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Whoopee!

1930

Mary Custer: Oh, poor Henry. Let me hold your hand. Henry Williams: It's not heavy. I can manage. Hold your own hand.

Henry Williams: (to Mary) Why do you make overtures to me when I need intermissions so badly?

Sally Morgan: But they'll give you twenty years. Henry Williams: Twenty ye - ha ha ha ha ha ha... Sally Morgan: What are you laughing at? Henry Williams: Why, the joke's on them. Sally Morgan: Why? Henry Williams: I can't live but six months.

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Whose Life Is It Anyway?

1981

Ken Harrison: Some nurses and I went out for a little midnight skateboarding last night. The only trouble was that I was the skateboard.

Ken Harrison: How does a quadriplegic cross the road? He was stapled to a chicken.

Ken Harrison: Hello, I was just practicing lying here.

Ken Harrison: I better be nice to this woman. Otherwise, the good doctor will dissolve her in water and inject her into me.

Ken Harrison: I admit that it's embarrassing for a man to compliment a woman on her breasts when only one of them is in bed. One of the people, that is. Not one of the breasts.

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Why Me?

1990

Bob the Turk: I warn you, do not make me do something that I would not do, unless someone made me do it because they didn't do something someone told them to do. Gus Cardinale: Don't worry Bob, I would never do something to make someone do something to someone, because that someone didn't do something that someone wanted them to do. Bob the Turk: I'm glad we understand each other. Gus Cardinale: ... Me too.

Gus Cardinale: Bruno, that's the stupidest idea I've ever heard. Bruno: Don't worry, there's plenty of more where that came from...

Francis Mahoney: What's the matter? Did you get your face caught in a zipper?

(Gus Cardinale is hanging in a wire outside a skyscraper when two CIA agents appear at the roof) CIA Agent: Hey, don't try anything stupid down there. Gus Cardinale: What could be fucking stupider than this?

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Wicked Game

2002

Guile: You tossed the diamonds? How could you have thrown the wrong box? Billy Ray: I dropped them, Guile. Couldn't tell which was which. Guile: You tossed the diamonds. All that surveillance, all those weeks of planning for a box of ROCKS AND DIRTY SOCKS! Billy Ray: Get off my back, already! It was an honest mistake. Guile: Honest? HONEST? Here's a news flash for you: WE ARE CROOKS! Billy Ray: It was a freaking judgment call! I screwed up, let's leave it at that! It's not as if you made your share of mistakes! Guile: All right, all right, Fine. I was just thinking of all those beautiful diamonds that YOU THREW AWAY! Billy Ray: Look at the bright side... Guile: Oh? Oh, you mean there's a bright side? Billy Ray: There's always tomorrow... Guile: Oh... Oh thank you, little orphan Annie!

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Wilbur Wants to Kill Himself

2002

Wilbur: You licked my ear. I'd have bought a dog if I wanted my ear licked.

Harbour: She'll have hers to go.

Harbour: What's it like, being dead? Wilbur: It's dull as dishwater. It's silent and completely dark... it's like being in Wales.

Wilbur: Horst. Is that German for "sausage"? Horst: No. But it's close.

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A Wild Hare

1940

(first occurrence of this line) Bugs Bunny: Eh, what's up, Doc?

Bugs Bunny: (with his hands over Elmer's eyes) Guess who? Elmer Fudd: Heddy Wamarr? Bugs Bunny: No. Elmer Fudd: Bawbwa Stanwyck? Bugs Bunny: Nope. Elmer Fudd: Wosemawy Wane? Bugs Bunny: Nope. Guess again. Elmer Fudd: Owivia De Haviwand? Bugs Bunny: Nope, but you're getting warmer. Elmer Fudd: Say, you wouldn't be that scwewy wabbit, would you? Bugs Bunny: Ehh... could be!

Elmer Fudd: Be vewy, vewy qwiet. I'm hunting wabbits.

Elmer Fudd: Doggone, you old, mean wabbit!

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Wild Man Blues

1997

(On why he likes playing blues.) Woody Allen: There's nothing there between you and the pure feeling of playing. There's no cerebral part to it.

Woody Allen: With intelligence comes great responsibility.

Woody Allen: I'm appropriately animate for a human being in the context in which I exist.

Woody Allen: The Europeans like pictures that drone on, and I'm good at making pictures that drone on.

Woody Allen: This is Soon-Yi Previn, the notorious Soon-Yi Previn.

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Wildboyz

2003

Chris Pontius: It tastes like sting-y!

Steve-O: Don't worry, Dave, we're doing the Fer De Lance Dance!

