Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood
2002
Connor: You are much more normal than you have any right to be.
Caro: The only disease that can survive in our bloodstreams is alcoholism.
Younger Vivi: Don't look at me in that tone of voice!
Caro: Get comfortable, baby. I've got a full tank.
(after getting off the phone with her mother, who slams the phone and screams on the other line, Siddalee does the same thing) Sidda: I am SICK AND TIRED OF HER TANTRUMS!
Sidda: (about Vivi) I am sick of fighting! And, I am sick to death of this whole center of the universe, holier than thou, nothing is ever enough. Oh, how I've suffered, nobody understands me. Somebody fix me a drink and hand me a Nebutol, worn out Scarlett O'Hara... thang! Caro: Well, she's got her pegged, all right.
Sidda: I should'a quit when I was behind.
Younger Vivi: Now our blood flows through eachother as is done for all eternity, loyal forever, we raise our voices in the words of Mumbo Gumbo... YA YA!
Vivi: I tried to be the best momma I could. Connor: How did that go? Vivi: Not so hot.
Caro: We'll leave you alone, but we'll be listening from the kitchen so talk loud
Teensy: I can't tell if that's a scar or a wrinkle. Caro: Yeah, that's a wrinkle pal. There's some scars behind your ears though. Teensy: Shut up, Caro.
Caro: Listen, kids, we gotta slow down or I'm gonna pop a lung.
Vivi: How can I possibly call someone who no longer exists? Give me the phone! (phone rings) Sidda: Oh my God that's her. Do not pick up the phone, please don't pick up the phone, Connor. Connor don't pick up the phone! Connor: Hello. Vivi: Well hello Connor. Connor: Oh hello Vivi. How are you? Vivi: Well just lovely thank you for asking... is she there? (Hands the phone to Sidda) Sidda: Mama Vivi: YOU! (slamming phone against the table)
Little Vivi: (pouring something from a jar into a glass) This is the blood of our people, the wolf people, the alligator people, and the moon women from which we gain our strength to rule all worlds. (Hands glass to Little Teensy. Little Teensy shakes head no) Little Vivi: It's ok, It's just chocolate. (Teensy drinks) Little Vivi: Teensy Melissa Whitman I declare you, Princess Naked as a Jaybird Little Teensy: Ha Cha Cha Little Vivi: (turns to Little Caro) Caro Eliza Bennet I declare you Duchess Soaring Hawk (turns to Little Necie) Little Vivi: Necie Rose Kallaher I declare you Countess Singing Cloud, and I Viviane Joan Abbott am hereby and forever Queen Dance Creek. (Pulls a knife out of a shield) Little Necie: Now wait just one second y'all I don't think we should be cutting ourselves with that knife Little Vivi: Silence! (nicks her hands with knife and passes it down to Little Teensy) Little Vivi: Now our blood flows through each other as is done for all eternity, loyal forever, we raise our voices in the words of Mumbo Gumbo... YA-YA! All little Ya-Ya's: YA-YA!
Vivi: I'll knock you into the middle of next week. Teensy: And I'll kick your sorry ass on Thursday. Now get in the goddamn car and go home! (after Vivi drives away) Piece of shit.
Younger Caro: There's not a goddamn breeze in the entire state of Louisiana. Younger Vivi: Girls, we can *not* sit here and just puddle. Teensy, get your keys, we'll make our own breeze.
Sidda: I don't care if she was abducted by leprechauns and whacked over the head with their shillelagh sticks!
Teensy: (seeing Caro pull a pill from her purse and begin grinding it up to put into Sidda's drink) What are you doing? What is that? Caro: It's a roofie or a roopie or something. I got it from a caddy at the club. It's supposed to knock her on her ass! Teensy: Roofies! No! That's the date rape drug! Necie Rose Kelleher: We can't do that! Caro: Well, we can't just conk her on the head!
Vivi: Yes? Connor: I don't know if you really ruined Sidda's life or not, but I do know right now that you're ruining mine! And your phone etiquette sucks!
Teensy: (leans down to inspect her car and shouting) You are soooooo lucky!... if you put one scratch on my baby, i would have your ass!
Caro: (standing in the doorway of Sidda's room) Ya know, I just don't understand those underwears up your ass crack, they don't cover up a G'D THANG!
Caro: (places date-rape drug in Sidda's drink) Well, we can't just conk her on her head!
Connor: (about Sidda and Connor's wedding) Vivi, it's taken years to nail down a date. She's always said, "What's the rush, when things are so good?" I don't know what the hell she's so afraid of - it's like she's always waiting for the bottom to drop out. Vivi: You know why she thinks that, don't ya, honey? Because it did. It always did.
Sidda: (about Connor) Don't you think it's fishy that we're not married yet? I mean, he started asking me the first year and I always resisted, don't you think that's fishy? Teensy: (defensive) Why is that fishy? Sidda: Because something must be wrong. I've been hitting the snooze button on my biological clock for a long time. I mean, on paper it all works out, you saw him, who wouldn't wanna have babies with him? But every time I get right down to it, something stops me, it just stops. Caro: And you don't have any idea why? Sidda: Oh, I have an idea why. What if I'm like her (Vivi) , and I get into it and just.. Caro: (curiously) What? Sidda: Beat the living daylights out of everybody and then run away. Teensy: (surprised) That's what you think happened? Sidda: (angrily) What do mean, "think", Teensy? I was there. This isn't some goddamn recovered memory, I wish I could forget it. You all have your little Ya Ya scars but that is nothing compared to what she left on me, and if I have even one drop of that in me, I am better off alone. No child should have to find that out the hard way, and neither should Connor! (tearfully) She didn't want us? Fine! She should have just stayed gone. Instead y'all dragged her ass back here and all she did was drink until we all went away. (angrily) Y'all should know, since y'all were the ones mixing the drinks!
Caro: (about Vivi's breakdown) She didn't leave you, Sidda. Sidda: Yeah, well, she was sure as hell gone. Caro: She sure as hell was.
Teensy: (to Sidda) Honey, I think the reason she stayed distant was because she never trusted herself again. She didn't think she deserved you.
Caro: Why doesn't somebody go to the bathroom? It always makes the food come.
Younger Vivi: (after throwing dinner on the floor) You can starve for all I care! (storms out) Little Sidda Walker: I'll make dinner, Daddy. Okay? Younger Shep Walker: Thank you. I'll get the skillet.
Vivi: I need your divine intervention. My oldest daughter, Siddalee, is about to throw away true love. Don't let her do that. I will only smoke once... a day. And I will only have a drink once a week. a day. If you could just help me with this one thing, I'll make it up to you somehow.
Sidda: Daddy, did you get loved enough? Shepard James 'Shep' Walker: What's enough? My question is, did you?
Caro: What I'd give to know then what I know now. And to still have those thighs! Necie Rose Kelleher: I'm sure they're still buried in there somewhere.
Shepard James 'Shep' Walker: I think it can best be said... "The road to hell is paid with good intentions." Sidda: Well, what about the road back? What's that paved with? Shepard James 'Shep' Walker: Humility.
Necie Rose Kelleher: I wish you could've known your momma back then, you would've loved her. Sidda: Necie, me not loving momma was never the problem. Caro: Her not loving you was never the problem either.