Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter's Dead
1991
Rose Lindsey: Sue Ellen, have you ever had a 48 hour orgasm? Sue Ellen "Swell" Crandell: No, I've never been to Santa Barbara.
Rose Lindsey: Where is Carolyn? Sue Ellen "Swell" Crandell: Mouse brown hair, gives you a headache? Talks like she's chewing her face? Rose Lindsey: That's her.
Sue Ellen "Swell" Crandell: Go get that tape measure thing out of the garage. Kenny Crandell: Will you stop ordering us around? You're not the babysitter. Sue Ellen "Swell" Crandell: That's right, Kenny. The babysitter is dead.
Walter Crandell: She doesn't look dead. Zach Crandell: That's because it just happened. So you can't really tell, like on MacGyver.
Rose Lindsey: Don't feel overwhelmed, just do one thing at a time.
(repeated line) Sue Ellen "Swell" Crandell: I'm right on top of that Rose.
(after being told to do the dishes, and using them as clay pigeons) Kenny Crandell: The dishes are DONE, man.
Zach Crandell: We told you to talk to her. We didn't want you to send her to the glue factory. Sue Ellen "Swell" Crandell: I didn't kill her, Zach. She died in her sleep. Melissa Crandell: Probably choked on her whistle.
Kenny Crandell: Um... what should we do with her body? Sue Ellen "Swell" Crandell: Call an ambulance, call the cops, I don't know. Well, I mean they're gonna come and get her and they're gonna ask us a lotta questions... Kenny Crandell: They'll probably blame us. Sue Ellen "Swell" Crandell: (scared of the thought) They'll definitely call Mom. Melissa Crandell: SHE'LL blame us. Kenny Crandell: Yeah, she'll hop the next flight home and then be in our faces. Sue Ellen "Swell" Crandell: I don't want Mom to come home. Zach Crandell: I don't either.
Melissa Crandell: We have to get up at the butt-crack of dawn to tidy up the garage!
Mom: (catching Zach taking money from her wallet) Zach. Put it back. If you need money, ask first. Zach Crandell: Okay then, can I have ten dollars? Mom: Forget it.
Kenny Crandell: This place is a crock. We're never gonna make it through the summer. Man, I'm gonna hold up at Lizard's. Sue Ellen "Swell" Crandell: Oh, that's real brotherly of you Kenny. Always taking the easy way out. Don't you have any pride? Kenny Crandell: No. Melissa Crandell: I got an idea. When our food runs out, we can eat Elvis. (the dog Elvis runs out of the room)
Zach Crandell: Cynthia, you're my moon goddess.
Mrs Sturak: Time for little boys to be in bed. Zach Crandell: Can't you see I'm in the middle of a date? Mrs Sturak: (Opening the car door and tossing Cynthia out) And time for little trollops to go home!
Mom: Melissa, want to get down from there? Melissa Crandell: No. Mom: Get down from there.
Kenny Crandell: (after pot plant falls off window sill) Fuck!