Film Dialogue 121

Those Magnificent Men in Their Flying Machines, or How I Flew from London to Paris in 25 hours 11 minutes

1965

(Reading from flight instruction manual) Colonel Manfred von Holstein: Step one: sit down.

Colonel Manfred von Holstein: There is nothing a German officer cannot do.

Count Emilio Ponticelli: It is a pity that the race will now be won by a Protestant. Mother Superior: A Protestant? Sisters, don't stand there gazing. This good Catholic needs our help!

Count Emilio Ponticelli: Like-a Caesar, we go to England!

Lord Rawnsley: The trouble with these international affairs is they attract foreigners.

Three Coins in the Fountain

1954

Woman at Cocktail Party: My husband declares that I was simply born to be a writer. He says if anyone just took a pencil and followed me around, they'd have a novel. John Frederick Shadwell: My dear lady, I should be delighted to get behind you with a pencil.

John Frederick Shadwell: Why can't women play the game properly? Everyone knows that in love affairs only the man has the right to lie!

John Frederick Shadwell: These girls in love never realize that they should be honestly dishonest instead of being dishonestly honest.

Three Little Beers

1935

Desk Relief Clerk: Pardon me gentlemen. Moe: You mean us? Desk Relief Clerk: Yes, are you mebers of the press? Moe: Why uh... Curly: I used to be! But I didn't do any pressing. I went through the pockets, sort of a "dry cleaning"! Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk, nyuk!

Moe: This is a golf course! Curly: I don't see any golfs! (Moe hits him) Ooh, ooh, look at the golfs!

Curly: He's pointin' where you are! Moe: Ya mean he's pointin' where I was! C'mon, let's get outta here!

Three Little Bops

1957

Piano Pig: (the Big Bad Wolf goes to Hell and plays the trumpet well) The Big Bad Wolf, he learned the rule: / Ya gotta be hot to play real cool!

Wolf: I'll show those pigs that I'm not stuck. If I can't blow it down, I'll blow it up.

1st Pig: We've played in the west. 2nd Pig: We've played in the east. 3rd Pig: We've heard the most, but you're the least.

Narrator: Well, the Big Bad Wolf was really gone / And with him went his corny horn / Went out of this world without a trace / Didn't go to Heaven, was the other place.

Narrator: (singing) Well, the piano-playing pig was swinging like a gate / Doing Liberace on the eighty-eights. Piano Pig: (a la Liberace) I wish my brother, George, was here!

Three Little Pigs

1933

Wolf: I'm the poor brushman. I'm working my way through college.

Practical Pig: You can play and laugh and fiddle / Don't think you can make me sore / I'll be safe and you'll be sorry / When the Wolf comes to your door.

Fifer Pig, Fiddler Pig: Who's there? Wolf: I'm a poor little sheep with no place to sleep. Please open the door and let me in. Fifer Pig, Fiddler Pig: Not by the hair on our chinny-chin-chin. You can't fool us with that old sheepskin.

Wolf: By the hair on your chinny-chin-chin, I'll huff and I'll puff and I'll blow your house in!

Fifer Pig, Fiddler Pig: (singing) Who's afraid of the Big Bad Wolf, Big Bad Wolf, Big Bad Wolf? Who's afraid of the Big Bad Wolf?

Three Men on a Horse

1936

Erwin Trowbridge: (after several drinks) That's funny. I'm kinda sorta feeling a little sleepy. Patsy: What you need is a little drink to wake you up. (to Harry, the bartender) Harry, scotch for Erwin. He needs a pick-up. Harry, the Bartender: He'll need picking up, alright.

Frankie: (Betting on Irma Kay, a longshot) Ain't she got a chance? Gus, a Bookie: Any horse has a chance in a race. Frankie: Yeah, that's right. Gus, a Bookie: Except Irma Kay. It ain't moved faster than a trot since it was frightened by the first Model T.

Charlie: I got more goose pimples than a stucco wall.

Frankie: Green is a restful color.

Three O'Clock High

1987

Buddy Revell: You and me, we're gonna have a fight. Today. After school. Three o'clock. In the parking lot. You try and run, I'm gonna track you down. You go to a teacher, it's only gonna get worse. You sneak home, I'm gonna be under your bed.

Buddy Revell: I want you to understand something Jerry. I don't like people knowing about me, in fact I don't like it when ANYONE knows about me. So you can take that paper of yours and wipe off your dick with it! You made me mad Jerry... now I'm gunna have to do something to work it off...

Mr O'Rourke: Don't fuck this up, Mitchell!

Buddy Revell: You are the puss that is bled.

Brei Mitchell: Being flunked beats being dead.

Brei Mitchell: Cripple the dick!

Craig Mattey: I heard you're giving Jerry Mitchell a hard time, man. Buddy Revell: Yeah. And it's gonna get even harder.

Three on a Couch

1966

(Christopher learns from the French ambassador that he has won a prize for his art work) The Ambassador: Ze first prise is fifty thousand francs. In American money, zat ees ten thousand dollars. The Attache: Give or take a little. Christopher Pride: As long as you give, I'll take.

(Greeting Elizabeth's secretary) Christopher Pride: Hi, Murphy, you precious pussycat!

