Movie Quotes - 120

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The Three Faces of Eve

1957

Ralph White: I've never seen you take a drink in your life. Eve Black: Honey, there are a lot of things you ain't never seen me do, that's no sign I don't do 'em.

Eve Black: (laughs) CHICKEN!

Eve White: I didn't do it. I'd die before I'd hurt Bonnie. Dr Luther: Why do you suppose Ralph says those things if they aren't true?

Jane: It's not you marrying me. It's me marrying anyone. I'm mentally. I can't get married to anyone- ever.

The Soldier: When I spend 8 bucks on a dame, I don't just go home with the morning paper, y'know what I mean?

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The Three Musketeers

1948

Constance Bonacieux: Oh monsieur! Monsieur, you come from the heavens. D'Artagnan: No mademoiselle, just from upstairs.

D'Artagnan: I come from the end of the earth to implore you. Constance Bonacieux: I thought you said you came from upstairs.

Athos: This is no hour for composing letters or looking happy.

The Duke of Buckingham: (to the queen) England is mine, France shall be mine, and you shall be mine.

D'Artagnan: I kissed the Queen's hand! Constance Bonacieux: Have you no higher ambitions?

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The Tigger Movie

2000

Tigger: You can't bounce the bounce if you can't even pronounce the bounce.

Roo: What is this doo-hickey? Tigger: Why, that's no doo-hickey. It's a thing-a-ma-bob.

Tigger: The wonderful thing about tiggers / Is tiggers are wonderful things / Their tops are made out of rubber / Their bottoms are made out of springs / They're bouncy, trouncy, flouncy, pouncy fun, fun, fun, fun, fun / But the most wonderful thing about tiggers is I'm the only one / Tiggers are cuddly fellas / Tiggers are awfully sweet / Everyone el-es is jealous / That's why I repeat and repeat / The wonderful thing about tiggers / Is tiggers are marvellous chaps / They're loaded with vim and with vigor / They love to leap in your laps / They're jumpy, bumpy, clumpy, pumpy fun, fun, fun, fun, fun / But the most wonderful thing about tiggers is I'm the only one / I'm the only... (Tigger crashes into Winnie the Pooh)

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The Times of Harvey Milk

1984

(first lines) Dianne Feinstein: As president of the board of supervisors, it's my duty to make this announcement. Both Mayor Moscone and supervisor Harvey Milk have been shot and killed.

(last lines) Harvey Milk: I know that you cannot live on hope alone, but without it, life is not worth living. And You... And You... And You... Gotta give em hope. Thank You very much.

Sally M. Gearhart: It was one of the most eloquent expressions of a community's response to violence that I've ever seen, and I think that we as Lesbians and Gay men, and all the straight people who where marching with us that night - and there were thousands - I think we said it. I think we sent a message to the nation that night about what our immediate response was - not violence, but a certain respect for Harvey and a deep... a deep... regret and feeling of tragedy about it, because Moscone had been our friend as well.

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The Titfield Thunderbolt

1953

Sam Weech: They can't close our line, it's unthinkable Gordon: What about the old Canterbury-Whitstable line? They closed that. Sam Weech: Perhaps there were not men of sufficient faith in Canterbury.

Valentine: (proposing a toast) Our magnificent generals, General Gordon and General Booth.

Mrs Valentine: Do you know what time it is? Valentine: Yes, my love: summer double time.

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The Tom and Jerry Cartoon Kit

1962

Narrator: The result may not make sense, but it will last long enough for you to be comfortably seated before the feature begins.

Narrator: Anyone can now enter the lucrative field of animated cartoons with the new Tom and Jerry Cartoon Kit. This kit contains everything needed for quiet, sophisticated humor--one mean, stupid cat; one sweet, lovable mouse; and assorted deadly weapons. The coffee and cigarettes are for the cartoonists.

Narrator: Our next film will be for the kiddies, and will demonstrate a new poison gas. Thank you and good night.

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The Touch of Satan

1974

Deputy: We ain't found nothin' yet, not even a suspicious cowchip.

Jodie: This your pond? Melissa: It belongs to my father. Jodie: Oh. Does he mind if people skip rocks across it?

(at the pond) Melissa: This is where the fish lives.

Melissa: Who are you? Satan: I am a friend and companion of the night. I rejoice in spilled blood and the baying of dogs. I wander among shades and tombs. I am Gorgo, and Mormo, of the thousand-faced moon.

Jodie: Zah!

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The Tracy Morgan Show

2003

(after their son Jimmy turns in an action figure for an Abraham Lincoln diarama) Alicia Mitchell: Tracy, calm down. Tracy Mitchell: No, I will not calm down. Tracy Mitchell: Passing off Batman as the President? Tracy Mitchell: Now that may score you some points with the Justice League, but not in the REAL WORLD.

