ER
1994
Dr John Carter: OK guys, this party is over. Lucy Knight: Was the music too loud? Dr John Carter: No, the furniture was too on fire.
Dr Doug Ross: I'm a doctor and nothing gets in the way of that. Nothing.
Dr Elizabeth Corday: (on the phone) I don't care if it's raining fire and brimstone, you are going to get me to that church if I have to ride on your back like a bloody donkey (hangs up angrily) Isabelle Corday: Perhaps you should eat something Dr Elizabeth Corday: I do not need to eat. Nor do I need a spot of tea, or a moment of quiet reflection on this, my special day. This is America, and sometimes you just have to kick some ass. Isabelle Corday: We'll take your car and get there early. Dr Elizabeth Corday: Fine. Fine, okay. But unless you can drive stickshift on the right side of the road, I'm driving. Isabelle Corday: Elizabeth, you cant possibly drive in your condition Dr Elizabeth Corday: Get your purse, grab the flowers, and let's go. (phone rings) Now listen here, you ignorant bastard! Dr Mark Greene: What's wrong? Dr Elizabeth Corday: Oh... Mark... nothing.
Dr Susan Lewis: Frank, are you taking your cholesterol medication? Frank: No. Dr Susan Lewis: Good.
Dr Elizabeth Corday: I lied, I lied. Fact is, I rushed. I rushed through and didn't inspect the entire surgical field. That man will never walk again because I wanted to get out early for the weekend. And I... I couldn't even claim responsibility. I sat there, and I swore to God, and I lied to save myself. Dr Mark Greene: God owes us one. I think you're allowed to be selfish for a while. I didn't run into a street sign. I had a biopsy. Those headaches weren't from hockey.
Dr Mark Greene: I can't believe they call it a tumor board. Dr Elizabeth Corday: Why? They discuss tumors. Dr Mark Greene: Think they'd come up with something less esoteric. Dr Elizabeth Corday: Like what? Dr Mark Greene: I don't know, like "You're completely boned" board. Dr Elizabeth Corday: I heard they used to call it the "Poot bastard" board, but too many people kept showing up. Dr Mark Greene: Someone told me they tried "Take me out back and shoot me now" Board for awhile. Dr Elizabeth Corday: It didn't stick? Dr Mark Greene: No, surprisingly. Dr Elizabeth Corday: Why not? Dr Mark Greene: Too many letter I guess. Dr Elizabeth Corday: Hmm. I see. Dr Mark Greene: Elizabeth? (pauses) Dr Elizabeth Corday: Will we have this baby either way? Dr Mark Greene: What? Dr Mark Greene: If that man comes out, and tells me we won't beat it, will we still have the baby? Dr Elizabeth Corday: Of course.
Dr Peter Benton: Last time he came in here, he yelled in my stethoscope. Dr Cleo Finch: He grabbed my ass. Suck it up.
Dr Doug Ross: I'm confused now. Your father's still alive, right? He's still with your mother. Dr Mark Greene: So that's the criteria for a good father? Longevity? Dr Doug Ross: Did he smack you around a lot? Used to smack your mom around? Dr Mark Greene: Poor Doug. Dr Doug Ross: Wait. Poor Doug? Your father, did he, did he come into your room in the middle of the night and throw up on your bed and pass out? Did he do that? Did he leave you in a hallway in Atlantic City while he screwed some hat check girl, Mark? Did he do that? Did he do that, Mark? Your father was there for you every night, you and your mother. And that's love. Now, whether it's the way you want it or not, it's love, Mark. You grew up in Ozzy and Harriet land. Get your head out of your ass.
Dr Archie Morris: Excuse me everyone, I have an announcement to make... effective immediately, I am your new chief resident! Dr Greg Pratt: ... this is a joke, right?
Dr Susan Lewis: (Greene and Lewis discussing the hospital gossip about them) Mmm, yeah, and what is that, can I ask you? My car's in the shop, I drop Susie off at my parents, meet up with you to go tequila shopping, and all of a sudden we're having a torrid affair? Dr Mark Greene: Who said it was torrid? Dr Susan Lewis: No one, I'm just assuming it would be. (Greene looks at her) That's not what I meant. Dr Mark Greene: That's OK, I know what you meant... I'm sure it would be too... Why wouldn't it be? Dr Susan Lewis: ... No reason at all. (she stares at Greene and then at her margarita) There's not enough lime in this.
Princess Taffeta: I've never been one for hospitals. They smell funny.
Dr John Carter: I wanted him to die. I saw what he did to that old lady and the others before her, and I wanted him to die. I didn't think he should have that blood. I mean, if someone had come in and they really needed it... If some little kid had been hit by a car, or some old guy had been accidentally shot; if someone like that had died because we wasted the blood on that guy... I don't know. It was my decision, and I made it, and if he died, I don't know how I'd feel, but I can't say that I'm sorry.I mean, was I wrong?
Dr Mark Greene: Couldn't you have the courtesy to at least tell me first? It's called respect, Kerry. Hey, look, it's even on your stupid badge.
Rachel: The pilgrims came here to escape persecution from the British. Dr Elizabeth Corday: Yes, so they could go about persecuting the Indians.
Dr Kerry Weaver: It's not a good idea to shock a patient who's wide-awake.
Dr Dave Malucci: So, uh, Carter... did you know this new resident, Jing something-or-other? Dr John Carter: That's good - screw up her name. That'll impress her.
Carol Hathaway: I have to go find out. Dr Luka Kovac: Find out what? Carol Hathaway: If he's still in love with me... because... I'm still in love with him. I am. I've been in love with him since I was 23 years old. He's everything to me. He's my life. I feel complete when I'm with him and I feel empty when we're apart. He's the father of my children... and he's my soulmate.
Bishop Stewart: Everyone deserves to be comforted in their darkest hour. Dr Luka Kovac: Too bad you weren't there to comfort the little girl he killed. Bishop Stewart: I didn't need to be. God was there. Dr Luka Kovac: Was he?
Dr Deb Chen: You give a guy a hand release during Harry Potter and he wants to marry you!
Dr Kerry Weaver: Mark's gone. That means you've been here longer than any other doctor. People will look to you to step in and fill the void. Dr John Carter: Big void.