Mary Lou Mauve: If y'all would 'scuse me, Ah'm lookin' for the doctor. The Drunk: Oh, I happen to be a doctor, but I'm not in surgery today. You see, I'm driving the ambulance. Say, what's your name? Mary Lou Mauve: Ah do declare! The Drunk: Clare. Oh, that's a pretty name! Mary Lou Mauve: The Drunk:

Three Sisters

2001

Annie: Last night was supposed to be my big night to help you out, and you completely blew me off. You didn't listen to a word of my advice. I don't know why you came to me in the first place. Nora: Neither do I. Bess: Okay, now I think we see what happens when you don't come to me for advice. Nora: Okay. You know what, Bess? There are some things I share with Annie, and some things I share with you. You get money, career, and what a flake Annie is; she gets sex, and what a bitch you are. It all evens out.

Annie: Don't be jealous. Before yesterday, I only had what a bitch you are.

Elliot: Gordon, you could NOT be more wrong. Steven Keats: Look, I gotta go with Elliott on this. In a fair fight, Moses would definitely kick Darth Vader's ass. Elliot: Totally. Gordon: Now, does Moses get a lightsaber, here? Elliot: Gordon, think- He's got plagues.

Threshold

2005

Cavennaugh: Go for Cavennaugh.

Cavennaugh: Bolo panned out...

Jake Singleton: Give me the name and I'll take you as my hostage. Lucas Pegg: Why would I want to be your hostage? Jake Singleton: Because the other one of you is going to die. Lucas Pegg: Bioboxpin. Arthur Ramsey: Thanks a lot, partner!

Arthur Ramsey: And on the eighth day God created Klingons.

Dr Nigel Fenway: Now I've got a date with a dead cat. Tell Paula I've traded up.

Arthur Ramsey: How may I be your linguistic biotch?

Dr Molly Anne Caffrey: Is that my underwear? Arthur Ramsey: Yes. Dr Molly Anne Caffrey: Put it down.

Ticket to Heaven

1981

David: Why are you always wrapping yourself up in numbers like this? Karl: So you can come and tell me what a crock it is?

Dr Dwyer: Jesus was never meant to die. He failed.

Eric: First rule, man: don't fuckin' co-operate.

Eric: Man, I ain't seen anybody regurgitate like that since the bicentennial celebrations.

Harry: My God, it must be something they put in the food. Eric: No, man, it's what they *don't* put in it, protein. That, and all that chantin' and jumpin' and spacin' out. After awhile, your wiring blows. Women stop gettin' their periods. Guys get cheeks as smooth as the inside o' Sarah Elizabeth Murphy's left thigh.

Larry: I love you, and Sarah. As individuals. Together, you're a mess.

Tillsammans

2000

Tet: My name is Tet. It's a pretty unusual name, it's from Vietnam. They had a war there, and there was something called the Tet offensive, and that's how I got my name.

Erik: Listen: "What does surplus value mean? What is the difference between the term surplus value and the term profit?" Lena: But please? We can discuss it later and cuddle now!

Erik: Don't take this personally, but you're so fucking stupid.

Elisabeth: I'm a socialist now. Rolf: So am I. Elisabeth: No you're not, you're a social democrat, there's a big difference

Time Squad

2001

(Orville Wright crashes a rocket powered airplane) Orville Wright: I'm all right! (the wreck explodes) Orville Wright: OK, now I'm hurt. Yes, definitely hurt!

(repeated line) Buck Tuddrussel: It's go time!

Buck Tuddrussel: Well, mission accomplished. It took some doing, but we talked Karl Marx out of building the world's largest igloo and back to writing the Communist Manifesto. The Larry 3000: Yes, once you kicked him in the belly. Buck Tuddrussel: Hey, if you're gonna make an omelet, you gotta break a few eggs.

Otto Osworth: Hey, look! We're going to meet the Earl of Sandwich. He invented one of the most popular foods of all time. Buck Tuddrussel: The doughnut? The Larry 3000: (Sarcastically) Yes, a man named Sandwich invented the doughnut. Buck Tuddrussel: Well, I hope he invented more than one, 'cause I'm starved.

Heckler: Duh! hey, Beethoven! Play "Freebird"!

Timebomb

1991

Dr Anna Nolmar: You don't even know who you are. Eddie Kaye: I know who I am, somebody is tring to make me think I don't know who I am.

Eddie Kaye: What are you doing? Hurry up. Dr Anna Nolmar: Just a second, I'm just waiting for the receipt. Eddie Kaye: Fuck the receipt!

Col Taylor: This isn't about getting fired, it's about life expectancy.

Dr Anna Nolmar: (offering Eddy some water) Studies prove it will help you live longer.

Eddie Kaye: They used you, like they used me don't you understand that? We're not enemies!

Dr Anna Nolmar: Eddiiiiiiiieee!

Timecollapse

2002

Steve: Louie had a sense about things the same way he could feel a fish at the end of the line. He said, "Stevie... Life ain't like the sea, she don't come in just 'cause you're standing there on the shore." Lucy Monaco: That's deep Steve.

Steve: Don't worry about it kid. Life has a funny way of twistin' itself around when you least expect it.

Lucy Monaco: I think that heterosexuality is highly underrated. Dante: A chick is in my robe. That is so freaky.

Lucy Monaco: We've gotta be the only two hosts in the world to throw a mostly queer party and wind up in bed together. Dante: No. It's very 'tales of the city.'