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The Train Robbers

1973

Calhoun: Someone said this gold was already dug. Lane: Keep digging.

(First scene -- Lane has summoned his gun-toting friends to a rendezvous) Grady: Alright, what's it all about, Jess? Jesse: Beats me. All Lane said was meet him here at the train stop. It'd be worth it. Calhoun: To him or us? Grady: Oh, what difference does it make? It's something to do, isn't it?

(last lines) Grady: Where you goin'? Lane: Where the hell do you suppose? To rob a train! Jesse: Rob a train? Grady: It's something to do!

The Pinkerton man: Her name is Lilly, with two "L's." Matt Lowe was never married. Better luck next time! Jesse: Lilly. Grady: With two "L's." Jesse: One of 'um must stand for "liar."

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The Trial of Billy Jack

1974

Prosecuting attorney: Do you expect us to believe that you have absolutely no fear of the death penalty. Billy Jack: I have a lot of fear, but I have a lot more respect. Long ago, I learned that he's my constant companion. He eats with me, he walks we me, he even sleeps with me. Prosecuting attorney: (not understanding him) I'm sorry, I must have missed something back there. Who is this faithful companion of your? Billy Jack: Death.

Jean Roberts: Y'know, I really feel sorry for your children. Prosecuting attorney: You feel sorry for *my* children? Jean Roberts: Yes, and for you too. You know me... and you know I don't lie. It must be terrible to make it seem that way just to earn your money.

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The Tromaville Café

1997

Michael Herz: I started to take my on-screen persona too seriously. Well, to tell a long story short, I killed Lloyd's family.

Sgt. Kabukiman NYPD: God, why does bad things happen to good people? God: Because it's funny! Hey? Wanna go get drunk?

Steve: I just love high school movies! They remember me about my own high school and how everyone loved me and how good I was in football. Then I remember that high school's over... and I'm pretty much of a loser now. Sgt. Kabukiman NYPD: (shouts) You suck, Steve!

Melvina: Michael, what happened here? Michael Herz: Lloyd went nuts! Well, actually, he's always been nuts. But now he's got a gun!

Michael Herz: Lloyd, you wacky youngster. Lloyd Kaufman: I'm gonna blow my fucking brains out! How's that for wacky?

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The Truth About Jane

2000 (TV)

Ms Walcott: An open heart is easily wounded and hard to repair.

Janice: When did you first feel that you were... Jane: A lesbian? It's okay, you can say it without becoming one.

Jane: The amazing thing about change is that everyone can do it. Even the people you least expect it from.

Janice: You stay away from my daughter or I'm gonna have you fired! Ms Walcott: That would be a bit hard. I'm her teacher. Janice: And you're also gay!

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The Tulsa Kid

1940

Montana Smith: Why didn't you stampede along with your herd, young fella? Bob Wallace: Because this is my water hole. Montana Smith: Well, now, I heard different. Bob Wallace: Sam Ellis agreed it was when he sold me the ranch. Montana Smith: Maybe so. I ain't no lawyer... Bob Wallace: Nooo. No, just a gunman. Montana Smith: Well, that's what they pay me for, yes. Bob Wallace: Killin' people? Montana Smith: I never killed anyone who didn't try to get me first. Bob Wallace: Am I to take that as a warning? Montana Smith: Well now, it would be sound sense if you to take it as such.

Henchman Nick Carson: You talk mighty big for an hombre that don't pack a gun. Scared somebody will force you to use it? Tom Benton: No, it's just that I don't shoot snakes... I step on 'em!

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The Tuxedo

2002

Jimmy Tong: That's definitely not a rental.

Clark Devlin: Never touch my tuxedo.

Jimmy Tong: The name's Tong, James Tong.

Jimmy Tong: When I look at you, I have a wet dream.

Clark Devlin: Jimmy, I hate to say this, but don't take advice from women about women.

Winton Chalmers: Life's a bitch. Del Blaine: He didn't drown, if that makes life any less bitchy.

Jimmy Tong: You are very smart. Good speller. Cheryl: Thanks, I graduated top two-thirds of my sixth grade class.

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The Unbearable Lightness of Being

1988

Sabina: I've met another man. He's the best man I've ever met. He's bright, handsome and he's crazy about me. And, he's married. There's only one thing; he doesn't like my hat.

Tereza: I don't understand how someone can MAKE love without BEING in love.

Tomas: Take off your clothes.