Chris Pontius: I was looking at that baboon's wiener and I'm like, "God that's an ugly wiener." And I looked down at mine and I was like, "It kinda looks like mine!"

Chris Pontius: I don't know 'bout you, but I'm going to go watch Viva la Bam. I wonder what he'll do to his parents this time?

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Wildfire

2005

Danielle Davis: All work and no sex makes Dani a dull girl.

Ken 'Junior' Davis: (frustrated) A curse on Sweden! Matt Ritter: What about the hot blondes? Ken 'Junior' Davis: Okay. Not the hot blondes.

(Junior is assembling a pre-fabricated Swedish bookcase) Matt Ritter: How's it coming, Bookcase Boy? Ken 'Junior' Davis: (yelling) A curse on the Swedish! Matt Ritter: What about all those hot blonde chicks? Ken 'Junior' Davis: Okay, not the hot blondes.

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Will Success Spoil Rock Hunter?

1957

Rock Hunter: That's right Sweetie, I'm president of Rita Marlowe Productions, Incorporated, but Miss Marlowe is the titular head.

Rita Marlowe: I picked him up, I can pick him down.

Rockwell Hunter: I'm not a failure. I'm the largest success there is. I'm an average guy. And all us average guys are successes. We run the works! Not the big guy behind the big desk!

Rock Hunter: Of course, the great thing about television is that it lets you see events live as they happen, like old movies from thirty years ago.

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Willo the Wisp

1983

The Bookworm: You, sir, are an ignoramus. Arthur: (Flattered) Oh, thank you!

Arthur: (after he heard someone other than Boregart talking) Hey, Boregart, say "bottle of beer." Boregart: (repeating after Arthur) Bottle of beer.

Grizelda The Witch: (Grizelda walks in with a well on her body) If I hear anybody laugh, one wise crack, one snicker out of any of you and I'll turn you into a toad. (Arthur starts to snicker and laugh out loud to the point where Grizelda zaps him and turns him into a toad)

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Windows of Heaven

1963

(After George F. Gibbs, the secretary to Pres. Snow has been asked to arrange for President Snow's trip to St. George, known as "Utah's Dixie" due to mild weather) George F. Gibbs (secretary to Pres. Snow) : Oh by the way, that's certainly a terrible drought they're having in St. George... driest season in many years according to reports. I do hope you don't dry up and blow away down there president. President Snow: You ought to know me better than that George, it takes more than a little "Dixie" hot air to melt this Snow.

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Wing Commander III: Heart of the Tiger

1994 (VG)

Admiral Tolwyn: The TCS Victory is a fine vessel with a long history of service to the Confederation. Col Blair: Very long, sir.

Admiral Geoffrey Tolwyn: Well where would you go if you had the biggest gun in the universe?

Col Blair: Peace. Have we ever known anything like that, Paladin?

(Maniac, a major, resents Blair getting promoted ahead of him.) Maniac: I bet you stay up all night just polishing that. Col Blair: No, as a matter of fact I have majors that do that for me. Maniac: The difference in our ranks is just a formality. We all know who's better in the cockpit. Col Blair: Yes, we do.

Maniac: Who here's heard of the Maniac? (silence) Oh, what, nobody?

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Wing Commander

1999

Forbes: You've got balls. Maniac: You should see 'em. Forbes: Mine are bigger. Maniac: I've been told size doesn't matter. Forbes: She lied.

(Explaining why no one mentions dead pilots.) Angel: In all likelihood you're going to die out there. We're all going to die out there, but none of us needs to be reminded of that fact. So you die, you never existed.

Angel: Did I hurt your pride? Blair: No, I just never got combat tips from a grease monkey. Angel: Lieutenant Commander Deveraux, your wing commander.

(discussing a hot fighter maneuver) Angel: I bet it felt very good. Rosie: Better than sex. Angel: Bullshit. Rosie: Better than sex with myself.

Paladin: Let's make our miracle.

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Wisdom

1986

(After robbing his first bank.) John: Go! Go! Go! Go! GO! Karen: What? What? What? WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING WITH THAT GUN? John: I told you to wait, Karen! Where the hell were you? Karen: I was hungry - I went to get some Tofutti. John: Tofutti?!?

Karen: Would you still love me if I was poor? John: You are poor. Karen: You're right. John: But you're rich in character and you have great boobs.

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Wise Girl

1937

Mr Simon Fletcher: You know my mental mastodons of the law: Barton, Barton, and a son of a Barton.