Dante: Do you remember the first time we went to the village... with your mom? Lucy Monaco: Oh my God! The record store. Dante: Holy shit, dude. What was that poster? 'Eat more fruit, keep more fit.' Lucy Monaco: It was like a secret code of permission to be gay.

Timeless Tales from Hallmark

1990

Host: The world of Timeless Tales is a magical world in which all stories end happily. In the real world, though, we live in a fragile environment where plants, animals, and people all depend on each other. But grown-ups have made mistakes, and now we need your help to make our world better. For instance, if you turn off the water while you're brushing your teeth and turn off the lights when you're leaving a room, they'll be more water and energy for everyone. And, if you plant a tiny tree in your yard, it will grow into a big tree, which will help clean the air. If we all work together, we can make our world a better place to live in and play in.

Timothy Leary's Dead

1996

Timothy Leary: It is my ambition to really liberate the world. Why not? Why settle for anything less? And I have a sense of humor about it. I know the odds are against me. But we only have a few years here. Let's try to leave this, uh, spaceship a better place.

Timothy Leary: LSD is an extremely powerful, mind opening agent. We are now in the psycho, chemical age. In the future it's not going to be what book you read, but what chemical do you use to open your mind to accelerate learning.

Robert Prehoda: The drug revolution in America was a disaster, and, to the extent that Timothy Leary promoted that, he was the high priest of the drug revolution.

To Please a Lady

1950

Mike Brannan: (carrying Stanwyck in his arms) All the soft spots aren't on the track. Regina Forbes: Well, you keep your mind on the ones that are.

Mike Brannan: Give me six feet and I get through anywhere.

Regina Forbes: It's like the Fourth of July and the heavyweight fight and the World Series all rolled into one.

Today You Die

2005

(from trailer) Max Stevens: You betrayed me, and now I'm coming after you!

(from trailer) Ice Cool: Now you gotta drop it like it's hot!

Barthalomew: You friend Harlan walks like a black man and breaths like a killer.

Jada: (to Harlan) Why are you whispering?

Ice Cool: Did you ever consider anger management? Harlan Banks: Yes, I did, but this worked better.

Todo sobre mi madre

1999

Manuela: I'm not a whore. I've been fucked around a lot, but I'm not a whore.

Manuela: You are not a human being , , Lola. You are an epidemic.

Manuela: How could anyone act so macho with a pair of tits like that?

Manuela: Do you have any alcohol? Agrado: No, I drank it all last night. Manuela: I meant for disinfecting.

Tokyo Mew Mew

2002

Zoey Hanson: Mew mew style, mew mew grace, mew mew power, in your face!

Zoey Hanson: Mew Mew Style Mew Mew Grace, Mew Mew Power in Your Face! Corina Bucksworth: You're gonna say that every time, aren't you?

Zoey Hanson: What a jerk Minimew: Jerk alert! Jerk alert!

Kiki Benjamin: How bout a tip? Zoey Hanson: Never do drugs and stay in school.

Zoey Hanson: (to Mark) My landing was purrrfect. Don't worry about meow. Enough about me, how are you feline?

Cyniclons Tarb: Nighty-Night, mew chicks.

Cyniclons Sardon: Unlike you, we actually form strategies. Wesley J. Collridge III, Cyniclons Dren: Well, woop dee do!

Corina Bucksworth: You want to break some more china?

Cyniclons Dren, Zoey Hanson: (while Chasing Zoey) Didn't mama ever tell you not to run in your PJs? Zoey Hanson: Mama never thought I'd be chase by aliens

Tomb Raider

1996 (VG)

Larson: 'I've still got a pain in my Brain from you-and it's tellling me funny ideas now, like to shoot you to hell!'

Bad Guy: You're firing to me? You're firing to me, huh? There ain't nobody else so you must be firing to me!

Natla: Left Larson sucking wind then, hey? Lara Croft: If that is the phrase.

Bad Guy 2: Howdy. Lara Croft: Afternoon.

Lara Croft: Ah, Pierre. You litterbug.

Voice: Hatching commences in fifteen seconds. Natla: Too late for abortions now! Lara Croft: (draws gun) Not without the heart of the operation! Natla: NO! (Jumps at Lara and falls down into the chasm)

Too Many Crooks

1959

Lucy Gordon: Billy he's a nice young man and she loves him. Billy Gordon: Oh, don't be so ridiculous. Nobody loves a Tax Inspector. They're beyond the Pale! Lucy Gordon: It's a most honourable profession. Billy Gordon: Honourable? Are you kidding?

Fingers: Ooh, you told the Inspector some whoppers just now, didn't you sir? Here, s'posing he wanted to meet your missus? You'd have a bit of a job finding the bits, wouldn't you sir?

Top of the Food Chain

1999

Guy Fawkes: I am the Alpha and the Omega and I also play the trumpet.

Dr Karel Lamonte, Atomic Scientist: A genetically engineered band of devil worshiping serial killers... or a Sasquatch type thing? I don't like the sound of that!

Guy Fawkes: I got backbone! Matter of fact when I was born I had a tail, too! That's just more backbone only it's furry!

Chris Marlowe: I'm a travelling salesperson. I sell banjos.

Dr Karel Lamonte, Atomic Scientist: An atomic scientist's life can be very lonely. There aren't many atomic lady scientists after all.