Patient: It's all ending today! Today is the last day! Dr John Carter: Oh, great, I have to work. I'm always working when the world ends.
(Dr Greene's note) Dr John Carter: Dear ER Gang, So here I am, out on the beach at 5: 30 in the evening. Elizabeth is drinking juice, but I'm all about the Mai Tai's. The sun is going down, Rachel is dipping Ella's toes in the ocean as they head off on their quest for the perfect seashell. Weirdly enough, I find myself thinking, you know what would make this moment complete? Some jogger dropping to the sand, short of breath, so I can sweep in with a piece of bamboo to perform a nice, clean intubation, fix the guy up, and send him off with a good, simple dispo. Which I guess is my way of saying I miss you all and that dingy place. Lots of times I thought I should have chosen a different career or go into private practice, something easier, less grinding, more lucrative, but since I've been gone, I realize that outside of doing what I'm doing right now, sitting on this beach with my family, staying at County all those years, doing what we do on a daily basis was the best choice I ever made. I know what you're thinking, but trust me, it's not hard to appreciate once it's over. As much as a part of me would like to believe that the ER can't go on with out me, the smarter part realizes that you are an incredible group of doctors and nurses who approach every day with such skill, compassion and thoroughness, that when it comes to patient care, I know by absence will hardly be felt. In order to leave, I had to go the way I did, but I wouldn't want any of you to think that I didn't value each of you and the years we worked together, or that I didn't have things of a more personal nature to say. Most of you, I think, have an idea of what those things might be without me writing them down, but still... Ella is laughing and waving for me. Rachel found her shell. Mark. (A footnote from Elisabeth) Mark died this morning at 6: 04 a.m. The sun was rising, his favorite time of day. I sent this on so that you might know he was thinking of you all and that he appreciated knowing you would remember him well.
Abby Lockhart: Do you think we should be doing this? Dr Luka Kovac: I do!
Dr Michael Gallant: This may sound silly now, but outside in the bay this morning, I was thinking about asking you out. Dr Neela Rasgotra: I was thinking about saying yes.
Lucy Knight: How was your first day? Abby Lockhart: Well, let's put it this way. I haven't had one of these in two years. Lucy Knight: What happened? Abby Lockhart: More like what didn't happen. When I was up in OB, I would deliver a baby, then I would deliver a baby, and today, I was puked on, spit at, bit, and then I tricked a psychotic woman, and I almost killed a guy. Lucy Knight: That sounds about right. Fortunately in the ER, almost doesn't count. (starts throwing money off the roof from a tin box) Abby Lockhart: What are you doing? Lucy Knight: Patient's last request. Toss some, you might feel better.
Dr John Carter: I lied to Lucy's mother today. I told her that it *wasn't* painful to have an 8-inch knife shoved into your gut.
Dr Susan Lewis: Okay, I'm gonna go to Doc Magoo's, get some breakfast, find a toothbrush, change my underwear, and then I'll clear your board.
Dr Luka Kovac: (holding Brian against the pool table after he punched Abby) You ever touch her again, I'll kill you.
Abby Lockhart: Every now and then, some freak tries to off himself in here. I wish they'd just do it at home.
Abby Lockhart: You're nicer than I am. Dr Mark Greene: That's not much solace. Abby Lockhart: I'm sorry.
Abby Lockhart: That kid Mooney saw my patient. What'd you tell him about nitro? Dr John Carter: Basics, three sprays. Abby Lockhart: Three sprays, that's right, bam, bam, bam. Dr John Carter: All at once? No, no you're supposed to give them every five minutes. Abby Lockhart: I think you left that part out. Dr Susan Lewis: What's his pressure? Abby Lockhart: Zero over zero, he's dead. (rolls her eyes) I'm kidding. I pulled him through. Keep a short leash on your student.
Frank: I thought he froze to death last winter Abby Lockhart: The iceman cometh back.
Dr John Carter: (after Abby caught him kissing Susan) It's really more about friendship than anything else. Abby Lockhart: Really? I've never seen you kiss Frank like that.
Doris Pickman: Just a scalp lac. No LOC, and enough alcohol in her breath to light a small fire.
Dr Elizabeth Corday: You might consider boarding school. She could use some structure Dr Mark Greene: I could sell her off to pirates. Dr Elizabeth Corday: You develop a sense of self worth, community, respect... it worked well for me. Dr Mark Greene: Yeah, but... Dr Elizabeth Corday: But what? Dr Mark Greene: You're British.
Patient: You're the first woman I've talked to in 14 months. Dr Susan Lewis: Yeah, I get that a lot. In high school I was voted "Most Likely to marry a convict".
Abby Lockhart: (admiring Luka's dinner preparations) Have you been watching Martha Stewart again?
Dr Deb Chen: Promise me, John, whatever sacrifice you make for this place, you make sure it's worth it.
Dr Dave Malucci: You're not the first to be deceived by my rugged good looks and boyish charm.
Dr Susan Lewis: Why do I feel like a school kid out here? Dr John Carter: It must be the adolescent sexual tension.
Dr Susan Lewis: Hey, what do you use for maggots these days? Dr Mark Greene: It's a nice thought, but Kerry's immune to it..
Abby Lockhart: (after Carter arrives) Glad you're here. Your fan club is getting restless. Nurse Haleh Adams: What is it with you and nuns, Carter? Nurse Chuny Marquez: It's almost kinky.
Neela Rasgotra: I'm not sticking anything up that monkey's ass.
Neela Rasgotra: (confronting Ray about his 'girlfriend') And in prison math, 14 equals 10 to fifteen? Ooh, and here's the kicker. Your penis pal has chlamydia.
Intern: So, are you, like, a nurse or something? Abby Lockhart: No, I'm, like, a doctor.
Dr John Carter: (shouting To Abby) I want to marry you!
Mr Butler: I mean it, lady. I have lawyers. Nurse Sam Taggart: Oh, yeah, well, I have Jerry so unless you want to be carried out of here like a dirty diaper I suggest you go sit down.
Dr Luka Kovac: Our job is to save lives not to judge them.
Dr Peter Benton: On my count... 1,2 Dr Doug Ross: Buckle my shoe and kiss my ass.