Susan 'Susie' Fletcher: I'm going down to Greenwich Village and get those children somehow. Mr Simon Fletcher: But you can't handle this man! Why, he's an artist; he's lived abroad, in Paris, on the Left Bank. You don't know the kind of thing that goes on on the Left Bank! You haven't had enough experience! Susan 'Susie' Fletcher: You forget I was a senior at Vassar.

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Witch Hunt

1994 (TV)

Kim Hudson: What about our marriage? Gottlieb: That wasn't a marriage, that was a license to shop.

Senator Larson Crockett: Hypolyta Lavoe Kropotkin, are you now or have you ever been a witch?

Senator Crockett: I'll tell ya what yer gonna get, yer gonna get double-digit inflation, and a designated hitter, and wars in countries you've never even heard of! Now that's what I call a world without magic!

Senator Crockett: Let me tell you a little something about 'The People' Phil; you lock any ten of them in a room, they may not elect a leader, but I guarantee they'll pick someone to hate.

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Witchcraft XI: Sisters in Blood

2000

Keri Burston: I've always been interested in the black arts.

Will Spanner: I do feel a dark presence here.

Colleen Jordan: We were raised by religious fanatics - they were horrible people

Monsignor Layton: You dare speak that way to me in my own home?

Sister Seraphina: You must kill them!

Arthur Ramsden: Return your allegiance to him!

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Witchfinder General

1968

Matthew Hopkins: Men sometimes have strange motives for the things they do.

Matthew Hopkins: I will find out the truth for you, have no fear.

(Hopkins and his men throw three securely-bound people into the moat as a witchcraft test) Matthew Hopkins: They swim... the mark of Satan is upon them. They must hang.

(a tied-up woman Hopkins has thrown into the moat to test for witchcraft drowns) Matthew Hopkins: She was innocent.

(Stearne eludes Marshall to warn the Witchfinder General) John Stearne: He's after our blood! Matthew Hopkins: You're forgetting our powers... he could be a witch.

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Witch's Spring

2004

Tom: My mother always used to say never accept heather from a Gypsy, because you'll either owe her money, or she'll take your soul.

Tom: So what are you into then? Rhiannon: I'm a pagan. Tom: So that's no meat or dairy right?

Rhiannon: The march of time, dark sisters sing, from year to year the witch's spring, when mother earth proclaims we can, reclaim our youth from the heart of man!

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A Woman of Distinction

1950

Prof. Alec Stevenson: You are the coldest woman I've ever met in my life! Miss Middlecott, I made a sad mistake when I brought you that locket. What I should have brought you is a suit of long woolen underwear.

Susan Middlecott: What sort of razor do you plan to use? Jerome: Electric. Susan Middlecott: Oh. Are you... are you A.C. or... D.C.?

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Woman on Top

2000

(talking to operator about Monica) Tonihno: But she is unique! 5'10, braids, great legs and... she's a man! Operator: In San Francisco, that is not unique!

Toninho: Isabella, I swear on my mother's grave, you are the only woman I ever loved. Isabella: Your mother is still alive. Toninho: That's not the point.

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Womaneater

1957

Tanga, the native: You want masta? You come in.

Dr James Moran: Give me a whisky, please. Waiter at a bar: Are you a member, Sir? Dr James Moran: Don't be silly, give me a whisky.

Mrs Margaret Santor: There was a time when you trusted me. Dr James Moran: My dear Margaret, I have never trusted you or any other woman with anything I didn't want anyone else to know. Mrs Margaret Santor: There's evil all round me. It's here tonight! I can feel it!!

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Women at West Point

1979 (TV)

Jennifer Scott: For dinner, we are having roast tom turkey... Doug Davidson: Did you say "tom" miss? Jennifer Scott: Yes, sir. Doug Davidson: Has that turkey recognized you? Jennifer Scott: No, sir. Doug Davidson: Then call it by its proper name. Jennifer Scott: Yes, sir. Sir, for dinner we are having roast Thomas turkey...

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Wonder Man

1945

(repeated line) Edwin Dingle: Potato salad!

Edwin: I don't want to go to Brooklyn. You can't make me. I don't *want* to go to Brooklyn. Bus Driver: None of us want to, bud, but we all gotta go sooner or later.

Edwin: Do you remember you once told me you wouldn't be found dead in Brooklyn? Buzzy's Ghost: Yeah, I remember. That was the only way they could get me here.

Edwin: I'd like a pint of Prospect Park!

Edwin Dingle: In fact, I don't think I'm ever going to see Buster again. (he hears the spooky Buster music and gasps) Buster! Buzzy's Ghost: (popping out of a box) I'm a little devil, ain't I?