Dr Karel Lamonte, Atomic Scientist: We found the remains of a dead human corpse, deceased, in the hilly, lumpy, bumpy part of town outside of town.

Torn

1999 (V)

(Clarisse walks into the bathroom and finds Patty in the tub, shaving her legs) Clarisse Bijou: Slowly, put the razor down. Everything's going to be just fine. I'll pay for your cooking lessons, and before you know it, you'll be baking real cakes! Patty James: You're fucking hilarious. Don't you know how to knock? Clarisse Bijou: (imitating baby talk) But I'm special. And besides, you know you left that door open on purpose. Patty James: Uh-huh. Clarisse Bijou: Well, are you just gonna sit there, or do I need to show you how to shave your legs too?

Tortoise Beats Hare

1941

One of Cecil's turtle pals: We do this kinda stuff to him all through the picture!

Bugs Bunny: Why you... you little blankety-blank-blank toitle... how did... you did... I didn't... Cecil Turtle: ... and "how" about my ten bucks? Bugs Bunny: Oh, alright; here! (gives him the money) Onetwothreefourfivesixseveneightnineten! And I hope ya choke!

Bugs Bunny: (after reading title) "Tortoise Beats Hare"? Why those stupid joiks don't know what they're talking about! And I outta know, I woik for 'em!

Tot samyy Myunkhgauzen

1979 (TV)

Pastor: You cannot get married the second time with your wife alive. Munchhausen: Are you proposing to kill her?

Munchhausen: But you do allow kings to get a divorce? Pastor: Well... For kings... In extreme cases. When they need to produce an offspring. Munchhausen: In order to produce an offspring they need to do something else.

(trying to prove that Baron was a bad husband) Ramkopf: He threw out a wife with a child. Theophil Munchhausen: I am not child. I am an officer! Ramkopf: He threw out a wife with an officer.

Baron Munchhausen: Smart-looking face is not a sign of intellect. All the dumb things in the world are done with that facial expression. Smile, gentlemen, smile.

Baron Munchhausen: Why can't you understand that Baron Munchhausen is famous not because he flew or did not fly to the moon, but because he doesn't lie.

Toter hing im Netz, Ein

1960

Mike Blackwood: There's absolutely no reason yet to fear the worst. Until now, we only know that the plane caught fire and we've lost radio contact.

Ann: Tell me, are you always so quiet? Joe: You know, when you've lived in Ireland for a long time, you forget how to say nice things to girls. Ann: Well, try at once. Joe: Well, I'm really glad that your aeroplane crashed.

Joe: I don't know any girls and when I think of the ones I do, I'd rather work.

Ann: Same old story - you're nice to a man and before you know it, he's getting thrashed.

Joe: (to Bobby) For a guy like you, the worst girl in the world is too good!

A Touch of Class

1973

Vicki: My one chance to get raped, and you can't get your bloody trousers off.

Steven 'Steve' Blackburn: I suppose your husband like to sleep late on Sundays? Vicki: Yes, he does. Steven 'Steve' Blackburn: I suppose you like to go home and cook a nice big breakfast? Vicki: No. Steven 'Steve' Blackburn: Don't you like to cook? Vicki: I love to cook. Steven 'Steve' Blackburn: Doesn't he likes to eat? Vicki: He loves to eat. Steven 'Steve' Blackburn: I, I don't understand. Vicki: We have different kitchens, he's in Milan. Steven 'Steve' Blackburn: What a shame! Vicki: Please don't cry, he's found another cooker.

Vicki: Don't cross-examine me in the rain. I'll be there. Wet. But I'll be there.

Vicki: (Steve has just asked Vicki to lunch) Oh, what the hell. A girl has to eat.

Touch of Pink

2004

Alim: She still keeps plastic on the furniture. Cary Grant: It keeps the evil fresh.

Khaled: What would it take to get a little kiss? Alim: Chloroform.

Nuru: What do you do at *the gym*? Alim: I pump iron. Nuru: You don't even pump your own petrol.

Nuru: My life is a soiled tattered tissue, tossed into the toilet of life. What will I do know? Giles: You could write poetry. (Nuru smiles sheepishly)

Alisdair Keith: You know what's the matter with you? Giles: What? Alisdair Keith: Your upper abs. you should do some crunches later.

Nuru: Besides... I'm lactose intolerent... Giles: (smiling to himself) Alim's not

Towed in a Hole

1932

Stanley: You know, Ollie, I been thinkin'! Oliver: What about? Stanley: Well, if we caught our own fish, then we wouldn't have to pay for it and whoever we sold it to, it would be clear profit. Oliver: Tell me that again! Stanley: Well, if we caught our own fish, then the people we sold it to wouldn't have to pay for it, the profit would go to the fish... Oliver: That's a pretty smart thought!

Track of the Moon Beast

1976

Janet Price: This is a great stew, what's in it? Prof. 'Johnny-longbow' Salina: Lots of things. Chicken. Corn. Green peppers. Chili. (sigh) Prof. 'Johnny-longbow' Salina: Onions... well, it's an old recipe.

Prof. 'Johnny-longbow' Salina: I don't really know, My guess is that there is some unusual element in this fragment that synchronizes with that larger mass over there and it produces some kind of energy reaction!

