Demolition Man
1993
Simon Phoenix: Spartan? John Spartan? Oh shit! They let anybody into this century.
John Spartan: Send a maniac to catch a maniac.
John Spartan: You're gonna regret this the rest of your life... both seconds of it.
Lenina Huxley: I was wondering if you would like to have sex? John Spartan: With you? Here? Now? (Lenina nods) John Spartan: Oh, yeah.
(after futuristic, contact-free "sex") John Spartan: I was thinkin' we could do it the old-fashioned way. Lenina Huxley: You mean... *fluid transfer*?
Lenina Huxley: (stamping her foot) John Spartan, I wish for you to leave my domicile immediately!
Lenina Huxley: Let's go blow this guy. John Spartan: Away! Blow this guy *away*! Lenina Huxley: Whatever.
Simon Phoenix: Wait a minute... This is the future. Where are all the laser guns?
Booth: Gun. Noun. Portable firearm. This device was widely utilized in the urban wars of the late twentieth century. Referred to as a pistol, a piece... Simon Phoenix: Look I don't need a history lesson! C'mon, HAL, where are the god damn guns? Moral Statute Machine: You are fined one credit for a violation of the Verbal Morality Statute. Simon Phoenix: What? Fuck you! Moral Statute Machine: Your repeated violation of the Verbal Morality Statute has caused me to notify the San Angeles Police Department. Please remain where you are for your reprimand. Simon Phoenix: Yeah, right. (police sirens approach) Simon Phoenix: Fuckers are fast too.
John Spartan: (to machine on wall) Thanks a lot you shit-brained, fuck-faced, ball breaking, duck fucking pain in the ass. Moral Statute Machine: John Spartan, you are fined five credits for repeated violations of the verbal morality statute.
John Spartan: Hey Luke Skywalker, use the force.
Simon Phoenix: I'm sorry to say that the world has become a pussy-whipped, Brady Bunch version of itself, run by a bunch of robed sissies.
Lenina Huxley: Looks like there's a new shepherd in town. (Spartan gives her an exasperated look) John Spartan: That's sheriff.
Lenina Huxley: Chief, you can take this job, and you can shovel it. John Spartan: "Take this job, and *shovel* it." Lenina Huxley: Yeah? John Spartan: Close enough.
Lenina Huxley: Looks like he matched his meet. You really licked his ass. John Spartan: That's met his match and KICKED... kicked his ass...
Boggle Guard: Mellow greetings, sir. What seems to be your boggle?
Lenina Huxley: The exchange of bodily fluids? Do you know what that leads to? John Spartan: Yeah, I do! Kids, smoking, a desire to raid the fridge.
Lenina Huxley: I find this lack of stimulus to be truly disappointing, don't you think? Warden Smithers: I try not to. However, you're young. Think all you want.
Lenina Huxley: (sotto voce) Sanctimonious asshole. Machine on wall: Lenina Huxley, you are fined one-half credit for a sotto voce violation of the Verbal Morality Statute.
Simon Phoenix: Simon says, "Die."
Simon Phoenix: Simon says, "Bleed."
Troubled Guy: I don't know... lately I just don't feel like there's anything special about me. Booth: You are an incredibly sensitive man, who inspires joy-joy feelings in all those around you.
Erwin: We're police officers! We're not trained to handle this kind of violence!
John Spartan: I'm going to go down there. I'm gonna find Phoenix and I'm gonna put him in a hurt locker.
Taco Bell Patron: What would you say if I called you a brutish fossil, symbolic of a decayed era gratefully forgotten? John Spartan: I don't know... thanks?
(Huge Explosion, John Spartan steps from the wreckage) Simon Phoenix: Damn, this fucker's like a New York cockroach!
Simon Phoenix: I must've done something right in a previous life. Can't imagine what that could've been.
T.V. Reporter: (to John Spartan) How can you justify destroying a $7 million dollar mini mall to rescue a girl whose ransom is only $25,000 dollars? Little Girl: FUCK YOU, LADY!
(a frozen naked criminal swings by overhead) Simon Phoenix: I hope my butt didn't look like that! Okay, who do we have that's good? Wilkes, Patrick... Jeffrey Dahmer? I love that guy!
Simon Phoenix: I'll be goddamned! What is happening with the cops today? Huh? Don't you know you're endangering the lives of some villains?
Edgar Friendly: You see, according to Cocteau's plan I'm the enemy, 'cause I like to think; I like to read. I'm into freedom of speech and freedom of choice. I'm the kind of guy likes to sit in a greasy spoon and wonder - "Gee, should I have the T-bone steak or the jumbo rack of barbecued ribs with the side order of gravy fries?" I WANT high cholesterol. I wanna eat bacon and butter and BUCKETS of cheese, okay? I want to smoke Cuban cigar the size of Cincinnati in the non-smoking section. I want to run through the streets naked with green jello all over my body reading playboy magazine. Why? Because I suddenly might feel the need to, okay, pal? I've SEEN the future. Do you know what it is? It's a 47-year-old virgin sitting around in his beige pajamas, drinking a banana-broccoli shake, singing "I'm an Oscar Meyer Wiener".