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Wonderland

2003/I

Sallie Hansen: Tarot cards? Devil worshiper!

John Holmes: Where do you want to go? Dawn: Anywhere. Everywhere.

John Holmes: You've got to do it. If you don't, I'm dead. Sharon Holmes: You're already dead.

D.Cruz: Jesus Christ! Sam Nico: Close, Eddie Nash.

Billy Deverell: (to Eddie Nash) Shut the fuck up, you fucking sand nigger!

Sam Nico: He's got a mile of cock but no balls.

Billy Deverell: (on the phone) You are not gonna believe who we just FUCKING NAILED! Guess again, motherfucker! Guess again! Hold on, Ron wants to tell you... Ron Launius: EDDIE NASH!

John Holmes: (to Dawn) I think we should just be friends until you're 20.

Ron Launius: Put it away, John. The whole party didn't come here to see your cock.

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Wonderland

2000

Dr Robert Banger: When the pressures of modern society become too great for a person, when one's chemical dynamic becomes such that they are unbalanced, that they cease painting within the lines, they come to us. These are the people that society would prefer just go away -- the shadow people. The shadow people that project upon us their shadow and remind us just how tenuous mental health is. Our worst fears. They remind us how easy it can be to slip.

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Wong Fei-hung chi tit gai dau neung gung

1993

Mass Tar Wong "Mr Pimp": I have discovered a big secret. So: Don't tell us now! Mass Tar Wong "Mr Pimp": Why? So: It's common in movies that once a seriously injured person tells a secret, they die after telling the secret. Fu: Cover his mouth!

Legate Officer Lui: Wine can't give you guts! Wait, you promised your father not to drink any wine. Well I'll represent your dad and punish you!

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World Idol

2003 (TV)

Ian "Dicko" Dickson (Australian judge) : (commenting on Alexander Klaws's performance) Who says the Germans don't have a sence of humor (everyone laughs) Ian "Dicko" Dickson (Australian judge) : because that was a comedy routine I'm afraid!

Pete Waterman (UK Judge) : (after Alicja Janosz performance) you're completely barmy, you're completely barmy. Alicja Janosz: No I'm not. Pete Waterman (UK Judge) : You are if you would just calm down for a few minutes, we could hear how good you are, you're as bad as 'im (referring to Polish Judge Kuba Wojewodzki) Alicja Janosz: No please no, not like him!

Ian "Dicko" Dickson (Australian judge) : (after Kurt Nilsen's performance) Kurt, I think In the music industry you'd be quite a marketing challenge because you have the voice of an angel but you look like a hobbit!

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World Without End

1956

Timmek, President of the Council: Armageddon. The slaughter of humanity. An atomic war no one wanted, but which no one had the wisdom to avoid.

Deena: Naga! Oomay mah luke!

Mories: Our women seem to have lagged behind in their evolution into reasonable creatures. They actually admire these reckless and brutal men.

Garnet: Is she as beautiful as the women in your world?

Elaine: (admiring Herbert Ellis's pecs) My, you are so much more muscular than our men.

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W.R. - Misterije organizma

1971

Radmilovic: Gentlemen, in our Democracy, everyone is entitled to a doughnut. Some get the doughnut, others get the hole in the doughnut.

Soldier: My One goes off like a gun! My Two is like a bolt from the blue!

Soldier: My Three is a spree! My Four likes to score!

Soldier: My Five takes a dive! My Six knows all the tricks!

Soldier: My Seven goes to heaven! My Eight never comes late! Jagoda: Never? Soldier: Care to try?

(greeting the naked Jagoda) Radmilovic: Oh, Calcutta!

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Wrestlemania III

1987 (V)

Gene Okerlund: (at Wrestlemania III press conference) You know Hogan looked up to this man (Andre the Giant) for years and years and years. Bobby Heenan: Well, that's because he's 7 feet 5! (press laughs) Gene Okerlund: Thanks for stating the obvious, Bobby Heenan!

Gorilla Monsoon: (Hulk Hogan and Andre the Giant were staring at each other in the ring) The irresistable force meets the immovable object!

Gene Okerlund: (at the press conference, Andre the giant is sitting down) Andre, may I speak to you? (Andre doesn't do anything) Bobby Heenan: Well, I guess the man doesn't wanna talk to you, now go ahead slap him around, see if you can get him to talk to you! (press laughs)

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Wrestling Ernest Hemingway

1993

(Frank is admiring a waitress's ass) Frank: She's got a great backyard. Walter: I don't know. I've never been to her house.