Carol Hathaway: What if the elevator moves? You could get killed! Dr Doug Ross: Well, then you wont have to worry about a commitment. Carol Hathaway: Doug, I'm serious!
Dr Mark Greene: What are you think about, Doug? Dr Doug Ross: Carol... I'm in love with her. I mean, I used to think I knew what love was. I cared about a lot of women, I just don't think I've ever really been in love. I think about her all the time. I don't like it when I'm not with her, I don't want to be with anyone else. That's love, isn't it? Dr Mark Greene: Yeah. That's love.
Dr Susan Lewis: This is my home! This is where I started! This is where I want to stay! Sometimes, I get this feeling that you want to be anywhere but here, Carter.
Dr Kerry Weaver: (leaving Luka a message) Luka, this is Kerry Weaver. I'm down two attendings and up 40 patients. If you dont get in here and start working your scheduled shifts, I'm gonna call the INS, tell em your greencard's a fake, and have your ass deported
Randi Fronczak: Hey Dr Greene. (holds up a knife) Surgery sent it down. Can I keep it?
Dr Susan Lewis: All he did was talk about his ex for 45 minutes, who also happened to be named Susan. How much he loved her, how much he wanted to marry her, how much he wanted to have 5 or 6 children with her... Do I want children?... Do I want 5 or 6 children? Dr Mark Greene: Okay, Tad could be worse. Dr Susan Lewis: I'm not even there yet, Mark. I look over, and he has this drop of red wine hanging from his nose. Dr Mark Greene: What? Dr Susan Lewis: You heard me, this puny little blob just hanging there. So of course I couldn't take my eyes off of it. Is it gonna fall? is it gonna hang there all night? Is his skin gonna absorb it? Dr Mark Greene: How did it get there? Dr Susan Lewis: Mark! Dr Mark Greene: No really, how do you get your nose that far into a wine glass? Was he smelling it or... Dr Susan Lewis: (laughing) Mark, please! Dr Mark Greene: What happened? Dr Susan Lewis: I went to the bathroom and snuck out the window. Dr Mark Greene: You're kidding. Dr Susan Lewis: Nope. Dr Mark Greene: Wow.
Bernard Gamely: (walks into chairs, and sees Lucy sitting in the middle of a luau group) Hey, Luce, you just get here? Lucy Knight: Bernard, what are you doing? Bernard Gamely: (looking around at the scene) What happened? Lucy Knight: Oh, some fire twirler burnt his butt, and the whole troupe's waiting for him.
Dr Susan Lewis: I need you to promise me you're not going to kill yourself in the next seventy-two hours. Ben Hollander: But Monday would be okay? Dr Susan Lewis: I'm off the hook by then.
Dr Michael Gallant: Doctor Lewis! Dr Susan Lewis: (talking to herself) And I used to think that was so cool to hear... "Doctor Lewis"...
Dr Robert Romano: You're one Grade A bitch. You know that, Kerry? Dr Kerry Weaver: No, Robert. I'm your boss. And as long as I am, you're my bitch. Now, get your ass back to work.
(Carter tells Susan about his past drug addiction) Dr Susan Lewis: Vicodin? Dr John Carter: Yeah. If you're going to abuse drugs, abuse a good one.
Princess Taffeta: You know, they used to drown red-haired babies in the old days 'cause they thought they were the devil. Dr Kerry Weaver: And they used to burn crazy people who they thought were witches.
Dr Susan Lewis: So, you were stabbed? Dr John Carter: Twice. I don't recommend it. Dr Susan Lewis: So... can't I see the scar? Dr John Carter: What? No! Dr Susan Lewis: Come on, don't be bashful. Show it to me! Dr John Carter: No! Get your own.
Dr John Carter: You look tired. Abby Lockhart: Really? Dr John Carter: Come to think of it, Frank looks tired, too. Abby Lockhart: Yeah, that's because I spent the night slapping his ass until 3: 00 a.m. Dr John Carter: Really? Abby Lockhart: Well, have you seen him getting down today? Dr John Carter: Let's see. Frank! Have you gotten down today? Frank: What? Dr John Carter: Never mind.
Dr John Carter: Hey, Peter. I'm a good doctor because of you. Dr Peter Benton: No, you're not. But keep trying.
(Randi is reading everyone's horoscope) Randi Fronczak: Hey, Abby. What's your sign? Abby Lockhart: "Out of order".
Dr John Carter: So, what are you gonna do tonight? Dr Deb Chen: Oh, the usual. Get drunk, meet a random guy at the bar and have a night of wild sex until I pass out from sheer exhaustion. Dr John Carter: Takeout and a hot bath? Dr Deb Chen: Yeah.
(On a flight to Congo) Steve Davison: There's not much competition for the seats. I guess the "See a Brutal Genocide" tour package didn't sell very well.
Dr Susan Lewis: (to a patient strapped to a gurney) What's your name, sir? Patient: Edward Kaplin, call me Eddie. You the doc? Dr Susan Lewis: Yes I am. How are you feeling? Patient: Haven't been tied up this tight since last Saturday night. Dr Susan Lewis: Thank you for sharing, Mr Kaplin
Dr Susan Lewis: This patient has been intubated with a central line. Who did this? Abby Lockhart: Sign here and you can say you did.
Dr Michael Gallant: You know, earlier, in the ambulance bay, I was thinking of asking you out. Neela Rasgotra: And I was thinking of saying yes.
(Medical student Michael Gallant has worked in the army) Dr Kerry Weaver: So working in the ER might not be so crazy to you. Dr Michael Gallant: Well, it's a different kind of "crazy".
Dr Luka Kovac: Have you ever been to the circus? Little Girl: No... Dr Luka Kovac: You have now.
(Mark has just told Carter that he has an inoperable brain tumor) Dr John Carter: Oh, Mark, I'm sorry. What are you gonna do? Dr Mark Greene: Die, I guess.
Lucy Knight: Dr Carter? Jerry Markovic: Please don't call him Dr Carter, we'll never be able to live with him. Lucy Knight: What should I call him? Jerry Markovic: He's just... Carter. Dr John Carter: "Dr Carter" will be just fine.
