Edtv
1999
Cynthia: We don't even have money in our budget for coffee filters. We're using a yarmulke!
Ken: Of course I stopped payment on the plugs, you gave me dog hair!
Whitaker: One more word out of you, Cynthia, and you're fired. Cynthia: Oh, and which word would that be? Asshole? Shithead?
John: Look, Ed, you put *anybody* on television sixteen hours a day, and sooner or later they're going to fall off a table and land on a cat.
Panel member: A joyous celebration of boobery, that's what it is.
(talking about Ed's dad) Ed: He cheated on you? Ed's mother: Well, he had medical problems, he said the woman he was with was a nurse. Ed: And you believed him! Ed's mother: Well, she had white shoes. Ed: So does Grandma! So does Sahquille O-Neil!
Al: I'm gonna go take a piss. Wish me luck.
Ed Pekurny: Where's Ma? Al: She's in the kitchen. I'd yell for her but... I'd die.
Al: How about sex? Ed: I'm sorry, Al, but I'm gonna have to pass. And it's not an age thing, 'cause you are still a handsome man.
Shari: He is a bad lay. And I mean *bad*.