Comedy Central Presents: Brian Regan
2000 (TV)
Brian Regan "himself": I don't know what's up with cranberries, but they're getting in all the other juices. Hey you got apple let's make it cran-apple go 50-50. You got grape cran-grape, you got pork chops cran-chops. Settle down there cranberry man, take you salesman trophy and take a vacation.
Brian Regan: (on using gym equipment) I always hate having to use the equipment after these huge buff guys who move, like, the entire rack of plates. Then I get on, and move two plates, you know like: CLANK! CLANK! "I'm the two plate guy!" CLANK! CLANK! "Anyone wanna spot me?" CLANK! CLANK!
Brian Regan: I always get nervous with that one test. "Tell me the exact moment point A is directly over point B." I'm like, "Ahhhhh! Now! No, now! Now! Then! I don't know I don't know." I'm afraid if I get it off by an eight of a second I'll get these big, hubble coming attraction glasses. "You must have messed up that A B test!" "Did I ever. Hence the corrective spectacles!"