Prof. 'Johnny-longbow' Salina: I wish I was kidding Mac, I'm not! Now there is an answer and I think I know what it is and it makes Me sick to think about it!

(looks at the glowing moon rock) Kathy Nolan: Moon rocks? Oh, wow!

Trail Street

1947

Billy Burns: You think you got some pretty tough fellas over there in Dodge City. I guess you ain't never heard of Dry Gulch Curly have you? You see, old Brandyhead Jones, he was a United States Marshal, too. He done all the hanging over in our neighborhood. And this Dry Gulch I'm telling you about -- he was so tough that when Old Brandyhead hung him, his trigger finger kept jerking for two hours after he was dead.

Marshal Bat Masterson: What do you want, Carmody? Carmody: Look here, Bat. These citizens here have elected me spokesman... Marshal Bat Masterson: Listen, fella, there's only two kind of people I allow to call me Bat: good friends and people I like. You don't belong in either group.

Train Ride

2000

Will: See, I'm a nice guy. Will: You wanna come over here and beat me up. Will: Then you're gonna leave, and worry and cry that you haven't met a nice guy, and end up with someone that's fuckin' beatin' your ass!

Katrina Daniels: It sounds as if you're trying to corrupt us underclassmen. Will: Naw, never that. Will: It's the underclassmen that's trying to corrupt the upperclassmen!

Trancers II

1991

Jack Deth: Damnit McNolte! Next time someone hands you an exploding ham, I'm gonna pass the mustard!

Alice: Jack, the 20th century must be getting to you

Jack Deth: You have no idea

Dr Pyle: (holding Lena prisoner) We don't hold anyone against their will here at Greenworld, Mrs Deth. Lena Deth: (sarcasm) Oh really, well I'll just call a cab then, if you don't mind.

Transylvania 6-5000

1985

Gil Turner: You can't fire me, I'm your son. Mac Turner: Prove it!

Gil Turner: Do you smell perfume? Jack Harrison: Yes. I know what was in this room. Gil Turner: What? Jack Harrison: The Creature from Estee Lauder.

Doctor Malavaqua: Radu, attack! Radu: Master, I've had enough aggravation for one day.

Fejos: Would you like to buy a monkey?

(repeated line) Fejos: I want to show you something.

(repeated line) Fejos: Is good, ya? Is funny?

Trappola diabolica

1988

Kramet: I hate women! Rosanna Boom: Yeah, I have a lot of gay friends too. Kramet: I hate queers!

Huan To: Virginity! Another test you have to undergo, that combines the two concepts that interest me the most... pleasure and pain! Pain, and pleasure.

Michael Ransom: I've come to kill you. Vic Jenkins: You can't kill me. You owe me your life.

Trash

1970

Holly: Just because people throw it out and don't have any use for it, doesn't mean it's garbage.

Holly: Tomorrow it's gonna be with you. Huh, Joe? Please. Joe: Yes. Holly: You're better than that beer bottle. (sighs)

Holly: We need welfare and you can't have my fucking shoes!

(first lines) Joe: It don't do anything, Geri.

(last lines) Holly: Joe, Let me suck your cock.

Traveller

1997

Kate: Got some brass to you, don't ya?

Kate: Looking for something? Pat: Shit! I thought you were your father. Kate: Well, you better be glad I'm not.

Kate: One thing at a time. Right now you have to take care of what you need to be taking care of and you may just find that the rest will take care of itself. Think about it. Pat: Ain't nothing to think about

Pat: She sure is beautiful. Bokky: So's a sunset, but you're not going to fuck that, either.

Treasure Island

1950

Long John Silver: Oh, for ten toes!

Long John Silver: And this'll be young Master Hawkins, I'll be bound. Hawkins - 'tis a proper seafaring name, too.

Dr Livesey: When do we sail? Squire Trelawney: Better ask Captain Smollett. Five days, he's been selecting a crew. Six men, all he's got to show for it. Dr Livesey: Cautious, eh? Squire Trelawney: Cautious? He pries into every seaman's past like a judge at a quarter session. When I threatened to step in, he told me to hire a sea cook, so, by Jove, I did hire a sea cook, right out of his own tavern! Ha ha! Fellow by the name of Long John Silver. I didn't waste my time poring over his credentials. All the credentials I needed was a taste of his ham and his buttered eggs!

A Tree Grows in Brooklyn

1945

(first title card) Title card: For childhood, Saturday - free from school - is the most changeless of institutions - whether it is in city or village, or main street, or in those vital, teeming streets which were the Brooklyn of a few decades ago.

(first lines) Katie Nolan: This'll be the last of them now, Francie.

(last lines) Francie Nolan: Neeley - Neeley Nolan: Uh-huh? Francie Nolan: Am I good-looking? Neeley Nolan: Aw, what's eatin' ya? Francie Nolan: No, honest, Neeley, I wanna know. Neeley Nolan: (after considering her for a few moments) You'll pass. Francie Nolan: You're sweet, Neeley. Neeley Nolan: Aw, cut the mush.

Tribute to John Mills

2005 (TV)

Eric Sykes: (abut the 1940s) That was when films were made and they really were films! You could see the crowds coming out after one of those, and women were dabbing their eyes, and the men were not speaking, because they couldn't - they had a big lump in their throats. Nowadays the only person who come out of the cinema with tears in his eyes is the manager.