Tomas: I must go. Sabina: Don't you ever spend the night at the woman's place? Tomas: Never! Sabina: What about when the woman's at your place? Tomas: I tell her I have insomnia... anything. Besides, I have a very narrow bed. Sabina: Are you afraid of women, Doctor? Tomas: Of course.

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The Unbearable Whiteness of Dean

1995

Dean Patterson: A SPAM radio? Miles Quartermane: Shortwave; latest thing. Operates on the same principle as a HAM radio only the signal is 50% leaner.

Delbert, The Martinizer: I got a hot lead biscuit all buttered up and ready for ya!

Dean Patterson: I'm large and in charge! Now, anybody else want a slice of this?

Dean Patterson: Don't you think I'd still take government service and photolab training over death by lethal injection?

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The Unborn

1991

(requesting a sperm sample) Dr Richard Meyerling: I hope you're in the mood

(Virginia doesn't realize that her unborn child was sired by an alien) Virginia Marshall: What if the baby turns out like me?

Virginia Marshall: Go ahead - tell me I'm glowing.

Abortionist: Candy apple time!

(attempting to calm a patient) Dr Richard Meyerling: Rupture of the navel is common during pregnancy.

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The Unchained Goddess

1958 (TV)

Mr Scientist: Even now, Man may be unwittingly changing the world's climate through the waste products of his civilization. Due to our release through factories and automobiles every year of more than six billion tons of carbon dioxide, which helps air absorb heat from the sun, our atmosphere seems to be getting warmer!

Himself: Doc, I think your isobars have slipped!

Meteora: Mr Scientist, would you... (a woman could never ask this, but certainly a goddess can!) ... would you marry me?

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The Unknown Cyclist

1998

Melissa Cavatelli: The man is an alcoholic penis with legs.

(trying to come out to his mother) Doug Stein: Is there something you wanna ask about me? Rachel: Nah... No. Doug Stein: Let me rephrase that... I need to tell you something that... Rachel: (quickly) I don't wanna know. Doug Stein: How do you *know* that you don't wanna know? Rachel: Because if it's what I think it is, I don't wanna know. Doug Stein: Then, you know? Rachel: Maybe but I don't *want* to know. Doug Stein: So why can't I tell you? Rachel: Then I would *really* know. You *know* I know. So why tell me? Doug Stein: Because I need to know you know. Rachel: No. Because then I'd really know.

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The Unruly Hare

1945

Elmer Fudd: (singing) I've been working on the wailwoad, all the wive wong day! Bugs Bunny: Hark! That sounds like Frankey Sinatra, or an unreasonable facsimile thereof.

Elmer Fudd: There's something screwy around here! Bugs Bunny: Eh, could be you, Doc.

(Elmer has Bugs at gunpoint) Bugs Bunny: Only a rat would shoot a guy (turns around) in the back. (Elmer starts to pull on the trigger) Bugs Bunny: I reiterate: only a big, fat rat would shoot a guy in the back. (Elmer shoots; a smoke cloud appears where Bugs was) Elmer Fudd: So I'm a big, fat wat! Bugs Bunny: (coming out of smoke) Ah, have some cheese, rat! (shoves cheese wedge on Elmer's mouth)

Bugs Bunny: Is you is or is you ain't my baby?

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The Unspeakable

1996 (TV)

Darren Metlick: What I write to women is nobody's business but mine.

Alice Redmond: Baby, you were a little too rough back there at one point.

Matthew Grissom: We're after an animal, Alice, a monstrous animal.

Alice Redmond: You expect me to seduce a serial killer?

Alice Redmond: We're after an animal, Alice, a monstrous animal.

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The Van

1996

Bimbo: Got a bit of bad news today. Knocked me back a bit. I was let go. Larry: What? Bimbo: Made redundant.

(Regarding the Christmas menu) Larry: It's a fuckin' turkey or nothin'!

Maggie: Do heavy metalers eat chips?

Larry: I have one for youse, me chips are as burnt as fuck!

Weslie, Fox Hound Regular: (after Ireland have scraped a 1-1 draw with England during Italia '90) Winston Churchill, Lawrence Of Arabia, Elton John! Yiz can all go *fuck* yerselves!

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The Velvet Touch

1948

Valerie Stanton: Gordon's the perfect host. He wants to make you feel at home... and wishes you were.

Valerie Stanton: You'd better have some food. You're going to need all your strength to answer my questions. Mr Crouch: Oh, thank you, but I'm on the nine-day diet. Valerie Stanton: Oh, are you? What day is this? Mr Crouch: Wednesday.

Michael Morrell: One of the basic rules of chess is that the king rarely moves. Valerie Stanton: That's why so few women play it.

Marian Webster: Where did you get your luck, Valerie? Or does God pity the wicked?