Lucy Knight: Should I feel special, or does he stare at everyone's breasts? Dr Elizabeth Corday: Only females, as far as I know.
Dr John Carter: When you do everything you can, sometimes more then you thought you could, you've got to walk away knowing you fought the good fight. You fought the good fight, Lucy. And tomorrow you'll fight another one.
Linda Ferrell: Do you think there's one perfect love? You know, like 'Sleepless in Seattle', somewhere under the stars. One perfect person for everybody? Carol Hathaway: I don't know, why? Linda Ferrell: Because for Doug, it's you.
(Ross is a pediatrician) Dr Doug Ross: I'm not a grown-up doctor. Nurse Lydia Wright: Yes, we know.
(to a fresh group of interns) Dr Melvoin: You are wedges. The wedge is the most primitive tool known to man. That is you. You think you know what you're doing, believe me, you don't. Breakfast with your Senior Surgical Resident Dr Benton will begin in 15 minutes. Dr Benton is an intern's worst nightmare. He's smarter than you, he never eats, he never sleeps and he reads every medical journal no matter how obscure. He is the Antichrist. Beelzebub. Lucifer. A devourer of wedges. You will go to sleep at night wishing plague and pestilence on his unborn children and you will wake up every morning praying for his approval. You won't get it. Welcome to hell, ladies and gentlemen.
Benton's Mother: Your talent is God's gift to you. What you do with it is your gift back to God.
Dr Robert Romano: Is anybody in this city not sick? It's like the damn plague down here.
Dr Robert Romano: ... And if wishes were horses, we'd be knee-deep in crap.
Dr Elizabeth Corday: I've found a way to limit my Romano exposure. Dr Peter Benton: Oh yeah, what's that? Garlic?
Dr Mark Greene: You can't take the fact that I'm your boss. Dr Doug Ross: That's typically narcissistic of you, Mark. I can't take the fact that anyone's my boss.
Dr Doug Ross: You can get through my door Carol Hathaway: Anything wearing a bra can get through your door.
Dr Mark Greene: (Susan) and Morgenstern are going out. I can handle that. What bothers me is that she didn't tell me. Carol Hathaway: If I were going out with Morgenstern, I wouldn't tell anybody.
Dr Doug Ross: Weaver and the sound of her own voice: A love story.
(about working in the ER) Dr Luka Kovac: It's really not so bad down here, Abby. Abby Lockhart: Oh yeah? Compared to what?
Dr Robert Romano: You had better choose your battles very carefully, Kerry. You are the Chief of Emergency Medicine. Not the County's lesbian advocate. Dr Kerry Weaver: That's where you are wrong, Robert. I am the Chief of Emergency Medicine and I am a lesbian. And if you pursue this matter any further I'll take it to the County Board of Supervisors, the ACLU, the press and anyone else who cares to listen. So I suggest that you choose your battles very carefully.
Dr Mark Greene: Hey Jerry, don't we have a 'Lost and now is ours' box?
Dr Mark Greene: How they holding up? Dr Doug Ross: Stick a fork in them they've been Weavered.
Dr Dave Malucci: Hey, Chief, am I a yuppie? Dr Kerry Weaver: No, but you will be when you grow up.
Carol Hathaway: Hey, what happened to those worms in radiology? Dr Susan Lewis: They're doing a consult. Carol Hathaway: No, no those earthworms. I put a bucket of earthworms in there and they're gone.
Dr Maggie Doyle: No meat, no men, I'm your girl.
Dr Dave Malucci: Nazi Dyke.
Dr Dave Malucci: Please I need this job... I have a kid.
(after being diagnosed with brain cancer) Dr Mark Greene: I think God owes us one.
(Dr Lawrence comes face-to-face with his Alzhiemer's diagnosis) Dr Gabe Lawrence: I was thinking of committing suicide, but I wasn't sure when I should do it. If I did it too early, I'd miss out on what little life I had left. If I waited too long, I wouldn't remember to do it.
Patient: Are you married? Dr Susan Lewis: No, I'm a doctor.
Alex Taggart: You get any freaks in here today? You know, guys with elephant man disease or axes stuck in their heads? Frank: No! Dr Susan Lewis: Should you be looking at that? Alex Taggart: I'm going to become a doctor. Frank: Dollars to donuts, that kid is already dissecting the neighborhood pets.
Lucy Knight: (on the County General roof) Rough first day? Abby Lockhart: (smoking a cigarette) Well, let's just say it's been two years since I've had one of these.
Dr Robert Romano: Good news and bad news. The bad news is my enlarged prostate guy needs a tube shoved up his urethra. The good news is he gets to have you in his pants.
Dr Robert Romano: Do I need to remind you that I'm in charge here? Dr Susan Lewis: You'll have to convince me first.
Alex Taggart: This your new hospital? Nurse Sam Taggart: Yep. Alex Taggart: Looks even crappier than the last one.
Ken Ambrose: Don't touch it! It hurts! Dr Greg Pratt: We're gonna take care of that. Ken Ambrose: Oh, God, I see a light! Dr Greg Pratt: You're not dying. It's just your ankle. Ken Ambrose: Oh, God! Ohhhhh!
Dr Mark Greene: (chasing after Lewis' train) Susan! Susan! (shouts) Susan! Dr Susan Lewis: Mark!... My God, are you okay? You came to say goodbye? Dr Mark Greene: No... stay. I want you to stay. Dr Susan Lewis: But, Mark, I... Dr Mark Greene: I love you. And I'm stupid for not saying it before. Dr Susan Lewis: ... No, it's OK. I knew. In a way I knew. Dr Mark Greene: We belong together. Tell me you don't feel the same. Dr Susan Lewis: ... I'm sorry. Dr Mark Greene: We're right together. Dr Susan Lewis: Mark, you are my best friend in the whole world, I don't know how I'm gonna make it without you. Dr Mark Greene: Don't go! Dr Susan Lewis: I have to. I don't belong here any more, I have a new life, it's going in a different direction. Dr Mark Greene: Susan... I don't wanna lose you! (they kiss and Lewis boards the train) Dr Susan Lewis: I'll never forget you. (as the train pulls away) I *do* love you. Dr Mark Greene: (can't hear) What? Dr Susan Lewis: I love you!