Tricks of the Trade: Making 'Matchstick Men'

2004 (V)

(6: 30 A.M. - Ridley Scott arrives for the first day of shooting) Ridley Scott: Jesus Christ! We're being filmed already.

(talking about Hans Zimmer) Ridley Scott: The great thing about working with Hans is nothing's sacred. You can discuss anything and Hans discusses anything. Hans will actually criticize something or criticize a scene. So I'll say, you know, "Well, fuck you. I didn't like your music either."

Tricky Dicks

1953

Larry: You know my sister was engaged with a wooden-legged guy. Sgt. Moe: Yeah? Larry: She broke it off. Sgt. Moe: The engagement? Larry: No, the leg.

(Repeated line) Sgt. Moe: I have to do everything around here!

(Shemp is banging his head on the desk as part as his 'thinking' method) Shemp: I've got it! A terrific headache.

Sgt. Moe: Quiet, everyone! Genius at work!

Larry: Hey, you forgot something! (she slaps him in the face) Larry: That's what you forgot!

Shemp: Release that guy who stole eleven bottles of whiskey. I know he's guilty, but the DA said we can't make a case out of eleven bottles.

Triple Cross

1967

Eddie Chapman: I want the German commandant! Guard: Oh, *that* again... ! Eddie Chapman: Yes, that again... and tell him that I *don't* like to be kept *waiting*! Guard: You're a cocky one! Eddie Chapman: Look, if we don't push *ourselves*, no one else ever will! And let me tell you something: the more scared you are, *talk louder*! You'll get away with *murder*! (shouting) Now go and tell the commandant I want to see him!

Eddie Chapman: I'm a realist. I'm in prison and I want to get out! I don't give a damn for Germany, or for England either. Why should I? What have they done for me lately?

Countess: (studying Chapman's criminal file) Facing 14 years further imprisonment. That interests me. For what we have in mind, I think he has possibilities. Eddie Chapman: And for what *I* have in mind, *you* have possibilities...

Tripping the Rift

2004

T'nuk: On my home planet, I am considered a creature of elegance and beauty! Chode: Ugh, those must be really ugly people!

Whip: You mean we're all gonna die? This blows! I'm still a virgin!

Chode: Just once, I'd like to time travel and not see Nazis!

Alien Gray Male: Any time you wanna call it quits, sweetheart, just say the word! Alien Gray Female: Word. Word! *Word*!

Troma's Edge TV

2000

Host: There is no "Me" in the Troma Team... well, Unless you scramble the letters.

The Naked Cowboy: The student's becoming the master!

The Naked Cowboy: You have been working against us this entire time! Toxie: What are you talking about? We haven't done anything!

Lloyd's Incest Daughter: Daddy! Daddy! I love you, Daddy! Lloyd Kaufman: No.. that's Uncle Lloydie, sweetheart.. Uncle Lloydie.

T.I.T. Announcer: I would tell you the answer to this week's T.I.T. of the week, but I'm too stoned to remember.

Trouble Comes to Town

1973 (TV)

Mrs Murdock: I won't have that boy in our house.

Stacy Garrett: Blacks and honkies don't live together? Sheriff Porter Murdock: I've got to do it!

Sheriff Porter Murdock: You're a born troublemaker, boy.

Sheriff Porter Murdock: I wonder if your daddy would've sent you here. If he knew what you was gonna do to this town.

Trouble in Texas

1937

(two government agents attempt to arrest the murderous Wells) Charlie Wells: What's the idea? You star packers ain't got nothing on me. Federal officer: Besides murder, there's a couple of guns on you, Wells.

(Squint gets the drop on Tex) Squint Palmer: Get up your hands, you double-crosser. So, it wasn't enough for you to mess up our little surprise party and beat me out of first place money in all the rodeo events, but you had to steal my girl, too. Carmen Serano: But, Squint, he... Squint Palmer: Shut up, Carmen! All right, you guitar-playin' songbird, if you got anything to say, say it fast, then, when you're through, I'm going to shoot you right between the eyes and they'll call it justifiable homicide!

Middleton Sheriff: What's going on here? Tex Masters: Why, me and this hombre were just going to settle a little argument - that is, if they have a private room that they don't value too highly.

Tru Confessions

2002 (TV)

Eddie: (crying) It's not fair. Tru: What's not fair, Eddie? Eddie: I wanna be done being different. Tru: Everybody's different, Eddie. Not just you. Eddie: I'm REAL different! I wanna be the same as everybody else. Tru: But... if you were just the same as everybody else, you wouldn't get all that special help in school... and you wouldn't be allowed to rollerblade in the house, and... and you wouldn't be the... amazing... brother... that I love.

Eddie: Wow! Look at that! Tru: Eew! It's a gross, disgusting spider web. Eddie: No. It's perfect and beautiful and strong.

Eddie: (trying to fly a kite) (crying) STUPID KITE! Why wont you stay up, Why? It must be retarded

Truce

2005

AD: (to Harry) Well, I'll ride for your brand any day Harry.

AD: (AD & Harry sit at a bar, Harry starts to leave) What about the whiskey?

Harry Dodds: It's all yours, but it's a horse you can't ride.

AD: (raises his glass) Here's to swimmin' with bull leg-ged women.

Harry Dodds: (to his horse) Well old friend, we've ridden our string clear out.