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The Viking Sagas

1995

Gunnar: Slaves! Come earn your money! Yaaarh! (Runs down the hill and single-handedly slays Ulf Bloodaxe and all but one of his men)

(dying words) Mord: I'm still thirsty...

Gunnar: Do you know what will cause your own death? Magnus: Yes, something that no one would expect from a lawgiver... I will lie.

Narrator: During all his years of exile, he had dreamed of Gudrun, but now Gunnar saw that he could never have her. For the first time in his life, the great warrior was beaten.

Gudrun: Magnus was right, the scar does protect Kjartan from the ghost. Gunnar: But Ketils men don't have his luck. If they see the fire and go inside, the ghost will have meat for dinner.

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The Visitor

1979

Detective Jake Durham: Now listen to me Katy isn't there something you want to tell me? Katy Collins: Yeah. Go fuck yourself!

Detective Jake Durham: Katy, I know you know something that was in that package, now tell me what it is and I woun't bother you anymore. Katy Collins: Okay I will tell you but you might have to write it down. Are you ready? Detective Jake Durham: Yes. Katy Collins: Shove it up your ass!

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The Voice Inside

2001

Antagonist: Back to your old tricks? Well, those little white suppressors won't help you now. I'm stronger than before... Immune to your drugs!

Antagonist: Ingest that poison... Shove it down your throat... It can't quiet me... *Now*!

Antagonist: First you try to run? Now you try to lock me out? Don't you understand? I'm not a disease... There's no cure for what I am... You can't escape any more... You can't... hold me... down!

Antagonist: You weak-willed pathetic waste of life, do you have any idea what it's like to rot away inside your useless brain?

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The Voyage of the Yes

1973 (TV)

(last lines) Orlando B. Parker: (reading a letter) Dear Abby, we made it, but without your advice. My friend and I had this little problem of no food, no water, no wind - nothing out in The Big Empty. But we learned somethin' you can tell your sob-sister readers - when you start quittin', the dyin' begins. Quittin' is very bad for your health and that's a fact. Sincerely, Orlando B. Parker. Oh, P.S. Reason why I write you, Abby, is kind of embarrassing. You see, a shark got me pregnant. Now, should I tell my parents or just try another pill?

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The Wages of Sin

1938

Florence Jones: There go your reefer smokers. Round and round...

Florence Jones: That was Marihuana you were smoking! It's worse than cocaine! See those two punks over there, Marge? They were high a minute ago. Now they're getting low. Soon they'll be mean, ready to commit murder. You Marihuana's called the murder weed. Don't you ever touch it again.

(Bruce whispers something in Marge's ear) Marjorie Benton: Leave me alone! Leave me alone! Florence Jones: What's the matter, Marge? Marjorie Benton: Oh, he insulted me! Bruce: That was no insult, stupid. That was a proposition. Take it or leave it.

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The War Next Door

2000

(to the bad guy) Kennedy Smith: I never thought of you as being particularly paternal, except for that time you wanted to be known as the "Father of Chaos".

Barbara Bush: What is it that makes a man want to work with sperm? Dr Gupp: I always wanted to work with my hands.

(Kriegman finds Barbara sitting on their bed while they're trying to have a child.) Barbara Bush: Honey, the doctor called. Guess what he said. (She fires a gun in his general direction.) Allan Kriegman: He wants you to shoot me? Barbara Bush: No. (She fires closer at him.) Allan Kriegman: He wants you to kill me? Barbara Bush: No. (She fires directly at him.) Allan Kriegman: I'M SHOOTING BLANKS?

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The War Wagon

1967

(after shooting down two bad guys) Lomax: Mine hit the ground first. Taw Jackson: Mine was taller.

Lomax: I can't afford to let you get killed, unless I do it!

Lomax: You caused me a lot of embarrassment! You're the only man I shot, that I didn't kill.

Lomax: (Jackson and Lomax see a man getting shot at by a gang) Let me guess which one's your friend.

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The Waterdance

1992

Raymond Hill: If a man's got a problem with race, it means he's ignorant and fearful. Right? You're a writer, tell him! Joel Garcia: Could just be a zinc deficiency.

Anna: Come on, I had a good time. Really. We saw a movie! Joel Garcia: A bad, bad, bad, bad, bad movie. Anna: Well, the dinner was... pretty bad too. Yeah. The whole day kind of sucked, didn't it?

(after Joel nearly crashes the van they're in) Joel Garcia: Boy, he sure came out of nowhere, didn't he? Sang: It's a good thing we're already paralyzed.

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The Wayans Bros.

1995

Shawn: Look out Marlon! Say cheese!