Frank: You don't have that problem, pal? Walter: Which problem? Frank: With your cucumber. Walter: I don't eat cucumbers, I always eat these bacon sandwiches.

(a very drunk Frank singing in the park) Frank: I'm sweet Willy McGhee, I set sail for the sea / A man fit for sailin', my cock's fit for whalin', my balls they weigh seventy pounds apiece! / If you know any ladies, that want to make babies, send them to see Willy McGhee.

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W.W. and the Dixie Dancekings

1975

Elton Bird: No, he don't want no coffee. No, he don't want no tea. No, he don't want no wine. And no, he don't want no WOMEN!

Junior: But W.W. he saw everything. He saw us, he saw the costumes, he saw everything.

Deacon John Wesley Gore: Why, you're just a Saturday night sinner.

W.W. Bright: (Leroy has accused W.W. of being a Communist) I served in Korea. dammit! Junior: That's right, Leroy. You know who he was fightin' in Korea? Leroy: Who? Junior: Chinamen. Communist Chinamen.

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WWF Smackdown!

1999

(repeated line) Mr.McMahon: You're fired!

Carlito Caribbean Cool: (after biting an apple and spitting it on another guy's face) I spit in the face of people who dont want to be cool.

The Big Show: And I couldn't have thought of a better way to spend Thanksgiving, than with the WWE fans, and, without a doubt, the single greatest announce team in the history of the business. Unfortunately, Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler work on Mondays, so I'm stuck with Tazz and Cole!

The Big Show: I was so big, I ate my parents...

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Wycliffe

1994

(giving a speech at the party to celebrate his Silver Wedding anniversary) Det. Supt. Charles Wycliffe: I remember the time Helen and I first met. We were university students up in Leeds at some alcoholic do. And it was there that we fell for each other... well, actually it was Helen that fell and I picked her up off the floor. (laughter) Det. Supt. Charles Wycliffe: She always claims that she was trying to sit on my lap... but I was standing up at the time. (laughter)

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X-Men Legends II: Rise of Apocalypse

2005 (VG)

Sugarman: Your worst nightmare, pally. The name's Sugarman, though I know you don't know... ya know?

Sauron: I've already told Apocalypse I'm not interested in joining him. Why does he send lackeys to try and persuade me?

Deadpool: Welcome to Loserville. Population: You.

Iceman: And the crowd goes wild. (makes a crowd noise)

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X2 - Wolverine's Revenge

2003 (VG)

Magneto: Ahhh, Logan... we meet again. And in a place where steel flows in rivers, and lightning converges with gravity!

Lady Deathstrike: My death... is not the death you will know Logan. I have forsaken my humanity for revenge... and know no death, only an eternity of cold replacement parts. You have won Logan... FOR NOW!

Wolverine: Stay low, stay quiet, stay alive.

Wolverine: Hines and Cornelius. You know who I am? Carol Hines: You're weapon X. We know why you're here. Dr Abraham Cornelius: We always had doubts about weapon X's work.. Wolverine: Doubts? You're all heart.

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Xiao ao jiang hu zhi dong fang bu bai

1991

Asia the Invincible: Ling, it is due to my love for you which is why I am not fighting at my full strength but yet you try your very best to hurt me?

Ling: There can be no love between us, only hatred

Asia the Invincible: Hatred? For vengeance or for the girls? Fine you heartless guy, I'd make you watch them die before you

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Yentl

1983

Yentl/Anshel: Why is it people who want the truth never believe it when they hear it?

Yentl: If we don't have to hide my studying from God, then why from the neighbors? Yentl's Father: Why? Because I trust God will understand. I'm not so sure about the neighbors.

Avigdor: I can't believe this, I'm arguing with a woman! Yentl: It's not the first time.

Tailor: A tailor's like a doctor, what's to be ashamed?

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Yibola bing du

1996

Wong: White people treat me like a black man. Black people treat me like I'm White. What a crazy country.

Kai San: (With a butcher's knife in his hand he runs through the streets of Hong Kong in the brightest daylight and screams:) Ebola! Ebooola! EBOLAAAYAAA!

(the coroner is dissecating the body of a man who died from Ebola Syndrome) Coroner: Hum... the lower intestine has liquified. The main organs have disglued and the lungs have all turned to mush. Starting our examination of the head we shall make an incision to the throat. And the face has ulcers. Facial muscular tissue is badly decomposed. I've never seen anything like it, it's as if the muscular tissues were trying to eat each other!

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Ying hung boon sik II

1987

Ken Gor: I don't have to give you anything... I give you shit!