Dr Kerry Weaver: Did you even take the Hippocratic Oath? Dr Robert Romano: I had my fingers crossed.
Dr Robert Romano: Ladies, If I wanted to see a good cat fight I'd watch The View
Dr Luka Kovac: (playing on a Playstation) Come on, we can hunt zombies together. Abby Lockhart: Couldn't we just, reason with them?
Dr Mark Greene: There are no small patients Carter... Dr Dave Malucci: What about dwarves?
Dr David Morgenstern: I don't mind telling you that sometimes I feel like a sheriff without a posse, a general with no grunts in the field, a shepherd with no sheepdog, everywhere you look, sheep, sheep, sheep.
Dr Kerry Weaver: (showing medical students around) Most interns send their samples without knowing what happens once they're there. Let's pretend we're a urine sample and find out.
Dr John Carter: We have a man with a large carrot stuck in his colon coming-in. Lucy Knight: How did he ever swallow it whole?
(Debating the finer points of reality TV vs. classic TV) Dr John Carter: I thought TV was a vast wasteland Abby Lockhart: Oh I'm *sorry* I meant to watch 'La Bohieme' on PBS last night but I had to go the symphony. Dr John Carter: I watch television, just not that dehumanising c***. Seriously, what's next? Televised executions? Bear Baiting? Torture Channel?
Dr Susan Lewis: You pulled all that out of patient's stomachs? Dr John Carter: I sure did. Dr Susan Lewis: Is that my pen you pulled out? Dr John Carter: Rear end.
Patient: You, you think I'm considerably stupid? Lucy Knight: Creatively challenged.
Randi Fronczak: I don't believe in divorce. Dr Mark Greene: I always suspected you were an old-fashioned girl. Randi Fronczak: Don't believe in marriage either.
Dr Mark Greene: Mrs Raskin. It's been a long time. Mrs Raskin: The service isn't what it used to be. Dr Mark Greene: What seems to be the matter? Mrs Raskin: I have this hangnail, and it's very painful. Dr Mark Greene: I have a brain tumor, and it's inoperable. Mrs Raskin: What? Dr Mark Greene: I win.
Dr Mark Greene: Thank you, Katie. Katie: For what? Dr Mark Greene: For being my last patient.
Dr Kerry Weaver: (complaining about her tardy staff) It's five after seven, is there some kind of natural disaster that I'm unaware of? An earthquake or half of Chicago's been swallowed up by a giant sinkhole?
Dr John Carter: Is there anyone sick around here? Dr Mark Greene: No, just the doctor.
Dr Mark Greene: Don't cry for me. Rachel: I won't. Dr Mark Greene: Be generous... always. Rachel: I will. Daddy... I remember the lullaby. I remember you used to sing it to me every night. I remember.
(as Dr Greene leaves the ER for the very last time) Dr Mark Greene: You set the tone, Carter.
Dr John Carter: You set the tone, Morris. Dr Archie Morris: Huh? Dr John Carter: Never mind.
Dr Susan Lewis: If I was stuck on a train with my family... Well bad example, I'd throw myself on the tracks.
Dr Luka Kovac: Anyway, uh, there's something my father would say when a friend went on a journey. And, uh... he said it to me when I came to the United States first. So I thought of it today when I realized I wouldn't be working with this guy anymore, not for a long time, at least. My father would, uh, clasp the person's hand and say, uh, "We only part to meet again."
Abby Lockhart: Just ignore them. They're on a bulimia high.
Dr Mark Greene: You set the tone, Carter.
Dr Mark Greene: See, there's two kinds of doctors. The kind that gets rid of their feelings. And the kind that keeps them. If you're going to keep your feelings, you're going to get sick from time to time. That's just how it works.
Dr Susan Lewis: Never thought I'd deliver my own niece. Carol Hathaway: On Mother's Day no less.
Dr Susan Lewis: I always knew you loved your children, but I never realized how much you fell in love with them. Little Susie was like a story book, every smile a new page to be poured over, touched, remembered... I loved my storybook. For the first time in a long time, I didn't feel so alone.
Dr Peter Benton: Carter, don't worry, I'm going to explore the abdomen. I'm going to check out everything. Dr John Carter: I'm glad it's you. Dr Peter Benton: Hey, I'm getting you through this, man. You hear me?
Dr Archie Morris: Hey, those are nice shoes. What are they, Adidas? Dr Victor Clemente: Get laid, Morris.
Dr John Carter: I got stabbed! I got stabbed in the back! Where the hell where you? You were the same place you've been my entire life, you were someplace else!
Dr Robert Romano: Amazing how the human body can turn on itself. The very process we need to grow in the womb, to regenerate ourselves, systematically eating us alive. But no-one's sacred. Little girls. Fathers with little girls. Cancer. Brain cancer, liver cancer, breast cancer. It's the same traitor. The merciless unrelenting predator. Like time itself.
Dr Archie Morris: (as Carter leaves the ER for the last time, he sees Morris on the ground, hunched between his legs) Oh, man, I feel like I'm gonna puke... Dr John Carter: ... you set the tone, Morris. Dr Archie Morris: What? Dr John Carter: Never mind. Forget it.
Dr John Carter: I only needed one more shot. Dr Luka Kovac: I got lucky. Dr John Carter: Three times in a row? You guys just missed Luka running the table on me. Dr Greg Pratt: I heard Kovac cheats. Malik: Yeah, I didn't even know they played pool in Croatia. Dr Luka Kovac: Sure. But, we just use broomsticks and goat testicles. Malik: Get out of here! Dr Luka Kovac: No, it's hard! Those balls don't roll straight.
Dr Robert Romano: Tell your chief of staff I expect him to treat each of my patients as if it were his mother, but without all the inappropriate touching.
Dr Kerry Weaver: You know what? I'm really very flattered. It's just that I'm, uh... I mean... gosh, you're such a beautiful woman. You're... you're so beautiful. But I'm... I... I'm straight... I mean, I don't... I'm straight. Oh, God. Oh, my God. I don't know... I don't know what's... (starts laughing, then stops abruptly) I mean, I'm sorry... I just... I don't... I feel very... (exhales) ... I'm... You know what?... I... I just... I mean, I... I guess I never even really considered this.