Shawn Williams: I was reading in the trades the other day and they're looking for a young, hip, energetic black guy on 'Beverly Hills 90210'. Marlon Williams: A burglar? Shawn Williams: Yeah.

(Gary Coleman enters Pop's diner.) Pop: Hey, ain't that Webster? Shawn: No, Pop. That's Gary Coleman, and watch what you say to him. You might get punched in your eye. Pop: Punch me in my eye?! I'll put him over my knee and give HIM a "different stroke".

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The WB's Superstar USA

2004

(mocking "American Idol" host Ryan Seacrest's use of saying 'Seacrest out' at the end of every episode of the popular series) Host: McFayden gone!

Host: People said we couldn't do it. People said we shouldn't do it. But we did it.

Panelist: Was that a girl or a guy? Seriously, I'm not a doctor.

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The Weight of Water

2000

Maren Hontvedt: I have discovered in my life that it is not always the nature of god nor why he may bring in one night pleasure & death & rage & tenderness all intermingled so that one can barely distinguish one from the other... and it is all that one can do to hang onto sanity.

Thomas Janes: Talent excuses cruelty. Don't you know that? Rich Janes: Not talent. Genius maybe. You're talented, Thomas. The world is full of talented assholes.

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The Westerner

1940

Judge Roy W. Bean: Don't spill none of that liquor, son. It eats right into the bar.

Judge Roy W. Bean: Shad Wilkins, you've been tried and found guilty of the most serious crime west of the Pecos, to wit: shooting a steer. Do you got anything to say for yourself before the sentence of the court is executed? Shad Wilkins: I told you they shot at me first. I didn't mean to kill that steer on purpose. I was aiming at the man. Judge Roy W. Bean: It's your bad luck you missed him. That's the trouble with you sodbusters... you can't shoot straight. Shad, may the Lord have mercy on your soul.

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The Whirlpool

2003

Greenie: I can't come in today... I have to watch my refrigerator. Uncle Joe: You have to watch it what?

Greenie: There's no refrigerator. The Rental Agent: That's the way it is in L.A. The renter provides their own. Greenie: There's a stove... a dishwasher... a garbage disposal... there's even a trash compactor!... But there's no refrigerator?... Do you know how f*cked up that is?

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The White Shadow

1978

Morris Thorpe: (a new kid shows up wearing a basketball letter jacket) Relax, that jacket said Montana. There can't be more than three high schools in the whole territory.

Jim Willis: You had it easy sonny boy. You'll never know what it's like have to sit in the back of the bus and then give up your seat to a white man or pee in your pants because you can't find a bathroom that'll take you... Now I know a racist when I see one. And I'm looking at one right now.

Harold: (after Ken Reeves has done a student reporter a favor) Did you do that as a reward for me writing a positive article? Ken Reeves: No, I expect to get raked over the coals the next time we lose.

Ken Reeves: (Coach Reeves has just pulled all of his starting players from a game except his center) I'd pull you too Coolidge but you're so fat, you need to run.

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The Whole Wide World

1996

Robert E. 'Bob' Howard: Hey girl. Take a look at the sunset that I ordered for you.

Novalyne Price: Do you see any children in here for me to defile with my damns?

Robert E. 'Bob' Howard: To make life worth living a man or woman has to have a great love or a great cause... I have neither.

Novalyne Price: Well, yeah, that's right, thanks indeed, thank God! If it wasn't for teachers like me, there would be more individuals like you, socially inept, hatin the world, prattlin off pompous ideas that no one wants to hear in the first place. Bob Howard, if you do not take some initiative you are going to end up a miserable old man, sittin at home with no friends and no life. And another thing! Don't you ever EVER imply that I do not know how to teach, because then you really are talking about something that you know nothing about. Now why don't you run on home, your momma's waitin for you.

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The Wicked Lady

1945

Lord Kingsclere: He's very lucky with the weather. Must be depressing to be hanged on a damp day.

Barbara Worth: I never could resist anything that belonged to somebody else.

Barbara Worth: Why did you shoot that horse? I'd rather kill a man any day.

Caroline: I hate cruelty. Kit Locksby: That's unusual... in a woman.

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The Wild Angels

1966

Heavenly Blues: We wanna be free! We wanna be free to do what we wanna do. We wanna be free to ride. We wanna be free to ride our machines without being hassled by The Man! ... And we wanna get loaded. And we wanna have a good time. And that's what we are gonna do. We are gonna have a good time... We are gonna have a party.

Medic: (said jokingly to girl dancing) Hey, don't get none of that on me!

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The Wings of Eagles

1957

John Dodge: I don't want a story just about ships and planes. I want it about the men who run them - how they live and think and talk. I want it from a pen dipped in salt water, not dry martinis.

