Count Duckula
1988
(repeated line) Nanny: Ooh! Now how did that happen?
(repeated line) Nanny: I'll get it!
(repeated line) Nanny: Cooie! Duckie-poos!
Narrator: (closing line of every episode) Good night out there, whatever you are.
Narrator: (opening lines) Castle Duckula. Home for many centuries of a terrible dynasty of vicious vampire ducks. The counts of Duckula! Legend has it that these foul beings can be destroyed by a stake through the heart, or exposure to sunlight. This does not suffice, however, for they may be brought back to life, by means of a secret rite, that can be performed once a century when the moon is in the eighth zenith. The latest reincarnation didn't run according to plan.
(Duckula meets two Egyptian priests deep beneath a pyramid) Hoomite: I am Hoomite, High Priest of the Sun God Ra! And this is my assistant Yoobee. Yoobee: Delighted, I'm sure. Hoomite: Who might you be? Count Duckula: Yes, I got that. Hoomite: No, who might you be? Count Duckula: Yes, I know, you said that already. Hoomite: So you will not tell me? Count Duckula: Well, I hardly need to, do I? Hoomite: We shall see about that! Yoobee, you try. Yoobee: Oh, very well master. Listen I am Yoobee, right? Count Duckula: Wrong. I am, you .are. Yoobee: Aahhh! There you are Master, he is Yooare. Hoomite: So you are Yooare? Count Duckula: I am not, I am not. Hoomite: See! He is not Yooare, he is Knot! Yoobee: You are Yooare! Count Duckula: I am not Yooare. Yoobee: Don't call me Knot, Yooare. I am not Yooare, I am not Knot. I am Yoobee. Count Duckula: Look, let us get this sorted out. I am not Knot, okay? I am not Yooare. Okay? And you are Hoomite. And you are Yoobee. Okay? Hoomite, Yoobee: Okay. Hoomite: But! Count Duckula: Yes? Hoomite: Who might you be?
Count Duckula: I'm really looking forward to a holiday in the sun. You know, the modern way, by plane. Igor: Why we have to travel by aeroplane when we can just as easily travel by castle... Count Duckula: Because, Igor, as soon as I start having any fun, the castle whips me back to Transylvania. And besides that I'm sick of the sight of the castle... Igor: Oh, sir! Count Duckula: It's cold and it's gloomy and it's miserable and it's lonely and it's spooky and it's... Igor: Agreed! But what about it's *bad* points?
Nanny: Ooh, Ducky-booz! Whatever is it? What's the matter, my little dumplin'? Count Duckula: Look... look up there, it's Von Goosewing! Nanny: Ooh, hasn't he grown! Count Duckula: No, no, Nanny! It's us, we've shrunk! Nanny: Ooh, that's nice! I been meanin' to go on a diet.
Count Duckula: You know something, Nanny? This cereal tastes more like cardboard every morning. Nanny: Mm, well that's probably 'cause it is cardboard. Count Duckula: Oh, I see, well that would explain... *What?* Nanny: Well, we ran out of cereal and all we had left was box. Count Duckula: Do you mean that I've been eating... ugh! You know Nanny, sometimes I wonder about you. Nanny: Well, it's nice to know that someone cares! Count Duckula: No, I didn't mean... Oh, what's the use?
(repeated line) Von Goosewing: Duckula, you fiend!
Count Duckula: You double crossed me, Igor. I won't forget this in a hurry. Nanny: No, I won't forget it in a hurry neither. Count Duckula: (patronisingly) What won't you forget in a hurry, Nanny? Nanny: Erm... I forget!
Dimitri: (the clock bats emerge for a daily dose of humour) Hey, Svistoslav, that reminds me... What's the difference between a Yak and a Bison? Svistoslav: I don't know, Dimitri. Tell me, what is the difference between a Yak and a Bison? Dimitri: You can't wash your hands and face in a Yak! (goes back into the clock laughing to himself) Svistoslav: (returning inside the clock) But you can't wash your hands and face in a Bison, either...