Family Ties

1982

Alex P. Keaton: Hey, I don't mind if I toot my own horn. Toot, toot!

Mallory Keaton: (panic-stricken) The light bulb is out in my bedroom! What are we going to do?

Andrew Keaton: Alex is reading me "Robin Hood," where he robs from the poor and gives to the rich. Steven Keaton: That's not Robin Hood, that's Ronald Reagan.

(Alex has turned the house into a hotel to pay for car damage while parents were away) Alex P. Keaton: I can explain everything! Steven Keaton: Oh can you? Can you explain the valet parking in the drive way?... The flashing vacancy sign... in front of the house? The billboard on Route 41?

Mallory Keaton: Mom, I need to reevaluate my life. Do you have a minute?

Alex P. Keaton: (Referring to a current infatuation) Of all the Basic Applied Economic Principles of Capitalism in the Post-Industrial Era Seminars in the world, you had to walk into mine.

Alex P. Keaton: Mallory, someone stupid called... sometime today... about something trivial. Mallory Keaton: Alex you know that could be any one of my friends.

Alex P. Keaton: People who have money don't need people.

(about his new boss, Rebecca Ryan) Alex P. Keaton: Face it, Keaton. She wants you.

(Steven's reaction to Alex turning their house into a hotel) Steven: Alex, parents are conditioned to put up with a few minor accidents when they leave their children home alone. A broken vase, spilt milk on the rug... There was a kangaroo... in my living room. Alex P. Keaton: ... He was just here for the party dad. Steven: Then I guess I'm overreacting.

Elyse Keaton: Alex was offended by our political magazines and ripped them up. Alex P. Keaton: You have no proof. Elyse Keaton: Yes we do. We found your rattle on the floor next to the evidence. Alex P. Keaton: It could have Mallory's. Elyse Keaton: It was your Nixon rattle.

Shrink: How do you know about Grant College? Alex P. Keaton: My sister Mallory goes there. (scoffs) Alex P. Keaton: Grant College, the school that offers a course in the opening of an umbrella. Shrink: I got an "A" in that course.

Steven Keaton: I can't wait to try this Pasta Alex, Alex. (Speaks with womanly voice) Alex P. Keaton: I love a man with a healthy appetite.

Alex P. Keaton: It's just like taking candy from a baby. Jennifer: Brings back memories.

Alex P. Keaton: Remember when we were kids and I run you over with my bicycle? Erwin 'Skippy' Handleman: Yes. Alex P. Keaton: I have a car now.

Mallory Keaton: Dad, Alex, this is Jamie Carter. Alex P. Keaton: Aaaaah! (jumps into his father's arms) Steven Keaton: It's okay, Alex. She said Jamie, not Jimmy.

(Uncle Ned is an alcoholic) Alex P. Keaton: You just drank a whole bottle of vanilla extract. Ned Donnelly: I'm sorry; did you want some?

Alex P. Keaton: Come on dad, do you plan to be mad at us forever? Steven Keaton: ... that is my plan.

Alex P. Keaton: (after Nick makes Andy a dream hat, to help him go to sleep) I had not idea Nick could be so... useful.

Elyse Keaton: Don't you remember? We said we were going to be creative this year and make gifts instead of spending a lot of money Christmas shopping. Steven Keaton: Well, I know we said it, I just didn't know we meant it.

(drunken Ned throws newspaper clipping in the fireplace) Alex P. Keaton: Hey, don't do that. Here give me those. Ned Donnelly: Leave me alone! Alex P. Keaton: Give me those! Ned Donnelly: (Screaming) LEAVE ME ALONE! Steven Keaton: What the hell are you doing? Ned Donnelly: I don't know. I don't know. I'm sorry. Sorry, Alex. (Ned cries) Steven Keaton: (quietly, but furious) All right, Ned. That's it. It's over. Right now either you get some help or you get the hell outta my house!

Andrew Keaton: Alex is King!

Alex P. Keaton: (Mallory scored higher than Alex on an IQ test) I want you, Mallory! I want you! I can take you with one brain tied behind my back!

Nick Moore: We can walk on coals / Have ninjas fight us / Just don't get gingivitis. Steven Keaton: (later as he's sleeping) We can walk on coals / Have ninjas fight us/ Just don't get gingivitis. (wakes up) Elyse, I had a nightmare. I dreamed I was Nick.

Mallory Keaton: I shop, therefore I am.

Steven: (reading from a card given to him by Alex) "Alex is more than a son. He's a companion, a friend, whom I can spend many long hours with discussing the economy, world events and politics." Alex, if I read this out loud, I'm afraid I'll be struck by lightning. (Alex nods towards Elyse) Elyse Keaton: (reading from her card) Mom, please read the "Alex is more than a son" speech, if dad refuses.

Find these movie quotes interesting? Enjoy more classic quotes:

« Family Thing A Quotes Home Family Torn Apart A »