Eating Out
2004
(after Caleb confesses to Kyles that he's afraid of being ravished on his fake gay date) Kyle: We're NOT pirates. We just dress like them.
(after yet another boy she's dating confesses he's gay) Gwen: I feel like a turnstile at the White Party!
(as the boys leave for their date, Gwen decides Caleb can be had) Marc: Bye, Gwen. Caleb: Bye. Gwen: Bye... (the door closes) Gwen: ... sexual.
Caleb: I'm gonna circumcise your fucking neck!
Gwen: Who needs friends who won't fuck friends?
Joey: You're not being very positive about this? Gwen: I couldn't be any more positive if I were gang raped in a repository bin at the needle exchange.
Kyle: Men around here are like day old donuts, I mean I eat them because they're there, but I don't want to invest anything in them.
Caleb: Are you looking fo Mr Right Now? Kyle: Please. I'll settle Mr Five Minutes Ago.
Tiffani: My titties didn't occur to you? Look at them! They occur to every man I meet!
Gwen: If you've never tricked with a chick, are you sure you pick dick?
Caleb: Don't take it personally. Tiffani: I am a person, how else am I supposed to take it.
Marc: When he's around, my heart beats like a trailer park husband. Gwen: That is so gay. And I mean all three definitions.
Jamie: You're a reality show without a camera crew.
Gwen: Put him on the phone, let me get the balls rolling.
Gwen: Joey! Just remember, every time you suck a dick! Every time you poke some boy in the brown eye! Remember, you've eaten pussy. You ate pussy and you liked it!
Marc: I almost made it with a British guy in a broom closet.
(as she has sex with Caleb) Gwen Anderson: Eat it, little gay boy!
(Tiffani stands in the doorway) Tiffani: I hear you have phone trouble, Miss Thing. Kyle: That's Mister Miss Thing to you. Caleb Peterson: Tiffani? Tiffani: You little hose huffer! Frank Peterson: Would you care to join us? Tiffani: Gomez, Morticia, and little Wednesday.
Jamie Peterson: Love you, gay bro.
Caleb Peterson: Do I look gay? Kyle: Like an insatiable bottom.
Caleb Peterson: Now I really wish I was a fag. Kyle: You and Ricky Martin both.
Gwen Anderson: Can you name any tracks off of Madonna's "Like a Prayer" album? Joey: Um, "Express Yourself," "Cherish," "Oh Father... " Gwen Anderson: "Vogue?" Joey: No, honey, "Vogue" was on "Dick Tracy."
Gwen Anderson: You didn't mention Tiffani. Susan Petersoon: Tiffani was a bitch. Jamie Peterson: I liked her. Frank Peterson: She was cute.
Caleb Peterson: I think you turned me gay. Tiffani: I did not *turn* you gay! How can you say that?
(Gwen tells Caleb's family that he's gay) Jamie Peterson: Fag, you're it! Tiffani: I turned him gay, but I can turn him back. Jamie Peterson: No fag-backs.
(as Marc leaves) Sebastian: You know, kissing is so 1990s.
Kyle: (to Caleb, picks up the caller-id device) It's for you Blow-me-o.