and if I live any longer, that's how I'll think then.

top

The Other Half of Me

2001

Mikey: Half-brained pizza girl? What the hell is that supposed to mean?

top

The Other Me

2000 (TV)

Chukie: How did you get changed so fast? Will: Its my clone. Chukie: Man, you're making this up.

Will Browning: "Holy 'A' in Science Class - I made myself clone!" Twoie: "Does it hurt... being old?"

top

The Outlaws Is Coming

1965

Johnny Ringo: (after shooting a telegraph delivery man) That'll teach ya to interrupt me when I'm swoonin' the gals!

top

The Outpost

1995/I

Joanne: Great! What do we do now? Rob: Let's call Oprah. Hell, I don't know.

Joanne: Rob, I can fix it! Rob: Yeah, well, I can fix it better.

Stockton: Loose ends come back to haunt you.

top

The Over-the-Hill Gang Rides Again

1970 (TV)

(speaking over The Baltimore Kid's grave) Nash Crawford: And in a way, you know, it was kind of fitting that of all of us, the Kid was the first to go. He, well, he always did like to lead the way.

top

The Overlookers

2004

Oswald: Oh, the ass... rocks...

top

The Pace That Kills

1935

Fanny: Tonight I'm gonna take you on a sleigh ride with some snow birds. Eddie: Sleigh ride? Snow birds? In summer? Fanny: Gee, you ARE dumb!

Fanny: Hello everyone! This is Eddie, my new boyfriend. (a woman cosies up to Eddie, Fanny shoves her away) I said MY boyfriend!

top

The Pajama Game

1957

Mae: We ain't giving up nothing! Katie 'Babe' Williams, Grievance Committee: Wait a minute, don't you see? We've won!

top

The Pajama Party of Terror and Other Tales

2003 (V)

Dorothy: I see bound and gagged women!

top

The Paleface

1922

Little Chief Paleface: If my tribe don't get what's coming to them, you will!

top

The Pallbearer

1996

Julie: I love this song. Tom: Is that a signal?

top

The Paneless Window Washer

1937

Bluto: Window cleaner! Olive Oyl: Oh not today, thank you. Bluto: What do you mean? Why not today thank you? Popeye: 'Cause I'm gonna wash'em. That's why not today thank you.

top

The Panic in Needle Park

1971

Hank: What are you gonna do? Helen: Well, I'm not gonna do it with you.

top

The Paper Chase

1978

Professor Charles W. Kingsfield, Jr: (stops on staircase) Oh, and Golden... Gerald Golden: Yes, Professor? Professor Charles W. Kingsfield, Jr: Your left front tyre needs air.

top

The Passage

2003

Guy Delmorte: It's tragic... but, hey... so's life.

Guy Delmorte: (voice on phone) Tell me... if I gave you a gun and two seconds with her murderer... what would you do?

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