'Jughead' Carson: (the General has just given him some whiskey for Spig) Well, thank you sir! 'Jughead' Carson: (he chugs it and throws it behind the mirror) They can make better booze in a bathtub!

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The Wings of the Dove

1997

Merton: I wish I had wings of the dove so I could fly away.

Merton: You want me to seduce a dying girl? And what makes you think she'll just leave me all her money? Kate: I know her. I know how she loves.

Kate Croy: You have a castle too, Lord Mark? Lord Mark: Well, it's seen better days.

Kate: Every time she smiles, remember that I love you more.

Kate Croy: These wretched aristocrats can't even heat their houses.

Merton Densher: I don't believe in any of the things I write about. I fake passion. I fake conviction.

Aunt Maud: Try to look as if you've worn it all your life. It's yours.

Millie Theale: Do you think he loves you? Kate Croy: God, I hope not.

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The Wistful Widow of Wagon Gap

1947

Chester Wooley: That wild goose chase of yours is going to lay an egg.

Chester Wooley: We stop the stage, the bandits are waiting for the stage, and then you show up instead of the stage. Duke Egan: That's pretty well-staged.

Chester Wooley: Marriage is a three ring circus: the engagement ring, the wedding ring and suffering.

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The Woman Inside

1981

Aunt: You're gonna have WHAT cut off?? Hollis: I am having a transsexual operation. Aunt: and that means- (makes a throat slashing motion) ? I allways knew you were weird, Hollis, but this is sick! Sick and weird! Hollis: I'd try to explain it to you, but I know it wouldnt do any good. Aunt: You dress like a woman. You're begining to look and sound like a woman. I guess its alright if you want to pretend you're a woman... But having your DONG cut off??

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The Women of Brewster Place

1989 (TV)

Etta Mae: (re babies) All yours. Built-in heartache for the next twenty years! Mattie Michael: (reprovingly) Etta... Etta Mae: Now me, when I want ready-made trouble, I dig up a handsome man. No diapers to change, and I walk when I'm ready.

Mattie Michael: If you had batted your eyelashes any faster, we'd have had a dust storm up in there.

Mattie Michael: (Etta Mae flirtatiously accepts an invitation to dance) Woman, you better stay here and act your age. Etta Mae: Ooh, I'm acting it. 35! Mattie Michael: Hm! You've got regrets older than that.

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The Women's Club

1987

Patrick: Take care of her, she's a classic. Vallet: Yeah. A classic piece of junk.

Patrick: I gotta split man. C-I-A-O. Carlos: C-I-A-O? What the hell's that? Patrick: Ciao! (leaves) Carlos: Ciao? C-H-O-W. That guy's right. I can't even spell.

Carlos: You got some balls! Patrick: Genes, Carl. Carlos: What's so great about your jeans?

Woman: Patrick, did you know that most presidents cheat on their wives? Patrick: Well, I know they've been screwing over the American public for quite a while.

Cali: Why don't you just bring the phone to bed so that we can screw and make script changes at the same time?

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The Wood

1999

Mike: Time was on crack today.

Mike: Now, any other day time drags during the last period. But not today. Naw, time was on crack today!

Mike: You would've sworn they were professors at Harvard. They had breath mints down to a science.

Stacey: You think my sister a ho or somethin'? You think she a fuckin' toy? Young Mike: Naw, man I think she purdy!

Young Roland: You might fuck around and say some shit that'll get you shot. Young Mike: Shot? Young Roland: Shot? Ya know? Guns? Bang-bang? This nigga don't know nothin'!

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The World According to Garp

1982

(noticing scantily clad prostitutes) Jenny Fields: Is that the latest fashion? T. S. Garp: No, Mom, that's the oldest profession.

Roberta: I mean, I had mine removed surgically under general anesthesia. But to have it bitten off in a Buick... Jenny Fields: It's lust!

T. S. Garp: (after being told he shouldn't go to his Mom's feminist memorial) I will grieve alone for the rest of my life, but right now I want to be around people who loved her.

T. S. Garp: (to his mother Jenny) I never needed a father.

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The Wrong Coast

2004 (mini)

Jameson Burkright: Mimi told me I looked like a young Steve McQueen. Debbie Sue Ashanti-Melendez: Yeah, well, Mimi told me I look like a cross between Jodie Foster and Meryl Streep. Mimi? Mimi Driver: Have you ever thought about acting? Stagehand: I'm just a stagehand. Mimi Driver: Yeah, but you look like a cross between Jodie Foster and Meryl Streep. Debbie Sue Ashanti-Melendez: I'm gonna kick that two-timing bitch's ass. Jameson Burkright: Well, save one of those asses for me, Debbie Sue.