Ken Gor: You don't like my rice? What's wrong with with it? It's beautiful to me! To you, it's just rice... to us, it's family. Don't fuck with my family! If you have any dignity, apologize to my rice RIGHT NOW!

Ken Gor: Eat the fucking rice!

Ken Gor: There's no such thing as can't. You always have a choice.

(Lung and Ko hold each other at gunpoint) Ko: What makes you think that the good guys always win? (Lung shoots Ko) Lung: What makes you think that the bad guys always win?

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Yojimbo

1961

(Sanjuro's talking with three men) Sanjuro: You're all tough, then? Gambler: What? Kill me if you can! Sanjuro: It'll hurt.

(Sanjuro has just killed two men and cut the arm off a third) Sanjuro: Cooper. Two coffins... No, maybe three.

Unosuke, gunfighter: If I don't have my pistol, I feel sort of naked.

Orin: Kill one or a hundred. You only hang once.

Sanjuro: (after the gamblers have challenged him) No help for fools. (draws sword and kills two of them)

Sanjuro: I'm not dying yet. I have to kill quite a few men first.

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You Are Alone

2005

Buddy: What sort of mood do you have to be in for that? Daphne: Depressed. Buddy: And what, being groped by a dozen guys at a bachelor party cheers you up? Daphne: They're harmless... it's just... Buddy: What? Daphne: I know what it's like to be the popular girl for an hour. Buddy: Daphne... Daphne: This... Buddy: Today? Daphne: All of it, every time... makes me... less invested with life at school, or even at home. It's... mine. Just mine. And because of it I don't have to play the game. I don't have to pretend to be friends with people that I hate. I don't need to rely on anyone, not even my parents. It's a little bit of a "fuck you" that helps me get through the day.

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You Better Watch Out

1980

Harry "Santa": You want it all... but you're no longer a child.

Harry "Santa": But if you're bad, then your name goes in the Bad Boys and Girls Book, and then I'll bring you something... horrible.

(last line after Harry gets away from the vigilante mob) Harry "Santa": But I heard him exclaim as he drove out of sight, "Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night."

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You Can't Have Everything

1937

Judith Wells: A little exercise won't hurt you. George Macrae: I get all the exercise I need from going to the funerals of my athletic friends.

Lulu Riley: Hands off, or I'll cut your heart out just like an olive!

Lulu Riley: Why don't you go out and look for a nice fatal accident?

Sam Gordon: (to George) The national pastime on Broadway isn't baseball, is kicking those guys who are down on their faces.

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You Light Up My Life

1977

Laurie Robinson/Didi Conn: I learned something today, Pop. It was really painful, but I learned something. I learned that I have to depend on myself. I can't depend on anybody else and that's ok. You know why? Because I'm a really good person to depend on. Maybe I don't have someone that I thought I loved a lot really, but that's ok because I've got me. And I've got my work. And I've got my music. And I love that - more than anything else on this earth.

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You Must Be Joking!

1965

Clegg: "Dig? Me? I'm a married man!"

Sergeant-Major McGregor: "Mac The Knife, is it?" Staff Sergeant Mansfield: "Bonnie Prince Charlie, I presume?"

Sergeant-Major McGregor: "You're not going to leave it like that, are you?" Annabelle Nash: "Oh, it doesn't mind."

Young Husband: "You've been at it again, haven't you?"

Young Husband: "You what? My God, you HAVE been at it again!" Young Wife: "No, I haven't."

Morton: "It was only your ducks I wanted."

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You Ought to Be in Pictures

1940

Studio Guard: Just who do you think you are? Porky Pig: Why, I'm Porky Pig. Studio Guard: Oh, so you're Porky Pig. (Porky nods) Studio Guard: And you want to go in there. (Porky nods) Studio Guard: And you want me to be a nice guy and let you go in. (Porky nods) Studio Guard: So I can lose my job. (Porky starts nodding, catches himself and shakes his head) Studio Guard: Well, I'm not a nice guy, and I'm not going to let you in, and I'm not going to lose my job, but I am going to throw you out. (Guard picks up Porky, car and all, and tosses him out)

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You Were Never Lovelier

1942

Mrs Delfina Acua: I wish you wouldn't speak while I'm interrupting.

Robert 'Bob' Davis: When do I start dancing? Eduardo Acua: You do not start dancing. Robert 'Bob' Davis: But didn't you come to see me about. Eduardo Acua: About one of my daughters. The one you so gallantly referred to as "the inside of a refrigerator"? Robert 'Bob' Davis: Oh... but, I'm afraid I don't follow you. Eduardo Acua: She thinks you're in love with her. Robert 'Bob' Davis: Would it be rude of me to inquire if there is any insanity in your family?

