CSI: NY

2004

Det. Don Flack: Let me arrest him for swearing on his grandmother.

Det. Don Flack: Sure you did, you got steak sauce on my shoes!

Det. Mac Taylor: You're not a doctor. You're a murderer with a medical degree.

Det. Mac Taylor: Use your head, Stella, not your heart.

Dr Sheldon Hawkes: (holding a severed finger) Apart from the fact of it not being attached to a person, there's nothing wrong with this finger.

Danny Messer: (looking at evidence from a murder case) I can't wrap my head around it, Mac. You get up, you go to work, see the people that you know, you talk, you laugh. You're living your life, then suddenly, boom. It's just over. Just like that, and you never even saw it coming.

Det. Stella Bonasera: (examining a body) There's something gooey here. Det. Mac Taylor: Gooey? There's a good forensic word. Gooey. I have to use that more.

Det. Stella Bonasera: It's Chinatown, Mac.

Danny Messer: If Marvin's story is true about what happened and he was shooting at the bad guys- this bullet discharged from his gun and stopped mid-air and then turned left, and hit the pillar.

Aiden Burn: I'm on the toilet! Can you come here?

Det. Don Flack: I could go on, but I've already read "War and Peace".

Det. Mac Taylor: You shot a New York City police officer. He wasn't just a cop, he was somebody's son. He made somebody proud at home. When you shot him through the back, you shot those people through the heart. From where I stand, you're the one that should be put to death. No trial, no jury. Eye for an eye.

(Aiden tries to pick the pocket of a training dummy without ringing the bell, but she can't) Danny Messer: You're such a girl. Aiden Burn: (smacking him in the head) Shut up.

Jayden Prince: ... But somebody killed my twin, Dawg. Det. Don Flack: (pointing to himself) Detective.

(Danny puts a wet PDA in a toaster oven to dry it out) Det. Stella Bonasera: Mmm... something smells good.

(Danny and Stella enter a sushi restaurant in which the food is served on nude women) Det. Stella Bonasera: Oh, that can't be sanitary. Danny Messer: Who cares if it's sanitary. I want to see the menu.

Det. Don Flack: Deodorizers? The guy smelled like ass.

Det. Don Flack: (after Aidan explained in "Tri-Borough" that waste that was frozen, fell from a plane flying overhead killed their victim) So let me get this straight, a crapsicle killed this guy? (Flack has a disbelieving look on his face, while Aidan smiles at him)

Detective Thacker: (going over a victim's rap sheet) ... and one prior for assaulting a cab driver. Danny Messer: That's still a crime in New York?

(Danny and Stella are investigating the death of a bike messenger) Det. Stella Bonasera: Alright, Danny. How does the DNA from the fingernail scrappings on the knife not match Brett Stokes? I mean, she's got 'motive' tattooed on her forehead. Danny Messer: Hey, don't kill the messenger. (pause) Danny Messer: See what I just did there? Det. Stella Bonasera: Yeah, it was cute.

(Danny and Stella question a pedophile about a murder) Danny Messer: Usually when you stab somebody you know the guy's name. It's just common courtesy. Theodore Gates: Well I didn't stab anyone. (to Stella) What on earth is he talking about? Det. Stella Bonasera: Your DNA was found on the knife that was used to stab Michael Starling. Theodore Gates: I see. Was it a Swiss Army Knife? Danny Messer: Nice job, you got it on the first try. Theodore Gates: (to Stella) Is it necessary that he be here? Danny Messer: What? What's the matter, am I too old for you?

(Danny is reading 'Trendy Magazine'. Stella enters) Det. Stella Bonasera: If you wanted beauty tips, all you had to do was ask. Danny Messer: Do you know that waterproof mascara dries out your lashes? That's amazing.

(Stella and Mac are watching a dog show) Det. Stella Bonasera: I got 10 bucks on the Basset Hound. Det. Mac Taylor: 10 bucks, okay. I'll take the Doberman. (the announcer comes over the PA system and announces the Basset Hound as the winner. Stella puts out her hand to be paid her winnings) Det. Mac Taylor: You're gonna make me pay? Det. Stella Bonasera: Yeah I'm gonna make you pay. Det. Mac Taylor: I thought you were kidding. (Mac hands over the money) Det. Stella Bonasera: Some days you're the dog. Some days, you're the hydrant.

(Aiden is going over a list of chemicals relating to the case) Aiden Burn: ... Benzosothyazolonal. Det. Don Flack: Whoa, Benzosothyazolonal? Aiden Burn: You know what that is? (pause) Det. Don Flack: No.

Danny Messer: The first thing I learned on this job is anybody can do anything to anybody.

(Stella sees a Derek Jeter bobblehead on the dashboard of an SUV she and Mac are processing) Det. Stella Bonasera: Who is that on the dashboard? Mickey Mantle? Det. Mac Taylor: I dunno. Looks kind of like Derek Jeter. Det. Stella Bonasera: Derek Jeter from the Yankees, right? Det. Mac Taylor: Yeah. Det. Stella Bonasera: Didn't they get beat by Boston or something? Det. Mac Taylor: We were up three to zero and then we got swept. But we're trying to forget that.

Det. Stella Bonasera: Can't sleep? Det. Mac Taylor: What's sleep?

Det. Mac Taylor: (about mosquitoes) Only the female of the species bites. Det. Stella Bonasera: Good for her!

(about his late wife Claire) Det. Mac Taylor: I never told anybody this, but uh. . . I got rid of everything that reminded me of Claire. Too painful. The one thing I . . . I couldn't throw away was . . . that beach ball. Her breath is still in there.

Danny Messer: There's one thing I hate more than running... leaping.

Det. Mac Taylor: I love the smell of a cover-up.

Det. Mac Taylor: You will answer to this crime.

Det. Mac Taylor: Rot in hell, you son of a bitch.

Det. Mac Taylor: Me? I don't pity you, Darius. There's a lot of people with worse stories than yours - they never hurt anyone. You killed 12 people in two states over the last 72 hours and you want me to feel sorry for you because your daddy. didn't kiss you when you were a baby? You asked for my help? I did help you - you're where you belong... You rot in hell, you son of a bitch

Det. Stella Bonasera: No girl leaves her house without her cell phone, at least not at that age. Det. Mac Taylor: GPS the phone number. Det. Stella Bonasera: You got it. Tiffany's! Now you're talking my language. Det. Mac Taylor: You can tell from a map? Det. Stella Bonasera: Are you kidding, I can tell from the moon. I love those little blue boxes.

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