European Vacation

1985

Stewardess: Can I get you anything to drink? Clark Griswold: Honey? I guess I'll have a Coke. Stewardess: Do you want that in the can? Clark Griswold: No, I'll have it right here.

(in Germany, Clark peers down at a village in the hills and tears come to his eyes) Clark Griswold: There it is, kids, my motherland. Rusty Griswold: Dad, Grandma is from Chicago. Clark Griswold: Shut up, Russ.

(In England) Ellen Griswold: Clark, you're on the wrong side of the road. Clark Griswold: Yes I know, honey, I'm also on the wrong side of the car.

Clark Griswold: Aw, there's Buckingham Palace, kids. That's where the Queen lives and works. Audrey Griswold: She works? What does she do, Dad? Clark Griswold: She queens... And she vacuums.

Clark Griswold: (singing) Oh the hills are alive with the sound of Griswold/this shit's been around for a very long time.

Ellen Griswold: Look back there! Clark Griswold: Yeah, it's a hooker... Ellen Griswold: Look who she's with! (Clark looks back, Rusty is with the hooker)

Rusty Griswold: Who was it that said when in Rome do as the Romans do? Clark Griswold: That was Rome not Paris. This is Paris and you're drunk.

(In England Rusty sees a man with a punk Mohawk haircut) Rusty Griswold: That's it! That's what I want my hair to look like dad! Clark Griswold: Oh Rusty you don't want to look like a rooster do you?

Clark Griswold: There's the left bank, kids. Russ, I bet you can't guess what bank is on the right. Rusty Griswold: The Bank of America.

(In Germany Clark is looking for their relatives house) Clark Griswold: What are we looking for? Audrey Griswold: Sex dad. Clark Griswold: That'll do Audrey. Rusty Griswold: Dad that's German for six.

(Rusty and his California Girl join the rest of the family as they chase Ellen's kidnapper) Clark Griswold: Get in. Rusty Griswold: What Happened? Audrey Griswold: Oh, not much. Mom's been kidnapped.

Ellen Griswold: Clark, why don't we just forget the "Pig-in-a-Poke" itinerary, and just play it by ear, like normal people? Clark Griswold: Honey, we're not normal people. We're the Griswolds.

Clark Griswold: Hey look kids, there's Big Ben, and there's Parliament.

Cafe Waiter: (to Clark in French) Fuck off.

Ellen Griswold: (Ellen opens door, seeing there is no bathroom) Clark, there's no bathroom. Clark Griswold: Honey, I'm sure Europeans go to the bathroom. (Clark opens door to his left to find another closet with a mattress inside) ... Maybe they don't.

Rusty Griswold: (watching the romantic couple make out at the table) Dad he's grabbing her tits right there at the table! Clark Griswold: Just eat your breakfast, Russ. Rusty Griswold: (Rusty still watching the couple) ... Dad, I think he's gonna pork her. Clark Griswold: He's not gonna pork her, Russ. Rusty Griswold: I think he's gonna. Clark Griswold: He may pork her, finish your breakfast.

Rusty Griswold: (comes in the room while Clark is brushing his teeth in a bowl) ... Hey, Dad, look. Bed pans!

Hotel Manager: (speaking in a gibberish English dialect) (Clark tries to translate) Rusty Griswold: Dad, he's speaking English.

Hotel Desk Clerk: (looking at the Griswolds passports with laughter) ... Typical American assholes.

(last lines) Rusty Griswold: ... Yep, the Griswolds are back.

Ellen Griswold: (dead silence as no-one is answering the final question) ... Clark! Kent Winkdale, host of 'Pig in a Poke': That's it. Clark... of Lewis and Clark. And the Griswold's are our grand prize winners!

Audrey Griswold: (after seeing the large German sausage dish served by Helga) ... God, I miss Jack.

Kent Winkdale, host of 'Pig in a Poke': What are the pyramidal tracks? Clark Griswold: (thinking) ... Kent, I believe the pyramidal tracks are housing development outside of Cairo.

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