John Spartan: You're on TV!
Simon Phoenix: So let me get this right, they defrosted you just so you could lasso my piddly ass? Damn, you been had! I been dreamin' about killin' you for forty years. John Spartan: Well, keep dreaming!
Dr Cocteau: Well I must say that whacking, whatever it is, sounds most disagreeable.
John Spartan: So let me get this right, Spacely Sprockets here, whose now the man in charge, the Mayor Gov who want to take me to dinner at Taco Bell, and Lord knows I could go for a burrito, is also one of the guys who built the God-damned cryo-prison?
Lenina Huxley: That is correct, money is out-moded. All transactions are through code. John Spartan: All right, so he can't buy food or a place to stay for the night. And, it would be a waste of time to mug somebody. Unless he rips off somebody's hand, and let's hope he doesn't figure that one out.
John Spartan: You're under arrest, Phoenix. Simon Phoenix: Shit! Arrest? And you're trespassing.
Squad Leader: Simon Phoenix! Lie down with your hands behind your back. Simon Phoenix: What's this? Six of you. Such nice, tidy uniforms. Oh I'm so scared! (the Police Officers look at each other) Simon Phoenix: What you guys don't have sarcasm anymore? (Police Officer talks to his automated assistant) Squad Leader: Maniac is responding with a scornful remark.
Automated Announcer: The Armory exhibit is now sealed. All museum patrons still occupying the facility should remain calm. Help is imminent. (the sealed Armory door is blown apart by a canon) Simon Phoenix: The museum is no longer sealed is it! Haha! What can I say, I'm a blast from the past! John Spartan: You should've stayed there. Simon Phoenix: Whoa that voice sounds familiar. Who is that?
Chief George Earle: We can just wait for another code to go red. And when Phoenix performs another Murder Death Kill, we'll know exactly where to pounce. John Spartan: Great plan. Chief George Earle: Thank you. Erwin: He likes your plan, Chief!
Erwin: (On phone) Greetings and salutations. Welcome to the San Angeles Emergency Line. If you would like an automated response, please press '1' now.
(cops are singing along with "golden oldies": radio jingles) John Spartan: Somebody put me back in the fridge.
John Spartan: Is it cold in here, or is it just me? Simon Phoenix: Good memory.
LeninaHuxley: I have, in fact, perused some newsreels in the Schwartzenegger Library. JohnSpartan: Hold it. The Schwartzenegger Library? LeninaHuxley: Yes. The Schwartzenegger Presidential Library. Wasn't he an actor when you... JohnSpartan: But how? He was President? LeninaHuxley: Yes! Even though he wasn't born in this country, his popularity at the time caused the 61st Amendment which states... JohnSpartan: I don' wanna know. President.
(John Spartan landed on the police car stolen by Simon Phoenix) Simon Phoenix: No free rides!
Edgar Friendly: All I wanna do in bury Cocteau up to his neck in shit, and let him think happy-happy thoughts forever.
(last lines) John Spartan: But there's just one thing I wanna know... (Lenina grunts) John Spartan: How's that damn three seashell thing work?
(the voice-activated car that Spartan is riding in is malfunctioning) John Spartan: Brake! Brake! Brake now, you Mickey Mouse-piece of shit!
Simon Phoenix: (after his gang kills Dr Cocteau) Put another log on the fire, boys. (the gang throws Cocteau into the fireplace)
John Spartan: Why don't you just shove a leash up my ass?
Lenina Huxley: (shoots a CyroCon about to knife Spartan) That man is died by my hands. John Spartan: It was either him or us, Huxley. John Spartan: Well yeah, there is that.
John Spartan: (whispering to Lenina) Look, I don't know if you guys know itbut you're... you're out of toilet paper. Alfredo Garcia: Did you say toilet paper? Lenina Huxley: Oh. They used handfuls of wadded paper back in the 20th... (Lenina, Alfredo, and Erwin all laugh) John Spartan: I'm happy that you're happy, but the place where you're supposed to have the toilet paper, you've got this little shelf with three seashells on it. Erwin: He doesn't know how to use the three seashells! (Erwin continues to laugh, then calms down) Erwin: I can see how that could be confusing.
Lenina Huxley: (Spartan encounters a burger grill in the underground world) Just don't ask them where the meat comes from. John Spartan: Huxley, what's that supposed to mean? Lenina Huxley: Do you see any cows here? John Spartan: Que es este carne? (What is this meat?) Underground Vendor: Este carne es de rata. (This meat is from rats) John Spartan: Rat? This is a rat burger? (vendor nods) John Spartan: Not bad! Matter of fact this is the best burger I've had in years! Prego. See ya later.
Dr Cocteau: Be well! John Spartan: Be fucked.