Truck Turner

1974

Harvard Blue: Turner's like a bulldog with eyes up his ass!

Dorinda: We call her Turnpike, cuz you gotta pay to get on and pay to get off!

Annie: So, this is your idea of a good night, huh. Get me drunk and then screw me. Truck Turner: Okay, okay, we'll get something to eat first.

Dorinda: Those two bitches that left - they had better learn to sell pussy in Iceland because if I ever see them again I'm gonna cut their fuckin' throats! We are family... and that's what we're gonna stay. Now I got important business out there today. And when I call you, I want you to come out there and shake your asses proper! You hear? Hah? Now get out there and make it look good! And Raquel, take that fuckin' jacket off! Move it!"

Dorinda: They call her Colonel Sanders because she's finger lickin' good.

True Stories

1986

Narrator: What time is it? No time to look back.

Miss Rollings: It's like how hot dogs come in packs of 10, and buns come in packs of eight or 12 -- you have to buy nine packs to make it come out even.

Narrator: I really enjoy forgetting. When I first come to a place, I notice all the little details. I notice the way the sky looks. The color of white paper. The way people walk. Doorknobs. Everything. Then I get used to the place and I don't notice those things anymore. So only by forgetting can I see the place again as it really is.

Narrator: I have something to say about the difference between American and European cities. But I've forgotten what it is. I have it written down at home though.

Louis Fyne: I'm a dancing fool.

Tsubaki Sanjûrô

1962

Sanjûrô Tsubaki: Stupid friends are dangerous.

Mutsuta's wife: You're too sharp. That's your trouble. You're like a drawn sword. Sharp, naked without a sheath. You cut well. But good swords are kept in their sheaths.

Mutsuta's wife: Killing people is a bad habit.

Sanjûrô Tsubaki: He was exactly like me. A naked sword. He didn't stay in his sheath.

Tucker

2000

McKenna: It's nice to see a guy in touch with his feminine side. Tucker: Oh believe me, if I HAD a feminine side I'd never stop touching it.

(Leon has a collection of human hair) Tucker: Your collection is really good, but there's one person you don't have, Seth Green. Leon: I know, that guy is slippery!

Tucker: Does she like penguins? Kenickie: Who *doesn't*?

Tummy Trouble

1989

(a scrub grabs Roger's tail) Roger Rabbit: Hey! Let go of the cotton, ya swab! (squeezes the guy's nose - HONK HONK)

Orderly: All right, let's cut him open. Roger Rabbit: Just get me a bicarb. I'll be fine.

Adult Baby Herman: If I have to swallow that rattle one more time, I'm gonna puke my guts out.

Roger Rabbit: Thank goodness for modern medicine!

Tunes of Glory

1960

Jock Sinclair: So, tell me Corporal, are your intentions honorable? Cpl. Fraser: Aye, sir. Jock Sinclair: Then you're a damn fool. You leave "honorable intentions" to fathers like me.

Major Jock Sinclair: Whisky for the gentlemen that like it. And for the gentlemen that don't like it - Whisky.

Major Jock Sinclair: We're on a first name basis in this regiment. Your first name is Derek; my first name is Major.

Jock Sinclair: That's a cheesy tune!

Tutti giù per terra

1997

Walter: In books, it's always fantastic with women. One glance and she's yours for life. Or for one night, which is just as good. Try to do that in real life and you'll end up behind bars. My peers, said the papers, started with oral sex at 14, went all the way at 16, had enough of women by 18 and became impotent or serial killers. To protect myself and others, I was a virgin, so I didn't have to worry about premature ejaculation.

Walter: Scared? Yes, I was scared. But I wanted her so badly. What would I do once out that door? Would I penetrate her? The word made me laugh. "May I penetrate you?" Not to mention the other thing, the clitoris. Why must they have such scary names? Where is the clitoris? How do you find it? Do they give you a map? Female orgasm... how could you tell? Did a neon sign come out? "Yes, I came, thank you." And premature ejaculation? Premature in what respect? Who the hell invented penis envy anyway? What was there to envy?

Twin Town

1997

Jeremy Lewis: I'm a big, bad, bong-banging bible basher!

Fatty Lewis: This glue is for sticking my model aeroplanes together, not sticking up your noses! Buy your own bloody glue!

Greyo: Dylan Thomas called Swansea "an ugly, lovely town". Terry: I'd call it... a Pretty Shitty City. Greyo: Dylan Thomas didn't do as much fucking cocaine as you, did he?

Jeremy Lewis: Why is it that a 2 litre bottle of coke costs 27 pence, but a 1 litre bottle costs 37 pence?

Terry: Three words? They hired a poet to do three fucking words?

Jeremy Lewis, Julian Lewis: Health spa? Aaaah!

Jeremy Lewis: Do you know what they do to you if you're caught doing drugs in Morroco? Julian Lewis: No? Jeremy Lewis: They hand you over to the drug squad. Aaaah I fuckin' had ew!

Jeremy Lewis: The way of the transgressor... is fuckin' 'ard, like.

Twins

2005

Mitchee Arnold: (to Farrah and her friends) Hey, look. It's Colin Farrell. (Farrah and her friends turn and stare) Farrah Arnold: That's not Colin Farrell. Mitchee Arnold: No, behind that guy. (Farrah and her friends turn and stare again)

(Farrah spots a man taking measurements of two underwear models) Farrah Arnold: (to the man) Hey, you don't work here! (the man runs off in panic) (to the models) And you two, how many times are you going to fall for that?