Jameson Burkright: Welcome to The Wrong Coast. I'm Joozball Bockrit. Debbie Sue Ashanti-Melendez: No, your name is Jameson Burkright. Jameson Burkright: Well, the teleprompter says my name is Joozball Bockrit. Debbie Sue Ashanti-Melendez: It doesn't matter what the teleprompter says, your birth certificate says your name is Jameson Burkright. And I'm Doobie-Saw Awati-Mamapusa.

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The Wyvern Mystery

2000 (TV)

Squire Fairfield: So, what news of London? Alice Fairfield: Yes, I would love to hear. Charles Fairfield: All the same, thieves everywhere, but the worst wear wigs and practice law. Harry Fairfield: Well said Charley, there are more thieves in the courts than the filthiest alehouse. Squire Fairfield: What do you want with lawyers? Charles Fairfield: As little as possible.

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The Yor Hunter from the Future

1983

Yor: Help me cut the choice meats.

Apeman: Throw him off the cliff! Hurry! The gods must be appeased with fresh blood! Hurry!

Ka-Laa: Why is Yor different from other men?

Yor: Where'd you get that medallion? (Roa looks at Yor's medallion) Yor: What does it mean? Roa: They say I came here together with those men, there, caught in the ice. Why I am alive and they are dead I don't know, and why the ice has formed in this parched desert is a mystery without an answer, but the little water that comes from it is vital to these people and they worship me, as a divine goddess.

Ka-Laa: I'm afraid death rules this land.

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The Young and the Wrestling

1988

Wildman: You little baby face wimp! I'm gonna break your pencil neck! I'm gonna beat your brains out! I'm gonna hit you so hard when you wake up your clothes are gonna be out of style! I'm gonna tear your head off and spit down your neck! I'm gonna rip off your dick and make you wear it as a bowtie! Fool you understand me?"

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They Died with Their Boots On

1941

George Armstrong Custer: We ride... to hell. Or to glory. It depends on your point of view.

George Armstrong Custer: Only glory is brought to heaven, not money

George Armstrong Custer: I must get myself a tiger skin as soon as possible.

(California Joe is struck by an arrow at the battle of Little Bighorn and dying) California Joe: Ya dirty yella-bellied!... awhh, it looks like I'll never git ta...

George Armstrong Custer: Walking through life with you, ma'am, has been a very gracious thing.

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Thick as Thieves

1998

Pointy: "You can take the bitch outta the ghetto, but you just can't take the bitch outta the ghetto!"

Pointy: From Gary huh, let me tell you where I'm from. A little place called "fresh off a nigga's ass." You just made me homesick.

Cop: Come on, we're headin' downtown. Sugar Bear: Where your warrant at? Cop: Behind that preposition. Sugar Bear: What? Cop: Didn't you go to school? You can't end a sentence with a preposition. Sugar Bear: Oh. Then, uh, where your warrant at, motherfucker?

Dink: I'm so tired of the drama.

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Thief: Deadly Shadows

2004 (VG)

Garrett: If I ever see another glyph, it'll be too soon.

(Garrett grabs the wrist of a little girl trying to steal his money pouch) Little girl: Let go of me! Garrett: That's not for you. Little girl: Please, sir, I'm hungry. Garrett: It is not an easy thing to see a Keeper... (a slight smile cracks across Garrett's face) Garrett: ... especially one who does NOT wish to be seen.

Garrett: Giant rats. Great...

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Thief II: The Metal Age

2000 (VG)

Garrett: I've always equated feelings with getting caught; they both get in the way of my money.

Garrett: Wasn't that long ago that I was planning on my retirement. Now the only thing that's getting retired is my standards.

Garrett: If I believed in it, now would be a good time for me to wish for luck.

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Thinner

1996

Billy Halleck: What are you trying to do to me? Heidi Halleck: What you wanted me to do in the back seat of your daddy's car. Prove my love to you.

Henry Halliwell: This diet you're on, what is it? I've tried all the others, I might as well try this one. Billy Halleck: I don't think you'ld like it Henry. In fact, I don't think you'ld like it at all.

Richie Ginelli: He was a mook, but he was my mook!

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Third World Cop

1999

Capone: We run things. Things don't run we.

(Going in alone on a raid.) Capone: What you want, an air strike?

(Capone shoots a man dead while he's trying to reload his gun.) Capone: Read the manual, idiot.

Capone: Look like the church gone into gun-runnin'.

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Thirteen Conversations About One Thing

2001

Walker: it's perverse, isn't it? people spend years developing their minds and educating themselves, but in the end, they just want to shut them off.