(discussing their daughter) Eduardo Acua: Maria is going to wait until the right man comes along. Mrs Delfina Acua: Why should she? I didn't.

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You Wish!

2003 (TV)

Alex Lansing: Hi Abby. Fiona: Alex - what are you doing? Alex Lansing: I'm saying hi to Abby. Abby & Fiona: Why?

Alex Lansing: (as Fiona drives by) YOU'RE NOT MY GIRLFRIEND!

Abby: We have a semi-human non-existent life at stake here! Terrence Russell McCormack: Which is me, in another dimension. Larry: ... cool.

Terrence Russell McCormack: Bye, Abby. Sorry I don't have an autographed photograph for you. Abby: It's OK. I know what you look like.

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Young Bess

1953

Thomas Seymour: If you were queen of England, what would you do, eh? Would you give your admiral the opportunity to do great deeds? Queen Elizabeth I: I'd give him the opportunities he never dared dream about. I'd send him around the globe as the Portuguese do. I'd send him to the New World to let the Spaniards know that they are no longer masters of it. Thomas Seymour: That won't be easy. We're a small country, Bess. Queen Elizabeth I: That can be remedied, Tom. It CAN be remedied!

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Young Einstein

1988

Albert: I'm a Tasmanian

Albert Einstein: That's it! That's the theory of relativity! Light travels to us from the hands of the clock, to tell us the time. But, if we were to travel away from the clock at the speed of light... Marie Curie: The hands of the clock would appear to have stopped! Albert Einstein: Time would stand still! This moment *would* last forever.

Albert Einstein: Dad, I want to be a physicist. Mr Einstein: What do they grow, son? Albert Einstein: They don't grow anything. Mr Einstein: Then what good are they?

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Young Mr Lincoln

1939

Abe Lincoln: (cross-examining John Cass) Well, I guess I'll just call you Jack-ass. (Roar of laughter from spectators)

(last lines) Efe Turner: Ain't you comin' back with us, Abe? Abe Lincoln: (as the "Battle Hymn of the Republic" begins playing softly in the background) No, I think I'll walk aways... maybe to the top of that hill.

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You're In Love, Charlie Brown

1967 (TV)

Charlie Brown: It's stupid to just sit here and admire that little red haired girl from a distance. It's stupid not to get up and go over and talk to her. (stands up) It's really stupid! It's just plain stupid; so why I don't I go over and talk to her?! (sits down) Because I'm stupid.

Charlie Brown: There's nothing like unrequited love to take all the flavor out of a peanut butter sandwich.

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Zane Grey Theater

1956

Will Gorman: Now, listen to me boy. When you start with a gun you become something that people hate and fear. And they're just waitin. Waitin' for someone to come along just a little bit faster than you. Then they'll spit on your grave and buy drinks for the winner.

Will Gorman: Don't try it, boy. Don't try it.

(first lines of Episode 2.11) Host: These were among the last weapons of Bill Longley, a gunman credited with killing 32 people. Bill retired to become a farmer - I guess he figured it was time to stop raising Cain and start raising a few beans. It didn't last long, though, so he was hanged October 11, 1878. His newspaper epitaph read, "Bill Longley got the rope today / Gave up the farm for gunplay. / Should have stayed behind the plow / He's pushing up the daisies now." In the story we have chosen for you this week, "Gift From a Gunman", we'll see how difficult it is for a gunman to retire.

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Zapped Again!

1990 (V)

Kevin: (after zapping Amanda's pants off) Boy, I love a full moon, don't you? Wayne: (holding Amanda) The least you can do is put on some underwear. Amanda: (to Wayne) I don't have any. You ate them all! Kevin: And boy, were they good!

Mike: What brings you to the wiener business? Kevin: Well, I'd like to sell a product I'm familiar with, and I know my wiener.

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Zero Wing

1989 (VG)

Cats: How are you gentlemen!! All your base are belong to us. You are on the way to destruction.

Captain: What happen? Mechanic: Somebody set up us the bomb. Operator: We get signal. Captain: What! Operator: Main screen turn on. Captain: It's You! Cats: How are you, gentlemen? All your base are belong to us. You are on the way to destruction. Captain: What you say? Cats: You have no chance to survive make your time. Ha Ha Ha Ha ... Captain: Take off every "zig"! You know what you doing. Move "zig". For great justice.

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Zhmurki

2005

Simon: Let's kill the negro. I don't like them.

Koron: Let me go, please.