Twisted Love

1995

Janna Riley: You're such an amazing boyfriend, you know that?

Janna Riley: Crazy? You have the gall to call me crazy?

Janna Riley: Don't you leave me! You kill me now! I love you!

Bo Callahan: I have been such a fool - I do see things differently now - I'm in love with you

Sharon Stewart: Bo is the only guy I ever told I loved.

Two Bits

1995

Gitano Sabatoni: Ohhh... you stopped wanting. Ahhh, not needing. Gennaro: What's the difference? Gitano Sabatoni: Hey, it's all the difference in the world. Your belly needs. Your heart wants. That's the difference.

Gitano Sabatoni: Can you see my house? Gennaro: Huh? Gitano Sabatoni: The house God is building for me. Is it finished yet? Gennaro: You can't really call it a house Grandpa. It's more like a palace. Gitano Sabatoni: Ahhh, really? Wh-What's it made of? Gennaro: It's made of gold. Gitano Sabatoni: Nah. Made of bricks. You see when you're born... God starts building a house for you in heaven. And every time you do a good deed, he puts a brick on your house. And when you do a bad deed, he takes a brick off. So, since I did more good in my life than bad, I think maybe my house almost finished.

Gitano Sabatoni: Ohhh. I suffered enough without dyin', maybe I'm gonna die without suffering.

Two Guys Talkin' About Girls

1995 (V)

Lenny: So, who were you in bed with this time? Joey: Cindy. Lenny: Cindy?! I thought Cindy moved back to Atlanta. Joey: No, that was Cindy 3. Lenny: What, are you dating Cindy 2 again? (Joey holds up four fingers) Cindy 4?! Oh, that's great. I guess with one more you get a free toaster?

(Lenny has just met a new girl whom he likes) Lenny: I just don't want to screw this one up. Joey: Don't worry, it happens all by itself.

(Lenny just fell in love again and is discussing it with his best friend Joey) Lenny: Aw, Joe, this girl's so sweet I could eat her for lunch. I, I'd give her the moon if I could-- (Joey mumbles.) Lenny: What? Joey: PEDESTAL ALERT! Lenny: Pedestal? We're talkin' friggin' skyscrapers here!

Ty the Tasmanian Tiger 2

2004 (VG)

Ranger Ken: Bonza, mate. You stopped Greenwood Forest going up like a Sunday barbie at Maurie's place. Maurie: I heard that!

Boss Cass: Was I a bit off track with that joke about turning your friends into Ice cubes?

Sly: Is that a... Shadow Bunyip? Shazza the Dingo: Sounds like you've got Bunyip Envy, Sly. Don't worry, I like yours too.

TY: It's Patchy. He's a cybersaur. Sly: He'll be sore after we're through with him.

Seargent Bluey: Remember to stop, look, listen and smell before you cross the road.

Julius McGriffon: Now we have no idea what that bird brained Cass is up to. Maurie: Oy! Watch who you're calling bird brain, fur face.

U-571

2000

Marine Maj. Coonan: How far down does this ship go? Lt Commander Mike Dahlgren: Oh, she'll go all the way to the bottom if we don't stop her.

Chief Klough: You're the skipper now. And the skipper always knows what to do whether he does or not.

Eddie: (To captured German submariners.) What's the matter, ain't you ever seen a black man before? Get used to it.

(During a depth charge attack.) Lieutenant Andrew Tyler: Mister Hirsch, step away from that bulkhead. The shockwave from one of these explosions could snap your spine.

Lt Commander Mike Dahlgren: If this mission goes south I will blow that boat right out of the water.

Lieutenant Andrew Tyler: What the Hell are you doing!! This is NOT a God damn Democracy!

Ulee's Gold

1997

Ulysses Ulee Jackson: The bees and I have an understanding. I take care of them, and they take care of me.

Ulee Jackson: You'll pay for the rest of your life for being a jackass. Casey Jackson: Yeah, well, it's better than dying of boredom.

Connie Hope: Me, I'm divorced twice. No kids, fortunately. I guess, fortunately.

Ulysses Ulee Jackson: We don't ask outsiders for help.

Penny Jackson: See, sometimes the bees get confused, and run away -- that's them there on the tree. But they don't really want to be gone, and they're happy when someone holds them back into they're home. But you got to keep calm and don't panic when they sting, 'cause they don't mean nothing by it.

Connie Hope: You are almost a good man, Ulee Jackson, but you try too hard.

Ulysses Ulee Jackson: There's all kinds of weakness in the world, not all of it is evil. I forget that from time to time.

Weed: Or, A Cancer in the Community

2003

The Narrator: Because of the educational nature of this film, we have omitted the Pusher's perverted sexual advances on the inebriated and susceptible Johnny. A dope fiend is also a sex fiend.

The Narrator: Cannabis Sativa, otherwise known as weed, pot, tea, grass, reefer, bhang, booda, cheeba, Mary Jane, and a multitude of other slang names. The most popular is... marijuana.

The Narrator: This is Johnny. Two weeks ago, Johnny was a high school honors student, captain of the basketball team, a teen leader. Now... change. Johnny isn't a leader anymore.