Troy: I believe that if there is such thing as luck. I just hope I'm lucky enough to notice it when it comes my way.

Walker: Why do you wanna be a doctor anyhow? Chris Hammond: So I can help people. Walker: How? By keeping them alive today so you can prolong their misery until tomorrow?

Troy: Luck is the lazy man's excuse. Gene: Ah, spoken like a man who's had nothing but luck.

Gene: (Angrily) What is it? What are you smiling at?

Beatrice: My eyes have been opened, I can never go back.

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Thirty Two Short Films About Glenn Gould

1993

Glenn Gould: Wanted: friendly, companionably reclusive, socially unacceptable, alcoholically abstemious, tirelessly talkative, zealously unzealous, spiritually intense, minimally turquoise, maximally ecstatic moon, seeks moth or moths with similar qualities for purposes of telephonic seduction, Tristanesque trip-taking, and permanent flame-fluttering, no photos required, financial status immaterial, all ages and non-competitive vocations considered, applicants should furnish sets of sample conversation with notarized certification of marital disinclination, references re: low decibel vocal consistency, itinerary and sample receipts from previous successfully completed out-of-town moth flights, all submissions treated confidentially...

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This Boy's Life

1993

(to his new wife) Dwight Hansen: You can get it doggy-style or you can get it laying on your side. Those are your only choices. This is my house and I get to say. Got it?

Dwight Hansen: I know a thing or two about a thing or two! Dwight Hansen: Yeah, you pull that hot shot shit around me and I'll break every bone in your goddamn body. You understand me? Yeah, you're in for a change, mister, a whole nother ball game.

Dwight Hansen: Well... You can want in one hand and shit in the other, and see which one fills first.

(When coming home) Dwight Hansen: Here I am, you lucky people!

Dwight Hansen: Liar, whore, liar, whore and you know it!

Dwight Hansen: Shut your pie hole!

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This Is My Father

1998/I

Fiona Flynn: So what do you want? Kieran O'Day: Tonight I asked God to help me forget you. I prayed all night trying to get you out of my mind. But you were all that filled it. I tried to remember what it was like before you... I couldn''t remember. I tried to imagine what it would be like without you... and nothing came to me. I love you. That''s the truth. I love you. And it scares me. It scares me because everyone seems so dead set against us. But I want you to know, that if you'll have me, I'll be your man. I'll give it all up for you, if you want me.

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This Morning with Richard Not Judy

1998

Richard Herring: I see you're at your shrine to The Corrs again, Stew. Stewart Lee: (annoyed) The Corrs Shrine, Rich! Call it by its name!

Greg Evigan: Mother Nature, like all mothers, is a whore.

Richard Herring: Curse you, God for making me this way!

Richard Herring: And then I got off the bus, ah!

The Curious Orange: This week, I'm very curious about this little conundrum.

The Curious Orange: One day you will all see my power!

(on betraying Jesus) Judas: If I wasn't doing this, you wouldn't be killed, mankind wouldn't be saved. So far from "betraying" mankind, I'm actually saving them from eternal damnation. And do I get any thanks? No, I'm only going down as the most evil man in history.

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This Stuff'll Kill Ya!

1971

Carter: Reverend, look, if by some miracle I can get you out of this mess, you have got to give me your word that you'll close down the White Lighting still. Grady: Don't listen to him! He's sided with them! Carter: I don't care what you think, Grady! I'm trying to help. (police cars are approaching) Carter: Here they come! (to Boone) Carter: What's your answer? Rev. Roscoe Boone: Well, boy, if you can put oil on the water, I ain't gonna set that oil on fire.

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Those Endearing Young Charms

1945

Helen Brandt: That woman just bought a quart of this stuff at forty-five dollars a molecule! Dot: Why does anyone who looks like that want to smell good? Helen Brandt: Dot, where do all these women get all the money they have clutched in their hot little hands? Dot: I could tell you, but a sweet kid like you wouldn't believe it.

Hank Travers: How would you like your front teeth for breakfast?

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Weeds

2005

(bantering about racial prejudices) Conrad Shepard: You calling black people stupid? Nancy Botwin: And lazy... and they also steal. Heylia James: Yeah, but we sings and we dances real good.

Shane Botwin: You can't miss the bear.

Celia Hodes: (watching a video of her daughter flipping her off) I should've had an abortion.

Celia Hodes: Let your freak flag fly.

Shane Botwin: I think pink's really your color, you fuckwad!

Andy Botwin: How can you be so blindly pro-Bush? Doug Wilson: I like his wife Laura... I used to buy weed from her at SMU.

Doug Wilson: Nance, trust me, a bakery is virtually impossible to run without drug money.