(Jerry is talking to the news media over the phone) Jerry Markovic: ... And we think that this may be smallpox. (Dr Lewis catches him) Dr Susan Lewis: Jerry? Jerry Markovic: I'm just... talking to my mom.
(after witnessing Bosco beating up a suspect) Dr Susan Lewis: You could have broken his nose, you know? NYPD Off. Maurice 'Bosco' Boscorelli: Yeah, I know, but he always looks like that.
(On a rapist in trauma) Malik: Let the bastard die. Dr Mark Greene: He's a patient like any other. He gets our best effort.
Nurse Lily Jarvik: Anyone seen Dr Weaver? Dr Doug Ross: Follow the trail of partially-digested residents.
Dr Kerry Weaver: It's a bizarre thing, Daniel, which makes you a very bizarre guy, but we like that around here.
(Frank had just started to work as an desk clerk) Dr Kerry Weaver: Do you have any experience? Frank: I spent 26 years as a cop. Dr Kerry Weaver: In medicine? Frank: I had my leg broken about 6 months ago.
Dr John Carter: You could get a tattoo. Abby Lockhart: I could get "Carter... Dr John Carter: Yeah. Abby Lockhart: ... Sucks".
Abby Lockhart: How you feeling? Carol Hathaway: I'm in love with the epidural man. Abby Lockhart: Some people like to call him an anesthesiologist. Carol Hathaway: Oh, he will always be the epidural man to me.
Carol Hathaway: On the twelfth day of Christmas, / my true love gave to me... uhhh... (all the other ER docs enter and start singing) Dr Doug Ross: 12 tone deaf doctors. Dr Mark Greene: 11 lords a lording. Dr Susan Lewis: 10 drummers drumming. Dr John Carter: 9 something something. Nurse Lydia Wright: 8 maids a milking. Malik: 7 swans a swatting. Harper: 6 geese a gagging. Everyone: 5 golden rings. 4 calling birds, 3 French hens, 2 turtledoves, and a partridge in a pear tree.
Dr Susan Lewis: Yep, almost midnight. Let the screaming begin.
Dr Dave Malucci: Does she have a pulse? Dr Dave Malucci: Whoa, she's dead... Dr Luka Kovac: I know. Dr Dave Malucci: Like, blue-dead. Malik: Pulse ox is 65. Dr Dave Malucci: That's because she's dead.
Jerry Markovic: So you say you're sick, you're broke, you're unemployed and uninsured. Yea, sure, come on over.
(Romano is firing Benton) Dr Peter Benton: Are you firing me? Dr Robert Romano: No, I'm not. (chuckles) Dr Robert Romano: You fired yourself.
(In the OR) Dr Robert Romano: Will somebody turn down the damn heat. Feels like a hundred in here. Nurse: The thermostat is set at 68 degrees. Dr Peter Benton: Maybe you're coming down with the flu. Dr Robert Romano: It's NOT the flu. Nurse: Maybe you're going through "The Change."
(Dr Lewis's niece is missing in New York City) NYPD Off. Faith Yokas: I've got two kids. If one of them ever goes missing, Bosco's the guy I want out there looking for them.
Dr Elizabeth Corday: (on finding Mark at the batting cage) So this is what American males do to vent their anger and frustrations. Dr Mark Greene: Figured a Romano-Weaver double homicide was overkill.
Dr Elizabeth Corday: That's it, Mark. I'm not stayin' here anymore. Every faucet leaks; your toilet actually rocks. Dr Mark Greene: I kind of like that. Dr Elizabeth Corday: There are things scurrying about in the walls. Do you know what scurries about in walls, Mark? Dr Mark Greene: Bunnies?
Dr Mark Greene: You know, people think kids don't listen to their parents, but they do. And if you tell them they are nothing, they think they are nothing.
(Luka sees Abby smoking) Dr Luka Kovac: I thought you quit. Abby Lockhart: I did. And then my mother showed up.
Dr Luka Kovac: So any fool can get into heaven if he's scared enough to say he's sorry right before he dies?
(Luka is going to The Congo) Abby Lockhart: Take care of yourself... I mean it.
Abby Lockhart: You watch me when we make love... Dr Luka Kovac: You're beautiful.
Dr Luka Kovac: I just don't understand, first you were at four, then you were at six. Abby Lockhart: That's because I scored very quickly. You're a bad sport. Dr Luka Kovac: I can't handle losing to a girl. Abby Lockhart: Oh, God. Dr Luka Kovac: I'm kidding. I actually enjoy losing to you, Abby. Abby Lockhart: Good, that's much better.
Dr Luka Kovac: You're with them when they're most vulnerable, when they're naked, weak, hurt... You touch them, look at their bodies, see them more closely than their families, their lovers, but it's mechanical and temporary.
Abby Lockhart: We've all cried... Sometimes it's the only thing you can do.
Dr Luka Kovac: I was in a relationship with someone I cared about, which I then ruined.
Dr Luka Kovac: There was cartoon I once saw in a magazine. A little man is sitting in a room with two doors. One door says "Do Not Enter" and the other says "Do Not Exit". So he just sits there, holding his hat.
Female patient: If men needed abortions, there would be drive-thru windows with beer on tap and ESPN on the TVs.
Dr Robert Romano: (regaining consciousness) Oh no. I'm at County. (passes out again)
Dr Luka Kovac: Why do you have to make such a big problem about everything? Like you have an insect in your anus. Abby Lockhart: Okay, it's bug up my ass Luka. Bug up my ass. If you're going to insult me you could at least get the words right.
Jerry Markovic: Dr Ross, this came for you. Dr Mark Greene: Bad news? Dr Doug Ross: No. Just got denied a loan by a bank whose motto is "We loan money to anyone."
(Malucci is shooting hoops with a mini basketball net in the ER) Dr Kerry Weaver: Need something to do, Malucci? Dr Dave Malucci: Uh, no thanks, Chief, I'm swamped.
Dr Susan Lewis: (after Dr Corday turned down a date) All I know is that if a cute guy wants to go out with you and you're not interested the least you could do is introduce me.