(music is playing too loud, so the Neighbour starts banging on the door. Simon opens the door) Neighbour: Listen to me, you asshole, if you don't turn off you damn music, I'll kill you myself! (Simon pulls out a gun) Neighbour: Hey, look, man, chill! Don't do it! (Simon pushes the Neighbour into a small store-room and shoots him four times. A moment later Sergei watches him returning) Sergei: Who was that at the door? Simon: Ah, nobody.

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Ziegfeld Follies

1946

Florenz Ziegfeld Jr.: Children play with the dreams of tomorrow. Old men play with the memories of yesterday.

Fred Astaire: I'm sorry, I can't quite place you. What line of work are you in? Gene Kelly: Well, I dance. Fred Astaire: Oh, at home, for the folks? Picnics and that kind of thing? Gene Kelly: Oh, no, no. In public. Fred Astaire: On street corners? Gene Kelly: Oh, no. On the screen. Motion pictures! You do go to pictures that have dancing in them, don't you? Fred Astaire: I try to see them all. Gene Kelly: Did you see a picture called "Cover Girl"? Fred Astaire: Yes. Gene Kelly: Well, who did all the dancing in that? Fred Astaire: You're not Rita Hayworth? Gene Kelly: No I'm not... Ginger.

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ZigZag

2002

Jenna: What's your name? ZigZag: ZigZag. Two big Z's, two little G's.

ZigZag: The sun is full bright today. And the tires are alive because the streets are covered with little pools that explode. I like the rhythm the city makes all on its own. The sounds and the smells and different people, all crashing down together. So loud they go invisible, silent. Just floating around like ghosts.

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Zilch

2002

Screenwriter's Assistant: You understand that you are not really a screenwriter. You are just some schmuck with a piece of screenwriting software.

Screenwriter's Assistant: Using the F-word does not make you David Mamet.

Bob Dobalina: My spots for the MAV Cancer Center swept the healthy awards last year. At the awards banquet, when they were played, not only did people listen, but they applauded. APPLAUDED. How many writers do you think can make cancer entertaining? Screenwriter's Assistant: What about James L. Brooks? He wrote 'Terms of Endearment'. Filled with cancer. Big box office. Screenplay nominated for an Oscar. Bob Dobalina: I can't tell you how much I hated that movie.

Screenwriter's Assistant: Using the F-word does not make you David Mamet.

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Zombi Holocaust

1980

Med Student 1: I bet it was you who chopped that hand off! Med Student 2: Why would you say that? Med Student 1: Well, didn't you say you needed "a hand" to help you study?

Dr Obrero: The patient's screaming disturbing me, performed removal of vocal chords.

Dr Obrero: I could easily kill you now, but I'm determined to have your brain!

Dr Obrero: I've been anxious to experiment with a male Caucasian brain!

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Zombiegeddon

2003 (V)

Cage: You know, Jeff, I think today is a good day to die.

Lord Zombie: I'm gonna go pee on a tree.

Cage: You mean there's an alien life force created by the devil?

Bill the Janitor: You f-cking fudgepacker homo zombies! You're not gonna get my chocolate canal!

Lord Zombie: I'm sorry, but I ate your father's heart!

Video store clerk: Do you like lesbians? Lesbians are great!

God: He who loves his life will lose it.

Jesus Christ: Stay and have some wine. Laura: We don't have any wine. Jesus Christ: We have tap water and glasses. I'm Jesus, I'll turn the water into wine!

Laura: You're thirty-three-years-old and you think you're Jesus Christ.

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Zontar the Thing from Venus

1966 (TV)

Dr Curt Taylor: Keith Ritchie came to realize, at the cost of his own life, that Man is the greatest creature in the Universe. He learned that a measure of perfection can only be slowly attained, from within ourselves. He sought a different path, and found death... fire... disillusionment... loss. War, misery and strife have always been with us, and we shall always strive to overcome them. But the answer is to be found from within, not from without. It must come from learning; it must come from the very heart of Man himself.

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Zork: Grand Inquisitor

1997 (VG)

Wartle: Go ahead and read him his rights. Inquisition Guard: You... have no rights.

Man on PA: In a hypothetical universe of purely good things and bad things, totemization would be near the bottom of the list of desirable things.

Dalboz of Gurth, the Dungeon Master: I shall call you ageless, faceless, gender-neutral, culturally ambiguous, adventurer person. AFGNCAAP for short.

Antharia Jack: Don't you just love it when a plan comes together?

Dalboz of Gurth, the Dungeon Master: Your sword is blowing glue. Wait, let me try that again, your sword is glowing blue.

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