(Dr Carter is leaving the Congo, and Dr Kovac is staying behind) Dr John Carter: Don't do anything stupid. Dr Luka Kovac: Like what? Dr John Carter: Like getting yourself killed.
(Urinal overflows) Dr Robert Romano: Oh, well. Wasn't me.
(Elizabeth talks to Abby after Dr Dorset tells her that he is married) Dr Elizabeth Corday: I can't believe I was allowing myself to feel something for an absolute... Abby Lockhart: Bastard? Jerk?... Wanker?
Dr Greg Pratt: Did I miss anything? Dr Robert Romano: Yes. Your calling, as a hoodlum.
Abby Lockhart: Can you help me with this? (hands Susan a bunch of X-Ray results) Dr Susan Lewis: Well, I've denied my bladder this long...
(Carter's girlfriend, Rena, is still a teenager) Abby Lockhart: So, did you break up with her? Dr John Carter: No, not yet. But she's so mature, and cool, and... Abby Lockhart: She's Britney Spears' little sister.
(Dr Weaver has just dedicated a Gay and Lesbian center at the hospital to the late Dr Romano) Dr Elizabeth Corday: Did I miss the dedication? Dr John Carter: More like postmortem payback.
Alex Taggart: I'm going to become a doctor when I grow up. Frank: Dollars to donuts that kid's already dissecting neighborhood pets.
Dr Robert Romano: I'm beginning to think that "ER" stands for "everyone's retarded".
Dr Susan Lewis: I thought you were on the chopper. Chuck Martin: Oh, God, no. They brought their own nurse and that bitch wouldn't let me fly. Dr Susan Lewis: That bitch saved your life.
Dr John Carter: You know, there are two kinds of doctors: the kind that get rid of their feelings, and the kind that hold on to them. If you're going to hold on to your feelings, you're going to get sick every once in a while. That's part of it. Helping people is more important than how we feel. Hell, I've been doing this eight years, and I still get sick.
Abby Lockhart: Do you think it's possible to die from boredom? Dr Deb Chen: I don't think so. Abby Lockhart: What if your mind wandered off in a daydream and you forgot to eat or drink for days? Dr Deb Chen: Then you'd die of starvation and dehydration. Abby Lockhart: Caused by boredom.
Dr Kerry Weaver: You hit another doctor? Dr Michael Gallant: Yeah, Doctor Pratt. Dr Kerry Weaver: Oh, well. In that case, I'll overlook it.
Nurse Sam Taggart: Men only think about three things: food, sports and sex. Dogs are more mysterious.
Carol Hathaway: (watching a news report about a case) Ugh, TV docs.
Jerry Markovic: I can't help it, my nipples are sensitive.
Dr Mark Greene: (giving orders to an intern as doctors begin scattering) Do you know what this is all about? Dr Peter Benton: Building collapsed in the Loop. They're sending us a dozen hot ones. Dr Mark Greene: Yeah, well who's on? Dr Peter Benton: Just us. Dr Mark Greene: (to intern) OK, forget all that.
Dr Peter Benton: Anybody want any coffee? Dr Susan Lewis: Yeah, I do. Dr Peter Benton: How do you take it? Dr Susan Lewis: Same as yesterday and the day before that. Dr Peter Benton: And they call *me* a smartass.
Carol Hathaway: (entering the lounge, all the doctors stare at her) Is something wrong? Dr Peter Benton: Oh, you bet there is. We're out of coffee again because the nurses have been taking it, that's what's wrong. Carol Hathaway: So make some more. Dr Peter Benton: Make some more? We work 36 hours on, 18 off, which is 90 hours a week, 52 weeks a year. For that, we are paid $23,739 before taxes, and we also have to *make* the coffee? Carol Hathaway: My heart is breaking.
Dr Peter Benton: (the regular ER doctors are watching new med student John Carter wait nervously at the desk) Oh, man, would you look at this? Dr Mark Greene: Huh. That's the first tailored white coat I've ever seen. Dr Peter Benton: Isn't he lovely. Dr Susan Lewis: Lovely. Dr Mark Greene: Think he knows anything? Dr Doug Ross: He knows how to dress. Dr Peter Benton: Well, he's my student. I'll find out.
Dr Peter Benton: Do you know how to start an IV? Dr John Carter: Uh... actually, no. Dr Peter Benton: I thought you were third year. Dr John Carter: I am... but all I've done are dermatology and psychiatry. Dr Peter Benton: The well-dressed specialities, huh?
Dr Peter Benton: (showing Carter around) X-Ray is around the corner. They're a bunch of idiots.
Dr David Morgenstern: (instructing Carter) Dr Benton is one of the best residents we have, you learn everything you can from him - except attitude. (walks away) Dr Peter Benton: He didn't mean that. Dr David Morgenstern: (from next room) Yes he did!
Dr Peter Benton: Do we have anybody to sew up? Nurse Haleh Adams: How would I know? Dr Peter Benton: Ya know, I love this great spirit of camaraderie, everybody wants to help, you know?
Dr Mark Greene: We can't help people who don't help themselves. Carol Hathaway: No Mark, those are exactly the people we should be helping.
Carol Hathaway: What were you thinking? What could you possibly have thought would happen tonight? That you would show up on my doorstep at midnight, drunk and I would find that as some sort grand gesture of love? That I would invite you back into my life, into my bed? Is that what you imagined would happen tonight? You have no right to even think about doing this. Dr Doug Ross: I'm sorry. Carol Hathaway: Do you think you love me? For how long Doug? How long till you start wondering if there isn't someone better in the next room or the next bar? How long until that little voice in your head reminds you of all the infinite 22-year-olds you could be screwing tomorrow, or the next day, or the next? I will not let you do this to me again. (exits)
Dr Maggie Doyle: Self respect's a bitch.
Abby Lockhart: I'm beginning to hate Neela. Dr Susan Lewis: Well, she's a med student. Abby Lockhart: I'm a med student! Dr Susan Lewis: To tell you the truth, she's starting to piss me off, too. Let's hate her together.
(Dr Weaver is about to throw a preacher out of the hospital) Dr Kerry Weaver: Oh, no. Soon he'll start trying to heal people, and that's bad for business.
Nicole: (Nicole made cookies) They're for Luka. Want some? Dr John Carter: (looking at Abby) No, I would never touch Luka's cookies.
Dr Mark Greene: Edie? Edie Harvell: Oh, Dr Greeene, I wanna... I want to thank you. Dr Mark Greene: For what? Getting you held hostage by a crazed lunatic? Edie Harvell: Oh, I haven't... I haven't felt this good in years. Dr Mark Greene: That's great. Edie Harvell: Yeah, I mean, if I can survive this hell-hole, I can survive anything. Dr Mark Greene: Can I call you a cab? Edie Harvell: (hurriedly) No. No. No, I think I'm just gonna walk.
Alex Taggart: (to Luka, while playing a video game) Bite me, you Slav bastard.
Nurse Sam Taggart: Are you okay? Ben Hollander: Yeah. I'm blind, getting blinder every day. Life is good.
Dr Susan Lewis: I can't wait to go home and get into bed. What do you think the chances are of Antonio Banderas waiting there for me?
Abby Lockhart: First rule of girls' club is: you do not talk about girls' club.
Neela Rasgotra: Where'd you learn that trick? Dr Luka Kovac: What, sitting on a patient? I learned it from a congolese nurse named Mwadi.
Dr Cleo Finch: Happy Hannukah, Kwanza, whatever...
Dr Mark Greene: (to young patient) Next time you have a pinata, make sure the other kids are done swinging at it before you dive for the candy, okay?
Carol Hathaway: You're *a med student*? Abby Lockhart: What can I say? I crossed over to the Dark Side.
Neela Rasgotra: What does R.W stand for? Abby Lockhart: Really whiney? Dr Ray Barnett: Refusal to walk. Neela Rasgotra: Refusal to walk has its own abbreviation.
Abby Lockhart: You carry a scalpel ? Dr Ray Barnett: Yeah a bonesaw's too bulky.
(about Romano) Nurse Sam Taggart: That is some poisonous one-armed dwarf you've got running the place.
Dr Kerry Weaver: Watch out for those lesbians they've ruined our God gifted life.
(Ruby is mad at Carter for lying to him about his wife) Dr John Carter: What do you want from me? Jules 'Ruby' Rubadoux: The truth! Dr John Carter: Fine, you're wife is dying and she isn't leaving this hospital! Jules 'Ruby' Rubadoux: ... thank you! (Ruby storms out) Dr John Carter: Ruby... I'm sorry. Jules 'Ruby' Rubadoux: Call me "Mr Roubadoux"!
Dr Luka Kovac: It just started snowing, and you look like you're freezing. Lucy Knight: I am Lucy Knight: (Luka walks over and drapes his coat around her) No, that's okay Dr Luka Kovac: I'm European, we like to be gallant. Are you off? I've got two tickets to the circus. Lucy Knight: Just coming on. Dr Luka Kovac: What are you doing here all day? Lucy Knight: Not enough as it turns out. It's never been very easy for me to be here. Sometimes I felt like I would never fit in. Dr Luka Kovac: That's something I know about. But I moved around a lot, and I'm used to it. Lucy Knight: But at the beginning of every day, I've been grateful that I'm walking in here on my own choosing, and not carried in on some gurney. And at the end of the day, if I've helped just one person, it's been worth it. And that didn't happen today, and that makes me sad.
Roberto Rosales: Is it always like this? Neela Rasgotra: Multiply the usual busload of colds and coughs times ten because it's February, add four for seasonal complaints - frostbites, sled accidents, tongues frozen to metal poles - double the car crashes, add your baseline chest pains, strokes, and GSWs, and this is what you get - hell frozen over.
Dr John Carter: (trying to dispel rumors that he's with Lucy) Lucy's like... like a little sister to me. Nurse Chuny Marquez: Huh? You do that to your sister?
Dr Mark Greene: I feel like I'm in Junior High School again. Dr Susan Lewis: (Weaver approaches them) Ooh, here comes the assistant principal.
Duncan Stewart, Convenience Store Gunman: I just love America, everyone's got a job!
Dr Mark Greene: (to the bickering Chen and Malucci) You know why we only had one kid? So I wouldn't have to deal with the two of them fighting in the backseat.
(Neela and Abby are trying to help a women who was rude to them - she twisted her ankle) Neela Rasgotra: I'm a doctor, and it may be broken. Train Passenger: If you're a doctor, then I want a second opinion. Abby Lockhart: It may be broken, and you're a bitch.
Roberto Rosales: Is it always like this? Neela Rasgotra: Multiply the usual bus-load of colds and coughs times ten because it's February, add four for seasonal complaints - frostbites, sled accidents, tongues frozen to metal poles - double the car crashes, add your baseline chest pains, strokes, and GSWs, and this is what you get: hell frozen over.
Jessica: You're a doctor? Dr Ray Barnett: I guess so. Jessica: Wow, that's pretty cool. Dr Ray Barnett: Then yeah, I'm a doctor... It's kinda hot in here, wanna get something to drink? Jessica: Sure. I thought you were a musician. Dr Ray Barnett: Medicine's my way of paying the music bills. Jessica: Oh. So, how's the double life treating you? Dr Ray Barnett: Hmm. Some days better than others.
Dr Archie Morris: Hey, I'm Archie. Dr Archie Morris: Ya, I introduced you two ten minutes ago. (Archie then stumbles away) Jessica: Whoa, is that guy really your boss? Dr Ray Barnett: No! Jessica: That's what he's been saying.
Jerry Markovic: Dr Clemente? Jerry Markovic: Just a minute, please. Jerry Markovic: Uh, well CT's calling about your patient Darrel Insley. Dr Victor Clemente: Yeah, so what did Big Darrel do now? Jerry Markovic: He stopped breathing. Dr Victor Clemente: And why the hell would he do that?
Dr Neela Rasgotra: (about Ray sleeping with the 14-year-old) You got off easy. Dr Ray Barnett: Yeah, my ass kicking was a breeze, all I had to do was lay there. Dr Neela Rasgotra: Better than going to jail.
Dr Luka Kovac: For a long time, even when we weren't connecting a lot, you've... you've been the one person I can count on. Abby Lockhart: I feel like that, too. You know that means a lot to me, that friendship.